How to Date a Bartender

Everyone seems to want to have sex with the bartender.  She's hot, charismatic, and she's always showing her cleavage in an effort to turn your $1 tip into more.  So what's the deal with these women and how can you get one?  Let's talk it out.

First off, you should know what you're getting yourself into with a bartender.  Yes, bartenders are often hot, talkative, and charismatic, but remember these sometimes aren't women with spectacular career paths.  In my experience, many of them bartend for a few years before moving on to better and better things, but there are also a good percentage of them that are just complete drunks without much of a future.  Yup, I said it.

So how can you tell the difference?

Well, assuming you're looking for a serious relationship with a bartender, I find that a good thing to look at is her age.  Obviously, if the bartender is over the age of 30 it's a solid bet that she's a lifer and will bartend indefinitely.  Still though, if things are getting serious you should ask her about her aspirations and what her plan is to reach her goals.  You never know.

On the other hand, if you're dating a bartender and she's still in her early 20's, then there's a good chance she's still in college or something along those lines.  These types of girls I find have a much better shot of getting out of bartending and moving on to bigger and better things in life.

So what about bartenders age 25-29?  These are an odd group, so watch her behavior.  How much is she getting drunk?  Does she exercise?  Does she stay away from drinking completely?  What does she do outside of work?  These are all indicators of her overall health and wellness as it relates to drinking.

Lemme just come out and say it.  Often bartenders aren't the healthiest of women and don't have a lot of promise when it comes to lifelong success and healthiness.  In short, they can be drunks.  So if you're looking for an outstanding woman and not just a fling, then it's important to qualify any bartender you meet before you end up emotionally attached to a woman who won't be a part of your long term goals and success.

So now that we've talked about what you're getting when you signup for a bartender, now let's talk about how to signup in the first place.  The first thing you've gotta do with a bartender is find a time when you can say some words to her without getting interrupted or hampering her ability to work.  That means don't try to chat her up when she's super busy.  Wait until it's later in the night or come in before the rush, because otherwise you'll be getting rejected simply because you're an idiot and you don't understand that she actually is at work to do her job.

Secondly, a bartenders job is to be talkative, cordial, flirty, and chatty.  With everyone.  So you're not allowed to be jealous at all when she leaves you to flirt with another guy.  Instead when she leaves you to chat, when she comes back if you wanna flirt a bit, tell her something like "So is it worth the extra tip  to let him think you're gonna do him?"

Dating bartenders is all about understanding their world and communicating to them that you're not a part of the normal bar-going crowd.  One way to do that is to talk about how they're extracting money from people through flirtatious behavior and showing of skin (much like stripper game).  Another way to flirt with a bartender is by telling her she made your drink wrong.  This works best when she knows for sure that your drink is perfect.  Like say she pours you a beer.  Upon getting my beer I might tell her something like "Geez!  gross... didn't they tell you at bartending school how to make a beer?  You didn't even mix this thing right or shake it up like you're supposed to!  I want a refund."  Be careful about mixed drinks though!  If you don't communicate through effective tonality, she'll just matter-of-factly try and remake your drink cause she thinks it's bad.

So once you've got enough flirting in, look for her to ask you a couple questions about yourself, like where you're from or what you do.  These are general indicators of interest that any girl would give, and bartenders often like to fake this type of interest, so when this happens I like to still go with it, I just do so tentatively and I don't really assume she likes me until she has said yes to giving me her number.

Getting a bartenders number can be tricky!  Discretion is key.  Make very sure not to be obvious about getting her number and make very certain none of her co-workers or her boss know she's giving it out.  That'll kill your number close instantaneously!  Instead, ask her her number while keeping your phone under the bar top or have her write it down for you and just text her.

Once you've got her number, remember that your meetup with this girl could have to happen at a weird time.  Remember, she's probably working something like 8pm to 4am, and sometimes she'll be up till 8am drinking with other people she works with.  This means she might be sleeping till 4 or 5 pm some days.  Don't be an idiot and text her at 10am to ask her how her day is going, then call me and have me explain to you why she didn't text you till 5pm.  And no, when she texts you at 5pm don't wait to text her till midnight because she made you wait 7 hours so you're going to do the same.  C'mon dude!  The best thing to do is simply to initiate texting, then after some texting ask her what her schedule is so that you can fit yourself into it.

So that's about it.  As many of you know I bartended for years and i've got the inside scoop on what it takes to hookup with the bartender of your choice.

Cheers guys!  Thanks for reading.