This weekend I walked up to a seriously hot trendy girl, and within about 15 minutes she went from being extremely apprehensive about me to actually standing by the side of me, lowering her head, and nuzzling into me. We had a nice makeout. We were in our own world. And we're going to meet up this week, obviously. She's completely sold on me. This progression of taking a girl from apprehensive to nuzzling and submissive is one of the most misunderstood things about women. How do you get her attracted? When do you show interest? How much interest do you show and how do you show it? Today I wanna chat about all of this and lay down some rules so things are a bit clearer.
The first thing to understand about attraction and talking to a women you don't know is that the first step in getting a woman attracted is that she needs to not know if she could have you or not. Got that?
1. SHE NEEDS TO NOT KNOW IF SHE COULD GET YOU OR NOT.
This means that when a girl is experiencing getting to know you, it's absolutely of utmost importance not to unknowingly do anything that would cause her to prematurely get the idea that you're super into her and you're already sold on her. This is a huge attraction blocker. It actually blocks her mind from the emotional progression of becoming attracted. When she knows that you like her before she has been through the process of wondering if you like her or would have her or not, you will not be able to get her attracted. For more info on this, see my post "She's not even in the fucking room."
2. Do not prematurely telegraph interest in the girl.
When she doesn't know if she could get you or not, and you're not unknowingly telegraphing interest to her, your value to her will be at its height. And by the way, I've pretty much never met a girl who undervalues herself. You can meet a 350 lb. chick named Bertha who is eating chicken wings and burping up root beer with a stained t-shirt and if you talk to her at all she'll believe she could bang you and that her vagina is the most valuable thing on planet earth.
3. Display your charisma and personality freely
This is the part where you accept some things she says and challenge others. You talk openly about topics that help you and show off your personality, and you choose not to talk about others. You have an opinion that's not easily swayed. You show both positive and negative energy to her. Perhaps most importantly, you don't filter yourself and your personality until you know a certain aspect of either is either uncalibrated or unattractive.
4. Wait, while escalating kino
This is my favorite part. I continue kino and conversation without telegraphing until she comes around. It's like putting her in a trance. I continue tentative interest until she shows interest, then when she does, I reciprocate with kino. This happens up to the point where I have enough compliance to take my kino to a seriously more aggressive level. Usually for me this is our body's against each other, my hand grabbing the back of her hair and neck, pulling her head back slightly.
5. Watch in amazement as she starts to show tons of interest and attraction.
When we wait for the girl to become attracted at her own pace, the results are amazing. I can't count the number of times i've seen a girl go from bitchy and apprehensive to completely smitten with me, all from simply maintaining my vibe and patiently not telegraphing that I'm into her. I do participate in the conversation, I just do so in a relaxed way where I'm not all excited about things. I'm relaxed. I'm calm. I'm positive. I smile. I'm engaging. This process can take all of a minute, or it can take sometimes 15 minutes or longer. This is my speed, and until you are me it'll take longer for you. It could even take multiple interactions to get to the point where you have enough compliance to foreshadow your capability for sexual aggressiveness through aggressive kino.
Then we makeout.
This progression is such a beautiful and elegant dance to me I almost can't even describe it. And I pride myself on the control, calibration, and precision that I exercise during this process. It's what I seek to teach to others. The feeling I get from completing the process is truly astonishing and fulfilling. To be in complete control throughout this is a feeling unlike any other. Composed, calm, focused, and still non-chalant.
So I can imagine at this point there are a million questions about this, but I wanted to lay out the general format of things for you guys because I often find myself teaching this exact progression over and over and over. The reality is that when you first start approaching women you're going to make a ton of mistakes and you're going to deviate from this formula over and over and over. The closer that you can stick to this the better off you'll be.
The idea in learning to stick to this formula is to work on each one of these skills one by one, starting with numbers 1 and 2. This is the portion of your work where you learn about mistakes you're making and ways you're fucking up and you remove them. I like to specifically work on removing the telegraphing of interest. In other words, if you're new to meeting women and you're worried about what jokes you're telling then you're focusing your effort in entirely the wrong place.
After you've taken away the telegraphing of interest, then and only then do you start adding behaviors in an effort to show off your personality and charisma. Add flirting frames, role plays, kino, etc.
The game we play when we've mastered our calibration is one of control. We withhold signs of interest while showing off our character, until her attraction builds to it's tipping point, where she can no longer hide it and she shows signs of interest.
Then you rape her in an alleyway next to a dumpster.
Okay okay, i'm just kidding. For some reason I thought that would be funny timing to say that. Rape is bad and only funny in Bill Cosby jokes, so don't rape, mmmmmk.
That's about it for today. Thanks for reading.
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Interesting! when I thought about the chick we texted I realized (even before reading this post) I fucked up by asking out right at the end of the night when we met. I thought she's attracted when she said things like "I know it's too early to ask someone you just met but what's your sign?" (giggling). But instead of letting her go home and wonder whether something would happen I asked her if she wants to hang out the next day! Did that "block" the attraction? Not sure, but I think that was probably my biggest mistake.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, how do you "continue kino and conversation without telegraphing until she comes around." Isn't that kino-ing telegraphs interest?! I'm asking because you told me on a workshop years ago that I "telegraph too much interest with BL". I still don't get this cause I can't see myself doing it obviously.
-Reza
I don't ask a girl on a date when I first meet her because she needs to wonder if I like her or not and what will happen, if i'll ask her on a date, etc. These can only help you, and asking right away kills any and all tension. I don't recommend it.
DeleteAs for the second half of your question, we physically escalate and verbally de-escalate. Telegraphing too much interest via your body language and kino-ing are two very different things that carry very different results. Telegraph too much with body language and you're needy. Kino "too much" (if there is such a thing) and you're just being adequately aggressive. Kino too much AND too soon, then you've got a problem. You should kino minimally and non-invasively until she's attracted.
I'm a little unclear about step 4- what kind of kino do you do before she gets attracted, that doesn't telegraph interest? Are we talking back of the hand to her upper arm, grabbing her and moving her around, or something else altogether?
ReplyDeleteSee the above response ^^^. Yes, kino will telegraph interest, but when you kino after she has shown interest and is attracted to you, then you're not worried about telