Jake P - "Are you in a Band!?!"

Rediscover Your Body and your Potential.

2012-01-26T11:38:00.000-08:00

I just woke up this morning from one of the best sleeps i've had in years. After an exhausting two days and only three hours of sleep, I fell asleep last night about 6pm and finally woke up at about 8am. I feel amazingly energetic today and i'm enthusiastic about everything that i'm about to do.

It's odd waking up like this for me. And by "waking up like this," I mean waking up free from influence of any foreign substance in my body. Since I was about 16 and started drinking and smoking, i've been abusing everything from food and caffeine to alcohol, pot, and even ecstasy. I've eaten and drank every thing i've ever wanted. These days it's different for me. I haven't drank since new years, I've taken no drugs of any kind for a long time now, I and I don't drink caffeine at all. In fact, I seldom will even eat processed or non-organic food these days. Now i'm not saying this to boast, i'm saying it because quite honestly I haven't woken up this sober since I was 16 years old (15 years ago)! For the first time in a long long time I feel wonderful about waking up every morning and I feel like everyday that i'm free from foreign substances in my body I gain control over myself and I get to rediscover how my body really is supposed to work and what it can do. This is one example in my life of how starting a positive feedback cycle is leading to exceeding my goals. I feel so great that I'd love to share with you how i've gotten this far. I also want to share what a positive feedback cycle is and how you can use it to make living your life the true pleasure it should be. If that sounds good then I invite you to keep reading...

The Beginning.

My path to giving up shit started on New Years Eve 2000. At 19 years old I took my last $88 and drove to Vegas with my friend to celebrate the millennium. That night I took some ecstasy, got hammered drunk, and lost a chance to bang a hot girl (now i'd say she was like a 6) by passing out at like 11:30pm. Happy millennium Jake, you just were blacked out and don't remember kissing a fat chick then puking your guts out. The following February I graduated from tech school and headed to a new corporate job.

When I got to my new job I was depressed as hell and I didn't know why. My heart seemed to hurt a lot and I was convinced my brain was on drugs like an egg on a frying pan and I was dying, so with my new medical coverage I hit the doctor's office.... crying. With my doctor looking over with me feigning concern, I cried and told him that I thought I was dying because of my drug use. He gave me a prescription for heartburn (runs in my family) and a light anti-depressant and told me that my drug use hadn't really hurt my body that much. I took my pills for 10ish months and had trouble ejaculating, then I felt better and got off them. I was so scared of pills that I would never take them again. It's been over 12 years now and everyday i'm glad that this is all the damage I was able to do to myself.

For the next five years my life was nothing but part-time college, full-time work, and heavy weekend binge drinking and smoking, until I quit work to head back to full-time college, where I bartended, smoked, and drank even more. About a year before heading out here to teach pickup, I was getting into self-help a bit, and I decided to try and quit smoking. Later I would find out that these were all mal-adaptive behaviors designed to shield me from the reality that I hated my life and needed to do some serious work on before I could get laid, but back then I reckoned that smoking was going to kill me, made my hangovers way worse than they needed to be, and was likely grossing out girls, so it was time to go. I knew that I liked smoking so if I just tried to smoke less and less until I stopped that I would eventually go back to it, so instead of this approach I had to find a way to not like smoking.

The Middle.

To change my mind to not liking smoking, I decided that I would smoke only when I didn't want to smoke, and I would do it every time the thought came into my head that I didn't want to have a smoke. For me this meant going from a half pack a day to a pack a day. I would wake up and smoke and just keep doing it all day. The constant headaches, terrible breath, and feeling like shit lasted two weeks until finally new years eve I was bartending for the night and after just 6 or 7 cigarettes that day I threw my pack in the garbage and haven't smoked even one drag since then. It's been just over 4 years now since i've smoked and even now the thought of smoking even one drag doesn't appeal to me. I simply don't want to have a headache and feel the way I did for those two weeks ever again. If you're smoking and want to quit, change your mindset. That's the only way.

A year after quitting smoking to the day, I headed out here to Hollywood to start a different life. I still drank quite a bit and ate anything I wanted, and now with my new job and the lack of legal issues, I decided it wouldn't be bad to smoke a joint from time to time to relieve some stress. After all, last I checked Brad P wasn't giving me any random drug tests like my corporate job was.

Fast forward two years to November 2010. At this point in my life I had given up hard drugs and smoking, but I still drank and smoked weed. I also ate anything I wanted and was getting overweight by my standards. When I used to see guys who were in great shape I "knew" I couldn't ever get that way, so I started to dislike people who took care of themselves and I told myself that guys who did that were try-hard. While becoming a pro at pickup I still clung to that belief, often telling myself "I don't need to be in-shape to get chicks, fuck that. I'll be lazy and prove you don't need it." And prove it I did. You can get laid a ton without being in good shape.

On the other hand, I found out that once my getting laid goals were out of the way, I did want to be in better shape and start taking care of myself better. I still felt a bit self-conscious about some pudge poking out from the top of my jeans, and now that I was starting to experience genuine happiness in life, I thought that I could feel even better if I was in-shape. The problem was that the only thing I knew about getting in shape was that I had no fucking clue how to do it. Back when my problem was getting chicks, I was in the same situation where I had no clue how to do something and I got a great result from the process of finding an expert and copying the shit out of him, so I decided to do the same thing with fitness and I got recommended a personal trainer from a close friend.

Just like with learning pickup, the first two months with my personal trainer sucked, i'm not gonna lie. I dreaded going in even one time a week, but I knew that I was starting another positive feedback cycle in my life and it wouldn't be long before I would see results that would propel me into further action. Through my trainer's recommendation, I started changing my eating habits by eliminating white carbs and eventually soda, caffeine, and processed foods. I gained an interest in learning about food and started watching documentaries on Netflix about food and I learned a ton! If you would like to do the same, I recommend you checkout two documentaries that changed the way I live my life. One is called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and the other is called "Forks over Knives."

Fast forward to New Years Eve about a month ago. I drank a ton over the course of a couple of days, and then as drunks do I gave it a rest for a couple of days telling myself I just needed to chill for a sec. This time was a bit different though because after those few days I wanted the feeling of feeling good to continue more than I wanted to drink. The other positive feedback cycles in my life are starting to bleed over into every area of my life that's not congruent. After 15 years of heavy drinking I really have taught myself finally that drinking doesn't make me feel good, it makes me feel like shit (just like I taught myself in two weeks with smoking). The only real benefits to alcohol are taste (like for pairing with food in a culinary sense) and temporary stress relief or escape (if you can call that a benefit). These days I much prefer being aware of my emotions and processing them through thought.

The Goal.

Alcohol isn't something that I would have trouble completely giving up, but at this point the urge to discover my own potential is overwhelming. I think this is what happens with successful people. It's why the rich get richer and why people who are already healthy or successful get even more healthy and even more successful at whatever they do. Since starting my personal trainer I've lost over twenty pounds and eight percent body fat, and I still go see him at least once a week. I'm not a physical monster yet, but that doesn't matter because my habit is part of a positive feedback cycle, and that's the goal.

What i'm trying to say here is that the end result shouldn't be the goal, the means are the goal! When we can't reach a goal we would like to in just one day, the goal becomes just to do what we can do in one day, and the best we can do in one day is to be engaged in a positive feedback cycle every day that will lead us to exceed our eventual goal. In other words, taking positive action is a ritual for us.

Let me briefly outline the four parts of a positive feedback cycle a bit better so we all understand it. They are Potential, Action, Results, and Belief.

The first thing that determines whether you can do something or not is potential. Whether or not people tap into the potential they have has a lot to do with what action they take. The action people take determines what results they get, and the results they get are going to reinforce whatever belief they had, which will then adjust the level of potential the person thinks they have. The key to this whole cycle is having certainty that you'll succeed in what you're doing so that you can tap your full potential, take the massive action, get the highest results, believe that you're a rockstar for getting such awesome results, then grow what you believe your potential is as a result and continue the cycle.

Instead of having certainty that they will succeed, most people instead have a belief about what their potential is no matter what anyone tells them, and that affects how much action they take. How much action they take determines the results they get, and of course their results will in turn reinforce their belief, which determines how much potential they've got and how much action they'll take the next time around. Can you see how this works? The whole feedback cycle is self-fulfilling (positive or negative), and it depends on the person's ability to be certain that they will or won't succeed.

Why doesn't everyone engage in positive feedback cycles? Because when people start a new cycle it's very difficult. Often the person's expectations aren't reasonable or realistic and so the first positive results (in their mind) can take a long time and a lot of effort before they happen. The reality is that positive results happen immediately when you begin the learning process. Regardless, there's a tipping point of sorts when the positives of remaining in the process outweigh the negatives, and after reaching that point it becomes easier and easier for people to continue the process.

Surpassing the Goal.

I'll let you in on a dirty little secret. People who engage in a positive feedback cycle never stop when they reach their end goals, they always greatly surpass them. You see when people start positive feedback cycles, even if they're doing it right and they're certain of success, they still VASTLY underestimate their potential, so when they reach the "lofty" goal they once had, they don't stop. Instead of stopping when they reach the goal they once had, now that they've come this far and have nothing to lose, the whole thing starts to become a game to them. Realizing their past view of their own potential wasn't nearly lofty enough, they start to re-evaluate their potential and since they know that they can't really know, it starts to be a game to find out how far it can go. When people get to this stage they look back in awe of what they've accomplished. They often grow very humble and feel so damn good that they want to help others to be successful and feel good like they do.

It's now a month into the year and I still haven't drank anything because again I finally like feeling great everyday more than I like drinking. It's crazy for me to actually write that out. It's also crazy to feel something in my body and know that it's for sure a natural feeling and it's not from me fucking myself up all the time. It's such a queer feeling (in the traditional sense of the word, not the sexual sense) to be able to attribute normal things like being tired to actually over-using my body instead of attributing them to alcohol, caffeine, weed, or whatever. What a true pleasure it is to be able to enjoy life free from all of the things i've used in the past to guard me from feeling what I couldn't deal with.

I'm at the point now with my body that i've surpassed my original goals and have traded them in for the game I talk about above. The other day I was feeling a bit energetic and decided i'd try and run as far as I could, just to see how far I could go. I went 5 miles in 49 minutes, running 8:30 paced miles and walking a bit when I had to. I told a friend afterwards and he told me that my pace was actually pretty fast for the first time running that far, and if i'd slow the pace a bit I could probably run six miles in an hour without breaks. I think i'll try that. Maybe I can even go farther. As far as alcohol goes, I don't plan on stopping forever. I've got a love of food, wine, and beer that probably won't ever go away in my lifetime. But for now i've decided to give it a rest for awhile longer while I try and discover what I can do with my body and how far I can push myself.

It's worth mentioning I've also got other feedback cycles going on in my life that are at various stages of development. Obviously my pickup feedback cycles have long ago reached the point where it's a game to me. I've started working on getting rich, and by started I mean i'm still living paycheck to paycheck. That one's got a long way to go. I've even got some other feedback cycles in mind that I haven't worked on in awhile, continuing learning Karate, guitar, foreign languages, and diving further into my love of cars. I'm sure i've even got a some more negative ones that i'm sure need to go away before I can accomplish all these. The point is not that i'm done or i'm not done, it's that i'm in a healthy, happy state of mind and I'm comfortable with where i'm at.

My question to you today is this: How long has it been for you since you've been free from foreign shit in your body? Are you abusing things like food, alcohol, and drugs? Is even your moderate use keeping you from enjoying life to the fullest? Maybe health is an area that's already a game for you. What about pickup? What about other areas?

Today i'm not going to propose to you right now that you stop all abuse of all things in your life, cause quite frankly I think I know as well as most that this stuff doesn't happen in a day. For me, the whole health department of my life took three years from 16 years old to 19 years old to thoroughly fuck up, and it's taken me the last 12 years to un-fuckup myself and i'm still working at it. Instead, I wanted today to share the joy with you that i'm experiencing through living a lifestyle that's getting cleaner and healthier and happier day by day. The positive feedback cycle is the goal, and you CAN have that today if you simply feel certain you can and take action. It's my hope that you do.

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By the way, if you've read this and you're curious about having a positive feedback cycle in your pickup life, i've already taken the time to write out what that positive feedback cycle should entail. You'll find it in one of my first blogposts here:

http://jakepulls.blogspot.com/2010/03/getting-yourself-in-game.html

Enjoy your day!

Avoiding the Back Burner

2012-01-11T11:13:00.000-08:00

Girls have shit going on in their lives, tons of it. They've got a dance class tonight (wait, it is Tuesday right?), one of their girlfriends needs emotional support, twenty orbiters are texting them to go out, they lost their cell phone, their mom is sick, they're emotional about something today (well everything), they're supposed to meet with their work friends tonight for a drink, and to top it all off their vagina is spraying chunks of blood and yeast everywhere six times a day. Add to all this that you just asked them out and they'll have to get ready, put an outfit on, and look their best, and all of this can get overwhelming for a girl. What the hell should she do? She does want to hangout with you (you think), but there's just so much shit to deal with and handle. Sometimes the best decision available to her is to put you on the back-burner until she knows exactly what to do about all this mess. The only problem with this is that you have your own shit going on too and you don't want to feel like you're second best to her shit. So when you're in the process of getting put on the back burner, what can you do to still get the girl without feeling low value or developing a pattern that will lead to her not respecting you?

Before we can talk about the solutions to all of this, let's try and understand the problem a bit better by talking about what the back burner looks like. For starters, getting "back-burnered" is anytime you ask a girl out and she makes you wait for her decision on whether or not she's going to hang out with you. This could mean she says she's no to you until something changes with her personal situation, it could mean she's not sure yet about going out and has to check on something first, and it could even mean she says yes to you but has something else first and will "Let you know when it's over." To be a little more clear, anytime you feel like you're waiting on the girl for a decision, make no mistake you're on her back burner.

When dealing with a situation I'm back-burnered, i'll often walk a fine line of decision. Should I let myself get put on the back-burner and risk my value in hopes that things will work out or is it a better option to take back my invite and push the girl away a bit to guard my value? To me this decision boils down to three things: my mood, my options, and my previous experience with the girl in that order.

To understand this better I'd like to show you guys an example of me getting back-burnered last night and talk about my decision making process. The girl in question is one I had sex with once a few weeks before new years with. She's serious with another guy so i'd just like to have a fuck-buddy type of thing on the side with her, probably not more. I thought it would have been nice to fuck her so I texted her around 8pm.

Me: Hey stranger (yes this text is boring. Remember I already banged her so I don't need to put forth a ton of effort. At this point she either wants to fuck again or she doesn't).

Her: Hey! How's it going?

Me: Great, I just got back from relaxing a few days in Vegas. You?

Her: I'm making meat pies. It just got a little crazy

Me: What does that mean exactly?

Her: There was a whole bunch going on in the kitchen. What are you up to this fine evening?

Me: Not too much really, relaxing mostly. You?... besides meatballs of course

Her: Meat PIES. Pies, man. I think I have to go to (random chicken restaurant trendy place that turns into a bar at night) later. I don't really love it there.

Me: Ok ok, pies made of meat. Got it :). Well if you've got any time tonight it'd be cool to meetup

Her: I'll let ya know when i'm done this cooking eating d&d stuff.

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So, in this situation I got put on the back burner when the girl said "I'll let ya know" and I chose to not respond and see if she texted later on. She didn't, and I fell asleep at midnight.

Why did I make the decision to let myself be on the back-burner last night? Remember, to me this decision boils down to three things: my mood, my options, and my previous experience with the girl in that order. Let's talk about all three.

1. My mood.

Yesterday I got back from a 4-day trip to Vegas and though I was mildly burnt out from bottle service and seeing LMFAO at Marquee the night before, I haven't drank at all this year yet so I had some energy and thought it'd be nice to have this girl over and fuck her. Since I haven't seen, texted, or talked to the girl in three weeks I wanna re-establish this soon before it's too late. In this case i've got a free pass because of the holidays and new year, but in general three weeks or a month without talking and texting would be the death of things. Overall, I felt like it would be nice to have her over and have some sex, but I wouldn't have been broken hearted if it didn't happen.

2. My options.

With one of my main girls in Vegas (she left for Vegas the day I got back), one at work and unavailable, one an hour away that I don't feel like driving to after 5 hours on the road already yesterday, and others with other random situations, this girl was my best option for the night. She's close to me, she's chill and relaxed (the same mood I was in), and she was the ethnicity and flavor of sex and that would have pleased me most last night. If she didn't meet up with me, I had other options too. I could hang out with a hurting but chipper LA Phil (this is what ended up happening. This is obviously higher priority than this girl but since he wasn't feeling the best I knew he wouldn't hangout for long cause he needed rest). I could also just chill with my room mate, watch some Netflix, or play some Call of Duty MW3. In addition to all of this, I had a social circle girl ask me to come hangout at a bar with her and a friend who i'm working on fucking, but for this specific night this seemed to me like it would take a lot of effort that I wasn't willing to put forth.

3. My previous experience with this girl

This girl hasn't done anything like this before with me, so quite frankly there's no pattern of behavior that could influence my choice to hangout or call it off for the night with her. If this girl had done this before to me, I would definitely choose to push her away a little bit to disrupt any possibility of this back-burnering becoming a habit.

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With all of these things in mind, I decided my best option was to just let the girl text me back if she decided to. Yes I was risking the girl thinking I was a bit low value, but in this case it didn't matter to me whether or not we hung out or I just stayed at home and enjoyed a relaxing evening, so I rolled the dice.

So why didn't the girl hangout with me? To figure out what happened and why, it's important to understand things from the girl's point of view.

For starters, i'm dealing with a girl here who has a serious guy she's with who I think she might even live with. For that reason there are going to be a number of times she'd probably like to hangout with me but simply won't be able to because her relationship will take precedence over her fuck buddies most often. If this is the case, she will feel like she wants to hangout with me but since she can't she'll want to let me down as easily as possible. She does this because guys can often act negatively when they feel back-burnered. Some will even get bitter enough to never hang out with a girl again for whatever reason (and she obviously doesn't want that at all). In addition to this, most guys couldn't handle the truth of the situation, so she can't just tell me outright because we haven't developed that type of open communication yet. Wanting to guard a man's emotions and simultaneously not believing a man can handle the truth is often a reason girls will tell guys that they've got something going on when really they're already committed to spending time with another guy. In my book that's a respectable thing for a girl to do for me.

The other possibility (and probably the more likely one in this case) is that she really is going to that bar and she just doesn't know whether or not she'll be able to get out of there for whatever reason. Again here her intentions are good. She would like to hangout with me and possibly will, she just doesn't know whether or not she'll get caught up in whatever is happening so instead of committing and pissing me off when she flakes out, it's a better option for her to tell me she might be able to hangout so that if her night sucks and she does have the chance to escape, she can text me and it's on. If this was the case for last night, she probably just got caught up in the night, couldn't leave, now feels a bit bad that it didn't work out, and will probably try to text me now that we've re-established some contact and she knows i'd like to hangout again (by the way, if you haven't figured it out yet, the literal translation for "hangout" is fuck).

The third possibility that can happen when I ask a girl out and she back-burners me is that she really doesn't like me and just wants me to go away. After reading the above options, can you see how it's not very likely that this is the case in my scenario above? Oftentimes as guys we can tend to get fearful that this option is the case when the reality is that it's most often the least likely scenario.

The only way you should believe a girl wants you to go away is if most of the following criterion are met:

1. You haven't had sex with her yet - if you've had sex already with a girl and then you get back-burnered, it's highly unlikely that the girl wants you to go away. To have this happen the sex would have to be horrific, because girls understand that sex is often awkward the first time. Even if the sex was bad, it was probably worse in your head then it was to her. She did like you enough to have sex.

2. There is a pattern of this girl putting you on the back-burner. In other words, if you've seen the same back-burnering technique more than twice from the same girl.

3. Her excuses are bland - if a girl wants you to go away she'll say things like "I have plans" instead of something more detailed like "I'm going to sky bar with Lucy and Donna."

4. There is no explanation of what her "plans" are and no attempts at future plans - When a girl wants you to go away you won't see her say something like "I would but..." or "How about X day?" or "let's do something soon though." I'm not saying here that the girl has to ask you out, i'm just saying that often you'll see some type of hint (albeit small sometimes) that she's not against future plans. This communicates that she does want to see you, tonight or the night you're asking about just doesn't work for whatever reason (and she tells you the reason).

5. Her texting won't have emotion - When a girl wants you to go away forever and get the hint that she doesn't like you, she won't text things like "I'm sooo sorry! I had X happen" or "don't be mad" or even "sorry." If you're a low value guy to her, she won't have emotion when she denies you.

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Switching gears here, let's talk about what i'll do when i'm in a scenario where i'm back-burnered for a second time. Let's pretend that a week from now the girl from the above example does the same thing to me. Now it's time for me to step up and take more aggressive action. I certainly don't want to make this bullshit a habit, so this time since her attempt at the back-burner looks like an attempt to push me away, this time i'll push her away instead and opt for communication at a different time. When I do this, I mirror her level of pushing. More explicitly, let's say she texts me this time and I suspect i'm about to get back-burnered without a callback later in the night:

Her: "I'll let you know when i'm done with this thing" or "i'll call you when it's over"

In this case I would text her with a nonchalant attitude that this whole thing is no big deal and then my plan would be not to contact her for a few days. When I do this, she'll feel some sense of loss and fear that she might be losing me, and that emotion will cause her to reach out to me and chase a bit. When this happens, our meetup has a much higher likelihood of happening, so I like this as an option. To elicit this whole behavior, my text would look like this:

Me: No worries. Just do your thing tonight and we'll talk later maybe.

Can you see how subtle and confusing this is? Am I telling her to do her thing tonight alone and we'll talk later on in the week or am I telling her that she can still talk to me later tonight? The state of subtle confusion is often a great place to put a girl because her subsequent action will tell you where she stands with you. Also, when I use the word "maybe" i'm communicating that I may not talk to her later at all. Confusion game this strong could even elicit a higher likelihood of her calling me that very night because of the same fear of loss I mentioned earlier. Another text you could go with would be one where you backburner her in response, something of almost a double-flake reversal, but this time a double-backburner reversal, like:

Me: Actually I've got some friends heading out to X bar i'm going to head out with, so if I can meet up later i'll text you.

If I do this text i'll plan on not texting the girl at all that night. Sending the above text will often cause her to text you later on in the night, and when that happens you've got the option of seeing her or just not responding to her text at all (aka dead-airing her).

My recommendation is if you wanna fuck her that night to make her work for it a bit more before you to meet up and if you don't then just dead air her and wait a couple days to text her or until she chases a bit and texts you. So if she's like "Hey, i'm done with my shit" and I decide I wanna fuck her, i'd text her something like "Ohhhhh, now you wanna meetup huh?" When she says "Yes!" i'd text her something like "Okay, tell me how sexy I am and maybe just maybe I will." Her response at this point isn't important, what's important is that you've labeled her behavior and now that she's complying with you, her behavior is far less likely to happen in the future, so no matter what she says at that point just go into something like "Cool, well head over to my place and i'll meet you in like 15." Done.

In the same manner as above, another tool in my arsenal is to back-burner a girl without her ever having done it to me. I'll do this in scenarios where a girl texts me and she's my second or third option so I can't commit to something until I know about my first option. Sometimes this back-burnering can be me just not responding to her pinging text (a pinging text is something like "Hey!" or "What's up with you tonight?" or whatever). Regardless, i'll use the opposite of the rules 1-5 above to show the girl beyond reasonable doubt that I would like to see her. In other words:

1. I won't make a pattern by back-burnering her more than once (unless I do want her do get the hint)

2. I'll make my excuses reasonably detailed

3. I might make an attempt at future plans or at least i'll leave the future possibilities open (not only in my head but to her by using something in my text)

4. My texting will always have exaggerated texting emotions or fun quippy shit to show approval to her and calibrate my negative action with something positive - This means I include something like "I prooooomise!" or "Pinky Swear ;)" or "Pretty pretty please?!?" You can also use emoticons liberally for this.

Sometimes I'll even pour on all of the above stuff at times if I feel i've been neglecting a girl for far too long and I don't want to lose her because of it. Just for a head check here and reference for you guys, remember these techniques (of seeing a girl when you want to and back-burnering her when you don't) both fit into my overall plan to see a girl once a week on average until 4-6 months into things.

Now that we've discussed all of these techniques, observations, and scenarios thoroughly, can you see how in my situation last night it's glaringly obvious that this girl would like to see me again even though she didn't call or text after putting me on the back-burner? By examining what her point of view is and understanding her situation, i'm able to make realistic conclusions about our status that will allow us to keep enjoying each other instead of making the obvious crass choice to believe that I must be a low value guy or that "this bitch is just crazy" or whatever ill-thought-out actions I might take that could damage my own self-worth or guard me from the truth about what reality is. In the future when you get back-burnered for whatever reason, I'd encourage you to take a step back and try to put yourself in the girl's shoes instead of immediately jumping to false conclusions. Information is key. When you listen to reality and empathize with the woman you might just find out that she's simply taking the best option available to her in her given situation, and with any luck and the right attitude the next time her best option could be you.

Keeping it in check

2011-12-30T14:23:00.000-08:00

Just got back from a two week trip to see the fam back in Iowa, and wow how things have changed with me in the three years i've been in Los Angeles. When I showed up here I was pretty naive and I experienced quite the culture shock. It took me about three months to get my bearings with the big city, and upon returning to Iowa three years later I got the opposite culture shock. I even talked with a few people who I was friends with back then. One specific friend asked me about what I was doing in Los Angeles and when I told him about what I do he gave me a response that I often get when talking about what I do. In fact, this response is so common that just yesterday Brad and I got the same response from another guy when Brad talked about what we do. That response is false bravado, and it's a problem among men that i'd like to touch on.

False bravado is when a guy builds himself up in front of another guy. It's bravado because it's in the bragging realm and it's false because it often has very little basis in reality. It's a purely subjective opinion at best. Now i'm all for talking about girls and fucking them, but bravado is entirely different because it often is an attempt at building or maintaing an already inflated ego. I would insert an example here but i'm quite sure we all know about eighty hundred thousand dudes with a ton of false bravado.

So why am I writing about this and how does it relate to learning pickup? Well, I wanted to write a bit about this because I think for everyone, myself included, the line between feeling good about our successes and going a little overboard with our ego can be a very thin line. When talking about women, the temptation to fudge a little or one-up each other can cloud our ability to be completely open to learning. That same pumping of ego can even completely blind us from learning otherwise very valuable information!

Today my message is short and sweet. Picture a friend of yours who has the worst game you know of. Got it? Now ask yourself if you'd listen (and I mean listen with an open mind in an attempt to learn) if he was talking about a technique he used to get laid this past weekend. 99% of us wouldn't listen with this mindset. Oh you would? Okay okay. Then ask yourself if you would actually go out and try out his technique. Be honest! Because if you're like me then I know you're making every attempt to lie to yourself right now. I'm even attempting to not be honest with myself while i'm writing this. Don't feel bad, it's tough!

My reality is that most of the time I don't listen as much as i'd like to with as open a mind as I would like to, and it takes solid effort to dodge the temptation to talk about myself or indulge when others talk about me. I like my ego being pumped up as much as the next guy, and it's scary to admit that because I know it's a slippery slope. On the other hand, i've seen Brad P. time after time have complete openness to learning from anyone around him, even students he's teaching during workshops! It's a beautiful thing to watch happen, and it thoroughly impresses me. After all, I was once a workshop student myself.

The whole point of what i'm getting at here is that if we can be humble enough to completely dodge our own egos then we gain the ability to really maximize the amount of learning we can do from anyone around us. On the other hand if we indulge in our own false bravado, we can only completely block any further knowledge we might gain from the situations we find ourselves in.

So... when met with your next chance to engage in a bravado-type conversation, I encourage you to hold your tongue and listen without speaking, take action instead of talking about your past actions, and open your eyes and your mind to learning whatever's in front of you. And if you still feel the need to pump up or own ego, remember that true respect is earned from those around you, not asked for.

Confirm her Bullshit Insinuation

2011-12-22T12:37:00.000-08:00

We've all heard weighted insinuations from women. Questions like "Where have you been all night?" and "Did you just check her out?" often come weighted and serious in tone to make us feel like we've done something wrong when sometimes (okay, very few times) we actually haven't done anything wrong at all. Either way, the girl doesn't really ever know what we're thinking until she sees us answer her, and that's where we as men seem to make TONS of fuckups that get us in trouble and end up painting a picture of our character that leads to more of the same bullshit insinuations. Ouch! So what's the best way to handle these so that we can come out on top instead of feeling guilty and looking bad?

To better understand what to do in these situations we first have to understand why girls ask them, and in my opinion the answer really depends on the time (in the relationship) that the girl is asking. For instance, if you get asked a question like this during an approach, the girl is likely testing you trying to figure out if she likes you, and a "correct" answer will yield a positive reaction from her like a laugh. You'll get some attraction as a result. On the other hand, if you're dating a girl or in a relationship with her and you hear something like this, the reason is still because she's testing you, but this time she probably really wants to gauge your guilt level so she can decide how into her you are and whether or not you're still a long-term option for her. She probably also knows that you're attractive to other women and she might seriously suspect you of doing some looking around or even some sleeping around.

Whatever the case, the proper answer is always to use confusion game to set ourselves apart from other men. When a women asks me a question that insinuates (or subcommunicates) that i'm engaging in nasty, unacceptable behavior, I like to figure out exactly what nasty behavior she's accusing me of doing and then tell her that i'm doing exactly that. I also like to make my answer an absurd version of whatever happened so that the girl can't possibly believe it's true. Advanced students can even follow all this up with a few more sentences and make the whole thing into an absurd story of what happened.

For instance, let's use an example where I'm dating a girl and I was supposed to call her after getting home from the bar on a Friday night but I didn't. The following morning we meetup to head to breakfast and right when she gets in the car she looks directly at me and asks me "So what were you doing last night that you couldn't call me when you got home?" Wow, quite the zinger. Pause right now and ask yourself what you would say in this situation. What were you doing?

Many guys in this situation would answer the girl's question in an attempt for it to go away. If you answered something like "I'd tell her I got drunk" or "I'd tell her I just forgot" then you're just like 99.9% of guys out there and you're in trouble! First of all, just by simply answering her question you've given it validity, and you've essentially admitted wrongdoing. HEY DUMBASS! Don't do that shit! Now she's got reason to suspect you're wrong and leverage to gain power over you in the relationship just because you engaged in her line of questioning. Guess what? She was just acting in a dominant way, and you acted in a submissive way. Ouch. Now she's the police in your life and in position to domineer over you anytime she chooses to ask more of these questions. Double ouch. This may not sound like a very serious matter to you, but it certainly is.

Instead of doing all this, the correct answer is to just confirm whatever you think she's accusing you of. This means if she asks me "So what were you doing last night that you couldn't call me when you got home?" and I think she's accusing me of getting too drunk I'd answer her "I was actuallly super drunk and I banged a random girl, so I totally forgot about you."

A more advanced guy might draw the response from her out by using a story. It'd go something like "Well listen... I wanted to talk to you about that. See last night I went out with my friend Joe (she knows this guy), you know Joe right? Well this guy Joe and I, see we went out with the full intention of being the best most nicest guys ever. We were gonna just walk around sipping Fiji waters all night, not go into any bars at all, and just try and do stuff like walk old ladies across the street and put our coats down in puddles for girls, you know, the norm. But then at about 10:30 we saw this very scantily clad group of women walking down the street and we just had to follow them into the bar. Before you know it, we had taken so many shots that the best option was to just snort massive amounts of cocaine and have a sweaty, raw dogging orgy with them behind this dumpster in an alleyway behind bar. I think i'm safe though cause the girl that had the red dots all over her vagina said they were just from shaving. So what place you wanna hit for breakfast?"

Got it? The idea here is to make the situation so ridiculous that the girl feels dumb for even asking in the first place. She'll also realize through your un-reactivity that you don't feel threatened by her weighted question, thus communicating your innocence. This whole process essentially cuts through her bullshit and maintains your dominant position in the relationship. It's confusion game because you've withheld information from her and she's left wondering what you did do.

Sometimes after this a girl will say something like "No really, what did you do?" or "You know what I mean" after this type of story and in these cases you can just answer with the regular answer like "Joe and I went to X bar and watched this band" or whatever. I'll usually follow it up with "Awww, you're cute. Are you like super worried i'm gonna cheat on you or something?" By finally isolating and addressing the feeling that caused her to ask you the question in the first place, you've been able to demonstrate that you are aware of and understand her thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Nice job man!

One final note here on tone. Generally when i'm saying the story part of this i'm answering her question in a serious and nonchalant manner. When paired with the extremely absurd things i'm saying this combo holds quite a zing. If you want to see a good example of this, checkout the movie Waiting, with Ryan Reynolds. In the movie, him and a friend are at the dinner table with his mom when he tells her an absurd story about him banging a hooker while taking the lords name in vein. This is the best example you'll get of this tone without seeing me personally, which obviously you're always welcome to do.

By learning and practicing how to respond to weighted questions in the right manner, we can effectively maintain dominance in our relationships, quell any worry our women have about our actions, and have some fun while we're doing it. The reality is that women think about us a lot when we're not around, and they just want to have some peace of mind and feel safe in their relationships, especially when their man isn't around. Handle these situations effectively and soon enough you'll be able to keep them around as long as you'd like.

How to Tool Bachelorette Parties

2011-11-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

There comes a time in every man's life where he walks into a situation and for some reason it seems like the whole room stops and looks directly at him. It's probably because they did stop and they are looking. Have you been there?

Usually it's a bar or a party you're walking into or a big group you're about to talk with, but whatever the case there can be a few very disturbing seconds for guy before he talks to the group where he really just wants all the pressure he's feeling to just go away. In situations like bachelorette parties, this tension can be even worse, and for those of you who aren't quite as confident as they would like to be yet, any quick lapse in judgement could make the whole situation get out of control very easily, so it's often the normal guy's best bet to just try and act as normal and unaffected as possible until the tension seems to dispel a bit.

When opening a big set or big group of women, taking a bold action in front of the group is not only the scariest option, but also the furthest one from entering our mind at all sometimes. Who's actually bold enough to try to say something to a group like this anyway, and isn't any guy who does say something taking a huge and unnecessary risk when he does? The reality is that this couple of seconds is a GREAT time to make a BIG first impression, and that impression is best made with an ultra bold polarized type of a statement. Let me tell you what I do to make a lasting impression with my entrance by giving you a bit of a field report about a bachelorette set from a 1-on-1 training last night...

Last night I taught a one on one training with a recurring student of mine and early in the night we walked in the bar and while kind of assessing the surroundings in the bar we were approached by a bride-to-be who asked us if we would join her and her friends to "do some games that I won't tell you much about but that involve kissing." Okay fine. This'll be a great demo and learning opportunity for the student, always is.

I know this gig already very well, and just in case you might not yet, I'll lay it out for you real simple-like. Bachelorette parties are out to tool on guys for entertainment. No one's out to fuck anyone. Yes, they may end up doing it sometimes, but that's not the plan. The plan is to prey on poor unsuspecting dudes for the explicit purposes of validation and the entertainment of the group, and by "entertainment" I mean the use of women's sexual power to dominate a man or men, thereby juxtaposing the terrible bar-type atmosphere and horrible crappy game of the average bar loser with the awesome niceness and marriageability of the dude who the chick's about to marry. This validates the woman's decision to get married and makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside that other guys don't offer what her new husband is about to. As you can imagine, this makes me wanna projectile vomit into most of their faces.

Unfortunately for them, none of this happens when a bachelorette party meets me. Instead, my plan is usually to fuck with the whole group, using the bachelorette "YAY!" energy as my grey area and free pass to be extra sexual and dominant with whomever dares to try me. Any attempted tooling on their part is met with non-compliance from me, followed by sexual aggression that'll make them think twice about their decision to have a "nice" bachelorette party where they tool on dudes..... "I'm the tooler, not you honey."

So back to the wifey-to-be. She opens us and propositions us to come over and join the group. We're standing about 10 feet away from the group. At this point I already know i'm gonna go over and join the group, I just don't want to make it easy on the girl asking me and I don't want it to look like i'm in any way eager to join them. After all, i'm not really eager anyway cause I know where this is going. It's going to be a state builder for me, but really the best result would be to peel one chick off the group at the end of the night if they're in-venue dependent or maybe get a phone number that ends up panning out on a later date.

After a bit of convincing from the girl, we head over to the group and it's time for my entrance. To comply with the bride's wishes would be to just sit down and let her lead the situation, so I wanna start off on the right foot and not comply to that. I also wanna make a strong impression on the girls in the group that i'm a dangerous guy not to be fucked with, so while walking the few steps over to the group, I try and think of something to say that's pertinent to the situation and social in nature. If I can't do that, then i'll rely on some material I already know like Ice Cream Cone or something and that'll be good enough I reckon. In the few seconds i've got before opening the group, I come up with something I think will work nicely and I commit to it 100%, no wavering. I fully plan on saying something very polarized, so that it's sink or swim, no in-between. I enter standing tall, speaking very loudly, and looking directly at all of girls in the huge group. I tell them "Man! It's a good thing this girl's getting married... cause she's really... really... needy. (they all laugh really loud). I mean, she was practically begging us to come over here."

After the laughing, the bride stands up behind the student and I and starts the "games," telling me "Okay, the first thing you have to do is tell me why guys with long hair are better in bed than guys with short hair" (referring to my long hair and the student's shaved head). What a fucked up question that is! Obviously the last thing I wanna do is try and tackle that one, so instead I decide to not-comply by labeling her behavior. I tell her "Well that's fucked up. So after you beg me to come over here now you want me to explain why I'm better than my friend? He's my friend and he's awesome. What the fuck? That'd be like me coming over here and telling you to explain to me why small tits are better than big tits."

The girls chuckle a bit and bride decides to take the lead again, saying "Okay, lets do that. Hey guys (referring to her girls), why are small tits better than big tits?" One girl chimes in and says that small tits don't sag when you get older and all the girls agree, so I tell her "Gross, then just your nipples sag, or what?" I pinch my own nipple through my t-shirt and point it to the ground as I look down at it with a grossed-out face. Haha.

After this, the next game they want to play is the one that "let's just say involves kissing." The "game" is where we kiss the bachelorette's face while someone takes a picture. Gay. I might as well be kissing her ass, cause that's what they're trying to make it look like. My student is first and fucks with her a bit by not doing it and instead making the picture look bad. Not bad, I like it. This is a pretty common choice to make when you're an intermediate student and you start to realize that non-compliance to this is your best move.

Even better is to do something that makes the bachelorette look bad and feel uncomfortable, something that if taken a picture of will have to be erased anyway. For this, when it's my turn I basically tower over her, grabbing the back of her hair at the base of her neck and pulling her head back while I lick her face for the camera. Yup, you read it right, I take my big slobbery tongue and drag it up the side of her face up to her temple until her whole side of her face is wet. She's astonished (as is the rest of the group) and she doesn't know what to do but laugh (this is what they always do). I tell the group "Hmmm... tastes like Mary Kay (to me this is old chick's makeup so it's teasing her for being low value)." She says it's bare essentials and I tell her that MAC makeup tastes the best. Again all the girls laugh, and now she's the one tooled, not me.

From here everyone's laughing and I tell the group "You know, this seems more like a birthday party to me than a bachelorette party." The bachelorette agrees immediately but diverts me from my plan a bit, instead showcasing for me the penis-straw that she gets to drink out of for the night. I tell her "What, is that supposed to symbolize the last penis you'll ever suck on for the rest of your life now that you're getting married?" A chick in the group tells me "No, it's the beginning of her doing that." Haha, whatever honey. I'll talk to the husband at the beginning of year three of the marriage and give you a million dollars for every blowjob his wife gave him in year two. And birthdays don't count. **Didn't say this, just thought it, haha.**

After the penis straw thing, I continue my last hoo-rah of the night cause quite frankly at this point I was already getting a bit bored with all of this and I wanted to watch the student handle things on his own. But first I tell the girls "You know, since this is kinda like a birthday...." then I look to the bachelorette and tell her "I know what you need little girl. Come here." She comes over and I turn her around so her ass faces me (literally, since i'm sitting and she's standing). I push her back as to bend her over a bit, then I give her right ass-cheek a nice slow rub and then SMACK! I smack her with epic force on the ass. Everyone laughs and is completely shocked, and I've entertained myself a little bit without looking like too much of a bitch boy.

My next step here is to try and isolate which of the women in the group might be into me so I can game them and see if I like them. Really only one girl stands out and she's across a short drink-table from me so I stand up, step right over the table, make a motion with my hands for the two girls to make room for me, and I sit down right in-between them, telling them that it's my turn to "watch the show" (watch my student). Yes, this can telegraph interest, but at this point because of my image it just looks like a confident move to the girls. I'm going for what I might want.

When I start talking with my new target, the focus of the group naturally shifts to my student (who ended up doing a nice job) and the bachelorette. The states drop in the rest of the group, and I just run my normal game on the only girl who'd I'd consider humping in the group. She turns out to be an extremely timid school teacher, so I get bored and the student and I eventually leave. Our dignity is not only in-tact, our states are raised as well and he's learned some valuable lessons in the process.

The moral of this whole story is when you're approaching bachelorette sets to know what they're often up to so that you can maintain your dignity and not be a dancing monkey of a dude who they chew up and spit out for entertainment value. Really this goes for women you're approaching in general, it's often just easier in a bachelorette situation to know what they're up to before hand. Women in bachelorette sets are trying to just have a fun night, unfortunately that often includes trying to group-tool guys for entertainment, so if you make a strong impression on your entrance and thereafter use techniques like labeling their behavior and non-compliance, you might just be able to lead the group and end up having a positive result instead of getting unknowingly tooled in front of everyone. I'd say good luck, but with this knowledge hopefully it won't be about that.

I opened 10 chicks in a row!

2011-11-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up, got on 30/30 club to answer some posts from students, and I came upon a common scenario I wanted to write a little bit about. A 30/30 club student wrote this:

"Went out to X street with my wings. Went direct on everyone. Most of the sets OPENED well initially, even the all girl sets, which is an improvement from the previous nights where only 30% opened well, while the remaining 70% would give me the cold shoulder or immediately tell me that they weren't interested. However, after the opening, it felt like I just kept talking at them. Felt like a dancing monkey trying to keep them engaged. Didn't feel much of a connection."

Does this sound familiar to you? If so then read on...

My response was the following:

It looks to me like you're having to do a lot of work to gain the ground because your efforts aren't as directed as i'd like them to be. In other words, you seem to be splish-splashing around trying different stuff and end up still fishing around with different openers and not [I]really[/I] knowing how to go from there or where it goes. Hopefully I can shed a bit of light on this for you right now, i'll do my best here.

Do you remember our talk in the workshop about the 10-timer method? When we do 10 sets, we expect 2 blowouts, 4 sets attracted, and 4 sets not attracted or go-nowhere. This is a very specific statistical expectation for what we're doing and in an ideal world your pickup would resemble this very closely. What we're trying to do is be polarized in our game. In other words, we're like babe ruth in that we swing for the fences and either strike out or hit a home run. With this in mind, I would take your 30% opening well (from above) and 70% telling you immediately they're not interested or giving you the cold shoulder, because that seems like the result we're looking for.

I'm guessing that this is setting off hundreds of red flags in your mind right now so let me explain a bit more here. When we talk to girls, we want to engage in behaviors that get us LAID. Sometimes these behaviors even on the opener will make girls confused and get us seemingly bad reactions. I've had tons of sets where I open and the girl is visibly mad at me and within 2 minutes she jumps on me, wraps her legs around me, and basically attacks me with a makeout. This is far in the future for you, but I want to point it out because the first 2-3 minutes of that set would look like a TERRIBLE result to you. My guess is that you probably wouldn't walk away from (cause you're doing awesome at being persistent in your sets!) but for right now you just haven't spent enough time in this "land" to get through these objections using the right vibe with the girl.

Coming from a different angle on this whole thing, I think it's very tempting to open direct because it gives you a "positive" result in that instant. The problem with this is that it's not getting you laid, it's making you temporarily feel good, and worse yet it's misdirecting you from making solid forward progress. You simply shouldn't still be working on opening at this point (over a year into learning pickup), and opening direct is just not getting you laid.

It's almost like playing the lottery right now for you. If I told you that i'd give you $100 a day every day or i'd give you a $1 lottery ticket everyday and told you that you'd for sure win in 2 years, you'd be choosing the $100 because there's no solid expectation of success in your mind that you'll actually win the lottery. That $100 a day is great to keep your mind off the tough mental work it'll take to convince yourself that you're doing the right thing when you get 7/10 "poor" results. I'm arguing that those 7/10 that are bad to you probably contain 1-2 more good chances at lays in them than you can see right now and that those 4 out of 10 attracted sets will result in more lays that the 10 out of 10 you open with poor openers of whatever variety (i.e. direct, random, self-made, anything non-field-tested, anything modified from the exact version we've put in the Instant attraction manual available at bradp.com).

Does all this make sense? So back to the point here. What adjustments should we make? I think the first adjustment for you is to go back to fundamentals with your pickup. This means to use two default openers (HG and Quality control maybe, switch these up as you like but i'd keep doing HG as one of them if I were you) and follow your opener with 1-2 attraction routines. When this is done, then switch gears, tone it down, be a normal dude, and get logistics (what she's up to, how she's doing, etc). This'll cure the dancing monkey thing you've been experiencing (which btw is a very normal part of going through learning pickup, I don't view it as a horrible thing as long as we get past it). Continue doing your social freedom exercises until your score is in line with the chart on the first page that says you're a bit higher than the normal range and you feel comfortable with going out alone and can open everyday without being pushed. This may even be now or in the very near future, if so and you feel you can get into state on your own, then ditch'em.

The other adjustment I'd like you to make is to PM me your name and maybe a photo or FB link so I can remember what you look like. This'll help me remember you better from the workshop (even though I'm 90% sure who you are already). Also, PM me when you post sets so I can read them over and give you the training you came here for! I think we can get you through this rougher time with some well-timed adjustments and a bit better understanding of the ideal results you should be looking for at this stage in the game.

And remember! ... We want 4 out of 10 sets attracted, not 10. We want 2 telling us to fuck off or not talking to us at all, and we want 4 to not like us and not get attracted. Write me a report where you tell me 10 chicks opened well and i'll go "ah, fuck!" in my mind. Write me one that says 4 liked you after HG and 6 hated you and i'll be a very happy coach :)

Fuck 6 girls a week using this 1 Weird Trick!

2011-10-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

So I was about to get a nice clean jerk in this morning when I noticed an ad at the side of my computer screen. It read "Fuck 6 girls a week... using this 1 weird trick." Then at the bottom of the ad it said "Free video reveals 1 weird trick that makes girls want to fuck you... no matter WHAT you look like."

A simple click lead me to a video page where a voice comes up asking me "When was the last time you got LAID?" This didn't take much thought for me. Ummm, well yesterday, the day before that with two different girls, and the day before that with two others.

The voice continues: "I mean when was the last time you put your dick in a girl's pussy, and FUCKED her?" Ummm, same answer? I think that's the same thing as the first question.

"Well chances are, if you're watching this video it's been way too long." Oh, you mean because I was about to jerk off to "Teen beauty with cute tits seduced creampie sex in Barn" on tube8.com it means I don't get laid! Fuck off jerk! Just cause I get laid all the time doesn't mean i'm giving up jerking off, though i'm sure you're about to tell me that somehow I will if i'm getting laid "enough." What a myth!

"I'm about to tell you about an unusual breakthrough in the science of blah blah blah that allows you to forcefeed feelings of lust and desire into the unconscious mind of any woman you meet within seconds! It doesn't matter how old you are, when you use this on a woman her panties will drop regardless of what her impression was of you when you walked up. Oh and by the way don't shut this video off yet cause i'm gonna tell you some other shit at the end that'll surprise you!"

Huh? Okay hold on, this is a good quiz. Ummmm.... *(thinking)* OKAY! I got the answer! Yes! I knew I was good.

I select answer "A." ROOFIES!

No? Okay fuck let me think harder.. Hmmmm ... One weird trick that'll do all that shit... Hmmm.

Okay I got it! I select answer "B." The one weird trick is to spend from 1-5 years of your life truly doing the hard work it takes to learn one of the many systems of pickup from beginning to end while approaching hundred, even thousands of women until finally I have made huge personal growth and I have the ability to attract and subsequently accurately gauge the personality of a woman I meet so that i can make a decision about what she offers my life and whether or not I want her in it.

No? Wait just a second here. I know the answer is for sure B, but you're saying it's not and you want me to input my email address just to watch another video. This time you say you're going to give me the #1 secret of getting ANY woman begging to be with me in seconds with ZERO chance of rejection.

Now I know this is bullshit. After all, I try to be humble about my skill, but I really am good by everyone's accounts i've met, and I know FOR SURE that this isn't true. First of all, if I wanted to use something that would get ANY woman it would be watered down pickup, cause to open every chick it has to be. Secondly, I've had sex with 100's of women and I know it takes usually over a month before they start beginning to beg to be with me. Thirdly, zero chance of rejection? Ummmm... can I call obvious bullshit here? If I talk to a chick, isn't there a chance of rejection every time?

Oh wait! I got it! This is actually a bunch of marketing. Wow, it's pretty good. I mean basically the whole speech thing is designed to cure every lazy bullshit excuse I might have in my mind in a matter of seconds while simultaneously stimulating me with words like "science" and "breakthrough" and "actually put my dick into her pussy." Okay, you know what I will signup right now... for a marketing class that you teach. I'm not interested in your class on women though thanks. I don't want to learn your "1 Weird Trick." As a matter of fact, I saw that phrase "1 Weird Trick" on four other ads since then, and my friend who makes like eleventy-million dollars a year uses the same marketing to sell products because people respond well to that wording. I even used "1 Trick" in part of a title to one of my blog posts awhile back to test how the response would be versus other posts.

Let me tell you guys the truth about what's going on, because the truth is what we're good at. The truth is that you're lazy and i'm lazy too. Basically we're all lazy fucks and we want to do the same with our attempt to get laid, so we want to make it as easy as possible. The problem with this mentality is that skills in life that are really worth getting (the ones that do things like build self-esteem, identity, confidence and self-worth) aren't skills you "pickup" (no pun intended) with 1 Weird Trick.

Oddly enough, I actually think this whole ad is a GREAT thing. It's designed to take lazy masturbating fucks who otherwise wouldn't hear about self improvement at all and get them in the mix of our little self-help world under the ruse of meeting their sexual needs. I think it probably works well too! I just don't really like that on some level it lies. Why not say something like "Getting laid is hard, but we've figured out the fastest way to fix what's wrong with you, and we'll personally help you do it." (well, it's because people won't respond as well cause we're all mindless monkeys most of the time).

The truth is that pickup is difficult to learn and takes a long time. Often guys don't want to put in that commitment and effort, so it's best to start them off small with a couple tips and tricks to spur them into action and get them some positive tangible results that'll keep them on the path to improvement. Understand that the best way to get through this process is to keep taking actions that put you in a positive feedback cycle in your life. The first two months at pickup are the hardest, and once you start getting some positive reactions and maybe a couple numbers, it just gets easier and easier. So do the hard work until that happens and take your lumps like all of us pros have many many times. I'm one of the best because i've failed more than most anyone, so when you fail you're on the same path I took. Keep fighting the good fight, steer clear of bullshit ploys and "1 Weird Trick" bullshit, and remember that the hard road is the right one.

The Sex Trade

2011-10-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

I had a great question from a student in the Pickup Mansion today that's a very common one so I'd like to share it with you guys. First of all though, if you haven't read my post "How to NOT get into a relationship," I'd recommend you to read that first before continuing.

The student said:

I went on a day 2 with a girl to the beach. We made out there then went back to her house, but she said she only fucks guys she's in a relationship with. So I havent been talking to her much. How can I deal with this?

This is a pretty common ploy women use to gain control over men, and it's a pretty easy frame to break once you understand how to, because girls know on some level that it's bullshit. They only get away with it when guys let them get away with it in hopes it'll get them laid. And even if the guy does agree to the relationship in hopes for sex, the woman already knows he's not dominant and will often get rid of him before the sex even happens! It's a wonderfully tough situation for any normal guy to deal with, that's why Cosmopolitan Magazine puts it in their magazine every month. Think about it. What, are you going to say "Sure! Let's be in a relationship" and then she's just gonna lead you into her bedroom, roll down her panties, and spread her legs for you cause you said you'd commit? Of course not retard! Instead, you're gonna say "Sure!" hoping to get fucked, then you'll be gone. Odds are if she's saying this in the first place to you then it's FAR too soon for a relationship anyway. Why would you commit to a girl after only a month of seeing her? If you're inexperienced, that's why.

Okay, so since you're reading my blog I already am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're not a total retard (like I was in the past when I fell for this over and over again), so to aid in the retard recovery process that took me so long and save you from the hurt I experienced, let's talk about the single best most comprehensive solution for this problem that exists on the planet and NO ONE anywhere can possibly top.

Girl: "I only have sex with guys i'm in a relationship with."

You: "Really?"

Girl: "Yep. Blah blah blah..... (more mouth vomiting)." (BTW she always will say yes here and usually go into explanation. Regardless of what she says, you say the following):

You: "Wow, hmmmm that's pretty weird. It's almost like you treat sex like it's some type of business deal or something. "You give me this and i'll give you that" or "I'll trade you this for that." That's fucked up. You know I don't claim to be a relationship ninja or anything, but when I feel like having sex with someone I usually just try to go with my emotions and whether or not I feel attracted and connected with someone."

The girl will often backtrack like hell when you say this, and when she does you can go further with it by teasing her. I'd be like

Me: "Hey, so what else can I get for being in a relationship with you, will you give me a car? You know mine is kinda needing an oil change right now and i'm pretty lazy, so I was thinking if you could throw in a nice BMW or something we might be able to make a deal.... wait! Okay I got it. The car plus you gotta pay some of my student loans, and i'll shake on it and sign the papers right now." When I do this i'll stick my hand out like we're making a business deal that we're going to shake on.

For advanced students: To hammer this whole point home with the girl you could even setup a word game of sorts where you substitute the word "relationship" for the word "sex." I'd be like:

Me: "It's almost like relationship and sex are the same thing for you, huh?

Me again (in a girly voice acting like a girl rubbing her pussy while hitting on a guy): "Hey hot stud! Wanna relationship me tonight. I'll relationship you all night long for 20 bucks, come and get it."

After this she'll laugh and I'll usually push her away from me by her shoulder and I say something like "Get outta here weirdo" or "You're ridiculous right now" or "you're such a dork!" then i'll pull her close a second later and nuzzle up cheek to cheek in a genuine way.

No phasing that one. Pure dominance.

So let's Recap:

Often with these types of "chains" the pattern I use to deal with it is:

1. Ask her to repeat herself

2. Argue it on "her" terms, using emotion as your ploy

3. After you've made your point, make hers sound even dumber in one or a couple of ways

4. Tease her for thinking that way and absurdify how the world would be if her way was the most extreme it could be

5. Come back to reality with telling her she's a weirdo or a nerd or something

6. Takeaway

7. When she responds with submission like laughing or backtracking, reward her with genuine affection.

The desired effect of this whole process is that she understands that you're no fool and that she won't be able to use thoughtless "girl ploys" against you in the future. Now she has to think a ton about how to get you into a relationship using another strategy, and that thought she puts into you is a huge investment by her that will make her more attracted to you. She'll know that she's not going to be able to use sex as a bargaining chip with you, and it'll be more or less understood that she's going to have to level with you as more of an adult if she's going to get what she wants. Nice work!

By the way guys, if you like what you're reading, remember i'm available to teach YOU PERSONALLY! You can reach Drew HERE and setup a 1-hour phone consultation, a personal 1-on-1 training session, or you can join 30/30 club where myself and others teach you every day. You can even come study with me and Brad personally for 12 months by joining our pickup mansion program in Hollywood, CA. If you like what you're reading it's time to change your life TODAY! Don't wait!

On Age

2011-09-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

Over and over I get asked about age and how to handle it. Students believe wholeheartedly that somehow their situation with their age is unique and that it needs special attention. Well i'm here to tell you that your age isn't a big deal, and regardless of what it is i've got a surefire formula for the "age conversation" that works every time. If you'd like to know it then keep reading...

A side note first on older men. If you're over the age of like 55 and you're hitting on significantly younger girls, then you should expect to add about 20% to the number of sets you do to achieve the same results that someone younger could expect. In other words, instead of a ten-timer being sets after warmup, for you it should be twelve. This is because we've found that about 20% of younger women (i'm talking 20-30 years your junior) just won't date men that much older than them. There are, however, tons of younger women that specifically date men that much older for several reasons, so if you're counting yourself out before you even try, then you've got some limiting beliefs to work on.

That said, let's get to it. The general conversational pattern that i'll go through when talking with a girl about her age is to have her guess my age as many as two times before I tell her my real age, then disqualify her immediately after. This polarization of the age issue forces the girl to make a decision about my age and vocalize it, telling me exactly where she stands in both her attraction towards me and whether or not she views my age as an issue. Done correctly, i've found this simple procedure tells me with 100% certainty where I stand with the girl in front of me.

I'll illustrate this further by writing out an example of how the conversation will go. Sometimes the age issue will get brought up by her, other times by me, but normally I like to bring it up because of the effect it has. Regardless of how it comes up and whether or not it's you or her that does so, after that it'll go like this for me (and by the way i'm 31 years old):

Her: How old are you?

You: Take a wild guess.

Her: Like 26 (she'll often guess low).

Me (pointing up): Higher.

Her: 28?

Me: Nope, i'm 31. I'm too old for you little girl. (BTW, the reason I only make her guess twice before telling her is because in my experience girls get annoyed by any further attempts at a guessing game. Just tell her already).

Her: *Here she gives one of four responses:*

1. "I've dated guys your age" or "I've dated guys older than you" or "That's not so old" or something along those lines. This is the ideal result. My disqualifying of her has forced her to qualify herself, telling me that she's attracted to me and doesn't think my age is an issue. Now i'll move on with the set, often immediately taking things in a sexual direction with another disqualifier, this time sexual: "Listen, i'm far too old for you, and i'm far too dirty. (pause) I'm a dirty dirty old man and I would do dirty things to a little girl like you, you should stay away."

2. No response. This could mean that the girl's not attracted to you yet or that she agrees that you might be too old. Either way, I would go back into another attraction routine to amp things up. If you're in this set 20 minutes this is a go-nowhere and that means blow me or blow me out.

3. In an exaggerated tone she tells you something like "Yeah gross, you're WAY too old for me" or "You're right, you've probably got old gross wrinkly balls" or something to that effect. This is the same result as number one, this time you're just dealing with a really fun, social version of a girl that's attracted.
These are my favorite girls cause they know what's going on and they play around with the seduction process with me, an awesome result.

4. "Yeah you probably are" or some other dismissive, uninterested comment. This one is BY FAR the least common for me, but did happen a couple times when I was growing my skillset. It means that this girl is not attracted to me and doesn't even really want to continue talking with me. This is normal as well, and remember not all women are going to be attracted to us (40% are not attracted or go-nowhere sets). Just move on.

That's it. Simple and clean. When age is brought up, I make her guess no more than twice, I tell her my real age after that, then immediately disqualify so I get a read on where she's at. The only other thing I like to add to this whole process is that when I bring up age, I like to bring it up by disqualifying with something like "Look at you, you're just a baby. What are you, like 23?" Here i'll really attempt to give her my best guess at her age, i'm not just guessing 23 every time.

Got it? Use this conversation for anything regarding age and you'll gain attraction if you've already got some, and you'll also know beyond any shadow of a doubt where you stand with the girl in front of you. Good luck!

On Insecurity

2011-09-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

I wrote a bit in April about Insecurity and I would like to touch again on insecurity and specifically how it relates to experience level. Now when I was an AFC, boy was I ever insecure. I'd worry all the time about losing any girl I met, even if I was orbiting! My motivating force? Fear. All I could seem to think about was losing her to another guy. I'd visualize her getting gorilla-fucked by some other random herculean man and it tore me apart. Obviously it was happening and obviously she had the most screaming orgasm possible. If you've seen the movie High Fidelity with John Cusack there's a great illustration of this type of thinking. How can we change this thinking around?

Fast-forward with me 3+ years completely out of my AFC years (there were many of them) to present day. After breaking up with a girl for a month and getting back together, she asks me how many people I slept with while we were broken up. It stuns me. I have a flash of fear + retardation, and I feel an urgency to answer. "Uhh, none. Why?"

WTF? Why am I saying this? Later on I dig through my mind a bit and I realize I should've said the truth that I had slept around a bit, but in the moment I had a bit of insecurity. I had instinctive (not thought out) fear of losing this girl and my only objective in that moment was to say the safest answer I could. Even after all my training and teaching i've still got an instincive tendency towards being a chump instead of taking a deep breath and letting my experience and developed minset override the urgency of the moment. The instinctive fear I have is that if she knows I slept with someone (or more than one person), she could get mad and take away pussy from my life right? Obviously this is not logic at all, it's blind instinct. In reality she's not going to leave me because I slept with someone else, instead it's going to be attractive to her, not force her to go away.

She tells me she slept with two ex-boyfriends, and that she told them specifically she wanted sex and nothing more. I realize later that her response is has been highly tailored to my insecurity. Note the subcommunication:

"I slept with two ex-boyfriends" = I'm not a slut sleeping around with random new people. Also I feel she's trying to communicate that she's been "safe" and there's nothing to worry about in the disease department.

"I told them I wanted sex and nothing more" = I don't have feelings for them like I do for you.

The overall idea she's communicating is that she's still emotionally into me and hasn't done anything to emotionally cheat even though she's been away. This is intended to satisfy the insecurities I have likely demonstrated.

Later on that day a battle ensued in my mind while I thought about what had happened and how she had slept with two other guys. The battle was fought between my instinctive insecurity and my experience. I decided to dive into my thoughts and be honest about them with myself. When I did a strange thing happened to me. My insecure thoughts were overridden by my experiences in real life and the beliefs i've adopted as a result of my experience. Let me give you a couple examples.

The first thing I thought about was other dudes dicks in my girl. My reality was that I probably wasnt top notch in the sack. At best I was okay and extremely unaware of women's true emotions and how those play into sex. Do this with me for a second if you will. Think about a girl you've really liked in your past, a one-itis perhaps. Remember the way you felt (or still feel) about her. Now think about her getting DP'd or think about some dude gorilla fucking her as she moans in pleasure, having the greatest orgasm ever. Doesn't feel good, does it? Years ago, this very thought would almost cause me to cry. It was very real to me. However, when I go down this rabbit hole now I can't possibly allow myself to believe it. Instead, my mind honestly and truthfully says "Nah, we have great sex all the time. I make her orgasm 90% of the times we have sex, and she can't possibly be emotionally into anyone as much as me. There's just no way it could be better with that other guy. She's probably really hurt emotionally, and after sex with him she likely just thinks about me and wants to cry." I guess this isn't as big a deal as I always thought it was.

The second thing I thought about was what if those dudes were better than me and I lose the girl because they're better. They probably make more money, drive a nice clean car, and workout all the time. Basically whatever I lack and am insecure about, that dude is the champion of the world at. I think many of you guys reading have thought this just as I have. When I thought about this this time though, I couldn't believe that either. Instead I thought to myself "Nah, there's no way this dude could possibly be better than me" then in my mind I went through a list of topics that i've worked on extensively. "I'm in great shape physically, I'm an awesome guy all around, i'm extremely mentally healthy, i'm very much an alpha male, and I don't care if some guy makes more than me cause he likely uses his money to try and get chicks and I know how much that turns girls off. Really there's no way the dude could be a healthier, more balanced, more abundant guy than me.... AND, if he was, then have fun with her buddy, cause she's a handful to say the least. I'll just go get another one.

I would.

------------------------------------------

So what am I trying to say here?

What i'm trying to communicate to you is that insecurity is sometimes based in truth. BTW i'm not talking about your dick size, i'm talking about things you actually can change. If you have an insecurity, you're likely insecure from a lack of experience, and that insecurity won't go away until you gain experience in that area. Instead it'll stay there, silent and dormant until just the right time when it'll rear it's ugly head up and cause you to lose the girl.

The opposite is true when you've truly done solid work on making yourself a high-quality man, and done so without shortcutting. When you're met with opportunities to feel insecure and you've done taken the "hard" road, your experience will prove to you that it's not realistic to believe any insecurity that you might think or feel, and success is the only result.

The solution is clear: Instead of pushing your thoughts away from you, allow yourself to feel them so that you can understand yourself better and take action towards positive change. Your thoughts are guiding you towards a direction for growth and opportunity in your life. Next time you feel insecure in some way, stop and allow yourself to dive in and think about it. It's okay if you're insecure about things as long as you are aware of them. Guess what? Every dude is insecure about something in their life. It's those of us who do the tough work on ourselves who later overcome those insecurities.

To finish this all up, I wanna write out an example of how I was insecure and how I handled it, so that hopefully it can help anyone who might feel the same way. This example was my insecurity about my physical health. If you've got an insecurity that others could benefit from hearing, i'd encourage you to comment on it below.

Insecurity: My body / Strength / Athletic ability. I was never a guy who could run the fastest or jump the highest. I was never in shape or considered to have a good body by women. I was never muscular. I couldn't make the baseball or basketball teams, though I tried multiple times. The only reason I made the football team is cause they didn't turn down anyone.

How I dealt this in an unhealthy way: I told myself that I didn't want to be one of those muscle-type dudes flexing all over the place and being try-hard to get women. By thinking of them in a way that was bad and telling myself that I didn't want to be that way, it gave me an excuse to be lazy and continue my pattern of insecurity in this area of my life.

What I did to overcome this insecurity: After seeking help from Brad to learn about women, I realized that there are things in life that I can't do on my own, and that it's okay to go and get someone who's good at them to help me. In fact, it's efficient! Whatever the skill, whatever the goal, there's someone in this world who is a fucking master at like anything you could imagine. Seek them out, model them, and you'll fix whatever you'd like to fix in a quick amount of time.

After realizing this, I started thinking about getting a personal trainer, and one day I talked about it with a friend. I told him I was thinking about getting a trainer, and almost as if god dropped an answer down from the heavens, he told me that he had the best personal trainer right now that he's ever had. He went on to tell me that he had been through like 30 personal trainers in his life, and that I should just go pay the money and go to this guy.

I gave the trainer a call, went in for a free consultation, and got started going once a week to workout with him. He talked with me about my diet also and I got started making small positive changes to my diet. He measured my body fat % and my weight, and I begrudgingly went to see him once a week for three months. At the 3 month mark I realized that I had lost weight and body fat, and once I saw positive results I liked them so much I never turned back. It's almost a year later now, and after losing 18 lbs and 7% bodyfat, i'm now gaining muscle and looking better and better everyday. Since this is a habit, I often don't realize progress is being made until after i've far exceeded my goal. I feel and look better than I ever have, and though i'm not the strongest guy, i'm the best i've ever been and working towards the best I can be.

The reality: People who are in shape aren't all try-hard muscle dudes. Many are actually very healthy, happy people. I had a limiting belief that because I couldn't get myself into good shape on my own that I would never be in good shape. That belief "allowed" me to continue being lazy and insecure. What I know now is that getting in shape does get you noticeably better results with women. It feels good to see the turned-on look a girl gives you when she feels your body and you can tell it pleases her.

What are you insecure about? Honestly, how are you dealing with this insecurity? Are you being realistic about this, or are you fooling yourself so you can be lazy? Quit this path of laziness, be honest with yourself, and start seeking out any help you need to change. The only way to get over insecurity is to focus your effort towards change and to gain experience that proves them false. Your insecurities are reality until you choose for them not to be.

Going Sexual

2011-08-31T10:00:00.000-07:00

How do you "Go Sexual" with a girl? When?

I just answered a form of this question on mASF that I thought i'd share, cause it's been coming up a lot in the past couple days. In fact, I just did a theory session with the Pickup Mansion students on Monday night where I talked about just this topic and as a result one of the students got a single night lay that very night. Luckily I recorded this session and might be sharing it with you right here on this blog as a FREE download. In the meantime here's the question:

(talking about "being a manwhore as a means to "go sexual" on a girl) day_game_fan wrote:

How do you show that you are a man whore, specially without being mistaken for a creepy horny guy?:-)

My answer: You get attraction before going sexual. If she's attracted you're a sexy dominant guy, and if she's not you're a total creep.

I like to use "Dirty Old Man" routine:

Me: Look at you, you're just a baby. What are you, like 23? (guess what age you really think she is)

Her: yes, no whatever. (narrow her age down)

You: Yeah, i'm far too old for you girl.

Her: How old are you?

You: Take a guess.

*she guesses once, you lead her up or down, she'll guess again, and then if it's not right you just tell her your real age and watch her response. Ideally she'll say qualify that you're not that old or that she's dated guys your age.*

You: Nah, i'm far too old for you little girl, and you know what else? I'm far too dirty. I am a dirty dirty old man and I would do dirty things to a little girl like you. You should stay far far away from a guy like me."

Usually when I do this i'll get in her ear after the age guessing and try to run my hand up the back of her neck and tug her hair at the base of her neck down. This offers her some foreshadowing of what I might be like to have sex with.

Girls respond to this in a variety of ways, but no matter the response, you can be sure it's an honest depiction of what "brand" of sexuality she's got, because you're directly leading with sexual energy. From there you've got a few types of girls and you can judge whether or not you like her "brand" of sexuality.

1st type - she says something like "Oooohhhh kay" and walks away, or completely withdraws from the conversation. If this happens you can be sure that she's either not attracted yet (oops, your fault) or she doesn't allow herself to act in a sexual manner for some reason, possibly religion, abuse, whatever. You don't care, cause you're nexting her unless you reckon it was a bit early to go there.

2nd type - she gets laughy in a way that dismisses or sidesteps the sexual energy you're presenting. This means that you've got a girl who responds to sexuality with laughing. This doesn't mean she thinks sex is funny, it means sex makes her feel awkward and since she doesn't know how to be sexual, laughing is all that comes out cause she feels nervous. I say ditch this girl immediately unless you want to wait 3 dates to suck a titty then have her laugh and giggle and stop you when you do. She'll tell you something like "Stop, that tickles!" Fucking annoying. Save yourself this waste of time and move on.

3rd type - she challenges you in some way. Often a girl will say something like "Oh yeah? Well what if I like dirty things?" or "How do you know i'm not dirty too" or "Try me" or something of that nature. This is GAME ON! Often right here i'll makeout with a girl, though you might do a quick check first and make sure her friends aren't in the immediate area cause that'll often get you denied for a makeout. Either way, saying this has turned this girl on and she's getting curious about what you actually will do. Remember also to not change this routine! Dirty is the best word to use, cause it automatically calibrates you to her brand of dirty-ness. She'll use her imagination in a good way.

Call her a Horrible Cunt. I promise it's okay.

2011-08-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

So last night while teaching a 1-on-1 training, I opened my first demo approach for the evening and I had an extremely rare thing happen. It had such odd consequence that I absolutely couldn't wait to share it with you guys. What happened was that my first set of the night I called a girl a horrible cunt and was kicked out of a bar for it. No, no, no! It's okay, I promise! Let me explain...

Last night started out a normal 1-on-1 training like any other. I met up with the student and we chatted a bit before heading out the night. At the beginning of the evening I always demo for students, so last night as we approached the bar I opened the first girl I saw. We were outside of the bar and she was pretty involved with a cell phone conversation, but I opened with Sexy Shoes anyway.

When I open the girl she tells the person on the other end of the phone "Hold on a second" and she listens to the opener. I spend about 2 minutes on the opener and then at the end she kind of gives me a scoul and turns away from me. I give it kind of an "Oh well" and shrug it off.

The student and I head inside and I spot three hot girls at the bar. We could use a water anyway, so while i'm grabbing us a water I open the girl next to me with Trading Hair opener. I barely get through the opener when the girl from outside the bar reopens the student and I, taking my attention away from the girl I was talking to so that she could apologize to me. She explained that she didn't want to be rude and "a bitch" to me, so from there I went straight into my "Harder than Hard" game, telling her "Listen, I think you're like the rudest girl ever." She laughs and responds "Yeah i'm a total bitch right?" I tell her "Yeah, you're a horrible cunt, you're like the worst ever."

The girl takes it in-stride and we laugh as I realize the terrible mistake i've made. The 3-set at the bar was way hotter than this chick, and now i'm kinda stuck in conversation with her. I start to drift off and look around bored and the student chats with her a bit until we finally give our cordial goodbye's. "Nice to meet you, we'll see you guys in a bit!" This was a pretty basic let-go from me. We met the girl and she was good from far but far from good, so we chat a couple minutes, I get warmed up, then I send her off thinking if her friends are hot i'll possibly reopen her later. Nothing out of the ordinary.

The student and I chat for a couple seconds and the bar's just gearing up for the night so we decide to head out to the smoking patio. The first thing I see when we get out there was the girl from our set with a couple friends all sitting next to each other on a bench. Since they're all staring right at me I wave and reopen. "Hey, whats up? I see you found your friends."

I sense that the girls are in a good mood and I start to banter a bit with the girl on the right side of the group, who's asking me general IOI/attracted type questions like where i'm from, though she's doing them in rapid succession. Every answer I give her is a total bullshit, and i'm making the bullshit more and more unbelieveable as we talk further, and i'm using tonality to convey this. This is basic "bread-and-butter" pickup, tried and true, works all the time. I just bullshit the girl more and more until my answers become so unbelieveable that she has to get that it's a joke, and if she doesn't get the joke I'll tease her for not getting it. Something like "You really have no clue that i'm totally and completely full of shit right now do you?" usually does the trick.

The problem is that with this girl i'm sensing for some reason she's just not registering what i'm saying really at all. She's not getting the joke, and she's not even mentally engaged with what i'm saying enough to register what i'm communicating. In the moment I couldn't quite figure out what was up, so I just continued until finally she asked me in kind of a serious tone "Wait, was that a lie?" I tell her "Yeah of course. That's cute you didn't get it. Pretty much everything i've said since I got here was total bullshit."

From there things get a little gnarly. The girl i'm talking to immediately treats me with extreme hostility, like on a level i've very uncommonly seen. Pointing her finger at me, she laces into me with a harsher version of a "you don't treat people this way" vibe and then takes me lying as a terrible thing and starts condemning me for being a liar and trying to reprimand my behavior. I explain (bad move) that I think it's funny to laugh and bullshit with girls when i'm out and that I meant no harm and the girl continues her onslaught, this time adding in comments about my poor game.

I'm still extremely caught off guard at this point and I start to think she was upset at me before I even talked to her, so I try and investigate why she hate me seemingly without reason. I go with a positive attitude, saying "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on here? Explain this to me cause i'm confused and not getting it." The girl just holds her frame solidly, continuing to point her finger at me and call me a liar like i'm the worst scum bucket on the planet. I've been in this situation before and it's really not that big a deal.

The student has been talking with the fat girl in the group (to deflect some aggression I think) and at one point she even stands up and gets mad at me, joining into the attempted verbal abuse party to teach me a lesson. As i'm getting yelled at from all angles, I slightly feel myself losing state at this point but manage to tell the fat girl "Hold on a second, your friend and I are working out our problems. We'll get through it I promise." I do this in a pretty fun and positive way. No one laughed, but I felt like it was it showed great resolve and was a turning point to show that this whole thing wasn't getting to me. Admittedly though I was getting a bit shaken by the whole situation.

At this point in time I still hadn't figured out what the HUGE problem was with the girls, so I was left to try and quell the situation and figure it out. Though tough, I know I can handle situations like this and they're a great opportunity for growth both in frame and in state management. My student obviously can't believe what's happening (on the first set of the night no less), and when I look over at him he still looks relatively calm about the whole thing so I continue, knowing that there's a light at the end of this tunnel.

The fat girl and the girl I originally opened (who hasn't said a word since the reopen) stand up at this point and the original girl asks me if she can buy me a drink. WTF? I can't quite figure out why she'd do this and I tell her "thanks but I don't drink" as her and the fat girl leave me and the student alone with strong frame girl.

As the strong frame girl escalates her intensity I decide being nice isn't going to work. As a last resort, I get very harsh with her at this point and stand my ground solidly (still not knowing what happened and believing she's just being a bitch), calling her out for the things I see wrong in her behavior and telling her that I think she's the one who's inappropriate. As is almost always the case, this mirroring works and she finally calms down a bit.

We surprisingly develop some rapport from this point, and I even sit down next to her as we both calm down and start to relate. I find out that she's from the south side of Chicago and I tell her that she's a pretty strong-willed girl and it's great how she sticks up for her friends. It was the perfect way to get on good terms with her, and we even get on good enough terms that I decide to game her a bit and throw in a "you want me" frame, which doesn't work well cause she's got a boyfriend (You can bet your ass I was going to try though). We continue to chat and when she asks me why i'm still talking to her I tell her that I don't really understand what happened and that I don't want to leave anyone in worse shape than I found them cause I just don't wanna do that. I don't have any malicious intent no matter who the person is, even if its someone who's really mad at me for whatever reason (subcommunication - "even if it's you").

Finally I feel like i've come out shiny after wading through some serious shit. The student and I leave the strong frame girl (in good shape I will add!) to head inside, but little do I know it's not over yet. We haven't even left the smoking patio yet when we're met with a bouncer, who tells politely asks me if I would follow him and then in an cocky fashion turns and just starts walking towards the front of the bar without looking back. "Fuck!" i'm thinking... any other night i'm here I know the bouncer. I follow him, suspecting to do some more explaining of my actions, and actually fully believing I can weather my way through this torrential storm.

Just inside the door a random angry short guy meets our little three-man train, asking another unknown girl "Is this the guy who called her a cunt?" HUH? WTF? My wheels start turning as the bouncer calms him and we all head outside the bar. Just outside the front door wait the three girls from the original set, joined now with some random angry short guy and other random girl, who leave the girls to walk with the bouncer, student and I about 20 feet from the front door of the bar.

"Did you call a girl a cunt inside?" the bouncer asks me.

"Uh, no of course not. Why would I call anyone a cunt?"

"Well these people say you called a girl a cunt inside."

"No I haven't called anyone a cunt."

I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck is happening at this point, as again an onslaught mounts against me. This time the aggression comes from the angry dude and the random girl, both whom i've never seen before up to this point.

Thoughts start to race through my head about what's going on. I ask myself "shit, did I call someone a cunt? Maybe I did." I honestly believe that I hadn't. Their aggressiveness about the severity of actually calling someone a cunt in a malicious way lead me to immediately deny the accusation that I had engaged in such a behavior. Afterall, I hadn't.

As I was met with this whole barrage of questioning, it dawned on me what was going on. Earlier after opening the girl on the street, when she came back in and apologized and called herself total bitch (and a whore the student later told me) I actually had called her a horrible cunt, but I did it in an obviously joking manner. Now i'm in a situation where i've got a choice. I can try to own up to calling her a horrible cunt and try to explain that I was joking or I can deny that I had called her a cunt at all. Knowing that i'm not going to be able to explain my game to anyone in the face of Captain Save-A-Ho and his "you shouldn't treat ladies like that" vibe, the choice is obvious that I have to deny the whole thing happening. It becomes obvious to me that i'm really in a lose-lose situation here as the Captain and the other random new girl continue with the same freshness in anger that I saw a half hour ago from the strong frame girl, and soon enough the bouncer calms them down and calmly lets me know that regardless of what happened, i'm not allowed back in the bar for the night. Okay, I think that's reasonable.

________________________________

So looking back and thinking about all this, here's my interpretation of what went down: The original girl I opened is confused about what happened with me cause she's never seen it before and she's not a high-value socially confident girl (not her fault). She gets her drink and heads outside and tells the strong frame girl and the fat girl what happened, asking them for their opinions on the whole thing as girls would normally do.

The use of the "C" word in original girl's explanation (and lack of tonality) flips in switch in the strong frame girl, who identifies with the role of the protector and the hard nosed girl from a tough neighborhood and thus goes into full-on hate/defense mode. When I show up she can't be gamed or reasoned with because she's already seeking to support her judgement that i'm a horrible guy and stay in attack mode. It's not until I stick up for myself and weather the storm that she realizes i'm a pretty rational, together guy and i'm not out to hurt anyone with my behavior.

Seeing the situation explode because of her and understanding her fault and that I had no malicious intent, the original girl feels bad about her misjudgment and asks me if she can buy me a drink. When they go inside the fat girl is still distraught and tells a couple friends about what's happening using the original girl's explanation. Even though the original girl knows she has messed up, she's in too deep now and she can't very well backtrack and take responsibility for the whole thing. The friends now hear the story, get upset, and decide to take action and grab the bouncer. Hearing all this from several mad people, the bouncer's best option is to kick me out regardless of what happened. (BTW, I actually think he handled this very tastefully. He didn't grab me and pull me anywhere or over-react at all, and he was very calm about the whole thing). I get kicked out and everyone is left thinking i'm a horrible person except maybe just maybe the original girl (oddly enough).

All in all, it was unfortunate that this whole situation happened the way it did, and I really don't blame anyone for reacting to me the way that they did. The reality is that when I run extreme game like this, it works amazingly with the hottest of girls, but the price I pay for that is going to be that sometimes people misinterpret what i'm saying and doing and when that happens there's really no way of explaining myself. Really the only people who could understand it would be my peers in the game, you guys!

Now for the advice part:

Many of you have heard our advice on getting a blowout. When you get a blowout you simply turn around 180 degrees, scout your next set for a couple seconds, then walk immediately up to it and open with the EXACT SAME OPENER. This both proves to you that the line was not the issue and keeps you from thinking way too much about what happened and allowing your state to drop heavily as a result. When something treacherous happens in field like what happened to me, the best thing to do right away is get yourself right back into set and use the exact same lines you just did so you can avoid a state drop and thinking the line you used is no good.

For this reason, the student and I talked about this only until we hit the very next bar where I immediately opened the two hot girls smoking outside the front door. I opened the girls with Sexy Shoes (same opener as last set) and as quickly as possible found an opportunity to call the girl a horrible cunt the same way that I did to get me in the last mess we just got out of. She fucking loved it, and her extremely hot big-titted sister was all over me as a result (as were the next 3 girls who I called horrible cunts throughout the course of the night). It made me feel like a champion to go through this and come out shiny on the other end.

So listen closely. Anytime you use the results of just one set to make an adjustment to your game you are a fool! Don't do it.

That said, my final thoughts on this now that all this has happened are to really examine what happened honestly and try to discern what I can learn from the whole situation, if anything. Looking back I don't think what I did was bad game, but I really could probably get the same mileage out of just saying she's a horrible person instead of a horrible cunt, and in doing so I probably wouldn't have to install an unnecessary risk of really offending someone to my gaming. In other words, though effective, I don't think my game would really lose much if I toned it down a hair, even on the hottest girls who it does work on over and over.

For those of you still with me, when you make the choice to game in the ballsiest of ways you will definitely run into toughest of situations, make no mistake. I make it a point to go to the absolute extreme end of this spectrum. If you do the same, you will gain the highest level of comprehension possible as a result, but there's a price to pay for this success. Whether you messed something up or not, and even when you do something brilliant, there are going to be people who can't and won't possibly be able to comprehend the motivation or intent behind what you were saying or doing. It's in these situations of excellence where the price you can sometimes pay is some difficulty in handling the consequences of your actions and reasoning your way through them, even though the harshest of consequences are often just people yelling at you without justification or getting kicked out of a club in a gentle way.

By the way, I just happened to be walking down my street just now and ran into the bartender from last night, who I told the story to quickly after he asked how my night went. He obviously sided with me (a long time ago I introduced myself and told him how much I enjoyed his band one night and i've been a regular with him since), and he invited me back to the bar and told me he'd bury the hatchet with some free beers next time I was in. Nice!

Fuck Jake Pavelka

2011-08-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

For about a year and a half now i've been bringing you the best advice I can muster right here in this blog. I've covered everything from getting nude pics on your phone to how to be a ruthless player and steal chicks right out from under other guys. I've given you my latest openers, tips on polarizing your game, tips on how to wade your way through the harshness of learning pickup while maintaining a clear head, and perhaps most importantly i've tried to warp your mindset and lifestyle through posts like "Maximize your time for self-development" and "She's not even in the fucking room!"

After all of this, i'm proud to announce....* drumroll *... that when you type in "jake p" in Google, that finally... yes finally.... I have edged out the competition. I am proud to announce that I now come in #1 on Google search results, before Jake Pavelka's You Tube videos. Fuck Jake Pavelka!

A Chat with Tyler Durden from RSD

2011-08-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

Normally on Monday nights I teach the pickup mansion residents theory for about an hour, but last night I decided to switch things up and head out with them for the night to do a spot check on their game and spend some time not in hardcore workshop mode with them. We hit a popular Monday night spot in Hollywood, did some chatting and some approaches, and later in the night Tyler Durden from RSD showed up and we talked some game as well.

My history with Tyler is that we've both run bootcamps at various times in the same venues around Hollywood, so we've known each other for some time now, we've got great camaraderie, and I think he's a great guy. We'll even sometimes answer each others student's questions when we're teaching. When we see each other outside of work we even sometimes bounce ideas and theory off of each other, and since last night was one of those nights I thought i'd spill the details of our conversation to give you a sneak peak into what professional PUA's talk about when no one's around.

The first topic of the night was one-itis. Tyler asked me if I ever got one-itis anymore or felt extreme excitement for a girl I met. This was an interesting topic for me, because just yesterday I saw a post from my one-itis talking about her "big day." I checked out her profile for the first time in years and found out that she's pregnant and getting married. I felt no jealousy or bitterness, and actually felt very glad that I wasn't the one going down that road. I also felt myself comparing her to women i've dated since then and it made me feel extremely fulfilled about my path through learning game and the progress i've made (since obviously now the women are way hotter and younger than her). I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel some dull amount of closure from learning the information, but it was more like the closure you'd feel when someone dies whom you knew but not enough to get upset about them dying, only a little sad (if that makes sense). Afterall, the old me has been dead for awhile and the man that's here now is a genuinely happy and fulfilled one, so i'm happy I got to experience it.

I told Tyler about this and how nowadays I don't really get a feeling of excitement with a girl until I realize that she's got a great personality, and even then the overwhelming feelings of elation that I used to get for a girl are long gone and i'm guessing will likely never return. At worst if I feel feelings coming on, I quicky and automatically put myself in-check and come back to reality. Tyler talked about how he can sometimes still get those types of feelings from a girl, so I'm hoping that perhaps i'll feel that way again sometime in the future.

My better judgement tells me that the feelings of "love" or new love that happen when you meet someone new and are excited about them are simply often coming from a place of infatuation. They're unfounded. The reality is that often a guy builds up the woman he's about to date a huge amount and then when she reciprocates feeling (even in some small way) it causes the built up feelings of the girl to turn into simple infatuation, in other words a "crush," or hope that the guy can get the girl he doesn't believe he could ever get. In my book an experienced guy doesn't have these feelings, his love instead grows slowly through time and communication on a common ground with his woman. Furthermore, was she really a girl he couldn't get? I believe that a buildup-turned-infatuation or "crush" is a naive thought that's simply a function of a scarcity mentality. Obviously it hurts the man's chances with the woman, and if the relationship breaks before the man takes the woman off the pedestal he has put her on, then a one-itis situation results and the man's left only to try harder (and fall harder) with his next woman as a result.

Is all this true? Well it's my hope that i'll experience huge emotions in the future towards someone i've formed a pair type bond with, but my guess is that the "young love" types of emotions are short-lived among couples that end up together. I've never yet talked with a guy who has been married 5 years or more who has expressed continued feelings of this nature. Instead a different type of love grows from the connection the two build with each other over time. BTW, I'm not trying to put this out there as gospel, i'm simply trying to write it out the way I think about it. I'm not above being wrong by any means, and I suspect my opinion on this could grow or change in the coming years.

Aside from the whole one-itis and love talk, Tyler and I discussed some things we've been saying to women lately and the theory behind them. Tyler told me that one thing he's been saying lately to women is something like "Kill yourself and go to hell." I tried it on a girl with mixed results, and then we talked about what Brad P calls my "harder than hard" game, which is essentially very close to what he was doing with that comment. The idea is that you say something straight-faced to a girl, and the thing you say is so harsh that it can't possibly be true, so it has to be you teasing her. It's confusing to girls for a few moments until she laughs, you laugh to release the tension, or she gets really offended and takes it seriously. All three are great results in my book, the first two for obvious reasons and the last because any girl who takes crazy stuff like that seriously is supporting her negative world view and is best not invited into your life.

All in all, I tried the "kill yourself and go to hell" thing and it was okay, not great. However it not like i've done it nearly as much as something like "Listen, I think actually you're a really terrible person and I think you probably make anyone's life worse just by talking to them. It's okay though, I think you probably just had a really bad family and a terrible upbringing." I guess I like to draw it out as long as possible with a straight face just for my own personal amusement, even though both things are right on the same track.

Another topic we discussed was coaching and whether or not doing demo approaches for your students during a workshop was a necessity. I talked with Tyler about how I recently taught a 1-on-1 and had a student who had trained with an instructor whom he hadn't seen demo. Being the stickler I am on who I choose for mentors (I absolutely MUST know the person i'm learning from is wildly successful before they can gain my trust), it surprised me initially that an instructor wouldn't demonstrate his skillset to gain the trust of the student and to help them learn.

Tyler brought up a good point that the result that the student has from the workshop is of the utmost importance, and if a student sees a great improvement as a result of the training, he'll know that his instructor was in fact good and the lack of a demo wouldn't necessarily matter. For me, watching Brad demo was one of the most important things for me to see maybe ever. It gave me a tangible goal and a model for game to follow, so I am forever a believer in doing demos and you won't ever be getting a first training with me without seeing me demo.

Summing things up here, it's always a great thing to bounce ideas off of your peers and seeing Tyler was no different last night. If you're a guy going through a one-itis or you seem to fall in love very quickly, try and be a little more reasonable about the view you've got of a girl when you meet her. Understand that if you're with her for a long period of time, the overwhelming feelings of love won't likely be there and instead you'll find love through day to day ritual and the connection that you form through effective communication, both in the bedroom and outside of it. If you haven't yet tried saying some crazy negative stuff to girls, it's time to cultivate your ability to keep a straight face while fucking with a girl. Ideally she'll be confused as to whether or not you're telling the truth, and that confusion and tension release will create some great attraction for you. Give both his line and mine a try and see what you think, and if you still can't get it right i'd be glad to demo it for you :) As always good luck and keep sarging! A fulfilled life awaits those who work for it.

1 Trick for Not Getting Drunk

2011-08-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ever in a situation where you're drinking with others and someone buys shots for the group but you don't want to drink yours? This can be a rough situation. On one hand you would love to accept someone's offer and give them the satisfaction they seek from buying for everyone, but you also don't want to get drunk or say no and be the guy who ruins the positive atmosphere. You also know that getting too buzzed will hurt your game or cause you to feel like total dogshit the next day, so you don't want to drink. What's the best move here? Well fear not friends, your friendly dating coach/highly experienced drinker has a simple trick for you straight from behind the bar.

When I bartended back in the midwest, I was constantly bought shots that I was expected to take with the patrons of my bar. Though I could obviously take a free shot if I wanted to and i'd obviously rather have the money anyway, somehow folks who are getting drunk always seemed to want some company along their journey into alcoholic oblivion. Who better than the bartender to take that journey with, right? The problem with this is that I wouldn't just take one shot in a night because of this. Instead, if I accepted everyone's shots I would end up taking fifteen or more throughout the night, and since I worked most every night you can imagine that this got really old for me really quickly.

To remedy this whole thing I started having a beer open next to me at the bar all night while bartending. When people would buy me a shot I would take it with everyone else normally then chase it with a swig of my beer. Some would argue it's a slightly pussy thing to chase a shot, but oh well, everyone was still happy. What I was really doing though was completely different than that. I had my "beer" half full with water when I didn't want to be drinking, and when we all took the shot I would lean my head back just like everyone else, then not swallow it and just spit the shot out into the beer. To everyone else it looks like I just took the shot and chased it, but really I didn't drink anything. At the end of the night my payoff was that I felt good, wasn't drunk driving, and I could wake up and hit school in the morning with a clear head.

When you use this trick like i've done so many times, you're going to end up having a beer that's got a shot in it, so after you "take" your shot like this, head to the bathroom and pour your beer out in the stall, then grab another one next time the waitress comes around. If you get another beer from the bar, order a water with it and chug the water before heading back to the table. You'll may waste three quarters of a beer from time to time using this method, but in the end you'll be way more sober than the group, you'll have your head about you when it's time to make some game-type decisions later on, and you'll wake up in the morning feeling happier and healthier about your decisions from the night before. Cheers!

Maybe it's just you.

2011-08-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

Day to day I see a steady number of guys who have trouble with women and blame it on the woman consistently. They say things like "Oh, that girl must've been on the rag" or "She's a slut anyway" or something to that effect. Guess what dudes? Maybe it's you that's the problem.

Now obviously it's not always going to be your fault, maybe the girl does have some issues. In general, I like to say that about 20% of the girls I approach will blow me out because either they're not open to the approach or they're fucked up in some way. Amongst that group could be girls who are on the rag, have a serious boyfriend, are in a bad mood for some reason, have been raped, whatever. If this is the case, then take your hit and move on, maybe she was a little messed up for whatever reason. If you don't know, chalk it up to "well, guess i'll never know on that one" and move on.

And by the way... what should you do upon getting blown-out? You should stand right where you are, turn 180 degrees around, scope your next set for a couple seconds, then walk right up to it and open with the same opener. Do this even if the next set is within earshot of the last set. This prevents your state from dropping as a result of the blowout and proves to you that the material works when the next set hooks and you are somehow stunned that it happened right after it didn't work.

I've talked in the past about how guys often try and shield their ego in my post "I wasn't attracted to her so I didn't continue gaming," and in that post I talk about making an effort to take responsibility for your actions (aka failures, because we all seem to do great at taking responsibility for our successes). Taking honest responsibility for one's failures is a great way to learn and grow as a man and it helps also to grow a "thick skin" towards rejection and further failure. This is a outstanding tool for perseverance, and it shows you that you can handle failure and that people respect you more for doing so.

The type of guy i'd like to talk about here is one who's just unaware of what is happening or has happened, so he ends up blindly guessing about what happened and how to remedy it. If you're a guy who says things like "I just can't quite figure her out" or "fuck I have no clue what happened there" and you quickly reason that you're not to blame, this guy i'm talking about is you.

What i'd like to place in your mind is a little filter that you think about when something goes catastrophically wrong. In other words, when you fuck up your chances with a girl beyond repair and you have no idea what happened or where it went wrong, i'd like you to stop for a second and ask yourself if YOU are to blame FIRST by thinking about if there's anything you could've done better. Say "Fuck! Okay that sucked. Hmmmm... okay is there anything I could've done better there? Is there something I didn't understand? Could I have absurdified one of her tests better? How was my body language? Was I using the 90-degree rule correctly? etc. (BTW if you don't understand those very basic terms yet enough to use them easily then it's time for a workshop or minimum joining the 30/30 club).

When we place a filter in this way, we logically engage our minds instead of unrealistically blaming the girl while internally feeling angst and punishing ourselves for the seemingly negative result. This allows us to process the experience using a learning frame instead of an emotional frame. I cannot stress enough the importance of this distinction because when men process failure with an emotional frame it leads often to quitting instead of one of growth and competition (a negative feedback cycle instead of a positive one).

Another positive way to deal with not knowing the truth about what happened with a girl is to WRITE IT DOWN! If you don't know, that's fine. Tell yourself "Well fuck, I obviously have no clue what happened there. No worries, maybe I will later. Next set." Many many times in the growing process you just won't know. Write it down out though on a PUA forum (obv i recommend 30/30 for this), and you have the opportunity to purge your thoughts and feelings in a healthy manner. This does two things: it gives others a chance to help you, and it gives you a way to come back to your thoughts later on when you've got more knowledge and answer the questions you had no clue about before. This is why writing down your sets, thoughts, and feelings is so beneficial to the learning process. SO, those of you who are reading this and don't record, get your lazy asses onto a forum and start posting your nightly results in enough detail that months down the road you'll remember that girl. Take responsibility for your own growth and stop being a sissy. It's really not that bad to own up to failure.

Finally, another reminder here. The time to think about and process your sets is not when you're in-field (workshops are obv a different case). In-field processing of sets tends to focus you on a negative result and causes a state break. When you're in-field and you have a blowout, for example, you don't process, you go jump in another set and think about it later.

Remember, if you're the type of guy to jump to conclusions or blame others for failures, it might be time to start re-examining the way you think about things in order to help you grow and take responsibility more effectively. Install a filter in your mind so that when you start questioning what happened in-field you tell yourself "I'll think about that later" instead of immediately jumping to random "that chick was just fucked up" conclusions that guard you from the truth. When you learn to filter and process your thoughts and emotions in healthy ways like thinking about them later, asking yourself if there was something you could've done better, being okay with not knowing the answers for now, and writing them out in a healthy environment, you're engaging in a positive feedback loop that'll keep on a sure road to success. Good luck, and as always, if you want to talk personally with me about this or any other topic, i'm readily available via phone, 1 on 1 workshop (there's a crazy sale at this very moment!) or group weekend workshop. Contact Drew right now! He knows all of us personally and is able to answer any questions you could possibly have.

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Which "Plenty of Fish" are biting?

2011-07-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

I've been doing affiliate marketing for a few months now, and have compiled TONS of data on women through advertising on Plenty of Fish. Literally my ads have been shown millions of times already, so I decided to share with you some interesting information i've found about the profiles of women who are actually "biting." Here we go...

First and foremost, the data presented here is simply my professional PUA interpretation of data i've collected through ads i've ran on POF. My opinion by no means is absolute, however, I do believe I have a unique vantage point being both a dating coach and advertising to women on a dating website. This, I believe, gives some weight to my findings. If you're cool with that, then read on.

Now when you login to POF for the first time, you select from several categories of attributes to describe yourself. When a woman logs in she does the same thing. After going through a huge checklist of these categories, your profile is complete. Women can then search for men through categories like what a man's intent is, what his income is, or maybe by what profession he has. Women can also use this information to selectively exclude who they don't want to date (or more accurately, who they don't think they would like to date on paper).

Lets talk first about the general population of the website. Yes, there actually are women on POF, and tons of them. They login, they search around, and they click on shit, so if you're a guy with a profile up thinking "There aren't even any real women on this thing" then you're wrong. Some of these women click on advertisements and signup for other dating websites in search of men. These are the women i'm going to describe, because obviously they represent women who are on the prowl, and since anyone reading this is likely on the prowl as well, well you get the idea.

As far as the category of "Intent" goes, women who selected "want a relationship" are by far the largest responding category. Coming in a close second is "putting in serious effort to find someone," and then in order "want to date but nothing serious," "casual dating/no commitment" and finally "serious and want to find someone to marry." These findings shouldn't be much of a surprise to anyone. Obviously girls who want a relationship are the largest demographic in the dating scene, but remember this girl is labeling herself on a website like this, not having me label her as a definite slut in the bar. Got it? What a girl labels herself as and what she type of girl she actually is are two very different things. So guess what? I recommend you mirror this behavior and label yourself accordingly.

Maybe I should back up a second. With online dating often our strategy is to not exclude ourselves whenever possible. We want to appeal to the largest demographic of women because when women look at your checklist of attributes they're not looking to include you, they're looking to exclude you. This means if you fill in that you're in a specific profession, for instance, and the girl doesn't like that profession, she might take one look at you being an engineer (random example, don't read too much into this) and in one instant think "Nope, i don't like engineers" (or fucking firemen, whatever) then click to the next guy. Again, to avoid this behavior, we seek to not exclude ourselves whenever possible. This goes for the attributes and categories we choose, and also our text in the "about me" section.

With that theory understood, you can understand why I would recommend you choose in the top 3 categories for your own profile. Also, you can gather that the most likely women to respond to you might be the ones who "want a relationship" or are "putting in serious effort to find someone." This same logic applies to the Relationship category, where by far and away the huge leaders of the pack are women seeking "Long Term" or "Dating."

Moving on, let's talk about income. The huge mass majority of women on POF aren't rich. Surprised? I'm sure not. Remember POF is a free dating website. Most women on it make under 50K predominantly, with some actually in the $50-75K range, and very few higher, though they do exist. To give you an idea, out of one million impressions (times one of my ads was shown on a woman's screen) I had over 500 women respond with income 50K or less, and only 6 women respond with an income over 100K. To be fair, this could just mean that women with higher incomes aren't responding to advertising, but my guess is that there just aren't many of them out there, and the ones that are likely aren't finding dates through POF.

You will find about an equal distribution of people through the lower incomes though, so women with incomes of 40K are definitely there. As for your income, i'd say leave it blank if possible or put in somewhere around 50K. This'll again not exclude you from the majority. Definitely do not be afraid to err on the side of having 20 or 25K more income on POF than you really have. This is, afterall, a game right? The reason I recommend pumping up your income (height wouldn't hurt either) is that girls definitely think a guy with a higher income is more attractive, but at the same time you don't want her showing up and sniffing out immediately that you're not pulling down six figures. And if you're a "I don't like games" or "I don't want to lie, blah blah" guy then get real. You don't see her taking pictures of herself with bad camera angles on and no makeup on do you? Get over your attitude and play the game to win.

All of this stuff about income and relationship status is a great start, and since we live in a healthy age in time, it's no surprise that the category of "Smoking" is an obvious deal breaker with women. The vast majority don't smoke and don't want someone who does. Again i'll remind you that the idea for online dating is to not get excluded long enough to get to the meetup, when you can be yourself and she can get a real idea of you, because when she's attracted she'll excuse a bit more than she will when she's at home on her computer seeking out her "checklist" man. For this reason i'd recommend everyone, smokers or not, put that they don't smoke on their profile. Women who smoke occasionally or often are like 1/10th of the percentage of those who don't smoke, so don't be an idiot and exclude yourself from 90% of the women online. Maybe you "just started" after your third date or something.

Drinking, on the other hand, is a totally different story. The huge majority of women online drink socially, or at least put that they do. This makes sense to me because drinking socially is a high social status thing to do, and social women don't want men to exclude them for not drinking from time to time, so even they'll put that they drink socially. My guess is that the women who put "no" for drinking are very likely ones who actually don't drink, so for this category i'd recommend you know what you're actually searching for in a woman before you answer. If you don't care, put that you drink socially. If you don't drink yourself and don't want a woman who does drink, it's not a terrible option to select that you don't drink. In this case I don't think you'll be excluding yourself because though women right "socially" for their own status reasons, a man who doesn't drink won't often be excluded by a woman for saying he doesn't drink. So here i'd say go with honesty if you really don't drink, and if you do (even if it's heavily) go with saying you drink socially.

Finally, i'd like to talk about the marital status of women. Not surprisingly, the biggest chunk of women signing up for dating sites are divorced women, followed by single women, then seperated women. This knowledge shouldn't really change anything about your dating profile, other than I wouldn't exclude a divorced woman from being a candidate for you because that's the majority (unless of course you personally just wouldn't date someone who has been divorced).

That about sums it up. If you're online and you're searching for women, remember that this is a game you're playing, and it has a lot to do with a woman's "checklist" of attributes she'd like in a guy and not a lot about your actual personal characteristics until you actually get on a date. For this reason, you should play the game to win by seeking not to exclude yourself whenever possible instead of accurately describing yourself in every way. When women meet and are attracted to a man, they'll put up with a lot more than they will when they're in front of their computer at home, so don't be afraid to withhold some information or fudge a bit. If you believe this and apply it to your online game, I believe you'll have a much better experience and more success with online dating. And even if you don't end up with a rich woman, there are definitely still some women worth finding online. Good luck! Now go get those low income divorced camera angle-abusing makeup wearing lying skanks, maybe you'll get lucky. :)

Open Strong or Open Wrong

2011-07-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

Lately i've been coming to the realization that many guys believe that when they approach a girl who is separated from them by some distance, they should appear "natural" when doing so. For some, this means maybe taking a cell phone out and meandering around before approaching, and for others it might mean taking kind of a banana-like route over to a girl they're about to approach. Either way most students will do an "aha" moment type of thing or act like they just happened to notice the girl, then they open. In cases where you've got some "cover" or can do this covertly, I agree it's not a bad move. However, if the only thing between you and the girl you're about to approach is ten feet, I strongly DISAGREE with any type of meandering around or other bullshit to try and appear natural! I say if you're not opening strong, you're opening wrong. Let me tell you why I believe this and how you can remedy the problem...
First and foremost, when you approach a female there's a high likelihood she's going to get the idea that you might be hitting on her. If you're good, she'll feel like it happened naturally and she'll feel like even though you approached you're still in the process of evaluating her. Either way, the act of approaching does telegraph possible interest to the girl. I don't think anyone disputes that.

So let's assume you're about to approach a girl and there's about 10-25 feet between you and nothing else. There are no posts, people, walls, corners, barriers, just nothing. The way I see it there are two ways of approaching:

1. You walk a straight line to the girl and open
2. You try to make it look natural in some way and like it just happened

For option number one, the girl definitely knows you're going to talk to her, and it will likely appear intentional. Your walkup will telegraph possible interest to the girl and from there you will engage in the conversation. For option number two, the girl might not know you're going to talk to her, and it may appear like a coincidence. The act of opening might telegraph possible interest to the girl and from there you will engage in the conversation.

So which option is better? Does making the walkup look "natural" or "coincidental" by taking out a cell phone or walking an odd path towards a girl make your chances with her better or worse?

The answer is not one you might agree with, but one that's so glaringly obvious to any professional instructor that it's definitely worth listening to. Go with option 1 every time.

This isn't an opinion of mine or a belief, it's fact: When a guy is approaching a women and seeks in some way to make his approach appear natural or coincidental, it can only hurt his chances with that woman. Yes, it can go okay sometimes, but when it goes bad, you will kill your chances before you even utter one word. The reason is that it's fucking CREEPY.

Think about option 2 from a girl's perspective. You're hanging out drinking a coffee or checking a text message and you glance to your surroundings and you notice a guy who notices you. You glance back at your phone and then out of your periphery you see the guy take some odd route towards you or take out his cell phone to make a call. Then he starts talking to you, uttering a story that tries to communicate that he just happened to notice you for whatever reason. Immediately you know what's up, this guy has been wanting to talk with you this whole time and went to a huge amount of effort to guard his intention in talking to you. Gross! You feel creeped out and want it to all go away as immediately as possible. You want this so badly that instead of listening to him, all you can hear in your head is a voice screaming at you "GET THIS GUY TO GO AWAY!"

Now let's talk about option 1. You're hanging out drinking a coffee or checking a text message and you glance to your surroundings and you notice a guy who notices you. Before you can glance back at your phone, the guy is walks directly towards you talking and apparently he's talking to you. WTF? Okay what does he want? Tension ensues. What is this guy's intention?

If you're a guy who's reading this and it's hitting home and you want to up your chances with a woman who's 10 feet away, try this. If you're standing with some buddies, point at the girl and say "Hey!" then start to open the girl a bit or just try to wave her over towards you. If you're lucky she'll come over, but most every time she'll instead look confused or wave you over. Now you're being literally invited to come over to the girl so you can freely close the gap and open. The opening will now feel all warm and fuzzy like you were hoping for originally, instead of feeling sketchy taking the leap of faith and leaving your buddies to walk 10 feet away and open.

Finally, if you're a guy thinking about how you should be opening girls, instead of concerning yourself with making things look natural or coincidental, I'd recommend you start concerning yourself with growing some balls and approaching boldly to convey confidence. The bottom line is that coincidence doesn't hold the weight with women that you think it does. Women would rather a guy just go for it in a bold way than dance around the fact that they're hitting on them.

Letting Go and Breaking Up

2011-07-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

Just had a suggestion in a comment on my last post asking if I would write about letting girls go, and how PUA's (me specifically) deal with letting girls go whom we've had an emotional connection with in the past. To cover all bases here, I wanna talk about not only dealing with post-breakup feelings, but also the pre-breakup and how i'll make the decision to actually breakup. Here we go...
I believe there's an emotional side to letting go of a girl and also a logical side that both need to be considered. The emotional side for me can sometimes be very easy. If i'm not very emotionally invested in a girl then I don't feel a lot of emotion when I break up with her. Usually when this is the case I'll just talk with a girl or even text her an honest observation about our relationship and how it's not working and that'll be that. The general format i've been using is something like "Hey, I've been thinking about this thing we've got going, and I think it's best for now that we end it. I really have had fun with you, just don't think it's quite right. Pretty please don't hate me :) " Usually a girl will respond to this with empathy and agreement, by mildly asking for an explanation, or by chasing you and trying to arrange something else like just being friends or fuck buddies. Sometimes it's a combination of these options.

When i'm very emotionally invested in a girl it can be very difficult for me to give her up. Often in these cases it takes a strong abundance mentality and a thorough logical examination of the relationship to have the confidence to take action by breaking up and keep broken up afterwards. Remember in these cases that your decision is about having happiness, not about avoiding consequences or about inaction from some fear that you have.

As you become more solid about your dating goals it will become easier and easier for you to examine whether or not the girl you're dating fits into your life and your plans for the future. Logically, this means examining the value that the girl offers you. This logical examination is often very easy for me (and men in general) because we operate well in the logical realm. The first thing I ask myself is if the girl i'm with is sexual, social, and fun. Simple enough, right?

If she meets all of those requirements, I take a look at our day-to-day hangouts and I ask myself at the end of hanging out each day if our experience was a positive experience or a negative experience for me. I then add up all the positive experiences and negative experiences and take a look at the ratio. A good rule of thumb here is that if you're having a negative experience with a girl more than like 1 out of 10 times you hangout with her, it's probably time to move on. However, remember that this will vary as your skill level increases. For instance, a beginner might be willing to tolerate 1 out of 5 experiences being not the best, while 1 out of 50 might be too many for someone whose life is already fantastic.

What's is a negative experience? Well maybe you hangout and the girl is bitchy for whatever reason. Negative experience. Maybe you hangout and everything goes well but the girl seems to want you to buy everything and you don't get the right vibe from it. Negative experience. Maybe the girl generally is a state-drag for you once a week for whatever reason and you feel you'd have had a better day at home playing video games and jerking off. Negative experience. Maybe everything goes well but the girl won't go any further than kissing for the third date in a row. Negative experience. Maybe the girl pressures you for an exclusive relationship or pressures you into going somewhere you'd rather not go. Negative experience. I think you get the idea here. Basically anything that a girl would do that could take away from the happiness of your day instead of adding to it should be carefully considered. A girl should add happiness to your life and quality to your lifestyle, as you should her. If she's not adding she should be nexted, so take a look at the lifestyle value, sexual value, and social value a girl offers and make your decision from there.

When i've made the decision to break up with a girl, it's time to stick to my guns about my decision. This means no seeing or talking to the girl at all. Done means done. This also means even if i'm not getting laid for whatever reason after the breakup, I must revisit the logical reasons that I broke up with her instead of succumbing to the option of calling her up for some post-breakup sex. When I stand firm to my decision and back it up by reminding myself about logic I went through, I solidify my view that i'm worth better, I solidify my abundance mentality, and I commit to finding something better. This is the strong way through a breakup.

Now i'm not saying that feelings won't play a part in this. Breakups are definitely hard, and almost everytime you're emotionally invested with a girl and you lose her it will feel almost like you're grieving the loss of a loved one. Often that feeling of loss will seem to increase the feelings of attraction with the ex-girlfriend, and if you compound those feelings with the fear that you can't get someone better, this dangerous cocktail will produce some nasty results. Before you know it you could be right back in the thick of things, and you'll be soon reminded why you broke up in the first place.

My advice to anyone who has broken up and is feeling strong urges to get back together is to get back out to the dating scene as soon as you can and show yourself some abundance before feelings get too great to overcome. One mistake guys often make after breaking up is that they get back out there but hit on girls who aren't at or above the caliber of their ex-girlfriend. When this happens they're FAR more likely to get back into a bad relationship because they fear they can't do any better. Ouch, talk about doing yourself wrong! This type of decision is sure to beat down your confidence and self-worth, so don't do it. Again, stand your ground with your decision and take repeated action to go out and continue to meet women and you'll feel much better when you find the woman who is right for you... at least until the next breakup ;)

FR: Few days in KC

2011-06-29T12:09:00.000-07:00

I wanted to throw in a field report with logistics and full texting chains on my blog to demonstrate that what a typical day looks like for me. Right now i'm in Kansas City, MO. I arrived here on Monday with the plan of meeting an old fuck buddy from 2+ years ago, seeing another long time friend, texting a sarge from 2+ years ago, and possibly sarging a bit if all of that wasn't enough for me. My original plans changed very quickly upon arriving in town...

When I arrived in town, everything went as planned and Monday night my old FB and I reacquainted ourselves with each other, and in the morning she headed off to work and I showered up and hit a local coffee shop to work on some 30/30 forum posts and some affiliate marketing.

When I got in the coffee shop I knew i'd be there for awhile cause my friend wasn't getting off work till 9pm that night. I basically planned on hanging out for a long time, and ended up eating breakfast and lunch at the coffee shop. There was a cute 19 year old working there pretty much alone, and through the course of going up to the front to get a diet coke and some food a few times she gained a bit of comfort with me. This girl was a super young, hot girl too. She had a skinny body and very large tits for her size, trendy glasses and long wavy brown hair, and she was wearing daisy dukes and some hangy loose sweater thing over a tight wife-beater showing her bra and cleavage. I'd say overall a hippy vibe, but a hot one for sure.

My general demeanor in these cases is to be super nice to girls who are working. I'll say things like "Thank you so so much","OMG I love you that looks great","You're my most favoritest ever","We're totally in love, that looks awesome" and other short quippy things. I'm not saying these in a gay way, but instead with lower tone and almost monotone with a really small amount of energy added to hint at more. The general effect is that the hinting of social behavior creates a bit of interest. Then from there I'll usually try and initiate the conversation when the girl's cleaning up a nearby table or something.

In this case, the initiation happens when the girl walks up to right next to me and starts adjusting the wall thermometer. I open situationally with "I thought for a second you were coming over here just to say hi to me, and I was like "Awwww, how nice."... but then you crushed it all when I realized it's just hot in here and you're probably all sweaty and gross." This opens her up nicely, but right when that happens a dude walks in and she's gotta go serve him some food.

After helping out the dude and some other people, things calm down a bit and she comes over and just sits down in the chair across from me and starts talking. Bam! Nice signal that she's pretty comfortable and interested in me. My low-key daygame energy is working wonderfully. We continue to chat and I talk about how "everyone around here is so super nice" to me. We talk about me being from Hollywood and in town for a bit and all that, but she's still across from me so I can't kino. We chat for just a couple minutes before again we're interrupted by more people coming in the door.

Later on a lesbian girl who works at the coffee shop comes in to relieve my girl and they start talking about how they'd love to have some margaritas right now. I know my time period is dwindling, so as she's getting her stuff ready I hit the restroom and when I come out I tell her "So hey what are you up to right now? I could totally go for one of those margaritas you were talking about. Whaddya say we grab one?" She's down with it, but she's also 19 and can't buy. We discuss a bit and she asks if I wanna just smoke. I tell her i'm down and that I'm waiting for a bit later for a friend to get off work, so it'd be cool to chill.

At this point we have to figure out where to hang out and I really have no place we can go besides the girl's place I stayed at the night before, and I think that's just too risky to try and do another girl in the girl from last night's bed when her sister could possibly come home at really any time. So instead I just tell the girl I don't have a place and she recommends her place, telling me i'd have to meet her mom, but that her mom's cool and won't mind. Nice.

We head to her place, have a quick smoke, and then we head to her room. Everything's cool at this point, and we sit on her bed and start talking. I do my normal kino, but every time I do the girl literally shies away from me, and just sitting on the bed she has a very guarded style of body language, not even facing forward but turning her shoulders a bit away from me and holding her arm closest to me with her hand very close to her. This tells me she's obviously not comfortable with me yet. Nonetheless, I continue with some random kino that's not really working and it's verging on creeping her out a bit, so I pull back as she grabs her guitar and starts singing a few songs to me. Her voice was fucking heavenly, simply amazing in a kind of Janice Joplin hippy kind of way.

We head out to the main room again, and at this point we decide to head to grab a slice of pizza. She drives us to the pizza place and I sit down next to her in the booth. Again she assumes the same position, this time a solid two feet away from me. I decide to try a different angle in and lean over from time to time with just my head pointed forward and this works pretty well to get her to mirror me and do the same thing. I'm gaining a bit of ground with her and I continue a bit of thy kino with the back of my hand and a couple times I grab her hand a bit, even though it's still akwardly received.

When we get up to leave and head to the car I do a bit of kino on the small of her back and then put my arm around her. When I do she reciprocates, bam! Gaining a bit more ground, though very very slowly. We get to the car and head back to her place where my car is, and the whole time in the car she's talking about how tired she is, and continues talking about her slight bit of flu (this was actually obviously true, cause she was a bit stuffed up in her nose).

When we get to the house I decide to get her number and she surprisingly is energetic about giving it to me, telling me we'll hang out soon. I give her a quick hug and i'm off.

All in all this was an interesting daytime situation. In the end my assessment of the girl was that she was very sexually inexperienced. I could probably go meet this girl again and work on her to get through her resistance, but it'd take some work and i've only got a day or so more in KC, so I decide i'm not going to meet with her again the next day (today).

I have been texting throughout my trip to KC (on the way driving and also during the coffee shop morning) to a girl I sarged about two and a half years ago on my way moving to Hollywood.

Me: "remember me?"

Her: Maybe. . I might need a name

Me: I'm sure you've totally been thinking about me nonstop for awhile now like all day every day :). It's Jake, tall super hot long blonde hair guy.

Her: My bartender. . ?

Me: Nah, I don't blame you really. It's been long enough I don't really remember you either, just that we met at that downtown place. Fuck ummmmm ok i'll send you a pic

HEr: Which downtown place. . I like pictures

Me: Fuck, 3G's a nogo. Got fb? (doing this here cause my FB is money)

Her: Yes. .

Me: Well fuck. On the road now. Add me. Jake Lastname. Give me a good stalking, i'll be in KC a few days here

Her: Where are you from. . my phone can't find you. . i'll get on the computer

Me: I live in Hollywood, CA. We met at that light center place I think (I know it's the Power & Light district, just don't wanna sound like I remember every detail)

Her: Haha oh yes. . I think it's coming back to me a little bit. It had been forever. Power and light. . In the middle. .

Me: Yeah long long time

HEr: Where are you staying in KC

Me: (City i'm staying in)

Her: That's real close to me

Me: Are you asking me out? ;)

Her: Well first I need to find you. . I think FB hates you. :-) I'm moving out to LA end of July. WHat's your email?

Me: (my email). It's possible my FB is private. Lemme chk it when I get to KC. (I already know it is, just wanted her to get on and look anyway to invest a bit.

Her: How long are you here for

Me: Well only a few days so don't get your hopes up. Just thought it'd be cool to grab a beer since I don't really know anyone in KC.

Me: I don't really have a lot of free time while i'm here tho.

Me: Did you find me tho?

Her: Nope. . What are you in town for. . Drinks work :-)

Me: I'm back in Iowa for a cousin's wedding and have a friend i'm gonna see here.

Her: Cool. . Let me know when you have some free time :-)

Me: Sounds bueno, i'll FB you when i get to KC here and i'll let you know. Whats your email?

Her: (email)

Me (an hour later): So it looks like during the day i'm free and prob tomorrow night. I'm gonna stay till thursday morning i think. how's tomorrow night?

Her: That may work. I'm waiting for my dad to tell me if I have to come home. .

Me: Right on. Let me know. It'd be cool to see you.

Her: I totally agree. . It's been so long. . Are you still a good time?

Me: Nah, I'm the most boring ever in the world :P

Her: Oh ok good. . Me too :)

Her: Have you stalked me on FB yet?

Me: I checked out a few pics so that if I was meeting you I wouldn't feel dumb and like overlook you :) But I actually remember you now so it's all good. You, me?

Her: Ya I did.. just a little.. i'm almost there. was I with my friend X. . and you were with a guy with dark hair?

Me: Dead air.

The plan the next day is for her to find a place for us to go and text me so we can meet at like 9 or 10pm. I rearrange my plans with my friend, telling him i'm meeting my cousin who lives in town and will come by after around midnight. I do this knowing I might fully flake. 7pm rolls around and I text her "Got a place in mind for tonight?" and get no response.

At this point the worst thing to do is text like 50 times, and obviously we both know we're supposed to meet, so at 9pm I still don't text her, 9:30pm I keep waiting, and still I wait without texting till 10:15pm, when I decide i've got to maybe double flake or something. I text her "Are you alive? I think i'll just hang out with my buddy tonight."

I get no response for a few minutes so I text again "We're about to crack some wine so text me if you still wanna hang or i'm getting drunk w/o you :)" I wait another 10 min and text again "Looks like something must've come up. No worries, maybe another time. Look me up if you ever get to Hollywood." At this point my read is that this girl probably has a boyfriend/guy she's dating, saw my Facebook and thought she could get a quick fuck in while I was in town, then had something come up with him and couldn't get away or text. I think this cause really there's no reason for her to flake out of nowhere. Yes, she could have cold feet about the actual meetup, but i'm not really sure cause we've already texted pretty extensively.

Regardless, I have a great time with my buddy cracking a bottle of 1985 Batard-Montrachet white burgandy ($250+) and hanging out. This type of backburner-ing always pays off for me, and though it may sound harsh to do this to a friend, I have a whole next day to spend with him cause he's getting off work early, so I really don't feel bad.

This morning comes and I awaken to a text from the flake girl.

Her: "Oh jake. . I'm so sorry... Bummed you had to get drunk without me. . What do you have going on tonight?"

Me: "No worries, my friend and I cracked a couple nice bottles of wine and hung out."

Me: "You do suck tho :P"

Her: "I know I do. . no excuses either. . Maybe I can make it up to you. . I should be off work by 8pm if you wanna try this again?"

Me: "We'll see I guess. Gimme a jingle when you get off."

Her: "Will do."

This may sound a bit easy going for a girl who flaked on me, but remember if this girl feels guilty she won't feel attracted so it'll kill my chances. Also, I've only got one more night to close this so if I give her some harsh punishment or get too reactive it will definitely kill my chances. Best to just play it cool and not get too upset. Aferall, we really don't know each other and I am asking her to meetup with some random guy out of nowhere from 2+ years ago.

Since I know i'll be eating with my friend and my fb at 8pm, my updated plan becomes to make her comply a bit by calling me, then if she does call me, i'll do a "hey it's my cousin on the phone" and excuse myself from my table to make plans with her. If I do, then i'll simply tell the two i'm with that I'm going to go have a drink with my cousin and it'll give me a pass to get the fuck out after dinner. They've each had a night hanging out with me anyway, so they'll understand the cousin thing. Also, i'll tell my fb that i'm coming over after i'm done, this way if I don't get laid I still can with her, or maybe even if I do get laid i'll do it again :) This also gives me a solid excuse to show up super late like 3am at her place and still have a place to sleep. I have to have a place to stay too, so I can't very well just assume the close then end up sleeping in my car, and i'd rather risk things with the fb than stay with my buddy because if I don't get laid on the date I do want to when I get "home."

All in all this should end up being an eventful night for me. I've got dinner planned, a possible date, a few hours for sarging or the coffee girl cleared up if for some reason the date doesn't work, and a sure lay with my old fb if all that doesn't work out. Should be fun!

Also, this is a pretty normal type of schedule for me to have in a city that I don't live in. I've often got a friend or two living there and maybe a fb or couple numbers to work, and I'll end up sarging the day I get to the city and put some new things together. The result is a very full schedule where sometimes things work out wonderfully and sometimes they don't, but either way i've always got backup plans. In this case I ended up with no lay from the coffee shop girl and a flake from my other prospect, but in other cases this type of day easily turns into two new SNL's in one day. This is the typical types of things a pro-PUA will go through in his daily life, and as you can see it's pretty normal to deal with a flake or odd situation but it all turns out well in the end.

I'll be sure to keep you posted on what happens tonight, so check back soon and i'll writeup what happens tonight. Cheers.

How many women have you slept with?

2011-06-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, the age-old question. WTF does it mean and how should we answer it? I think guys in general don't like this question because they fear giving the wrong answer. We all hear this question and immediately start thinking about how not to answer it and what would happen if we did. I've even heard formulas like "Well you take your number and if it's above 10 then you divide by 3 and add 2 and if it's below 10 then multiply by 3 and subtract 2." Funny shit, but the fact that guys have developed this kind of methodology to answering this question is a testament to the weight it seemingly holds to a woman. Afterall, if we tell her the real number, what if we can't handle what she thinks about it? What if she won't date us because of it?

Well fear no longer friends! I think we can tackle this one.

First of all, I believe that you've gotta know what kind of girl you're dealing with so that you can try and assess why she's asking this nonsense. If you can understand why she is asking this, then you'll know how to tackle the question when it comes your way. The way I see it is this question is a shit-test of sorts, designed to give the girl a good read on what your personality is like and what your intentions are for her. This could be good news for you, cause it means that she's likely sizing you up as potential boyfriend material. On the other hand, if you're aiming for girls to categorize you as a seducer, this is a clue that you're not quite there yet. Afterall, do you think a girl would ask Tommy Lee that question? Hahaha, FUCK NO!

So aside from all that, let's say you've gotten the question, now what are you supposed to say?

If your skill level is something like beginner to intermediate i'd recommend the following:

Your first option would be telling her something like "Oh, um... I don't know, like a couple hundred maybe? Three hundred? Not really sure." The idea here is to say something believable enough that she's gotta think about it, but absurd enough that she knows it's not true for you. The combination will kind of tease her for asking the question at all.

After that the girl's probably going to ask the question again somehow, so i'd move on to a "you want me" frame. It'd go something like "Look at you, you're like soooo into me right now. You wanna know like every little detail about my life. That's cute. Well be patient little girl, soon enough you'll be able to drag all of this stuff out of me, I promise, but we're not quite there yet."

After this she'll likely subside for a bit, a few days if you're lucky. At that point I would put it off again in the same manner until later when you feel comfortable enough with the girl to actually tell her if you choose to do so. The timing for this is sometime after you've slept with her i'd say.

If you're skill level is advanced, i'd recommend something a bit harder like this:

"Are you serious? What are we in like high school again?"

Then if she presses:

"To be honest, I really have no clue. I quit counting a long time ago."

------------------------------------

With the beginner/intermediate option you'll buy yourself some time to continue to game the girl until you really feel more connected with her and comfortable enough to be honest about what your past has been, and that's if she even presses the issue. With the advanced option, you're really shooting for a seducer vibe and setting up and scumbaggish/player frame. You don't care what she thinks about you or the sex you've had. This means that by continuing to talk with you, the girl implicitly has decided that it's not a problem for her that you have banged (and might bang in the future) a lot of girls.

The reason I list both of these options rather than just the advanced option is that if you just say the advanced option and you're really congruent with being that guy yet, the girl's going to know it and it'll come off like you're an arrogant guy who thinks he's cooler than he really is. So really use what option is best for you, and if you're moving towards the seducer frame then start to work this harder stuff into your game when the time's right. Either way, knowing this information will get you past this bullshit question in a way that maintains or increases the girl's attraction to you and lets her know that you're not about to be phased by her little ploys to rattle you up.

Cheers.

How to get a 5-second makeout

2011-06-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

I wrote a blog post last month entitled "She's not even in the fucking room" where I talk about how to induce attraction through unreactivity and a small perceived awareness radius. I've been really diving into this lately, and at this weekend's pickup mansion workshop, I demo'd pre-approach attraction and had a 5 second makeout as a result. I wanted to share the example with you as kind of a field report, to better explain how to recognize pre-approach attraction.

On this night we went out to a goth club in Los Angeles, and as we were walking up to the long line outside, I noticed a hot red-head check me out right in front of us in line with two guys. I was already scoping out this girl through my periphery, so when this happened it was easy for me to appear that I hadn't looked at her, I just stopped in line and turned a bit away from her and towards the students. This effectively started the set for me even though I wasn't talking yet to the girl.

As we stand there the girl believes I haven't even noticed her yet and she wants me to, so she decides to try and get attention from me by turning a bit towards our group, bending down a bit to expose more of her tits, and adjusting her corset. She tries to make this appear normal by including her guy friends in the endeavor, who are eager to help her out. It's very obvious to me at this point that she's into me because she's now escalating her attempts to get my attention, and escalation of attention-seeking behavior is a 100% guarantee that a girl is attracted to you.

Again, I notice all of her behavior through my periphery, so right as she starts doing this I naturally turn my back to the situation until she's done. One of students later told me that at this point she was looking over at me every few seconds. I start explaining this to a few of the students when our other group of students with Brad join the line about 10 people behind us, so I take the opportunity to flip them off and yell "Hey! Fuck you guys!" to make a bit of a show out of myself.

I figure the social proof will amplify the behavior from the girl in front of us and it does. This time the girl decides to make an even bigger show of herself, departing from her friends in line and walking towards the edge of the street to have her guy friends take pictures (flashes and all) of her doing sexy poses. Again I turn my back to the whole situation, and being a clear-cut case of her being very attracted, I continue to explain what's happening to the guys.

At this point one of the guys asks me "So what will you do now with this girl?" I didn't really know what decision I was going to make yet about what to do, but I knew that I certainly didn't want to acknowledge her presence and reward her for this attention-seeking behavior, or I would risk her learning to use this in the future with me for attention. Bad idea. Instead i'd rather act oblivious and open her later. In general when i'm not in-set and this happens I won't let it get this far, I'll just approach shortly after I catch eye-contact. If I was in-set already, I might wait and open her next, or I might even merge her into the set i'm in if I want to create some jealousy and competition for me. It's really a feel-type decision at that point. In this case though, I decided to just wait and see what would happen when I got inside the club.

When we get inside the club all the guys start approaching and we get the night going. Probably like a half-hour after getting inside, i'm standing with a few students when the girl decides to approach me. She approaches with a huge doggy dinner bowl look, saying "Ohhhh my God you are soooo hot." I think I said something like "Yeah?" as I pulled her up against my body by her hip, then slid my right arm up her back to grab her hair behind her head. Simultaneously my left hand came up to the right side of her face and through her hair by her right ear and I pulled her in for a makeout. This all happened in just a few seconds.

Later on in the night we continued to see each other and makeout, and obviously I took her number and plan on going out with her. Normally i'd have done more, but I was coaching so I couldn't spend too much time with her. Interestingly enough, she decided later to show me pictures on her phone of her posing, the same pictures that were taken when I was ignoring her. This was another opportunity to mess things up with her and validate her, so instead of acknowledging that I saw them already or I knew where they happened I just replied in a chill tone "Oh, um, cool, where were these taken?" She stopped showing me pictures after that, and we made plans to hang out sometime and parted ways.

A 5-second makeout like this isn't a difficult technique or anything, it just takes having a good amount of in-field experience so that when the opportunity arises you can pounce on it. I already knew like 100% beyond any shadow of a doubt that this girl was very very into me, and I think anyone in my shoes would have been able to do the same thing. I could still have lost this though, so when things have escalated in the line and later I elicit her approach, I really NEEDED to do this quick makeout or I could have lost my status with her. Also, instead of responding to and supporting her attention-seeking behavior in the line outside the club, I responded to and supported the behavior of her telling me how hot I am. This choice kept me from giving her validation and will teach her that I will respond to good behavior in the future, likely with affection. Nice. This is why this is a very important piece of game to have in your arsenal.

All in all, this whole situation really had the effect of further solidifying my pre-approach game for me. I've had many instances in the past where i've been able to elicit this type of attention-seeking escalatory behavior from girls and subsequently close, but i've never quite let it go this far before approaching and taken definite steps to elicit an approach from the girl.

That process is obvious now: Catch her looking at me, ignore, see if her behavior amplifies, if so seek to amplify it more by ignoring more, and if her behavior doesn't amplify, approach anyway and see what's up with her. Through talking about this with Brad i've also realized that many naturals engage in some form of this behavior as well. One good example is the Phermone Kid, who is now out of the game but still famous for his 10-minute lay technique.

So the immediate question to be answered here is "How can a beginner/intermediate guy start to use this type of knowledge to his advantage?" The first thing I would say to do is to start trying to checkout girls using only your peripheral vision in such a way that they believe you haven't noticed their presence. When you can develop this skill you should start to notice more often when girls are checking you out. If you'd like more information on this, just look to the right side of my blog in the May section and read my post "She's not even in the fucking room." When you start noticing girls checking you out, take it as a signal that you've likely got attraction and go into the set with guns blazing. By this I mean come in with some fire, use your best material, and kino heavily right from the start. I'll often use "you want me" frames quite liberally and i'll open with stuff like the Ice Cream Cone opener.

Getting checked out will happen more and more as you solidify your presence through use of sexy-stereotyping and body language, so if you're not yet catching girls checking you out, continue working on your presence and your ability to make the girls believe that you don't know they're there. If you keep this up, it won't be long before you're the one having girls walk up to you saying stuff like "You're soooo hot" and getting 5 second makeouts. Good luck!

How to know where you stand with women.

2011-06-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

No time for messing around today. What i've got to talk about here is serious business for those of you still half-assing things. Today's topic is burning shit to the ground, making for damn sure that the girl you're into is either in or out. NO MIDDLE GROUND. Burn the boats, there's no turning back!

You know this situation well, in fact, you're a pro at it. You see a girl, maybe she's across the room, maybe she's right in front of you. Out of a need to "not fuck it up," you tread lightly. Maybe you're a guy who thinks he's "working on a girl," and that working has been over a month. You might be a bit afraid to text a girl in your phone because you're wondering "what if it's the wrong thing." Some of you might be still afraid to approach an attractive girl, and if and when you get her number you might still be afraid that you're chasing too much so you back off. Finally, there are a huge number of you who aren't hitting on hot enough girls, you've got some mild success, so out of laziness you go with what's easy for you and you deny your own ability to put in the effort to reach out and just take happiness.

I propose a simple solution to your woes my friend, and it's this:

Make a decision right now to put yourself out there with women. However daunting it may seem, have balls, take action, and let the cards fall how they may. Quit living your life wondering where you stand with a woman you're interested in. When you take action, you will know exactly where you stand. Repeatedly having the balls to take action and accept the consequences will make a man of you.

This concept is deceptively simple, so let's slow down a bit and talk this out.

Case 1: I'm "working" on a girl.

Usually this happens with a guy when he's not yet skilled enough to attract multiple women on any given night, or even in any given month or year. When a guy finds a girl who mildly accepts his presence into her life, he often takes it as a sign that she "might" like him. He'll devote hours and hours to thinking about her, all the while oblivious to the fact that she's likely just being nice to him for a completely different reason. She may need something from him or be benefitting from his presence through the validation she receives from having constant orbiting pursuers. Whatever the case, often everyone around except the guy will know that the he's interested in the girl and won't get her. Please don't be that guy any longer.

If you're in this situation and you believe you're "working" on a girl, it's time to take the blanket off of your head that's keeping you in the dark. The reality here is that girls accept men into their lives for a variety of reasons, and if a sexual type of energy isn't established very early upon meeting the girl, then there's not a good chance that any guy who comes into a woman's life will be a potential suitor.

The way I see it you've got two options:

1. Continue "working" on the girl - If you're a guy who likes to learn the hard way and waste time in your life, do this. Right now your skillset and identity aren't developed enough to deserve a girl like this. If you really do want a shot at her, my advice is to ditch her and not talk with her for a period of at least 3-6 months while you develop your identity and your skillset. Then you can call her out of the blue to "catch up" and knock her out with your new moves. This is a realistic possibility, i've done it.

2. Give it a go right now. This is the option where you take action to get the girl and she either dates you or is purged from your life. If you haven't yet, install some sexual tension into your interactions through flirting frames like "you want me" frame, player frame, teasing frames, etc. We teach all of these in workshops and they're incredible tools for building and maintaining sexual tension and attraction. We also teach them in 30/30 club.

I'm not necessarily talking about leaving a girl with a good opinion of you either. Often I tell myself in my mind "This girl's either going to think i'm a total creepster, or she's going to be fucking me tonight or very soon." What I mean here is that you should come in guns blazing, and by this I don't mean going direct with her or some other crass bastardization of game, I mean you should use the best material and skill you've got. Do your best, and if it's not enough, pat yourself on the back for a valiant effort and feel good that you've stepped up to the plate and that you've got balls.

Case 2: You're afraid to text a girl

This is another very common thing I see in students. They get a girl's number and they immediately get afraid to text them. Some guys won't text a girl at all, others will not text back even after they've texted a couple times back and forth. Still there are other guys who don't get texts returned from a girl in the first week, so they'll ditch the number or not want to continue to text it in the coming weeks.

The reality here is that the phone game of a couple years ago is now converting or has converted completely to text game. If you don't know it and do it, then you better get to learning cause this is the primary tool used by the best in the game to get the girl. Gone are the days where you call and she picks up, unless you're dealing with a low-value girl or you live in rural areas where everyone still has pagers on their waists.

If i'm feeling fear of texting a girl (yes, I sometimes still do, and for me it's often when i've texted over the course of a week or so and i'm not getting a response), the reason you're feeling fear is because you've got an expectation of failure based on your past experiences. The reality is that this expectation is not accurate. Brad, myself, and the other UDS coaches have all resurrected numbers from the dead, and I'm talking girls who i'll meet out and they won't text me over the course of an entire month.

Often i'll take a break from texting a girl then be doing random phone game like two months later when i'll come upon her name and say "Damn, this girl never responded to like 6 texts over the course of a month, there's like no way in hell she's going to reply." Then my new programming kicks in, "Fuck it, i'm burning her to the ground. I'm texting this girl until I know damn good and well it's not a possibility at all beyond any shadow of a doubt. I don't give a shit what she thinks of me."

Time after time after time i'll go through like 40 numbers like this and out pop 10 responses and I get dates and lays. And remember! These were "dead" numbers. But why does this happen? Well quite simply, just because you meet a girl and it goes well doesn't mean the timing's right for her to end what she had going before she met you. You might have had an awesome rendezvous and she happens to have a dude at home sleeping in her bed and their at the tail-end of whatever they've got going on. You just never know. This is why persistence in texting pays off.

The same thing goes for guys who are afraid to text a girl from the get-go or afraid to text something wrong. To you guys I say that failure breeds success. Again, have the balls to take action and learn from your mistakes, and have the where-withall to know that when you get through the failures, your skill level pays off 10,000 fold. To this day, I can't hardly remember the thousands of numbers I got that didn't work, but every single day i'm alive I get to enjoy the skill that i've developed. That skill comes at a price, and that price is worth paying. The price is failure.

Case 3: You're still afraid to approach, or afraid to approach the hottest girls

This one is by far the most common. There have been volumes written about approach anxiety so i'm not going to deal with that in this post, but what I will say is that you will never ever have a relationship with a hotter girl than the hottest one you approach. When I was still oblivious to the community and couldn't get laid to save my soul, one of my best friends told me something that's stuck with me and probably always will, "Shy don't get you Shit!"

It could be today, sometime in the future, or maybe never, but soon enough you will find either the frustration or the inspiration to get motivated enough to go out and get what you really want in life. The tragedy that many face is never finding either. This is why I strongly encourage you to get in touch with what frustrates you or inspires you to make change in your life. Normally I recommend processing emotions logically to maintain calmness and ability to think on your feet, but when it comes to frustration and inspiration I recommend you stop and really get in touch with them on a visceral level. When you can harness what it feels like to be frustrated or inspired, allow that feeling to grow and amplify. Nurture it, because it's the seed of your motivation to succeed. Soon enough it will produce a fire and a passion for change. This is what personal power is all about.

Case 4: You're afraid of chasing too much

I'll be honest here. Being the king of not telegraphing too much interest to a girl and also a former nice-guy, i'm often guilty of this one. At first, the ability to not chase girls can be somewhat of an advantage in getting women, it can even be a huge one. However, for me i've gotten solid enough that many girls feel i'm overqualified or unattainable, and it becomes a bad thing for my game when that happens. If you're a newbie, feeling like you don't want to chase a girl could lead to non-action or even Case 1 above.

In either case, it's important to remember that there are normal dudes all over the world who've got tons of problems (mental, emotional, etc) and are getting laid all the time. Guess what? They're no better than you, and the girls who have sex with them have an astonishingly high capacity for allowing error. The truth here is that across the board, dudes are really dumb. When picking up, they do terribly dumb shit all the time. Girls have to put up with this or they themselves wouldn't get the sex they desire, so what we're left with is a culture where men have an astonishingly high margin for error and women are used to putting up with it to get themselves laid.

When asked about this, A wise old gent (Brad P.) told me this:

"It's okay to chase some."

Discussion over.

It's time to size-up yourself and be honest about what's going on in your mind. If you're a guy who's failing to pull the trigger in whatever way, remember that it's better to take action know whether or not you're going to get a girl than to not take action and wonder. Take ballsy, polarized action and you'll know beyond any doubt where you stand with a girl so you can move on with your life and with the other women you're about to meet. The habit of taking ballsy action leads to an internalized sense of dominance and greater self-esteem and self-worth. Harness your frustration and inspiration to start this process and you'll get through this life without the tragedy of never living up to your potential. Good luck dudes!

A Student's Big Decision

2011-05-31T17:20:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I got a question today from a student in the 30/30 club about going exclusive with a kinky girl and I wanted to share it with you because I feel it's an important issue to learn for all guys. Here it is:

Hi guys, I'm faced with a dilemma and I need some advice.

This is my second go at 30/30 after breaking up with a girlfriend about 7 months ago. In these seven months, I have had a lot of success and have improved my game a lot.

One of my main goals has been to have kinkier and crazier sex, and to find a girl or girls who are into exploring these things with me.

I found this girl.

She's beautiful, sexy, and hornier than anyone I've ever met. She's constantly thinking about sex, and is into being tied up and is interested in experimenting with threesomes and anal sex. I've had the best sex of my life with her, bar none. I've never had a threesome or done bondage stuff and she'd be the perfect girl to explore these things with.

The only problem is that we're falling for each other.

It started out purely sexual, and she knows that I see other girls. But we've realized that we have a great personal connection and share a lot of interests and a sense of humor. She's the first girl I've really cared about since my ex...and I've hung out with a lot of girls in the past 7 months.

She'd be a great girlfriend, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for one again. Since she has realized that she is falling for me, she has said that she doesn't want to hang out anymore so she doesn't get hurt. Now that she has feelings for me, it bothers her that I fuck other girls. When she told me that, I felt really disappointed and sad, and I realized that it meant that I've fallen for her too.

I am thinking about cutting ties with my fbs and being exclusive with this girl. I'm imagining all the fun we can have together doing kinky bondage shit, hunting for girls together and having threesomes, and then just having the enjoyment of hanging out with someone who is a sweet girl, a good friend, and great company. My other fbs (I have 4 others at the moment) are no longer very appealing to me, and I've gotten a little tired of approaching and going on dates lately.

What do you guys think? Should I continue hunting for new girls or should I get as sexually freaky as possible with this chick who I really really like?

Girls like this are why I'm in the game. Sure, getting lots of lays is nice, but even better is getting to fulfill my crazy fantasies. Like playing a show with my band while my hot kinky girlfriend scours the audience for chicks to take home with us for a threesome. In fact, that's probably my number 1 fantasy of all time right there, and this girl is my ticket to fulfillment. Should I throw this opportunity away to keep practicing my game so I can hopefully meet another girl like her later on, or should I take a minute to smell the roses and realize that my game is good enough to get a chick like this so now I can enjoy the fruits of my labor?

************************************************** ************************************************** ****************

This girl really feels like the jackpot to me and I don't want to miss out. I've fucked 15 girls in the past 7 months, gone on dates and made out with a bunch more...but she's the winner.

I think the best thing for my game right now may (paradoxically) to be with one girl so I can explore the extremes of what is sexually possible. I've never found a girl before so willing and excited to do freaky shit, plus she's absolutely gorgeous and I really really like her as a person.

Here's my Response:

This is a tricky and important situation, where the girl is essentially saying "Hey, do what I want and you'll get X." If you do what she wants and go exclusive, then she's use this ploy for power again in the future. Watch out for this happening. This doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, do as you wish, but often when i'm in this situation I try to find a way to either drag things out a bit and take more time with it or to maintain dominance while still getting what I want. The reason for this care is because you don't want to shift the power balance between you two too much because it'll damage the future you have with the girl.

I'm also a bit "confused" here (not really). This girl wants to be exclusive with you, hates you sleeping with other girls, yet she's "offering" threesomes if you go exclusive? I don't buy it.

Take a step back to reality here and try and put your emotions aside for a second. This girl has serious feelings for you. You're a prize to her. You're a rare guy with serious value to offer her. So serious that she's come up with a strategy to get you, an age-old one. Her ploy to get you is to tell you that she's not going to spend time with you cause she doesn't want to get hurt. In the process she's going to pull out the big sexual guns verbally while withdrawling sex from you. She's good! I'd say even formidable.

You've got two options the way I see it:

1. Agree with her and go exclusive - Yay, her ploy worked. Now you've lost some power in the relationship and she's established that anytime she wants something from you, she can take away sex in this fashion. I assure you 100% beyond the shadow of any doubt this will lead to repeated behavior like this forever. You will be exclusive and in a situation where the girl you're dating has control over the amount sex you get. Guess what? This isn't guaranteed to provide you with the threesomes you so desire. I personally don't like this position, and i'm guessing you won't either.

2. Be uncompromising, maintain power, and let her make whatever move she will - Obviously the "scarier" choice here, but IMO the only one. This is the option where you, knowing and trusting your wiser peers here at the 30/30 forum :), communicate to the girl that you're not ready to be exclusive with her. If that keeps her from being in your life, then so be it, but you don't plan on doing something you don't want to do simply because she wants it. The idea is to be calm and unaffected emotionally, yet assertive about what you will and won't do. My guess is that when you do this she'll have to use her sexual value (aka threesomes) to try and wrangle you down. Ironically, doing the opposite of what she wants is going to get you what you want. This isn't based on the way it should be, but the way it really is.

I'd be like "Hey, I'm enjoying my time with you, but i'm really not ready to be exclusive with you. If you choose not to see me because i'm not ready, then that's your choice. I won't really enjoy if that happens, but I'm just not going to do something i'm not ready for just because you are ready for it."

This situation is very tempting, but it's the absolute essence of dominance, control, and attraction theory. This whole thing is about understanding what you want, and installing copious amounts of happiness in your life. This takes knowing clearly what you want and being uncompromising in your pursuit of it. In this case if you do what she wants you'll have to continue to do more and more because you'll essentially change the whole relationship dynamic from you being in power to her being in power. You want my advice? DONT DO IT!

At this point in your game you've got what it takes to make this tough decision and stick to it. Trust that you can handle getting other girls and mentally reframing the situation if she leaves, tell her you're not ready, and watch what happens with her.

Here's what will happen (and BTW, this isn't a guess, it's extensively field tested):

1. This girl is NOT going to be able to just leave you. Remember, you're a very hard to find guy and you offer everything she's wanted for a long time. You're so valuable, in fact, that she's pulling out her BIGGEST GUNS! to try and get you.

2. She will get emotional, in whatever way she normally does. Some girls will cry when you make this decision, others will get angry and yell. Whatever she does, remain steadfast, calm, and uncompromising.

3. She will likely tell you that she's leaving/gone forever/whatever. This is a manifestation of her moment-by-moment emotions. She can't control them.

4. In whatever amount of time it takes her, she will not be able to get over the fact that she couldn't get you. More so than ever, you're desired by her because she could never get you.

5. She will come crawling back, now submissive and chasing more than ever.

6. You maintain dominance, still have her, and now will not ever lose her if you choose not to. Really, this means you can literally often have sex with her forever.

Sometimes in this situation, girls will do what is called a Long Soft Next for Temporary Exclusivity, or LSNFTE (credit Blackdragon). This means that the girl will next you, or break up with you but not in a hard way. In exchange, she'll seek a guy who will commit to her. She'll find a guy like that cause there are plenty, and he won't be as dominant as you (therefore not as attractive as you), and she might be with him for whatever time period it takes for her to realize that Disney movies don't apply to real life. Some girls will get married even. However, when you do this, they will always come back to you.

I wanna re-emphasize and re-enforce the overwhelming concepts that you're dealing with here.

1. Attraction - Attraction is all about dominance and submission. A man's role is naturally the dominant one, and the women's role is naturally the submissive one, PERIOD. One person is always dominant in any relationship of any kind, gay or straight, and when both roles are fulfilled, mutual attraction results. The person with the dominant position is responsible for maintaining the power balance in the relationship, and if he/she does not maintain this balance, the relationship will begin it's path towards demise.

2. Power - The power balance in any relationship is all about abundance. Who is less needy of the other person in the relationship? If you've got true abundance you realize that you can and will be able to find another girl, and you'll be able to have just as good a relationship with another one as you have with this one. People lose spouses and find new ones every day. If you're telling yourself "But this one's different," then you're well on your way to not having a good power balance in the relationship. This will with 100% certainty lead to unhappiness and tribulation.

To maintain the power balance in any relationship, men use withdrawl of attention, and women use withdrawl of sex. These are each's most powerful tools.

3. Dominance - Dominance is all about knowing what you want and being uncompromising in your pursuit of it. Do you know what you want out of your relationships in life? Is it crystal clear in your mind? If there's any doubt than you've still got some thinking to do.

4. Chase theory - Chase theory is how attraction, dominance, power balance, and timing interact in a relationship to produce one person seeking more than the other. Simply put, a man shows dominance and tentative interest in a women, the woman is attracted to that dominance, and only then should a man show interest. In this way, the woman has the pleasure of chasing after a man. In this same way, a man gains security and needs not directly compete with other men.

The bottom line here is that you've got a big decision here. I would encourage you to do whatever you feel is right, even if that's contrary to my advice. The reason for this is that either option you have will include a ton of learning, so in my book either option is a success. Good luck! And keep us posted on your decision and results...

The "One Lap Rule"

2011-05-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

Ever spent time with your friends at a bar and seen a random guy pass your group like six times, just looking around? Someone always says something like "Dude, that guy's walked by like 100 times already, WTF?" When guys are unaware or just first learning to approach, it's very common for them to unknowingly cut laps around bars, lowering the value others perceive them to have. Usually this is a result of some creative avoidance from fear or other inaccurate social programming and can be fixed with a simple solution I like to call "The One Lap Rule."

The One Lap Rule is this: Take one lap around the bar you're in, sarging along the way. If you feel the need to take another lap around the bar and it hasn't been at least a half hour, you didn't approach enough sets the first time around and you could be lowering your value each time you cut another lap.

The concept here is pretty simple: Sarge most all of the sets in an area you're in, and you'll create the most value and social proof that you can. You'll also likely create those preciously desired jealously plotlines among the women you talk with. An hour or so later or so when you're ready to do your re-opening, do the same thing again, this time including sets you'd like to reopen and any new girls in the area.

For those of you who are more visual like me, I wrote a couple of paper notes to better illustrate what i'm talking about. The first one here is what NOT to do:

Notice in this picture how the guy walks into the bar and talks with the first girl (an "O" pictured) and then skips over two sets to talk with his second, and continues skipping sets all the way around the bar. He might talk with all the girls in the bar, but his walking around the bar over and over doesn't give the girls he's not in set with much of an opportunity to "spy" on him while he's talking with other girls. A guy who takes this pattern of movement around a bar should expect to effectively be starting from scratch each time he approaches. He'll have a blank slate, no social proof, little to no pre-approach interest from girls.

Here's a picture of the pattern of approaching I recommend:

Notice how this pattern differs from the first. In this picture, you've only made one lap around the bar, sarging most all of the sets and (though not pictured) leaving out any fatties or grenade sets, etc. You might open three or four sets in a given area, and will often reopen sets. You won't have to worry about guys in the sets as much either, because your social proof will scare them away. You talk loudly enough for other girls to hear you so that they'll become interested, and generally you make yourself the center of attention in any area you're in.

Another trick is to engage sets while not necessarily out of the set you're in yet and then merge the two sets or just transfer to the next while ditching the previous and watching the competition begin. To do this I'll sometimes talk about social value of people who stand out in the bar and mix it with an opinion opener (like the only time i'll ever use an opinion opener btw). "No way! Hey! (talking to another girl) Would you do that guy over there? This girl (point to girl you're in set with) said she'd totally do him because of the suspenders, like he could use them to choke her while they were doing it." Say shit like this even if it's a boldface lie about the girl you're talking to. It's a great teasing opportunity, and now you've merged with some serious social proof because you're already in-set when you open the next one. Do this a few times a night or even just once and you'll feel like the game champion of the planet.

I know what you're saying, "But Jake, what if I get a blowout? Won't everyone see it?" The answer is no, if you handle it the right way. When you get a blowout, simply turn around 180 degrees, standing in the same place you are, scope for your next set and approach immediately using the same opener you just used. It'll look like you were just talking to some people, and now you're not talking. The only way people will know it was a blowout would be if they saw something in your body language or facial expression to communicate such. People are so concerned with themselves that they really don't care about anyone else anyway. Next!

Another thing to remember here is that this concept shouldn't scare you into not taking another lap around the bar. I DID NOT, and I repeat DID NOT, say not to take a second lap or even like 10 laps. I said that it's possible that you'll lower your social value by cutting too many laps in too short a time period. Definitely take another lap later on and reopen girls you've talked to already, and new girls who've come into the area. Don't get creative and use this as yet another excuse to worry or not approach!

That's about it for this. Limiting your creative avoidance and approaching as much as you can in a given area is a simple, straight-forward way to increase your chances for success on any given night. Some of the stuff like merging and opening while already in-set can seem a bit more advanced, but anytime you're in a set and the energy is high it's a great opportunity to use your momentum and state to carry you into more sets and hopefully a very successful night. Happy hunting!

I Believe

2011-05-20T10:08:00.000-07:00

I believe that everyone in life chooses their level of happiness. I believe that happiness results from understanding the things we want in life and being patient and motivated enough to form our lifestyle around getting them. I believe that motivation comes from both inspiration and frustration at times, and regardless of which one we've got I believe we often still need the guidance and support of others as we go through the process of learning.

I believe that success comes from doing just what we can do today, and I believe as we attain success we feel more inspired to enrich the quality of our life and the lives of those around us. I believe that teaching what we have then mastered brings joy to us and those we teach. I believe in becoming a student again and again.

I believe that each and every man in the world has the capacity to thrive as an attractive, elite man. I believe that during each man's journey he deserves to feel the warm comfort of a females body up against him, the softness of her touch, and the ferocity of her passion.

I'm the type of person who likes to have control over every aspect of my life. In everything I do I challenge the status quo. I challenge the status quo by thinking differently and living a chosen lifestyle that floods my days with happiness. Part of that lifestyle is teaching pickup, and my students just happen to have great success with the women they meet.

Would you like to be a student?
Phone Drew @ (702) 516-8879
or email drew@bradp.com

Being Social Without Booze.

2011-05-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

I used to drink every time I went out for the night. Many of you know I bartended for a couple years, and even before that I loved to drink. It tastes great, I love the process of drinking, and it often got me in a social mood when I otherwise wouldn't have been social at all. After over six years of drinking to get social I believed wholeheartedly that the booze (and even sometimes the drugs I took) were definitely the cause of my ability to be social and talkative. But was booze really what got me in a social mood?

About the same time I started getting serious about my dating life, I decided it would be a good idea to not drink for a couple nights out. At the time, I just wanted to be able to think a bit more clearly about what I was saying and remember my routines, but shortly after that I realized that something crazy was happening: I was actually able to get myself into the same social talkative state without drinking that I was getting myself into when I was drinking. When I was sarging, girls were even assuming I was drunk when I was talking with them when I hadn't even had anything to drink!

I needed to know if this was just a fluke or if it was something that I could repeat, so I decided to go out alone and try to get "into state" on my own. This time I would do it using Brad's advice of doing three warmup approaches right when I entered the venue. The results for the approaches, he informed me, didn't matter at all. Rather, the only important thing was that I get in a talkative mood and "get the words coming out of my mouth."

So, with the advice given to me I headed out with the mission that I would get myself into state without booze, and wouldn't you know it, I experienced immediate success. I could get myself into the same talkative mood over and over. I learned that the booze is simply a crutch that a huge percentage of our population uses to get themselves in-state. Not surprisingly, many drugs also serve the same purpose.

Shortly after this whole endeavor, alcohol started taking a backseat to my new-found ability to have fun without drinking. I started realizing that being sober at 1:30am gives you super-powers. I started seeing CRAZY shit! I saw that 90% of guys act like jackasses at the end of the night (and I used to be one). I saw that girls were commonly not drunk at the end of the night. I realized that they probably don't have much reason to get drunk like guys do because they've already found ways to get into state without drinking, like listening to music and dancing and talking to each other. Ever hear a girl tell her friends "Let's go dance!" This is a direct attempt to get herself into state.

Most importantly, I learned that when I'm talkative and not drunk at the end of the night, girls recognize this as a very rare thing amongst men. When you put yourself in a talkative mood and you don't drink to do it, you essentially become an "insider" with women. It was like we all knew how stupid men were and my status was elevated because I was above this childish behavior. Noticing a drunk dude and mirroring a "That guy's a fucking idiot" type look became a free pass to open any non-wasted girl at the end of the night. Just point out or give a dumb look at a drunk dude and bam, you're in!

Other advantages I noticed were the ability to make decisions better, like pulling and figuring out logistics. I also noticed that it was fun to really not be drunk when being accused of it. I noticed that Saturday and Sunday mornings were great times to be alive and coherent, and I realized that I also had about $60-100 more in my bank account for each night I didn't drink.

Again booze took a different role in my life. Now that sarging was better with my attention and sobriety, my drinking turned into something I would do only on guy's nights out. On these nights I decided before heading out that I was going to get plowed and have guy time, nothing else. This made my drinking more responsible, because i'd prepare for it. I'd get a cab or ride to the bar and a cab or a ride back. Yes, sometimes I would end up talking with girls, but when I did there was no pressure on me to succeed, I was just doing it in the context of already having fun.

Nowadays I'm working on changing my approach to drinking again. This time i'm working to minimize drinking throughout each month in exchange for developing two parts of my identity, collecting fine wines/spirits, and getting into shape. The concept is simple, save the money you'd normally spend on drinking throughout the month and use it on fine wines that you can drink on special occasions. The minimization of drinking in your life will ease the process of getting into and staying in shape.

Try this: Printout your debit/credit card statement or register at Mint.com and figure out how much money you spent on booze last year. Divide that number by 12 and you've got your monthly budget for alcohol. Mine is about $250. Take $50 of that for the first couple months and use it for beers during the week at home or for when you're out, because likely you're not going to be able to quit cold-turkey. Take the other $200 and buy 1994 d'Yquem or some other cheaper year. Buy a 375mL instead of a 750mL if you have to. Drink it the first month to experience the taste and decide if you want to continue the process and if having exceptional taste in alcohol is something you're into. If you're a scotch guy, go get that $200 21-year Balvenie finished in Sherry casks, and if you're a red-wine person grab a half-case of Cliff Lede or a few bottles of Cakebread. Champagne? Grab a bottle of Cristal or a single year Veuve Cliquot. If you decide you like the process, start getting a bottle that needs 10-30 years to sit around. Now you're a guy who's got great taste and a unique hobby. Hit a wine tasting and meet like-minded women.

The whole point here is that if you're drinking when you're out looking for women, the drinking is NOT helping your chances with women. You can get into a talkative social state without it. If you love drinking and don't want to quit forever like me, work on implementing it into your life in the most healthy, lifestyle-positive, identity-building way that you can. Remember, when you don't drink, you get to enjoy the nights you're out, think with clarity, have a better shot at meeting quality women, wake up productive, workout knowing you're not just burning off last nights beer calories, and above all you get to not be a total dipshit around women. Good luck!

Cancun Street Video

2011-05-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

After some attempts at adding a video feed from YouTube to my page, I've decided just to include videos as posts so that you don't have to watch videos of cats instead of me. This video's from a year ago in Cancun at Spring Break. I've picked up a girl in Spanish and written my name and a smiley face on her chest and we're hanging out on the street watching a guy puke. Super Awesome.

BTW... keep checking my blog. Actual videos of me picking up are on the way. Shhhhhh...

Maximize time for your self-development

2011-05-11T00:06:00.000-07:00

America Sucks! The industry standard for your working life is 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year. You get 2 weeks vacation if you're lucky. Many people who choose to comply with this bullshit request from employers go through a period in their lives where they have little to no:

1. Self development
2. Personal/dating life
3. Fun
4. Vacation

Sound familiar? Are you a person who's crossing off days on the calendar 3 months before you go to Vegas for a weekend? I say fuck that, change it. It's just not worth it.

I'm not just recommending something blind to you! 2 and a half years ago I chose to quit my engineering career to become a dating coach. As you would guess, not even 1 person who I knew thought this was a good idea. Friends, family, teachers, college advisors all recommended I finish my last semester in college for my Engineering degree. I chose instead to flush 10+ years of college down the drain and move to Los Angeles.

Let me tell you what I experienced. After about 3 or 4 months of acclimating to LA, the dating scene here, and to the fact that I didn't have to beat my head against the wall doing homework everyday, a wave of relief washed over me as I realized I was now the sole owner of a new lifestyle. I had a job where I worked only a couple of weekends a month, and I wasn't making hardly enough money to support myself.

Fast forward to today. About 2 and a half years into my career I'm living comfortably. My salary is MUCH lower than what I'd be making doing engineering, yes. However, I have a TON of time freedom that I'm using to explore business opportunities that I believe will lead me to my goal of becoming a millionaire. So far it's lead me to losing a bunch of money, but I remain steady in my belief that failure breeds education and patience with failure breeds success.

Enough of the money stuff, since I've moved to LA I've also used my free time to do some much needed self-development. I've changed from an angry, unmotivated, emotionally unaware guy into a high quality man. I've used the resources around me to learn to control and process my emotions in a healthy way, to gain motivation to work on things in my life that I'm truly passionate about, and to fix my dating life once and for all. For the first time in my life I can say that I'm truly experiencing what it's like to have true happiness. What a fulfilling emotion.

What I'm getting at here is that when you sign up for 40 hours of work in a week, you're signing up for an unhealthy lifestyle that won't reward you in the long run.

If you're a courageous person who believes they can really have it all, if you want to be the happiest you can in life, I recommend the following:

1. Figure out what your monthly "nut" is. This is the minimum amount of money required to sustain your life. Your BMW payment doesn't belong in this.

2. Adjust your work schedule to work the minimum you can to cover your monthly nut.

3. Use the first couple months of your new-found time freedom to chill out and decompress from all the stress that you've been experiencing. Do a reality check and remind yourself that what you were doing was a terrible thing for you as a person.

4. Start exploring what you value in life through finishing a Value Heirarchy. This will give you a solid idea of what you value in your life and how to prioritize the way you spend your time. (We do this and #5 below with you in the extra day of a Brad P workshop).

5. Start setting some goals for yourself. These goals should be ones that you can accomplish in 6-12 months. They should be measurable, and solely dependent on your action. In other words, instead of "lose weight," your goal might be "look up a local fitness trainer, schedule a free session, take body measurements and work with trainer to set 6 and 12 month goals for body fat %, etc." Next list the resources and role models you have to help you accomplish your goals.

6. Spend your new-found time on working on the things you value and would like to develop in your life.

7. Fuck tons of chicks....jk...okay maybe not.

For me, this system has allowed me to finally give my life the substance I was seeking. I've been able to first and foremost master myself and my emotions, i've been able to develop killer skills with women, I am finally getting in shape, and I'm working towards my financially free future. I've gotten more in touch with who I am and what hobbies I truly enjoy spending free time on, and my relationships with others have grown stronger. I find myself loving waking up in the mornings to continue on this journey.

I challenge you to take a strong look at your lifestyle as it is RIGHT NOW. Are you a truly happy person? How could you change what you're doing to allow more time for YOU and YOUR development as a man? Caution: right about the time you do this, you're going to experience yourself being very creative. I'm certain that you'll waste no time in finding 20 reasons why "That couldn't work for me" or "This one thing prevents me from that." The reality is that you have the ability to change ANYTHING that you'd like in your life, so keep that in mind when handling your own objections to success and happiness. Cheers.

She's Not Even in the Fucking Room!

2011-05-08T21:03:00.001-07:00

Do girls ever catch you checking them out? Do girls know that you know they're around? How would a girl know that a guy's checking them out, and how does that make them feel? How does it affect your status/chances with them?

There's much talk in the pickup community about how girls perceive men when they approach. Some guys are worried that girls will know they like them by approaching, yet others proclaim that you might as well just use direct game and tell the girl you like her cause she knows anyway. I even contributed to a thread recently on mASF (seduction forums) where I talked about not telegraphing interest to a girl in set and a student replied with the following:

And feigning disinterest while still talking to her, I mean if you are talking to her, I think she knows what your motives are. She isn't that naive. She is probably thinking what is this guy doing, he should just have some balls and cut to the chase, instead of beating around the bush.

That post is here, if you'd like to read it.

I wanted to lay out what's going on in my head for you guys so that you've got a clear understanding of what my mindset is when i'm sarging, and i'd like to talk about some practical ways you can start to adopt the same successful actions.

To do this, i'd first like to talk about awareness radius, perceived awareness radius, and how they relate to value and perception of the sarger. Then i'd like to discuss a bit of chase theory and talk about the benefits of understanding awareness radius and how non-telegraphing of interest is one of the building blocks of a successful interaction.

Awareness radius is very simple, it's the area (in a circle) around you that you're aware of. For instance, if you're standing in the center of a club that's packed wall-to-wall, your awareness radius might be only 2 or 3 people deep in any direction around you. If you're a shorter guy in that same situation your awareness radius might only be 1 person deep, and if you're the tallest guy in the room your awareness radius might be much larger than just 2 or 3 people.

Perceived awareness radius is how large or small others would gauge your awareness radius to be. Let's say you see a guy standing next to the side of the room in a club and he's looking around the club. Most people would perceive him to have a high awareness radius. Conversely, if you see a guy facing his buddy talking in the center of the room, you might perceive his awareness radius to be very small.

When sarging, your perceived awareness radius has an inverse relationship with your social value. In other words, when others see you and perceive your awareness radius to be small, it communicates to them that the only thing of importance to you is the person or people within that small radius. Implicitly, this means that you don't necessarily care about anything else happening outside of your awareness radius. This makes you more likely to be stereotyped as a high-value person when someone sees you for the first time.

On the other hand, when others see you and perceive you've got a large awareness radius, it communicates to them that what's important to you is the people outside of your immediate area. If you have friends around you and you're perceived to have a high awareness radius, this means you likely care about what's happening out in the club more than what's going on with those around you. This makes you more likely to be stereotyped as a lw-value person when someone sees you for the first time. After all, why would you care more about the people in the club and what's happening out there than you would about those with you?

Now often it's normal for men to have a pretty high awareness radius, and I think that's a good thing. However, when you have a high radius of awareness and also a high perceived radius of awareness, it just looks like you're trying to get laid. For this reason, I recommend maintaing a maximum radius of awareness and a minimum perceived radius of awareness so that you'll be less likely to telegraph to anyone what your true intentions might be. This will allow you to function highly effectively in picking up while still maintaining maximum social value. Make sense?

So what actions can we take to be very aware of our surroundings and still not telegraph that we're out for pussy?

For starters, NEVER FUCKING EVER let a girl have even the smallest clue that you know she's even in the fucking room until you approach! This means don't look at her when she enters, don't try and make eye-contact, don't open your shoulders towards her, don't change your positioning, don't touch your hair, don't adjust your clothing, don't move your head, and don't even ever look at the fucking entry to the club! Don't do anything that might give away your interest in a girl prematurely.

Yes, you're going to approach her and yes, it will telegraph some interest in her when you approach, but your approach should be the only clue she gets as to your potential interest in her for now. Furthermore, just because the girl might reason you're interested because you're approaching doesn't mean it's to your benefit to convey premature interest by looking at her or recognizing her as she enters the room or walks by you. If you're a guy who's walking around trying to make eye-contact with every chick you pass then fucking stop! This isn't 1998 and you don't have to get your dating advice from a married guy writing for Maxim Magazine anymore.

The underlying principle behind all of this is chase theory. When we pursue a woman and she knows that we like her immediately, we never give her the opportunity nor the time to first get attracted to us. Premature telegraphing of interest is the #1 fuckup guys make with women. Ever read a romance novel? I sure-as-shit haven't, but I can guaran-fucking-tee you that you won't find Fabio inside approaching chicks by going direct. Be patient. Make it your business to not telegraph any interest (besides your approach) to a woman until she has shown interest in you. This is a gift you can give to a woman you approach. Show tentative interest until a woman shows interest. This is also why we seek neutral positioning (often using the 90-degree rule) when we approach. I absolutely cannot express a more serious concept about pickup.

If you're out with a wing, instead of standing side-by-side with him and staring towards the center of the room, stop being a piece of furniture and face him. Act like you're having fun and conversation with each other like old friends and while you do, take an occasional peak over your buddy's shoulders for any women to approach and have him do the same with yours. As you're talking you can even naturally rotate. This way, you're constantly looking at him, you're head's not on a swivel, and you can approach when he points something out for you or vice-versa.

If you're out with friends, pay attention to them and take only quick peaks with your eyes at those around you. Make sure to not change your head position when you do this, and again don't change your head or eye positioning when a girl walks by. Instead, wait for an opportunity to check her out when you won't get caught.

If you're in-set, use the sprinkler technique (this is also in my blog) or take away attention, body language, or eye-contact from the girls you're with. When you do, take that opportunity to quickly peak at your surroundings. This will help you both assess and be ready for obstacles, and also observe any girls in the close proximity who are telegraphing interest to you. Use your peripheral vision liberally.

If you're in-between sets, walk confidently with your chin up high and don't focus on anyone directly. Instead just keep walking with your head high and always pointed in the forward direction, scanning the room slowly with only your eyes. Do not swivel your head or make fast head motions ever, and try not to notice when others notice you and look at you.

So why all of this attention? What's going to happen when I do this?

Learn how to be perceived as having a small awareness radius and you'll be heavily rewarded. The first thing you'll notice is that girls are checking you out more than you've ever noticed before. Why? Because you're finally allowing it to happen. You'll also notice more and more women putting themselves in close proximity to you wanting you to open them. If i'm a girl who sees a guy from a ways away and I want him to talk to me but I don't think he's going to see me from far away, i'm forced to get closer to him. I might even convince my frieds to stand closer to him with me so we can all get a better look at him or hear what he's saying to the other girls he's talking with.

With a small radius of awareness you're also going to have a far better shot at getting 9's and 10's. These girls have extraordinary perception of men who are into them without having met them, and I assure you being stereotyped as one of them will kill you. On the other hand, when a rediculously hot girl thinks you're not noticing her and/or don't care, watch in amazement as she starts gently trying to acquire your attention. She might start by running her hand through her hair, and if that doesn't work she'll go further and further until she might even approach you or open you. After all, she HAS to know why you're not into her like all the others.

In addition to this, a small perceived radius of awareness makes your presence HUGE. Rock stars and movie stars alike all have little to no interest in meeting those around them. Often they'll avoid eye contact with people and even turn their back to avoid being seen or recognized. The result is that people are even more interested in them. When I implemented these behaviors, I was instantly rewarded with this same type of treatment from others, and i'm confident you will be as well.

Another added benefit of non-telegraphing of interest is your ability to disarm obstacles. I touched on this briefly above. With a large awareness radius and small perceived awareness radius you'll know when a guy's coming to "save" his girl, and when he does, your ability to not-telegraph interest is going to be a key factor in disarming him. Afterall, he hasn't seen you checking out chicks throughout the night so really doesn't have much evidence from your behavior that low-value dude creeping out your perspective women. Furthermore, if you haven't telegraphed interest to the women yet (besides the physical act of you walking up to approach), they're more likely to be attracted to you and not accept his attempt at "saving" them. Nice!

So there it is. Having a Large Awareness Radius + A Small Perceived Awareness Radius = Higher social value + less telegraphing of interest = More ability to interest, attract, and get women. Now quit staring at women so much already!

What to do when a girl texts you "Who is this?"

2011-05-05T11:01:00.000-07:00

In 30/30 club, we've been getting a number of guys asking what they should do when they text a girl and get the response "who is this?"

The reason this is often difficult to figure out is because often questions and action come before actual thought. Guys often don't take the time to discern what the context of this question is, so they can't make a rational decision about what it means and what to do. Instead of blindly typing in a response that you've read online somewhere or gotten from asking a friend, I suggest stopping and really thinking about the context before texting or making any adjustments.

It could be the case that:

1. The girl does have your name in her phone and doesn't remember your interaction

2. That she doesn't have your name in her phone and doesn't remember your interaction

3. That she changed phones and lost your number (not likely when communicating soon after you meet her)

4. That she deleted your name and number after some time period without hearing from you or some negative event that happened

5. She lost your number for some other random reason, like deleted it on accident or something.

I talked with Brad about this and it seems neither of us get the "who is this" text much because of two reasons:

1. We already know that every girl who's number we get programs it in right there on the spot. Usually she's eager to do this. At worst, i'll get the girl's number and text her "Jake" or "Jake is soo hot" or something like that, so that when I text again she can see my name pop up from the last text.

2. Our re-initiation of communication after the initial interaction is soon enough, and our interactions are compelling enough that the girl remembers us later on and is eager about communicating.

In the case that you have communicated already with the girl over a period of time and then there was a larger gap in time between communication for some reason, it's often the case that the girl just deleted your number. If this is the case, you've got some work to do if you want to regame this girl. You could just text her again out of nowhere, or if you're her friend on Facebook you might use that as a compliance test before you start texting her again. This way if "who is this" happens after a couple back and forth's on Facebook then you could be confident that a simple text back with your name or a quick quip would be effective.

In the past two months when i've gotten "who is this" I have responded with "Wrong answer" and it's been very effective for me. The reason i've been using wrong answer was a feel thing for me. When I sat down and thought about why it feels right and has been working, I think it's because my style of game lately has been that i'll meet a girl and just never text or call her for like a few weeks, so when I get "who is this" it's often because maybe she just deleted my number, or she already forgot about our interaction. Either way, I cannot interpret "who is this" as a positive thing, so when I'm met with a negative energy I like to use hard game and go more negative to mirror effectively. A better solution for me would be to just text or call the girl earlier and more often I guess.

So final conclusion. Try to understand WHY the girl you're texting with would text you "who is this." When you think you've got a handle on it then choose your course of action. Often in pickup WE'RE FUCKING LAZY and would rather ask a question, have it answered, and mindlessly type in the response that will supposedly get us laid. This is a TERRIBLE habit to get into. Yes, coaches can accelerate your results by giving you answers, but then the process becomes "I don't know, I should ask" right away and the student doesn't learn to think for himself! A better habit would be to constantly be trying to understand the way that the girl is thinking and feeling so that we can better adjust and communicate. When you've gone through this thought process and you can't quite understand what's going on or the right course of action, that's the time to ask for help and clarification.

Remember the process of learning pickup is about learning a successful mindset, and internalizing successful behavioral and communicative skills. If you want to be the best you can be, strive to actually understand what you're doing before you do it, that way when a new situation arises, your experience will produce an intuition that you can rely on.

Skill Development - Paying the Price

2011-04-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

A wise man (Brad) once told me that the secret to success it to "Figure out the price you have to pay to get successful... and pay it." What i've learned is that the price of success is often a huge amount of failure. Not-so-surprisingly, many successful people share this view that success often comes from the courage to fail over and over.

Bruce Jenner, a guy worth an estimated $100 Million, had this to say about success. "I'm the type of guy who fails and fails and fails, and then, as if failure has become sick of him, succeeds." In his estimation, success comes down to never giving up.

Richard Branson says "It has been like hitting up against a solid brick wall. All day and all night long, we battled to get through it."

Colin Powell says “There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”

Benjamin Franklin said “I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong”

C.S. Lewis says "Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”

David Viscott says “To fail is a natural consequence of trying, To succeed takes time and prolonged effort in the face of unfriendly odds. To think it will be any other way, no matter what you do, is to invite yourself to be hurt and to limit your enthusiasm for trying”

Since my success in learning pickup, i've started on two major tasks that are now staring me right in the face. The first, my fitness, has been challenging me for the past four months and i'm happy to say I believe i'm over the hurdle and might someday be able to handle this task on my own free of a trainer's help. The second, my two new businesses, are still smacking me in the face with failure/lack of progress.

So how can I successfully deal with failure and still know that it's going to all turn out well in the end? How can I gain resilience?

I want to recommend two things for each and every guy seeking to earn success through failure in the shortest amount of time possible.

1. Find yourself a mentor who is both available to lead you through the process, and who is successful at the exact skill you're seeking to learn. And don't find just anyone, go as close to the "source" as possible.

and

2. Throw the biggest pile of money at them you can afford (if that's what's required to learn from them).

Why would I say this? Is it because i'm hoping you'll throw a pile of money at me to learn pickup? Well, I honestly can't say that's a bad idea, given that my exact path to pickup success came from me finding Brad and throwing him some money. More importantly, when you have a need to learn a skill, nowadays you can almost always find someone who has or is devoting their life towards teaching that skill that you'd like to learn.

Let me give you an example. If I'm a very self-motivated, driven Joe Shmoe and I feel like I need some self help, I could definitely spend very little money on getting that self help. I might hit my local library, check out two Tony Robbins books, and painstakingly rummage through each chapter until I finish the whole book over the course of maybe a year or two (BTW Brad did this). If you're a person like this, you can stop reading and haul your ass to the library right now, cause this post won't mean much to you.

However, if you're like me, then you probably thought "fuck that" like the second you read it. If that's the case, then you're likely gonna need some help doing your self-help cause you're a person that needs some help with motivation through the impending failures. So if you want that help, i'd recommend going right to the source of the help.

Get the best, most experienced help you can afford. I recommend this because sometimes inexperienced people can be good, but more often than not you can really mess yourself up when you're starting something new and you happen to get some advice that isn't really solid. I've found that the bang for your buck is best when you go straight to the top, not to mention you won't take as long to learn the skill you're trying to acquire.

Using my personal trainer as an example, I'd rather pay him the $90 an hour that he asks for and have him make a plan for me to work out two more days a week than pay $30 for some shithead 3 times a week who is inexperienced.

So there is an exception to this, and i'd say that exception is if you're a rank beginner at your skill and you can't really afford the best at all. In this case, there are often people higher up in the food chain than newbies who can teach you the basics without you having to spend bank on someone who has far more advanced answers than you'll need for awhile. Balance this our yourself, because it realistically might be the case that you could spend 80% the price of the top dog on someone who will do just about as good a job on you because they've been taught by the top dog.

I wanted to write this out for anyone reading who thinks any of us coaches are fucking superheros or something. Guess what? We're pretty normal guys, we've just found a formula for self-help that works for our individual characteristics, and that's what I wanted to share with you today. Best of luck!

21 New Catch Phrases

2011-04-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

On my phone I keep a notepad file where I write out any catch or quippy phrases I hear or come up with so that I can reread them from time to time and implement them into conversation to see if they'll be productive for me. Today I thought i'd write out some of the ones in my phone to share them with you guys. These aren't fully tested, I just wanted to give you an idea of how i'll come up with new material. I'll hear something like the phrases below and start saying them in-field and after a bit of massaging, some of them end up as routines and some i'll just throw away. Feel free to comment any of your own if you want to. Hope you like'em!

1. I hate you I hate you I hate you (said rapidly)

2. Just because I tuck my t-shirt into my boxers....

3. I haven't seen you work this hard since you tried to get Michelle Kindleson to go out with you in the 5th grade

4. There's a certain prostitute in all of us (my mom told me this one, haha)

5. Great, so now you're like a word genius and everything I say you twist around.

6. Are you guys here for the sausage festival? You guys are turning this into more of a fish market.

7. Are you canadian? Oh, you look Canadian. (this is an opener we've been using)

8. Hey, my drink tastes kinda funny I think there might be a Roofie in it. Here, try it.

9. You look like an Elphin Princess

10. Ugh! You're sooo in my way right now.

11. Hey look (point to the ground)... you dropped your smile, it's right there on the ground.

12. You think i'm hitting on you, you wish! I'm outta your league. I wouldn't eat your pussy if it was covered in vanilla pudding.

13. Are you the girl who like wore the scoliosis backbrace till you were like 20?

14. What would you do if you were dating a guy like a couple weeks and you found out he had a hotmail account? Well what if he had a myspace too and he kept trying to get you to like signup and make a new profile. If I were dating a girl like that... dumped immediately. Cause I would already know that the myspace thing is coming next, and I just can't deal with that.

15. This is classic first tri-mester behavior. Are you pregnant?

16. Why don't you go find a kitchen and bake me some pie?

17. (this routine is a version of secret sex toys routine that I came up with this past chicago workshop. Been meaning to test it out more). This looks like one of those Pickle dildos. Like the Super-Dill 5000 or something. Gross! You are such a pervert! Hey actually that's a good idea I think i'm gonna start a company with you guys and we can all make pickle dildos, but not just any pickles, they have to be the huge ones that are all bumpy and look like we got'em out of a huge glass jar at like my Grandpa's bar or something. Okay what are your jobs going to be? You look pretty innocent so I think i'm gonna have you be our tip designer. I'll give you a knife and a jar of Grandpa's big pickles and you can cut'em up and shape the tip just the way you like it. You on the other hand, you look all nice but inside there definitely a little dirty girl. I think i'm gonna make you my pickle tester. You get a private room to "hang out" in and you can test the pickles once she's finished designing the tips and you can tell her which ones feel the best. (only field tested a couple times so far, but both went crazy well).

18. (point to something nasty on the street like an old hamburger or a pile of puke or something). That's what your vagina looks like.

19. Anal baby! Anal baby! (When I do this one i'll try to stick my finger up the girl's butt. It's along the lines of a aggro-type stack, super fun/teasy. Use at your own risk).

20. I used to have a cat once. It was a good cat. It had like a stripe on it.

21. (to a girl with a pony tail) (lifting up her pony tail). What's under a pony's tail? (then pushing your finger under it) His butthole!

There you have it. Direct from my phone to you, this is stuff that i'll hear and then test out to see if I like it and if it's working well. Often i'll work on these things when i'm in state and warmed up, and sometimes when i'm in state stuff like this will just come out of nowhere in a set. If you've got a moment like that, be sure to write it down immediately and try it again right away in the next few sets to see if it's going to be a consistent winner for you. This type of stuff goes a long way to having a comprehensive repetiore. Good luck!

A Woman's way of apologizing: How to deal with emotional ploys for power

2011-04-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

Girls are wrong sometimes. Yes, guys are wrong sometimes too, but for right now that's not important. For the purposes of this article, girls are wrong. The problem is that men often don't take into account that this is even a possibility because women are insanely good at clouding men's judgement during a discussion or an argument. They often use emotional ploys that men just aren't equipt to deal with. So how can we know when to stick up for ourselves and when not to? More importantly, how do we stick up for ourselves and how can we tell when a girl knows that she's wrong and is "apologizing" so that we can stop dominating her and move on?

The first thing we should learn to recognize is the most common ways that a girl gets her way, this way when we see one, we can "snap out" of our mindset and recognize that it's time for a new course of action other than the blind reaction we've used in the past. The most common "technique" women use to get their way(if you can even call it that, because she won't actually think about it before she does it), is to use an emotional ploy of some sort. Common ones i've seen are using tonality to convey that the man has done something wrong (thereby putting him on the defensive almost immediately), using "always" or "never" ploys ("You ALWAYS do this!), bringing up past events to regurgitate feelings of guilt, crying (to kick in your "Oh fuck" response), withdrawl of sex (when not a lot else is working), and just commonly acting like she's mad (IMO the most annoying).

When we recognize that a woman is using one of these ploys to get her way, we should first take a second and ask ourselves what the girl REALLY wants, and if we think it's a reasonable and realistic desire for her to have. In the event that it is, I usually just tell the girl something like "It sounds like you want X thing, is that what you want? (girl responds). Okay, well that sounds okay to me. Why didn't you just ask me for it? (and if necessary) Okay, well next time just ask, it's not that big of a deal." Using this response we're able to communicate to the woman that if she wants reasonable needs met that she can skip the BS and just ask. In this way, she will be "trained" not to use emotional ploys just to meet acceptable needs and wants.

On the other hand, if we don't deem what she's "asking" for as necessary or reasonable, we're likely going to have to be dominant and use some frame control techniques to communicate that we don't believe her need is reasonable or that her means are prudent. Let's go through the objections one at a time so that you've got some tools to deal with them.

First and foremost, realize that the general format for frame control that I most often use is one of labeling a girl's behavior. If I can understand what a woman is doing and why she's doing it, when I tell her what she's doing it and why, it makes me dominant and puts her on the defensive because now she has to back up her opinion. Remember this is only when you believe she's being unreasonable or using emotional ploys to get her way.

Using Tonality to Put You on the Defensive

That said, let's talk about the first ploy, using tonality to put you on the defensive. If you've ever felt like you did something wrong just because of the way a girl sounds when she talks with you (often out of nowhere), then you know how much this sucks. What I like to do when this happens is communicate that I don't like it. I do that by first stopping her in her tracks, then speaking to her in the tone that i'd like to be spoken to in. Usually i'll exaggerate this tone with something from like a mid-50's household show. Have you seen the movie Pleasantville? Use that tone. If you're still not sure what i'm talking about this might be a tough one to write out, but I might say something like "Whoa whoa whoa!(say this kind of in a haulting-type tone)... (then in a super-nice tone) Is something the matter honey?" This should communicate to the woman that you aren't happy with the tone she's using with you, and it's a more unaffected way than something like "Fix your tone with me, woman!" If I need to follow it up with something i'll say "It's okay baby, you can talk with me. I'll listen." This nice little process should be enough to snap the girl out of her normal emotionally-driven state and communicate that you're not going to respond to emotional outbursts. It'll also subcommunicate that you do care about her and about your relationship because you're investing the time to learn to communicate effectively with her.

"Always" and "Never" ploys

These are pretty easy to deal with. If it is something that I always do and I know it and I know it's not changing, then I totally come clean. "Yeah, I guess that's true. I'm not sure what you're hoping's going to happen, but that's probably not going to change with me." (again, i'm evaluating her. I make my own decisions about what's true and what's not). If it's something that i'm guilty of and i'm wrong, i'll tell her "Whoa whoa whoa. If you had a problem with that back then you shoulda said something then. You can't just bring it up now after the shit builds up, uh uh. That's against the rules." Again this puts a playful spin on the argument that makes light of things. If the nature of the ploy is more serious in nature and it gets mixed with crying or something, then just change your tone to a warmer less playful tone but still be unwaivering and communicate with her that she should address these things as they come up so that they won't plague her and build up. I'll usually use the "man" excuse too, telling her that i'm not very good at reading what she's thinking. The overwhelming idea again is to communicate that the girl should communicate with you as things come up because you're not always aware of what she's thinking and feeling.

Bringing up Past Events to Regurgitate Feelings of Guilt

The tough part about this type of ploy is that often men respond to it immediately and with emotion that tends to create animosity. The best thing to do is to recognize the emotion that you're feeling and step away from it in your mind. Say to yourself "Oh wow, this is definitely making me feel X feeling" then once you've recognized it, ask yourself why the woman would want you to feel that way. Once you understand this, then decide if you'd really like to feel that way or not based on if the feeling is truly warranted. After that couple of seconds, it's time to speak. I'll usually label her behavior, saying something like "Whoa whoa whoa. Hey that was awhile ago. If you wanted me to feel guilty about it then you should've said something then. I'm not going to feel guilty now about something we never talked about back then" or if you did talk about it back then "Whoa whoa whoa. We went through that whole thing when it happened. If you want to talk about something that just happened then lets do that. We can handle it. But let's not drudge up old shit cause it's not going to make either of us feel good or get us any closer to solving your feelings here."

By now you should be getting the general formula for dealing with all of these things. Recognize the emotion you feel, decide if what's going on is reasonable, deflect anything outside of what is happening now (or just happened), and above all remain calm and assertive.

Crying

Usually when this happens I just say "Oh fuck this i'm out" and I leave immediatley running top speed to my car... jk. Remember here i'm talking about when a girl is using crying as a ploy to get something out of you that's unreasonable. If a girl is crying to get her way, it's often because she wants to elicit a response where she gets her way just because the man doesn't want to deal with her crying anymore. This is what baby's do. The man will en up saying somethin like "Well okay baby, we can do that. Just calm down." Remember that it's not your responsibility to deal with your woman's emotions, it's HERS! You are not responsible for her having an emotion, she is. Often when we see a girl crying it's our instinct to protect and guard her, and often to just get the fuck out of the situation whichever way we can by agreeing to whatever she wants. Do this and you'll end up with a girl who cries all the fucking time. Not fun. Instead, remember that you didn't make her cry, she decided to do this on her own, and you shouldn't have to put up with outbursts like these in your life. There are plenty of healthy women out there who won't cry to get their way. You don't need a girl like this. Remain calm and let her process her emotion on her own, don't coddle her.

Withdrawl of Sex

This one is probably the most serious-natured ploy a woman will use to get her way, so it should be treated with the most serious consequence when it happens. Here's the way it is: Men want sex, and women want attention. She takes away sex, you take away attention. Period. I wrote about this my blog post on setting boundaries in the past month or so here, so reference that if you'd like more info on this one.

So there you have it, dealing with emotional ploys. Now that you've got some tools to remain dominant in these situations, you've got to know when to stop so that you're not hammering your woman's head into the ground over and over everytime she fucks up. In general, when a woman's wrong and she knows it, she'll seek to deflect blame onto something else, and it'll usually be pretty obviously an illogical lie. Warning: This is NOT the time to call her out. You've won the battle already, and not many people in this world are truly capable of accepting blame, so just accept her logic and move on. The girl's not ever going to tell you "Yes, i'm to blame for that. I take responsibility." Instead, it'll sound like "Yeah I was like soooo drunk when that happened" or "I don't even remember that" or "Oh I had like all this drama when that happened, so..." or "Yeah i've been so stressed out about work" yadda yadda. So yes, if she threw a brick through your window cause she thought you were cheating, you might get the response "Yeah, I don't really remember that, I was really drunk that night" when really she had ZERO to drink and you know it. Just accept that this is a woman's way of apologizing.

How to NOT get into a relationship

2011-04-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

Last night during weekly theory session at the Pickup Mansion, I had a question from a student: "So i've just had sex with this girl. How can I frame control her into not constantly pushing for a relationship?"

Great question! After having sex the first few times with a guy, girls will almost always start pushing things in the relationship direction. The problem with getting into a committed exclusive relationship when you're still learning pickup is that committing to an exclusive relationship with a girl when your skills aren't great yet is like committing to pickup a basketball and play against Kobe Bryant. You're just gonna lose cause you're playing against someone far more skilled than you are.

So what is your goal? If your goal is to grow your skillset in preparation to be in a longer-lasting relationship sometime in the future, I would recommend you try and practice being at every stage in a relationship everyday with a goal of showing yourself abundance with women.

How can you do this? I like to use the funnel analogy. We go out and sarge and all the women we meet go into the top of our funnel. Maybe out of 100 women (top of the funnel) you meet you might get 10 phone numbers (lower in the funnel), and of those 10 numbers you can text with 4 and of those 4 maybe you get 2 out on dates, and of those 2 you sleep with one girl (she comes out the end). So you started with 100 women at the top of the funnel, and 1 came out the other end. Not bad for a beginner. At that point in time, you can still go out and practice sarging, you can practice texting game on your 6 "dead" numbers, you can practice more phone/date game on your other 4 girls, and you can work on learning relationship stuff with the girl you've slept with. Got it? You can be learning all stages of the game on any given day. This is the fastest way to learn game.

So, fast forwarding to the relationship part of things, the girl you slept with is eventually going to want to get you into a relationship, and since that's not inline with your dating goals, it's best to try and push the date back that that will happen on as farrrrrr as possible. Normally the timespan you've got is about 3ish months before a girl will start pushing hard for a relationship. Ideally we'd like to extend that to more like 5-7 months, or even longer.

If we're going to extend the amount of time before a girl gives us an ultimatum/DTR/whatever, there are a few ways we can do this. The first one i'd like to discuss is the number of times in any given week that you see the girl. If you see a girl 5 times per week, even if you flat out tell her that you don't want a relationship you can bet your sweet ass she's going to think you're in one. Pretty obvious right? The magic number for sustaining a relationship is 1 time. You can see a girl 1 time per week. In the very beginning few weeks or few times you have sex, i'd say it's okay to maybe see each other 2 or even 3 in one week, but certainly calm it down once you and her are a regular thing. This will convey to the girl that you're a busy guy and that you're not rushing into being with her.

Another way to extend time is through general confusion game. If I tell a girl flat out that I never want a relationship with her, then that will likely be enough for her to just walk out the door right then and there. Bad decision. However, if I don't tell a girl directly that I don't want a relationship, and she gets the idea that I "might" be seeing other girls, she will tell herself whatever she needs to to keep dating me. Got it?

Let's go through an example quickly. Let's say my new love has come to me with a pointed question like "So are you seeing anyone else right now?" That would be a light version of this question. A heavier, more cunning, more urgent version might sound something like "Listen, I don't care if you're sleeping with anyone or not, I just want you to be honest with me. Are you or are you not?" WHOOOOA Nelly! Though it may sound tempting to just tell a girl asking this the truth, you'd be a fool to do so. Tell her "Yeah, actually I am seeing someone else" and she's gone.

A better answer might be to run a routine called 8 girlfriends, where you handle this test in a playful way that dodges the question, this way the girl will know that you just don't want to talk about it. "Well actually I have 8 girlfriends right now. It's actually pretty great! They all know each other and stuff and they really get along great. They even meet like once a week to discuss my favorite cooking recipes and massage techniques and stuff like that. Actually.... i've been thinking about adding another girlfriend, and since I kinda like you I was thinking i'd make you number 9. Whaddya say?" This routine works wonderfully for dodging a pointed question like this.

So I know what you're thinking... "Yeah Jake, but when a girl tests me like this and she doesn't get a straight answer, isn't she going to ask me again?" Yeah she is! I'd just reiterate "I already told you I have 8 girlfriends." Now these two techniques (monitering #times/week you see the girl and using 8 gf) will get you this far, but after this when she keeps pushing you, you'll have to change up your tactics.

Another tactic I like to use is the "we're not there yet" tactic. Simply count up how many times you've seen/hung out with the girl and also the amount of time you've known her, and whichever sounds like it's less, tell her that. It'll sound like "Whoooa, hey. Slow down here speed racer. We've only hung out like 4 times, we're not even close to there yet" or "Hold on there honey, we've only been seeing each other for 3 weeks, don't even start getting that stuff in your head yet." Girls are very in tune with time periods of relationships, so when you talk about them to her she'll read it loud and clear, and she'll back off you a bit. Time bought.

More tactics. Another one I like is the "I just got out of a long relationship" technique. It (sympathetically and vulnerably) goes "Hey, I didn't really want to tell you this, but when I met you I had just got out of a 2 year relationship. I didn't want you to feel like you were a rebound, so I didn't say anything. I'm having tons of fun with you and I really enjoy our time, but i'm not ready to jump right back into something serious right away. Is that fair?"

Another one. This one frames her request toward boyfriend/girlfriend land as you going to jail in a little harsher tone than the last few. The idea is to scare the girl a bit into wondering if she should even bring the subject up at all. "Whoa whoa whoa there honey! I'm not ready for the fucking lockdown yet. You're gonna have to back off with that stuff." Enough said.

So there they are. Multiple effective tools. These are the only ones i've needed to use, and together they're extremely effective.

1. 8 girlfriends
2. 8 girlfriends again. "Didn't I already tell you...."
3. "We're not there yet"
4. Just got out of a long relationship
5. Not ready for the lockdown yet

So... now you're using the tools and you've got a girl you're sleeping with and possibly more on the way. What can you look forward to? The magic number is 3. When you can get three women in rotation, then heavens will open up for you. My first rotation got to three, then got to five in a hurry. For the next 3 months I was having sex with 2-3 women EVERY DAY. By the end of those three months I was a champion of arranging logistics, keeping things discreet, and generally handling any and all situation that could or would develop. I even went sarging on nights when I had a morning and noon "date" and nothing that evening. How do you think your sarging will go when you've done nothing but had sex all day? It's amazing to say the least.

How deep does this rabbit hole go? Well there are some guys who will extend the time period to the 5-7 month mark and go for a relationship. Great! If you've shown yourself some abundance and decided that 1 of your girls is better than the others and you'd like to try out a committed thing, I say go for it. Some guys will get to the 5-7 month part and arrange for an "open relationship" where both partners have sex with whomever they want, but they are each other's "main" partner. Often this means unprotected sex with only that person, and condoms with any others. Still other people decide to have multiple long term relationships, or MLTR's. Ideally with some direction, practice, and the right techniques, you can grow your skillset and learn enough about relationships that you can feel ready and equipt to give yourself a good shot at success. You certainly don't have to feel like you're "playing ball" against someone who's gonna whip you :)

Insecurity

2011-04-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

Got this message from a student today in my inbox:

Hey Jake

Just wanted to tell you i lost my virginity a few months ago!!!! (finally)... I couldnt have done it without your help in the workshop last (omitted for privacy). Just wanted to say thanks for all the help you gave me there!

I had 2 questions that i was wondering if you could help me with...

Im in a commited relationship now with this chick who is super cool; she is going to Italy for a little over a month. I want to keep dating her after she gets back cause she is cool as hell. Im just kinda worried about her going away to italy and fucking some other guy or something. Is there anything specific i should do before she goes or while shes there to help prevent something like this?

This girl also has a profile on a dating site; she told me about it. It says she is in a relationship on her page but she says guys always tell her shes cute and stuff on there. Is this just like an ego boost for her? trying to evoke jealousy? should i tell her to take this thing down or is it probably just harmless?

My response:

There's really nothing you can do to prevent a girl from fucking some other guy. The best thing for you to do is not mention that it's on your mind AT ALL FOR ANY REASON. Remember, even though you're not a guy with an abundance of women right now, abundance mentality is still the correct attitude to have. If this girl leaves, no biggie. You can replace her. Now abundance mentality is tough to have when this is just the first girl you've slept with, but you should try and resist the urge to be jealous as best you can, because if you nurture and act on these instinctual impulsive emotions you'll end up learning the hard way that all those actions do is cause hurt in your life.

In fact, these insecure feelings and the actions we take because of them are what causes One-itis among masses of guys. A guy meets a great girl, hooks up, and shortly after realizes he doesn't want to lose the girl. Because he doesn't want to lose her, he starts doing things to make sure he keeps her. He treats her extra nicely, goes out of his way for her, and starts guarding her from other guys talking to her, etc. This needy behavior becomes apparent to the girl and any good qualities she saw about her guy are overridden by a general sense that she's too good for him. The girl knows that she's the guy's only option and it's not an attractive thing to her. It's only a matter of time before she lets the guy go, telling him "I'm just not into you anymore" and he's left to wonder WTF happened as he jerks off using his own tears as lubricant for the next 6 months.

It's super normal as a guy to feel pressure to guard and protect your investment with a girl you're really into. I promise you though, the minute you choose to act on that feeling you are setting your own breakup in motion. Better to continue to show yourself abundance through continued sarging and dating until you've realized true abundance. Also, don't kid yourself here, the reality is that this relationship won't have the Disney ending you picture in your head anyway, so don't beat yourself up when it doesn't work. Instead, enjoy the time you've got with her and you'll be able to enjoy it for the longest time possible.

While this girl's in Italy for a month, I would plan on dating and sarging other chicks, and I would even tell her that the two of you should "take a break" while she's gone to take the pressure off the both of you. What better way to show yourself abundance than to act like an man with abundance acts! Then you've got a free pass to be single for a month too! This may not sound great to you now, but talk to me when you've been in a relationship 2 years :) In addition to all of this, the fact that you tell the girl that you're taking a break while she's gone will be very attractive to her.

As far as her dating profile, i'd not even mention it. Again, it's no big deal to you. If you tell her to take it down you'll appear controlling and insecure about her. Every girl in the world seeks to attract guys through talking about all kinds of guys who want her, it's very normal. They do it because it's true, and because jealousy is a powerful motivating factor among women and men alike. In reality most girls do have several guys that want to fuck them, but she IS with you, right? Remember, you're different because you're not needy, not insecure, not jealous, and generally not a social retard, so these guys don't matter to her at all. She's simply saying that other guys like her because she wants to show you she's desireable. She wants you to like her because she likes you! Act accordingly.

Ring Shopping

2011-04-23T17:15:00.000-07:00

So i've been using a routine now with quite a bit of success and I wanted to share it with you guys. I call it Ring Shopping. Usually i'll use it when a girl says something that I like. It could be as simple as her saying she likes celery. If she says that she likes something and I like that thing, or even if she just acts in a way that I like, i'll respond with the routine. It goes like this:

"Oh my gosh! We're totally in love, i'm taking you ring shopping. I'm gonna get you the nicest promise ring you've ever seen! I know this guy who imports rings from Zirconia. They're awesome. They look just like diamonds but they only cost like $25 bucks!!! You're gonna love it!"

That's it. You're roleplaying that you're a dumb and uninformed guy who's excitedly cheap. I love to use this one cause I just personally think it's super funny. Plus who the hell knows what a promise ring is anyway????

Enjoy.

Are you a hermit?

2011-04-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to an old friend's place whom I hadn't seen in quite some time, and when I walked into his condo it looked horrendous. Buried in a mountain of projects, he had everything from paint cans to tarps to cardboard boxes just hanging out in his place. There was really no room for anything including furniture, of which he had none. His walls were half painted and waiting to have the edges painted, and there was no rhyme or reason to any of the madness. One of the bedrooms in his house was empty if you don't count the leftovers from roomates of years ago, and the one he stayed in was dark and disheveled.

Upon further inspection, I learned that my friend had kicked out his old roomates, pretty much given up on girls, and had traded in his dream (good job, wife, kids, etc) for projects. He now had a car he was working on, his condo still to renovate, miscellaneous carpentry projects, mountain biking projects, and a mountain of cleaning that could be done. In addition to all of this, he was working around 60 hours per week, and when I asked him why his job took more than 40 hours to complete each week he said it was because he spent most of his time on the internet at work.

When I saw all of this I knew it was almost an emergency to stop this pattern and get him on the road to being more healthy. But how can you get out of this rut?
Well when my life gets overwhelming and stress starts to take over, I like to use a needs heirarchy of sorts to iron it out. It starts with basic needs and moves on to less important things from there.

The first need to always take care of first is the needs of your body, like food and water. If you're stressed out and hungry, eat something. If you're thirsty then get something to drink. It sounds simple, but many people get so caught up in stress that they stop taking care of themselves, and it only amplifies things. For this reason, I went out with my buddy and we both had a good nutritious meal.

The second thing that I like to take care of is the most daunting of the tasks at hand. In this case it was all the miscellaneous shit all over the apartment. If you've watched Hoarders on TV then you know that this can be easier said than done, but luckily normal people usually know they've got a mounting issue, so in this case I told my buddy "we need to do something about this, like now" and we did. We started eliminating trash and recyclables, then moved onto start grouping items to move to the garage and sorting out things to be sold on craigslist. Another friend's help and a 12 pack later, and the house was clean.

The idea is really quite simple. Clean house with minimal possessions = clean feeling life. Clean out all your shit except the bare essentials. Throw out all your trash, move your projects to your garage where they belong, donate old clothes to goodwill, and throw out all your old college textbooks that you're never going to use anyway (worried you'll need them? try this thing we've got called the internet). The idea is to take everything that you haven't used in the last 6 months and that isn't current and get rid of it.

Once we've taken care of our bodies and eliminated all of the clutter in the house, it was time to make some forward progress with the house. My view on a house is that it should be a place that you RELAX. It should be a shelter from all the outside issues that you deal with during the day, and also a place where you bring your loved ones and friends for fellowship and social gathering. This house was none of those things, so we needed to do more work.

The first thing we took care of was the painting of the walls and discussion of furniture needed to make the place look decent. Your home doesn't need to be some crazy outlandish extravagant megamansion, or even have every bit be a reflection of who you are in minute ways. Instead, your house just needs to have furniture that's comfortable and is the right size, scale, and place in the room. If you need help with this, watch some HGTV staging shows or ask some women in your life for their opinion. You could even call a realtor, ask for a referral to a professional stager, and rent furniture from them for a month to figure out what it should look like.

After making a plan for furniture in the house, we moved into the bedroom. If you're wondering how to arrange your bedroom for maximum efficacy, think hotel. In a hotel the bed's headboard is always up against the wall and there are two nightstands on the sides of the bed and adequate room on each to enter/exit the bed. To all you bachelors out there this means no putting your bed in the corner of the room, it's just creepy. My friend was a bachelor like this, so we moved his bed to the center of the room and put his nightstand on one side, with a plan to buy another one.

After all of this, my friend felt great (not surprisingly). He said that he realized that things were getting out of control and that he was going to start paying attention to his life more. If you're in a place like this, it's time to fill out a value-heirarchy and write out some goals for yourself. For 30/30 club members, you can do this in your month 1 thread. This will start to align your thoughts in your head with what's healthy for you and what you need to be happier as your life attains more balance.

So how does all this relate to women? Well for starters, you're definitely not going to pick up girls anytime soon when you've got a house full of shit. You should at the very least have decently clean bedroom and a place to relax and watch a movie. To go a little deeper, my friend had tried to do some pickup, and at some point in time he didn't get the results that he'd hoped for and might have started losing a bit of motivation to keep going out and working on his skill set. This can happen to any of us. In my friend's case, he likely felt terrible about this, and to ease his suffering he decided to spend his time on his "man" projects. His problem was lack of balance in his life.

Are you a hermit? Is there anything in your life taking up tons of time or taking away time from the things in your life that REALLY need attention? My advice is to stop wasting time on email at work and be at work do get your work done and GTFO (get the f out) the second you're done. If you can do your salaried job in 30 hours per week, then it might be time to negotiate a different work arrangement or start working on contract.

Are you neglecting the things in your life that need time and attention? Do you even REALLY know what these are? If you fall into these categories, then start thinking about what the things are that you value in life and start working towards them. Write out your values and arrange them in accordance with importance, and then write out some goals and the resources you have to help you realize those goals. This process will make you far more likely to actually achieve them, and you'll thank me for doing so. Remember, our goal is to experience happiness and fulfillment through a balanced life. And remember you can only do what you can do today.

I'm happy to report that after only one weekend of condo cleanup and a couple nights on the town, my friend is already calling me asking for texting advice on the new digits he's gotten from girls in the past week. You can clean up your life and get back on track too. And btw, if you ever need a quick brush up on what IS important, you can always get me on the phone for an hour and i'd be happy to help you out with this whole process. Just call Drew at customer service and he can set you up. Good luck!

Approach through the bad results.

2011-03-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

Are you having some trouble getting yourself motivated to approach, or you're just not approaching at all? I see this in a huge number of students! It's okay, you're not dead yet. Let me tell you what's going on.

The reason we don't approach is because the negative emotions we associate with approaching (and it possibly going wrong/causing us to have an unknown, possibly hurtful result) are outweighing the positive emotions that could result from the approach. Add in a bit of fear and you've got a cocktail that'll get you a hell of a "not now" buzz in a hurry.

So how can we get around this?
Tony robbins says that repeated taking of action is the mother of skill. This means that to get skillfull at anything, we've got to take repeated action. In the case of approaching, we've got to program our brain to believe that the pleasure we get from sarging will outweigh the short term pains that WILL result.

The first step to relieving some of the fear of approaching is acceptance. Yes, there are going to be times that you feel like a total idiot for approaching, and times that you fail miserably. In fact, the guys who get the best at pickup are the guys who have failed the most and learned from it. Every one, no exceptions! So try and seperate those negative feelings by accepting that it's realistic to feel these things and it's just part of the process. In fact, when you feel like you messed up an approach terribly, it means there's one less mistake that you could possibly make on the next approach, so nice work you're succeeding already.

The next step to getting over a spell of not approaching is to begin to associate pleasure with the process of approaching. Getting in the habit of approaching regularly can be very tough, and the first month or two is definitely the toughest, so really allow yourself to feel great about when you do go out and approach, no matter how many approaches you do or how you're treated by those around you.

The fact is that this process does take a good amount of time to get good, so if we base our emotions on the results we get from women, and those results are bad in the beginning, we'll never get good at approach because we won't be able to last through the bad results long enough to start seeing the good ones. All we can do to get good at pickup is go out tonight and get better than we'd be if we hadn't gone out, so if you're doing that and immersed in the process than pat yourself on the back cause you're on your way.

Setting and Maintaining Boundries

2011-03-10T10:05:00.000-08:00

Every man should know how to effectively set boundries in a relationship. For those who aren't so clear about what a boundry is, it's something that you will or won't do in a relationship, or behaviors you will or won't accept from a woman you're in a relationship with.

Boundries are extremely important in relationships because the way we set boundries communicates the behaviors that we expect or don't expect to see, and the way we maintain those boundries determines amount of power and control that we will allow the woman to have in the relationship. Obviously we set boundries with even those we're not in a relationship with as well, but for this article i'm mainly going to focus on how to set and maintain boundries in a sexual relationship.

So how do we set up a boundry?
Well if the behavior is something we want the woman to engage in then we simply communicate our need and if the behavior is something we do not want her to engage in then we communicate that we will not accept it happening. If the boundry is about our behavior then we simply tell the woman that yes, we will do that, or no, we will not do that. The above sounds simple, but in practice can be VERY VERY difficult.

The way we maintain boundries is very simple as well. When a situation arises where the boundry is challenged, we re-communicate what the boundry is and that we're going to adhere to it. In other words, we don't waver on it or change it in any way. We don't allow it to slide "Just one time" and we don't loosen it because of some logic we receive or some emotion that we feel. This is important to understand and practice, because women are very adept at getting men to compromise on their boundries and by doing so gain power in a relationship.

The consequences of compromising on our boundries are severe. For starters, we lose power and respect in our relationship, and from there the consequences get worse. Women lose attraction to the man they're with as the man becomes more and more submissive in their relationship, and often the marriage ends up in divorce. Worse yet, before the marriage ends in divorce, the lost attraction results in cheating and after the marriage the divorce ends up in half your shit gone and a big chunk of your manhood and self- respect gone too. I think it's safe to say that as men we should take responsibility for this not happening.

So if boundries can be maintained simply then why aren't they? The reason many men aren't able to set and maintain boundries is fear of conflict, fear of loss, scarcity mentality, and an inability to deal with a woman being "upset" with them. Many of these fears and behaviors are closely related to nice-guy behaviors like those discussed in Dr. Robert Glovers book "No More Mr. Nice Guy," so if you feel like setting and maintaining boundries is a difficult task then you might pickup that book and give it a thorough read. Another thing you might do is join a group of men who you can talk with about this. I also teach on Brad P's 30/30 club forum where we have a dedicated room for discussion of this.

Lets go into the reasons men have trouble in a bit more detail.

The first reason men aren't able to set and maintain boundries is fear of conflict. When you set a boundry, there will often be a discussion as a result, and that discussion can be difficult. The woman will want one thing and you will want another. Men are afraid of dealing with this conflict because women often get mad or emotional in these situations and men aren't used to dealing with those emotions.

Men also don't like to set and maintain boundries because they fear that the conflicts that result might lead to losing the women they worked so hard to get. Men would rather quell the situation and gain peace (while losing a bit of power and not allowing themselves to acknowledge it) than stick to their guns and deal with the consequences.

This is where scarcity mentality kicks in. Men question their ability to get another woman if they lose the one they've got, and in doing so destroy their ability to maintain control of their realtionship. This is without the woman ever doing anything!

All these add up to a vicious cocktail of submissive tendency that will lead to relationship doom faster than you can say "Is something wrong baby?"

So how can we give ourselves the edge and keep from this happening, and if we're in a relationship and have lost ground already, how can we re-establish lost boundries and regain power/dominance? To do this we've got to educate/question ourselves (great job! you're doing this now), establish abundance mentality to conquer fear of loss, then grow comfortable dealing with conflict and discomfort. This can be a tall order for most.

Let's start with abundance mentality. Do you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you can get another girl if you lose the one you've got? Can you get one just as good or better? If the answer to either of those is no, then in my opinion you should not be in a marriage or serious relationship where you're thinking about marriage.

Ask yourself "If I had TONS of options with women would I accept this behavior? If the answer is no, then you should show yourself some abundance before you get married or have a serious relationship. Prove to yourself that you're attractive and desireable to women, then when you know for sure that you are then it's time to start thinking about settling down with one if that's your desire.

The fact is that there are an abundance of very beautiful women in this world, all accessible to the men who choose to spend the necessary amount of time and attention to make themselves into quality men. If you don't feel you can handle this, you can at the very least handle finding those who can help you. I'd recommend a simple trip to www.bradp.com and a phone call to Drew at customer service :)

Another way we can gear ourselves for successful boundry setting is to grow comfortable with conflict and emotional confrontations from women. Often when men are confronted with emotions from women like anger, it's easy to want to give in so that the women's not mad anymore and a peaceful state is regained. I challange you to not respond emotionally to these types of "outbursts." Instead when met with unreasonable emotions, first do a quick mental check to see if you're wrong. If you are, admit it and change. If not, try simply remaining calm, labeling the emotion, then standing your ground (Cesar Milan calls this being calm and assertive).

It'll sound like this: "I'm sorry you're feeling angry about this, but i'm not going to do that" or "I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but i'm just not going to accept this type of behavior in our relationship." This manner of recognition and emotional unaffectedness portrays sympathy and sensibility without even a hint that you will give in. When needed, withdraw your time and attention from the girl if she continues to meet you with negative energy, even to the point of leaving her.

If you're in a relationship and you have let your boundry slide a bit, then when you try and regain the boundry it will be more difficult then when you set it in the first place. In this case, expect more of a conflict than normal, but stand firm and remember that the conflict is necessary for peace in the relationship. Wade your way through the harshness and emotions in the moment and you can be more happy in the end.

Let me give you an example of one of the most severe cases I have faced to date and how I successfully dealt with it. I had been dating a girl on and off for about a year when she started to change her behavior to that of withdrawing sex. On one occasion she brought a friend over to hang out with a friend and I, and when both couples split into rooms to have sex, her and I got naked and literally just before insertion she jumped up, immediately put her clothes on, ran into the other room where the other couple was naked, split them up and left the house with the girl to "save her." The next time we hung out she made me push through LMR for over an hour (remember we'd been having sex for a year), then the next time we hung out she again went through foreplay until just before insertion then stopped completely, giving me no reason.

Tough situation right? Should I let this happen? If you were in this situation how would you deal with it? PLEASE, stop right now and put yourself in my shoes before reading on.

Whats going on in this situation is a play for power on the part of this woman. She has learned my patterns for a year and come to the realization that she might be able to make a ploy for power via withdrawl of sex. I know that if I let this happen, it will put my first foot out on a VERY slippery slope towards lack of sex and certain relationship doom. The action I took was to kick the girl out. I simply told her "Well if you're not going to have sex with me then you've gotta go." I didn't even see her out of the building.

At this point this is the most serious a power play gets, so I meet it with the most serious action i've got. I withdraw all attention from her until she becomes submissive to me. Again I cannot stress this enough. I withdraw ALL attention from her until she becomes submissive again. When she called me the next day, I had my friend Brad P. answer the phone in a gay voice, telling her "He's mine now you bitch" and later "He's mine now you whore."

The next day she called me again and I did not answer. She left a verbally abusive message. She texted more of the same, again no response from me. The day after the next, she called again, this time leaving another negative voicemail in which it seemed to dawn on her that she actually was getting dumped (keep in mind this girl is stunningly hot with an amazing body). After realizing during the voicemail that she was dumped, she told me "I hope you're having a horrible day, I can't understand why you're being so stupid, and .... FUCK YOU!" Of course I still did not respond.

Now hold on here! Many of you are saying "WTF? Is this guy stupid, he's losing her! OMG! What an idiot! Have your friend answer in a gay voice and fuck with her, then don't even try to get back with her when she calls tons! Stupid!!!" Sorry guys this just isn't the case. Open your mind a second. This isn't an emotional decision, it's a decision about what's the right move and what's the wrong move. We already know the right move, so there is no question in our minds.

This is a case where the girl is making a very direct power play in a very harsh way using her biggest guns, so I respond with my big guns. I use confusion and withdrawl of attention until she becomes submissive. Remember, the power we maintain through our boundries lies in the ability of the woman to believe that we WILL give them up and that we WILL find someone else if they won't allow us to take a dominant role in the relationship (notice that I did NOT use the word CAN instead of WILL in this sentance!)

This means sticking to this until relationship death, if that will be the case. In this case, the girl continued to respond to me emotionally and negatively to try and elicit a response from me. If I do respond to her negativity and emotional outbursts, I act in an emotionally affected way and I lose power.

So let me tell you what happened. So I kick the girl out, jerk off, and she calls the next day and Brad does the gay voice. She calls the next day and like a day later, both days leaving harsh voicemails. After this, radio silence for 5 weeks until I get a text from her:

"Hey"

"Hi" I respond.

She calls.

Her: "I thought you would call me back by now, but I guess you're not going to huh?"

Me: "No, I wasn't"

Her: "Well Why?

Me: "Well, what you did was inexcuseable. You fucked up the whole situation with my friend, not to mention not having sex with me, then you made it rough on me to have sex with you the time after, then the last time we hung out you got me all revved up and then just stopped. That's pretty fucked up, and if you want to be with me that's not acceptable behavior. I'm just not going to do that."

Her: "Oh, so you just want me for sex, like that's all i'm for to you?"

Me: "Of course not, gimme a fucking break, really?"

Her: "Well I just didn't want to have sex with you that night, I thought we'd hang out and just do the friends thing."

Me: "Are you serious? Friends? I think we're past that, we've been having sex for like over a year now."

Her: "Well I just didn't want to have sex with you that night."

Me: "Well if that's the truth then that's fine, not a big deal at all. I can handle you not wanting to have sex from time to time, just communicate that with me and don't get me all worked up then fucking stop for no reason. That's just fucked up, i'm not dealing with that any more for any reason. Got it?" (Notice the reasonability and reinstatement of the boundry).

Her: (with implicit acceptance of the boundry): "Well the other night when I called you I was drunk when I was mean on the voicemail so are you okay now, are we friends again?"

Me: ha...ha. I have great friends I don't need anymore.

Her: Well fine okay, does this mean we're okay?"

Me: Yeah as long as there's no more of this then that's fine.

Her: Well good. I'm glad that's over. Well I really want to see you soon when can we hang out?

Me: Well like Thursday night works for me.

Her: No i'm busy that night. What about Saturday?

Me: Nah that doesn't work either, i'm busy.

Her: What do you have another date that night?

Me: Well since you asked yes I do.

Her: Really you do? What about me?

Me: Well I told you what you did was fucked up, and to me that's grounds for dismissal, so in the last month i've been out some. I certainly wasn't going to wait around for you.

Her: Well what's she like?

Me: You really want to know?

Her: Yeah.

Me: Well she's about a 6 foot tall black chick with tits bigger than yours, I met her at the Saddle Ranch.

Her: Ooooh, you found a new love huh, well when are we going to hang out then?

Me: Well like I said Thursday works, or I guess it would have to be like Monday or Tuesday (me explaining my real logistics. Notice when i'm busy I don't give a reason, I just say "I've got plans that night.")

Her: Well okay that sounds good. I'll call you tomorrow sweety!

Me: Okay sounds good. Later.

Her: Later

_______________

So notice what happened here. I remained steadfast in maintaining my boundry, I setup a new one that I wasn't going to accept her getting me horny and denying sex, I dealt with a couple tests to reaffirm my dominance, and we're off to the races. She asked about my plans and I respond by letting her know that when she's gone I WILL move on without remorse. Now she's in a place where she knows what my requirements are, she knows that i'm dominant, and she knows what the consequences are if she breaks the boundries I setup for her. She also knows that i've got enough abundance to move on and that now she's got some work cut out for her. Guess what? She's happy this way.

Since this outburst, my phone is piling up with nude photos of this girl pleasuring herself for me to look at, along with far more texts saying what a great guy I am and sweety and honey and all that shit. And of course i'm not mentioning the sex. Talk about an immediate porno blow job, this girl was on her knees in SECONDS after getting to my place to see me last week, followed by intense sex and a great backrub after my nap. Ahhhh....

The overwhelming lesson here is that women don't get upset when we establish and maintain our boundries, they'd just prefer for us to hack through the communication part and not be wishy-washy about cause they like when they know what their role is and how to meet our needs. However, in our incredible ability to fuck ourselves out of pussy, we've managed to create behavior that is lazy and allows girls to run over us when it's the absolute wrong time for it. Let me assure you that the very second you start to set up and maintain boundries correctly you will be met with positive results from women, even if your first result is losing the one you're with because you haven't maintained boundries in the past. Women are happier knowing that they're with a "real" man, they'll feel more secure with you, they'll maintain their attraction towards you, and they'll actually meet your needs the way you'd like them to!

Facebook Closes are BULLSHIT! Here's why...

2011-02-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

So you're a beginning PUA and you start going out and at some point in time you ask a girl for her number, to which she replies "Well let's be Facebook friends, let me give you my name." You're like "SCORE! Just Facebook-closed a hottie, YES!!! I'm gonna fuck her in no time!" You're an excited guy about this seeming success, but how does it go after that?

Well ideally you'd message or chat the girl, then get her real number and talk over the phone, arrange a meetup, then go out and eventually have sex. The problem with this is that even though it sounds promising to facebook close a girl, the reality is that it's going to be much more difficult for you than you might think. Let's look at this situation more closely and examine what's REALLY happening.

The first thing to be a bit wary about when you ask for a girl's number and get the "Facebook me" response is WHY a girl would do this. Ask yourself "If we're talking already and i've done a good job picking up, then shouldn't she want to talk again? Then why when I ask to talk to her again would she want to change our medium of communication to one where we're not talking?"

The overwhelming reason why girls let guys Facebook-close them is because it's an easy way of letting guys down who they're not really attracted to. The girl doesn't want to be mean about letting the guy down, and she knows that if she "friends" the guy that he'll often take it as a good thing and go away after that, so the decision to exchange Facebook info is a pretty smart decision for her. The payoff is that the girl is creating an additional degree of seperation between herself and the guy.

Yes, the guy still has a small chance to make it work, but it's certainly not looking good for him at this point. We already know that the girl's not super into him, so first he'd have to change that via mail or chat. After that he'd have to get her number and talk with her, then get her to meet out. The problem is that at the point she's giving out facebook info she already is denying that she even wants to talk on the phone. More than likely what will happen is that he'll friend her, checkout her pictures, try to message her, and will get ignored.

When i'm in a situation like this where the girl's not quite attracted enough to give me digits, I like to quickly up the attraction a bit by running another attraction routine or talking a bit more then ask for the number again. I also need to be realistic and understand that this girl might just not be super into me for whatever reason, so I shouldn't waste too much time trying to stick around and create attraction either. A terrible result would be to try for another 20 minutes and have the girl not really blow me out but not care if I stand there and try really hard, because then i've just wasted my own time and made myself feel stupid.

My favorite thing to do when I ask a girl for her number and she suggests "Oh, why don't you just facebook me" is to say the following:

Oh you wanna be my facebook friend? You're right I don't think we're quite ready yet for the phone either. Okay what's your name? (wait for her to say it and then interrupt her with the following): Actually you know what, Facebook is a little forward for me. I tell you what, you know what we should do? We should be pen pals. Did you ever have a penpal in like Africa when you were like 8? Lets do that! Actually no, really that's feeling like too much for me too. Okay okay, I got it! Here's what i'm going to do. I'm gonna go onto... Craigslist... and i'm gonna make a post in the next few days in the "Missed Connections" section. I'm gonna write "Hey, met you in X place doing X thing (use the details of where the place you're both at) and I realize you really liked me a lot and I didn't give you a chance. Hoping to connect with you soon." Then, if you happen to be on craigslist going through the missed connections section, then you can maybe respond to my add and we can work from there. Who knows, maybe we could message awhile, then start talking on the phone, then MAYBE someday we could like have a conversation on the phone. C'mon, just gimme your number girl.

Got it? Basically you're showing the girl in a playful way that you understand what she's doing, then you're switching it around on her so that you're the one creating degrees of seperation with her that she's got to overcome. This confronts the girl with the fact that what she's doing is really obviously kinda stupid and lets her know that you're not a social retard. This, combined with the end where you're like "gimme a break with that crap, just give me your number" will often be enough to get her attention and get her number. If not, you're done wasting your time with the girl and you can move on to the next.

Now having said all this, there is one situation where a facebook close might be the way to go. This would be when the girl is in the venue with her boyfriend and you're both time-pressed because he's coming back soon from the bathroom or something. In this situation where she really CAN'T have you calling/texting, it might be better for you to arrange meetups, etc. over facebook until her situation with the boyfriend changes.

So there you have it. Girls are responding to guys in smart ways that fulfill their needs and often not yours, so take the smart road and be prepared for this situation and you might come out on top (of her hopefully) next time instead of ending up with one more "hot chick" you facebook closed. Unless of course you enjoy smacking it to her photos :)

Pickup Mansion Update & David Shade Interview

2011-01-27T21:16:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! Wanted to give you a little sneak peak into what's going on with us at the Underground Dating Seminar and tell you about an interview with David Shade. It's late night on January 27th and we've still got a crew of 8 guys working the tail end of a 13 hour shift here to finish the newest, latest, and greatest Pickup Mansion here in Hollywood, California! I can't wait to open Febuary 1st!

Nestled in the Hollywood hills and still walking distance from all the hotspots, the house is 6 stunning bedrooms along with front and back patios, secluded rooms, secret entrances, a hot tub, 7 HDTV's without a cord to be seen, a projector, surround sound, count them 3 Lovesac's (2 of THE BIG ONES), a eat in kitchen with a U-shaped diner-style booth, and even a very prolific 50 year TV-star for a neighbor! Needless to say i'm very proud to be part of such a successful project.

It's 2011, and the new year is bringing great things.
The one and only David Shade, who's interview with Brad laid the foundation for my dirty-talking game, has moved into the new Pickup Mansion! Not only that, shortly after moving in we sarged a bit here in beautiful Hollywood and after witnessing me makeout with two friends very quickly and create massive attraction with more girls one night, he asked me to interview with him for his innercircle program about the sexual dominance that i'm able to create. This interview is the first time that i've been recorded and released, so be sure not to miss it. In the interview we discuss many topics, among them my history with a religious upbringing, creating and recognizing instant attraction, and how to grab women's breasts in the first 30 seconds you meet them. It's is being released very soon, and the dealine to signup to receive it is January 28th, so rush right now to http://masterful-lover.com/blog/ and get your hands on a copy. I promise you won't regret it.

What an amazing honor to be interviewed by someone whom I admire and have learned so much from myself! Thanks to you Mr. David Shade for that, and for giving me the opportunity to return the favor. I hope you guys enjoy.

Advanced Full Travel Dependency Logistics Strategy

2010-12-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

Just today a student in the pickup mansion wrote the following post about last night on Brad P's 30/30 forum and i'd like to share it with you guys.

the Scourge of the Tom

finally, at last, we may have a case that legitimately surpasses THE PASSION OF THE TOM in the magnitude of its horror

to be honest, this is a long shot -- i doubt anything in my pu career can ever surpass the THE PASSION OF THE TOM, simply because I am not that sensitive anymore, and the story of the PASSION in particular was just so utterly ridiculous and insane.

but this certainly feels like the worst ever at the moment, that's for sure.
as i have explained to Chris and EJ at length, it does not seem like the kind of pain you'd get from working out in the gym -- like ripping your muscles, but in a recoverable way that makes you stronger in the end. it feels rather like the pain of a bone simply being ripped out of the body

therefore, i furiously present, THE SCOURGE OF THE TOM

setting = sky bar, friday 12/10

To be honest i was really tired and feeling like shit -- beginning to think i wouldn't get any real good sets tonight.
And of course, the moment I begin to think that I have an awesome set.

I opened an extremely cute 9 ballerina chick with ILYF (I like your face opener).
And wow, this girl was just SO into me.

Unfortunately she was in a 4 set, full travel dependency, with 2 fat chicks (long time friends of target) and a random pseudo-social-circle dude who'd they'd recently met at a concert or something and done shrooms with.

The dude did not have game to match mine, but he was a good looking guy, reasonably adjusted and also clearly interested in hitting on the 9. So he was really annoying. This was the first time i've really felt a guy seriously trying to compete with me on a set i was seriously interested and invested in.

The thing is though, I just didn't see him as a genuine threat. The 9 did have some attraction for him, but it was nowhere near as powerful as what i was doing to her. And then when it would be the three of us sitting together I would simply decapitate the guy, and he would leave in 10 seconds without a hope.

Eventually what happened was: i was sitting on the couches with the three girls; and i said to the 9 that the guy looked sad. on this cue she got up to talk to him and i continued vibing with the fat chicks. but then this went on and on. she kept talking and talking and talking to the dude while i was just sitting talking to the fat chicks. And I didn't really think anything of this because it just seemed like i was so powerfully in control of all the girls. In my mind i was just being chill and showing i didn't care that the other two were talking because it didn't threaten me. but then i texted over nomad, because the logistics sucked and i wanted to pull anyway, and i didn't know how to do it. i went away from the set for 10 minutes to talk to nomad on the pulling options. in this time (of course) they absconded from the venue. and then they would not return my calls or texts, even though they all three had independently requested I take their number without me ever asking -- except for 1 text from the 9 stating:
Hey hey getting food - sorry I got drunk new friend

Now, I do not know exactly what happened here, but the infuriating interpretation (and clearly the likeliest to be accurate) is that while i let the 9 and dude talk ad infinitum, and the 9's BT having been pumped hugely due to her interaction with me, it became (falsely) apparent to the guy, the fat girls, and on some level even to the girl herself that she was actually interested in the guy over me.

Then this guy, who had absolutely no chance against me when i was physically present, used his logistical advantage (having come with them) to slip them out of the venue for "food" at the exact moment i went away to talk to nomad.

Then i tried calling and texting them, and now it looked like I was the needy guy chasing the girl and the girl wasn't interested in me.

It is absolutely mind boggling that this switch could have happened -- indeed it likely is exactly what it happened. You do not understand. I had these girls SO HARD. it was SO THERE. there was nothing missing. the target girl was ALL over me, just regurgitating attraction out of every orifice (and she was not drunk btw despite the claim in the text). they were like fucking puppets. i could practically feel them dangling by their foreheads from the strings in my hand.

The fact that another guy may have reaped the benefits of my work and fucked this girl tonight, and due to my own negligence, is simply too much for me.

It was not taken from me by force. I simply did not stay with the girl, again. I let it happen. The last thing i said to her was that the other guy looked sad. Then I neglected to re-engage her, and for a really long time; then i went away completely to talk to nomad. and of course they slip out precisely at that moment

i have written this report in calm language, but the thoughts and emotions behind this are not calm at all. as i have stated to chris, my anger on this matter is not even nearly expressible, "at least within the law." it is so far beyond the scale of things that can come out in shouting, writing, or even sarging, that there is no point in even trying to find any outlet whatsoever.

it will burn me till the end of time. i have heard over and over again that BT is transferrable, but this is really the only time i've seriously had to think about it. this is the most fucked up part of the game -- that i can do all this work on a girl, and then it can transfer arbitrarily to some other random underserving dude and he can get laid with my girl off of my appeal to the girl and my connection with the girl. I had this girl HOOK, LINE, and SINKER, SO fucking hard.

and then poof. it got ripped clean out of my body due to a force that I could have easily overwhelmed had it not been for my negligence.

the lesson of the PASSION was to get contact info as quickly as possible. i'd say i do have a very tangible phobia now about leaving girls I like before i've gotten their contact info, and i think that's a good thing.

the lesson of the SCOURGE is that even with that, you still have to physically guard them at all times if you want to guarantee the pull that night, because the very attraction she had to you can transfer to some random retarded dude. it really sucks. this is one of the unfortunate parts of the game in my opinion

it is a big lesson (would have been better if i could have just remembered that thing about BT and always having to be with the girl from all the theory i've heard on it), and a fucking brutal one, but it's really more than that. it's way too brutal to be just a lesson.

the guy and target talking -- im letting this happen, because i don't think it's a threat, and meanwhile, everyone is getting the idea that the target doesn't like me, as the guy sucks up the benefits of my work on her? This hits home really hard. It's just brutal. It's fucking brutal man, that's all i can say. This is not the pump and burn of the bench press. This is the bar falling down, ripping the tendons from their muscles and shattering the breastplate. Just fucking boom. This is not a dent or a tear; it's a monstrous, irreparable break. the structure of my game and the way i think about game has been completely destroyed. it will have to change fundamentally because of this one incident

like i really cannot explain how un-fathomly brutal this is for me. if you think you are getting the idea, take that and multiply it by the biggest number you can think of. that's how mad i am right now.

My response was this:

When I was a newbie I knew the information about travel dependency, though I didn't understand it through experience. I hadn't had your type of situation happen before, so when it did, I fucked it up hard. I "actually liked the girl a lot"l one time and I so I got her number and decided I was going to pull her at the end of the night. To do this, I waited till the end of the night and called her repeatedly trying to pull her. I was super outcome dependent and emotional about the connection I thought I had with the girl. I ended up creeping her out and she wouldn't ever text me or call me again. It felt like shit. I'm not the quickest learner in the world, so this happened to me a few times before I moved on to the intermediate stage of learning.

At the intermediate level, I now better understood travel dependency through applying my knowledge several times in the field. I started the practice of getting numbers when I realized full travel dependency existed. Later when I got the same feeling of actually connecting with the girl I could resist my urge to be an idiot. There were times I started trying to pull the group, and now with more skill I could sometimes pull the group. I found that even when I was able to do this, there was still a group security dependency when inside my home that makes it equally as difficult to have sex at the house as it would be to bathroom pull the girl. Everyone watches out for everyone and you've still got to get her isolated.

I'll give you an example. There's probably a report somewhere in my month 3 or 4 where I pulled a 9 set with 8 dudes in it back to my house. My friend was over with another girl, and when all 8 guys weren't looking I pulled the girl into a room in my house. This girl was an 18 year old disgustingly hot 10, about 5'6'', skinny, with PERFECT tits, the tits dreams are made of. I still to this day pull one off from time to time thinking about what happened. I do secret spots on her, pull her to the room and she tells me "We've gotta make this quick." I start fingering her thinking she wanted secret spots, when I should've pulled clothes off and started fucking immediately. By the time i've got her half naked with her pants pulled halfway down her thighs, all 8 dudes are aggressively banging on the door to the point where it's about to break open. We get our clothes on, exit, and she's "saved" by the guys. Immediate anguish ensues in my life and mind. Though I had home court advantage by having a thorough knowledge of the layout of my own home, it was still a daunting task to pull. This type of situation is specifically why your house was chosen, and even specifically your room setup the way it is! (In this case Iron Tom's room in the pickup mansion has a hallway behind it leading to a small secluded bathroom that is a great isolation spot)

Now, the way that i'll act when dealing with full travel dependency is still very situationally dependent. When I'm faced with full travel dependency, before making a strategic decision on how to act, I try and accurately gauge both the pullability of the set and the likelyhood that one member of the group will be a group cockblocking inducer. Is there a bitter female in the group or a guy who's very much into the girl you're going to try and fuck? If this is the case, your task BEFORE the pull is to disengauge this possibility through connection to the person or group, offering up implied future value to the females in the group, or by making a visible, group-acceptable connection to the target. They should all be excited their friend is hooking up with you, and enough so that they act as cock-enablers and protectors. Create this effect using your social savvy and through using your cool hot guy friends who are with you, or just talking about "how perfect for you" and "how much you'd love" a friend of yours. A common technique used here is saying you've got a hot doctor friend the fat chick would love. Ruthless but effective. BTW this should be believeable as well. If the chick's fat you should calibrate accordingly to make said guy attainable in her eyes.

Having a visible, group acceptable connection to the target will also have the added benefit of disengauging the cockblocking power of any jealous males as well, because the additional females in the group will now be on your side and police any bullshit moves the jealous male tries to pull. This is often very funny when it happens, because the jealous male is usually so misguided by his lack of social understanding and his lack of ability to read the situation that he'll actually TELL the girls what move he's trying to make! After all, he's naturally insecure already and knows he'll need the power of the girls to make this happen. He's also somewhat passive aggressive and secretly would like them to do it for him because he's afraid of what might happen if he has to. The girls will stop whatever he says he's going to do before it ever happens. BEAUTIFUL!

My final note for you here, Iron Tom, is that you should start practice reframing this in your own mind. Yes, it sucks. I know how much from personal experience. It's my hope that you felt very strongly about this girl and that it stung quite a bit. Sounds like it did. I hope this because this experience is going to act to clear your head next time this situation arises. Your experience of this situation, your thought about it afterwards and subsequent processing, and your ability to reframe it in your mind as a growing experience where your "skin" gets thicker and you become less outcome dependent in the moment, are all going to lead you to the correct decision in the future.

So... can you embrace and extend this?

When it's your read that you're outmatched by the power of the social contract or one of the factors (for whatever reason), the right move is to PUSH AWAY the girl and ACTIVELY RELEASE her from the situationa and worry she might have. You're a cool social guy and you know what will happen in advance, so release her from the stress of dealing with a situation where an unknowing guy fucks up again by trying too hard and instead allow her to have the experience of being excited about the new guy she met and curious about what might happen with him in the future. You now know the situation warrants taking a number and getting out because you understand the factors involved and the risk vs. reward, so look at her with knowing eyes and tell her "Alright, enough of this. Now get out of here" as you turn her around and push her away. Backturn her so if she's looks again she'll see you've disengauged her and are back to your friends, and..... done. Chill a minute, then reapproach for possible post-set added social proof.

If you'd like to read more about how Tom thought I missed the point a bit on this and what a "group-acceptable connection" is, you can find this thread "The Scourge of the Tom" on the 30/30 forum

Quit worrying and have sex with your coworker already! ... Here's how!

2010-10-13T13:15:00.000-07:00

To bang or not to bang, that is the question. Many times in life we may be in situations where we're in a small social environment and we have the chance to have sex with a woman or start a relationship. Should we? Why or why not? What if X bad thing happens? What does the girl want? I don't know what do to! Well fear not, we'll go through this stuff right now.

The first thing we should talk about here is that this type of a decision should be made strategically and with due diligence. If you're not having sex with this woman because of some random "idea" about social proof, "pissing in your own pool" or "shitting where you eat", examine why you are participating in that belief in the first place.
Likely it's because you've heard of the peril of others. Let me assure you that some of us are very successful in these types of situations, and if you were as well you'd likely not be the guy telling others not to "shit where they eat" because you simply wouldn't believe that it was a problem :)

Again, this decision should be made strategically, so ask yourself first what your future intentions with this group of people are, and be honest about your needs, wants, and goals because these will determine the most advantageous course of actions. If you already have a social circle of people involved in this decision, or are planning on creating a social circle and want to end up having sex with more of the women in it, then it's my advice to make sure the woman is one of the hotter ones in the group.

Do the best job in the bedroom you are capable of, because these details will likely be discussed to some extent by other women associated with yours. You'd be surprised how quickly and accurately this information spreads. Remember the game "telephone" we all used to play as kids where people sit in a circle and communicate messages? The end message when we were all children seemed to always be entirely inaccurate, but as adults and with women you can bet the information will come out clearly on the other side. To be more accurate, I believe that as the information moves from perhaps a best friend onto friends further out in degree of seperation, that the details leave and the most important and overwhelming idea stays in-tact.

Do we want others to know? Well if we've decided to close the deal, I think it's best for others to end up figuring out what's going on, and to do so without the chatter coming from your mouth. This means zip your lips and let others talk about you two if they may. Being known as the guy who has sex with every girl on campus or in a small social environment can definitely a good place to be. Being the guy who does it discretely while others do your talking for you is an even better one. Some girls definitely will not like you, but whether or not they like you they'll still be talking about you, and that talk is doing work for you that you can't do yourself.

If i'm in a classroom setting in college, for instance, I like to think of myself as a social guy in general, but as a loner when it comes to situations with women. If i'm having sex with a girl in my class, usually i'll sit next to her in class like i'm friends with her. Sometimes I might show up with her and sometimes not. Same with leaving class. I'm usually not holding hands with her or doing PDA-type stuff, this way people at best become naturally curious and start to assume i'm having sex the girl even if i'm not. You'll know your course of action is working when people start telling you what they believe right to your face. Whatever you do, remain silent and don't tell anyone what's going on ever! I don't care if your brother is sitting next to you in class asking, make sure people don't really know for sure. Let their curiosity lead them to their own conclusions. That'll create the best image for you.

So what do women want when it comes to secrecy and discretion? Will they feel bad if I don't want people knowing about what's going on? In general, I believe a women will follow a man's lead when it comes to keeping things a secret. If you're the hottest coolest guy around she may be more inclined to want the relationship more public (meaning people know you're together, this obviously does NOT include people knowing personal sexual details) to increase her social value. If you're in a workplace environment where the two of you are taking heavy risks, she will likely need complete secrecy and professionalism. Either way, as a man you should be in-tune with her wants and needs. Empathize with her about this and make sure you communicate effectively to avoid dire consequenses. Also know you're own developmental path in seduction so that you can accurately know what your wants and needs are. If your identity and your skillset in seduction, etc. aren't quite great yet i'd tend to keep things more quiet until that changes. You certainly don't want a reputation as a guy who doles out negative experiences with women (like bad sex, uncalibrated social behavior, etc).

Let's talk for a second about damage control. You've begun having sexual relations with a woman and now things have gone south. Perhaps everyone at work knows, everyone in your college class, or just everyone in whatever social group you may be in. People are talking now and it's not good. You stand to lose things, perhaps your job, your social standing, or your pride. You've taken a big risk and it's costing you. What to do? First of all, you should know it's not the end of the world. There are many men before you who've done it bigger and far worse than you have. It takes one second to realize this when you read the name Bill Clinton or perhaps Tiger Woods.

Finally, what I recommend doing in a case where things go south is very simple. DENY, DENY, DENY! Even if you get caught red handed, still deny. Then if they catch you admitting it, start denying again. There's no advantage at all in admitting to it. You know the girl won't, so if you do, then you'll look like a guy who's saying he had sex with a girl when he didn't. Even worse! Don't believe me? If you're in the mood to geek out a bit then search for Brad P's post called the Rick James Reversal on www.fastseduction.com. There's a very specific reason why this works. If you are congruent with what you say, and I mean totally congruent, people will believe almost anything you say. Another reason for this is that when women around see that you'll do this, they might say something like "Damn, I should have sex with that guy cause no matter what happens he's not going to say anything!" This is a great remedy for any ASD a girl might have as well.

Well that's about it. Follow this advice and hopefully you won't turn into a guy who's always telling others not to "shit where they eat."

Do I want girls as orbiters?

2010-10-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

Many guys learning pickup learn about orbiters at some point in time and how not to be one. When they move on to learn about how having some social proof can help get them laid, they put two and two together and start to wonder if women orbiters could help them get laid. If you're a guy like this who might be looking to improve your game strategically by having some women around you and you're wondering how it all works then read on. Hopefully I can clear up some misconceptions here and give you some general guidelines to steer you along the right path.

The first thing to know about women orbiting men it's 99% bullshit. Girls really don't orbit guys the way that men traditionally orbit women! Girls are far more likely to get a "secret crush" on a guy, which basically entails standing on the side somewhere and just hoping the guy will talk to them. This means that from a strategic standpoint if you're looking to enhance your game and give yourself a better shot at getting laid through having some orbiters around i'd say it's far more hassle than it's worth. It's even slightly a KJ-ish (keyboard-jockey-ish) question to begin with. A guy who's looking for this type of thing to help his game is usually not looking to improve his game, but rather he's looking for more of a backdoorish non-legit way to game or create value where it doesn't naturally come from.

What you really want instead of a girl pestering you all the time whom you don't like is just some good female friends. When you've got some female friends around it'll give you the social proof you're looking for and you've got the added benefit that the girls in your group aren't going to be as likely to cockblock you cause they know what kind of guy you are (hopefully this is the kind that hooks up with girls, dates, approaches, has fun when out, etc.). It'd be nice if these girls in your social circle are good looking or a mixed group with a couple good looking ones minimum, because if they're not you might as well be sarging alone IMO (unless you're in Hollywood or another place with tough door discretion obv).

So what about that other 1% where it might actually happen? A girl might actually occasionally orbit in a social circle environment if she's got a crush on you and she for whatever reason decides to be unusually persistent. She could be drunk, high, or just a crazier type girl and if so her likely move would be to try and cockblock you by kinoing you in front of the girl to try and show your target that she's "in possession" of you. If this were to happen I would not tolerate it even for a second.

I don't really think there's much to add to this. It's pretty simple really. If you want to sarge entirely without female friends around, i'd say go for it. Later on in your development it'll be more likely to have girls around, so this information might come in handy, but really I don't think as a guy that having tradtional type orbiters is anything to crave.

How to be a Ruthless Player

2010-09-21T17:31:00.000-07:00

Recently on Brad P's 30/30 club forum I encountered a very good question about an article I had written entitled "I wasn't attracted to the girl so I didn't continue gaming her." If you have not read this article yet, please read that before proceeding. You can find right here in my March blog section. The student's question is as follows.

From the post by me:

"If you feel comfortable making out with a girl that you're not super into cause you want to practice kiss closing, then i'm all for it. If you feel like you want to get head from the same girl, practice dirty talk, or practice fingering techniques on her then I say go for it. "

Student:

My game isn't good enough yet to get chicks I highly desire, despite the fact that i'm very good looking. So, I same-night-pulled a so-so girl (HB4-5), coz i wanted to practice game, pull logistics, escalation, etc. I just started Month 6. She was mildly attractive, but I wasn't sure if i wanted to fuck her. In fact, i didn't even pause to consider if i wanted to fuck her or not. We were on a tight schedule coz she had to leave New York in 4 hours, and we both knew we would most likely not see each other again. She had fun wiht me all the way to my place, until i got her into bed and then i realized i'm not aroused by her enough. So I just fingered her. She gave me some partial woody here and there, but not enough for sex. She was understandably unhappy that i wasn't aroused by her while in bed.
I was happy about my game being good enough to pull her, but the experience in bed made us both uncomfortable. I felt bad about making her feel unattractive, she was trying hard to turn me on, so we kept "trying to have sex" for an hour or longer. She finally got tired of it and left. Overall this was still a successful experience for me, coz i managed to pull a girl who was not too easy in the beginning.
Question1: how do i NOT FEEL BAD about turning a girl down, maybe even kicking her out, if i'm no longer attracted?
Question2: what are some GOOD THINGS TO SAY? Maybe like "it was fun, and now i have to go sleep / go do XYZ."

Here's what Brad P did in a similar situation in his diary:
"Keep going, start sucking titties and whacking it. I will do that sometimes if time is limited and the last minute resistance is fierce, just to get a nut off. She's fine with it; I change my mind and decide I don't like this girl… too ugly and annoying. I stop everything. I take her back. She's hinting for my phone number,
I'm changing the subject. I level with her and tell her I do not have time to be getting to
know you for 3 dates before sex. She says come back to this town to see her. I'm thinking:
WTF I'd never fly across the country to fuck a pudgy 6 who's already annoyed me by
roadblocking me behind the IHOP dumpster. That's absolutely ludicrous. I'm trying to drop
this chick PRONTO! She's all annoying about the phone number thing; I take her number to
shut her up."

Question3: Going forward, I'll do what Brad P did, BUT I have a question. It looks that Brad P wasn't concerned about how this chick felt. Is this smth that Brad P would like to have done smoother second time around or would it be poisonous to the inner game & Alpha-male vibe to be too concerned about how that chick felt? I like that Brad P has no ego and many times admitted when he learned smth and how he would improve things now based on his massive experience and knowledge.

On the same theme, I also "ruined the night" for 1 other chick, coz I invited her to a party where she didn't know anyone, but then made out and left with another chick, who was a faster pull. The whole night I was acting like the worst player ever.
Question4: Should I continue cultivating this attitude as a ruthless player Alpha male?

Question5: What if its within a social circle that thinks badly of ruthless players? Should I just not care about it?
Some women love pickup artists, some women hate them / afraid of them. Whatever.

If I could get some good answers from experienced coaches who pull lots of chicks all the time, I would really appreciate. This is really a key issue for my development now.

Thanks,
Student (name removed for privacy)

-----------------------------

This is a great question from an informed student so I addressed it on the 30/30 forum and decided this was great material to discuss here in my blog. This is my response to the student:

So How does one "not feel bad" about turning a girl down?

First of all, it's not your responsibility to be attracted to a girl! If you're not attracted to her and you feel bad for it, i'd say that's a nice-guy behavior. The fact is that many girls when presented with a situation where they have control enough over a man to take advantage of him will in this situation use the guy for financial gain, social status (turn him into an orbiter), or validation. Sometimes they'll even do a combination of all three!

"But okay Jake, I still took her to the room and couldn't get it up for her and I feel bad about that." Still not your fault. If she doesn't have it, she doesn't. Girls unapologetically ditch guys when they're not into them and you should do the same. Obviously in this case you were working on your skillset and in the end you didn't want to sleep with her so you didn't. This doesn't mean you took something from her. The girl got to have some intimate time with a guy she was into. She could have been reading a book alone and walking around all day. I'd argue her day was much better with you, even with the way it ended. She may not feel the best about the way it turned out and neither do you, but you've got to take chances for things to work out. I'm sure she'd take the same chance again to try and sleep with a guy like you, and even if you did sleep together and not see each other again she would have still loved the experience. Girls love random sex and foreplay with strangers just as much as you and I, likely more.

Question 2, you've got the right idea. You can also seed that you've got something going on later. If it goes well you can tell her you're skipping it, and if it goes poorly tell her it's time to go.

Question 3, Brad would not do this "smoother" the second time around. I'd say exiting was pretty smooth, it minimizes time with non-compatible girls and doesn't use the girls for validation, etc.

Question 4, Great question as are the other ones here. I like your train of thought, but lets adjust the way you're thinking quickly. When I go out and meet a girl who I might like, i'll spend some time with her and game her to grow my skillset. It's entirely possible that in the additional time I spend with her i'll find something I do like about her enough to give her a chance at me. Remember i've developed myself into a high quality guy, as you're doing. Now if in that process I take the girl to a party and end up meeting someone possibly more compatible with me or whom i'm more attracted to then that's great and I should go for that. The fact that I choose the girl who I believe is more compatible or more desireable does not make me a ruthless player.

If I were to premeditate the situation and use the power i've gained through the learning to actively abuse another persons emotions for my personal gain then i'd say that's a ruthless player move. Now, I will ruthlessly abuse another high-value guy's emotions/social standing, etc by dominating him if i'm in the situation where i'm competing with him for a girl. I think that's definitely fair game. However, I will absolutely not do this when I'm not truly possibly interested in a girl or when the guy i'm dealing with is obviously low-value and really does like the girl. In other words i'm not going out and abusing the social power i've got to break up relationships or cause other harm in the lives of others. This would be very much like a guy who learns karate. If he's in danger or his loved ones are getting harmed he'll kill someone, and if he's fighting in a tournament he'll fight with all he's got because it's the name of the game, but he doesn't just walk around town breaking random people's legs because that would be a gross abuse of the power he's gained. With power comes responsibility.

With this in mind, if you game the girl using the "I wasn't attracted..." post's advice then choose another during the process, that's perfectly acceptable even if you believe the girl will feel bad. The girl might also feel like she's prettier or doing better with guys as a result of this. She might interpret the whole thing as a learning experience and be positive about it as well !!!!! What i'm reiterating here is that either way, you're not responsible for each girl's emotions about an interaction, she is responsible. The same is true for the opposite situation where a girl rejects you or blows you out. She can't be responsible for your reactions or emotions (or the reactions of the previous 1000 guys) or she'd feel like the worst person ever for rejecting those thousand guys. That would be a rediculous way for her to feel, because all she's doing is trying to find the best mate for her the same way you are. Does it make someone a bad person to want what they believe is best for themself? Certainly not.

This is a very important distinction to make, so if you have any questions make sure and get them down. Go read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and if you've already done it then go back, reread, and do the exercises in the book. There's still some work to be done with your inner game IMO, as there still is with my own and everyone else's. I like how you're taking responsibility for you own emotions and learning about their consequenses, but it's not fair to you to try and take responsibility for the emotions of others.

Good luck! Keep asking these killer, tough questions and we'll keep doing our best to get you the information you and others all need!

Chicago Workshop Reviews

2010-08-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

Just finished a workshop in Chicago a couple weeks ago and wanted to post two reviews here that students Ben B. and ethicz posted on Brad P's 30/30 forum. Enjoy!

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Chicago Workshop with Jake (as posted on 30/30 forum by Ben B.)

Let me say first that I thoroughly enjoyed this Workshop. I think Jake is a great instructor who really cares about his students; he is also a really cool guy to hang out with! So onto the WS….

Friday:
Get to Chicago early afternoon before the WS; meet with Mr. 6.0 for some lunch and some day game. Each of us open some sets up. I open a girl up and he wings for me, we each # close the two girls.

Later that evening we meet up with Jake; all the guys at the WS are 3030 guys mr. 6.0, ethicz, and Persian_pua. Jake introduces himself and does a demo on a 3 set to start the night; # closes. Good start to the WS. A little later we all go to a house to start going over some basic information. We start testing openers and getting a story ready; we practice opening body language and some basics of kino.

We head out to the bars; open a few warm up sets that go nowhere. Then some girl comes over to our table pulls phone out of tits; starts texting. I open situationally, then run through my stack and story. Turns out she is from my hometown; we have some heavy kino. Im grabbing her ass and playing with her tits, while some other dude she is with is just chilling watching this go down. Then she says she wanted to go to the dance floor. I dance with her; but she ends up saying she has to go to the bathroom. That was the end of that.

Jake later told me that she was looking to get fucked; that I needed to keep pushing the interaction, cause she wanted it. (damn) So I probably opened like 10 or more sets that night; most of them I did not get through my stack, no hard BOs, but no good sets.

Jake got a couple of BOs to start the night, but he came through strong and gave some REALLY good demos for us.

Saturday:

I was feeling better on this day than I was on Friday. I had more energy and was obviously pumped for a full day with Jake.

At 2 we meet up at a really nice restaurant to eat and talk over the night before. We all discuss our nights in depth and go over what was good and what needed work. We spoke a lot about attraction routines, stage 1 and stage 2 kino; which I found to be especially helpful since I have had trouble figuring out what to do in kino. We talked about how to go in for a K-Close and how to get logistics and why to get them, we also went over sexual frames to keep girls attracted and conversations going, we also talked about empathetic listening. All of this was really helpful.

After a few hours there we moved over to the Lincoln avenue street festival. This place was swarming with tons of hot women! Jake opens a set or two up and lets us go off and open. I get three warm-ups in. I am really feeling it; almost no AA, im opening like a mad man..lol. I have trouble getting girls to stop and listen to my opener since everyone is walking in big groups. I have a few stop for me and I run through my entire stack a couple times. I have 1 # close. I HG a two set; they are not having it at first. Plow through my stack and they begin to open up more. Jake comes in to wing for me. We accidently run the same routine at almost the same time haha. Jake frame controls out of it. I do secret spots, with the girl im gaming. Get #. Got 16 sets done in about 2 hours at the street festival.
We take a 3 hour break and meet up at a bar in wrigleyville at about 10.

Get a few warm-ups done before Jake arrives. He gives us all of the mental prep that we need. I get a couple sets open then take a few blowout in a row. One was especially hard. (girl yelling at me saying she doesn’t fucking like horses…). I shake it off. Go and open a few and then open a seated 4 set; got the whole group engaged, get #’s, and girls tell me to meet them on dance floor later. (This set didn’t end up going anywhere once it reached the dance floor.)

Open a 1 set on the outside of a big group of friends HG, run through my stack and my story. I am getting some good stage 1 and stage 2 kino too. Then her friend tries to get her away from me (wtf.) by first waving her over; this girl was into me so she stayed then this friend tries pushing me out of the way; saying ‘go to your friends,’ I back turn and ignore her. Keep plowing. The friend then just pulls my target girl away. What the hell…

Open a few more sets. By this point at night I had gotten the 10 timer method done at the bar. My voice was gone; Jake told me that was normal and was good, cause it meant I was opening a lot!

Fun day and night. Opened a ton of sets. Learned a lot. Next up Sunday.

Sunday:

Sunday we all meet up at 2, at a really cool and chill bar. We then talk about the previous days approaches and other questions; Jake goes through the virgin talk for us and some more kino escalation info. We talk about inner game and bf destroyers. Then we go into values and identity work; figuring out what is important to us.

We then move over to a shady area in a park. We go over our perfect day and we decide on goals and make our goals more measurable and attainable with the help of Jake. Jake then goes through personal skill-set evaluations for each of us and gives us all the steps we need to take to go forward in our journey.

Summary:

The weekend started out slow; but by the time Saturday rolled around the workshop kicked into gear! Lots of good demos, lots of opening, lots of learning, and a lot of fun all around.
I really enjoyed learning from Jake; Sunday was really insightful, it gave me a good look at myself. I would recommend taking a workshop with Jake.

Thanks for a fun weekend guys! And happy sarging!

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Chicago Workshop Review as posted on 30/30 forum by ethicz.

I'll be reviewing sometime this weekend....I definitely liked it. Believe me, readers, if I thought it was bull I would have demanded for a refund. There were good and bad things I will address. Here's a teaser to what I'm going to write about:

Intro
My experience Part 1
My experience Part 2
Who I think this is for
Conclusion

Intro
This is my first workshop/live training I have ever taken in my life. I dont have much money so I was expecting my money's worth. I'm writing this review so guys who are on the line wondering if they want to do a workshop can decide whether or not they want to pull the trigger and go do one.

My experience Part 1
Day 1: It was raining in Chicago. Like Ben said Jake did a demo on this pretty cute chick with her friends and got her number. Thanks to the rain, we're stranded momentarily, until Jake's friend lets us meet up at his house. At the house we go over some basics. The seminar part was OK. It's one thing to read something from an ebook, but it's another for a professional to analyze your technique. I got some storytelling tips, delivery tips, and positioning tips, but aside from all this I honestly didn't get anything out of this day. My biggest gripe of the seminar was how Jake went over the IA opener..I thought we were supposed to read over this already?

Things then start to worsen: the dog in the house starts barking. Once the seminar was over the taxi shows up 30 minutes late because the cubs game ended. Then when we finally arrive at the night scene it starts raining. I dont blame Jake for any of this since he can't control these variables, but they defintely didn't help my night.

I'm underage, so I had to find shelter from the downpour while the other guys were gaming with Jake. Obviously I was realy pissed off and I was thinking about how I wasted my night. I talked with Jake about the night and I told him if I was going to have this kind ofexperience for the other 2 days, I was going to demand a refund.

I can't emphasize this refund issue any further. I'm not the type of person who will flush money down the toilet. I will type up the other 2 days possibly over the weekend. I obviously liked the whole experience so I didn't demand a refund at the end of the workshop.

The 2nd Day:

We talk about our nights. Then we do some seminar time and I think we did some q and a? Once again I didn’t get much out of the seminar time. Jake did show us how to deal with aggressive guys, but aside from that I didn’t get much out of the seminar.

Once we were done, we begin day game….from this point on everything turned around for me. This was my first time seeing a professional and if I looked at everything he did this day, it was pretty good. I’ve probably seen 10 other guys ever approach a stranger, but Jake is the best I have ever seen. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but the 2nd best guy, one of my friends, just doesn’t have what Jake has. This guy has really good presence, his life down, verbal game, etc, but Jake is just better. Off the top of y head, one of my favorite approaches was when Jake was talking to this couple. From my POV it was like metamorphically seeing, an immortal, an average Joe, and a girl. The girl was definitely into Jake, and the guy at the very least looked annoyed if not intimidated by Jake walking up and talking to them.

Jake pushed all of us into approaching. I got some helpful feedback to improve my odds, such as making my body language better, letting a girl know that I’m being playful. I was happy that Jake gave me some 1 on 1 tme to make up for my disastrous 1st night.

The 3rd Day:

I met up with Jake about 2 hours earlier for 1 on 1 time. He answers my questions, gives me personal advice. We then look for a place to get me measured for a leather jacket, but nobody was around to do that kind of service. At least I bought my jacket just yesterday, so in the end everything worked out. And yes it does fit. YAY!

After working on our goals, Jake analyzed our game. He went over our strengths and weaknesses. I was pretty impressed with this third day because everything (the goals and our game) is customized to the student. I got my own game plan to improve my game, which I’m currently working on rigorously. One lucky student even got a tailored routine. I don’t remember too much of the details, but I believe it will work best for him because it orresponds with his identity. We were running about 30 minutes late so Jake wasn’t one of those assholes who will say, oh well it’s 7:00 I’m gone.

I didn’t pry into Jake’s life, but I have known people who are successful with what they do. I’m talking about ex Marines, sports captains, etc. I am very confident that whatever Jake does (ie running a business) he’s successful at it. He always seems in control of the situation, which gives me a model to emulate. Brad did an excellent job in choosing an elite coach. So I want to publicly thank Jake for this experience.

"Haha, just joking!"

2010-07-14T20:45:00.000-07:00

If you're anything like me, there have been times when nervousness and inexperience in picking up has lead to conversations where you've made a joke or said a routine, then immediately followed it with "Just Joking!" But is this the most effective way to pick up girls? No. Is there a better way? Yes. Let's change what you're saying RIGHT NOW!

First of all if you're a nervous guy the odds are that it's not showing as much as you think it is. Often i've been SOOOO nervous in-set then had a wing come up to me after and tell me it looked smooth as glass. Most people think that others see nervousness and know when they're nervous, but the reality is that most only show nervousness when they've already been thinking about it so much that it's been drastically compounded.

The first step to conquering this problem is to start replacing your self talk.

Replace:

"I'm SOOOO NERVOUS!!! FUCK!!! THESE BITCHES KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! SHIT! AHHHHHHH I'M FUCKED FOREVER AHHHHH!"

with (calmly):

Yeah here's that nervousness thing again. They probably can't see it. I'm sure it'll pass in a second here."

When you gain comfort with this and begin to finish your material more calmly, the next step is to start taking a more dominant role with your sets, and that role is one of teasing through confusion then tension release. Simply put, if a girl is confused as to whether or not what you're saying is true, then you're in the dominant position. If you can be dominant to the women around you, you will have attraction.

This time as you reach the end of your material, think:

"I'm going to stretch this out and fuck with her just to see if she's got a good sense of humor."

Instead of stopping after the scripted part of the routine is over by the "just joking" approach, continue the routine with stuff you make up on the spot. Keep a straight face while making the material more and more unbelieveable until the girls actually pickup on the fact that you're full of shit. Then, even when THEY KNOW FOR SURE you're full of shit, STILL even then calmly reiterate that you're telling the precise absolute truth. If the material you come up with works well, use it immediately again on the next few sets or write it in your phone so you don't forget it.

When you make routines longer in this way it's called "Embrace & Extend." You've embraced the routine, and now you're extending it with your own material. The part where you go on and on with a straight face is called "Obvious Bullshit." Use two together with a changed mindset and you'll be walking into your sets with some powerful ammunition, not "Just Joking!"

The Truth about Ratio

2010-06-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

How many times in your life have you heard a fellow guy talk about "Dude we went to X club the ratio was great!" or something to that effect? Almost inevitably as a guy we all hear from time to time that a club was better because the ratio of women to men was higher than a normal bar where people just walk in. Guys get excited that when they go to a club with a higher ratio of women to men that they have a better chance of getting laid. Men believe this so deep down that many guys ACT on their knowledge of it. Some guys will spend lots of money entering clubs with better ratios, some will trek large distances to places like Rio de Janiero, and others will buy tables and bottle service. All of these things can cost huge amounts of money because we perceive lots of value from ratio and the sex we might obtain from it, but is there really value in ratio? How much? And if I find a club with a higher ratio am I more likely to get laid?

First I want to talk about money. Ratio, at least in Hollywood, is big business!!! Clubs know that men will spend lots of money when lots of women are around, so they've developed a system to maximize this effect. It's called door discretion. Simply put, if a guy doesn't show up to a hot club with at least 2 hot women then he won't get in unless he decides to purchase bottle service. For those of you not familiar this means that he can bring a number of guys in to a table where he buys two bottles of alcohol and some mixers (usually around $1000 minimum). The result of this is a club filled with a small amount of men, exclusively those with large amounts of money to spend and those with enough social resources to help the club charge lots of money to the men with the money to spend. This all adds up to a big profit to the club owner.

I think the ability of a guy to get laid on any given night in a regular club environment is far more dependent on the skillset and value of the guy in question than the amount of women that are around. In other words, if you suck at getting women when there are 2 men for every woman in a club, then it's likely you'll suck when there are 2 women to every man too. On the other hand if your skills are at their peak and your value is high, it's likely that you'll have a good shot at getting laid in either environment if that's your goal.

All of this to me means that ratio really isn't as important as people think it is. In Brad P's ten-timer method outlined in his 30/30 club, he advocates opening 3 warmup sets to get in a social mood then 10 more after that to give a guy an honest shot at getting laid that night. That means a guy could talk to as few as 1 girl in a night, but if we assume a high average of 3 girls per set then he might talk with about 39 girls in an evening. In many parts of the US it might be a stretch to find 39 women in a club or throughout the night, but even in cities with populations of about 250,000 people it's definitely possible to meet that many in a night. When's the last time any guy who talks about ratio has met 39 girls in one night? Probably never!

I think we would all agree that cold approach is tough. It might be one of the toughest skills to learn on the planet! For that reason many guys won't approach or have enough balls to meet even 10 girls in one night. THIS, not ratio, is the reason why many guys aren't giving themselves chances at having a successful evening. Instead of reaching for their wallets to pay for ratio, these guys should reach into their ballsac and see if anything's in there. The fact of the matter is that guys who don't approach give themselves little chance to succeed in bar and club environments. Many sit around waiting for random occurances to jolt them into a conversation and others seek meetups from social acquaintances. Ratio will seldom help these guys.

Instead of seeking out small advantages in the dating game like a better ratio (and spending oodles of cash to do so), we should be seeking out social skillsets, balls, and the inner ability to improve ourselves. We need to first make ourselves into high quality men worthy of the women we seek. We should spend our money on improving ourselves on the inside so that we're worth of what's on the outside. Only then will we quit looking for frivelous small advantages to waste money on.

LR: NYC Bootcamp

2010-06-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a phenominal one! With 14 guys in our NYC workshop and Brad, Glenn, Hyper, Scotty Flamingo, and myself all teaching we definitely had our work cut out for us. In the end, i'm proud to say that we definitely delivered.

Friday night started out in the infamous Manhattan Heroes pizza shop where Brad got his start. We met all of our guys and discussed some theory before heading out to the lower east side of Manhattan for our nightgame session.

The night started out with a bang, literally.
Within just a few minutes of starting the night out, Scotty Flamingo had a girl out of the bar and was fingering her in some not-so-secluded area while Brad and I were demoing for students still on the inside. Shortly into the night we realized that maybe for the first time ever none of our students had AA bad enough to keep them from approaching! Props to the students for really bringing it this workshop.

After an incredible Friday night, I didn't expect that Saturday night was going to be even better. I must admit that after Scotty brought it on Friday, I felt a competitive spirit leading me to do the same. As I winged a few students, somewhat of a crowd of girls started developing around me and the students. We had a seated 4 set in front of us, another seated set to the right, standing girls right with us, and more standing girls on our left, all of whom were talking with students and coaches.

I'm standing in the middle of all this business talking with admittedly not the hottest girl in the room, but definitely the winner of any rack competition that might happen, when I get approached by a really hot girl out of nowhere (Scotty and others would later say she was definitely the hottest girl in the whole bar).

The girl opens me by basically hugging me from the front and pointing to the side of the room. She told me that her friend, a bartender, knows me from Los Feliz. What the fuck? I'm kind of shocked because I do sometimes get to that area of LA and I'm a pretty recognizeable guy, making this plausible. As I question her about who the guy is and how she knows him, she shifts into a rambling story about some type of completely unrelated drama going on.

At this point i'm completely confused. She's telling me someone knows me from Los Feliz and she couldn't have known that I live in LA, so part of me wants to believe her and part of me thinks she's fucking crazy. After about 3 minutes of conversation she tells me to come with her and starts literally dragging me to the back room of the bar.

We get to her table and are greeted by two guys literally just standing up and leaving the table. They didn't say a word. The girl sits in the corner and I sit on the outside, grabbing her legs and setting them over my lap. She continues on about her gibberish and I decide i'll just try to finger her right here. We start making out and I try, but the table's too tight to really even get her legs spread.

Almost out of options, I decide to swing for the fences, grabbing the back of her head by her hair to pull her away from kissing me as I tell her in her ear "I want you to stand up right now, rub your ass on my cock and then walk down those stairs right there."

The girl gets up and does it, walking right down the stairs to the bathroom area. I follow not far behind. When I get downstairs I realize that this is the best bathroom pulling area ever! There's like 6 single stalls all with doors, all that lock only from the inside, and no bathroom attendants or bouncers watching shit. Does it get any better? No.

I follow her into the stall, lock the door behind us, and the first thing she asks me is if I have any coke. I don't say a word, then I push her up against the wall face first as I pull her ass towards me. I grab the back of her hair and pull her head down as I bite her neck before turning her around to face me. At this point I unbutton and put her hand on me and we're off to the races.

When we finish up a few minutes later (I had to teach :)) she asks for my number and I decline, telling her that i'm far away, etc etc. She gets mad and storms out of the bar and several students ask me why she was so mad.

I stop to think about this one and i'm still pretty mezmerized at the whole thing, and honestly quite confused. Nonetheless, here's my analysis. At the point in time that this girl approached me, I had built quite a bit of social proof. She had obviously been drinking a bit and may have been on a little something more than that too, i'm not sure. Really I think she probably may have thought I was a drug dealer or something.

The most important thing that happened here was just dominance projection. Dominance can be expressed many ways. As men we can be physically dominant, sexually dominant, socially dominant, mentally dominant, and finally emotionally dominant. Learn to express all of these forms in a short amount of time and your dating life will be very successful, so lets take a look at where they were in this pickup.

First and foremost, i'm a tall guy so some girls interpret this as physical dominance. I'm also surrounded by girls and friends and i'm having a fun time and teasing girls around me (social dominance). When we get into conversation I immediately work to frame control the girl into giving me details about why she approached me, etc. This would be mental dominance. In addition to all of this, i'm not really responding to her pleas to integrate me into her drama (emotional dominance).

After we sit down, again by commanding her what to do and kinoing her i'm projecting that i'm a sexually and physically dominant guy. Finally, when we get to the bathroom the obvious physical and sexual dominance also take place. If you'd like to learn more about all these forms of dominance and how they work, checkout www.BradP.com or the 30/30 club. All of us coaches are additionally available for one-on-one trainings.

In the end, this weekend turned out great and was an awesome learning experience for everyone involved. I'm so proud of the guys this weekend for really giving it their all!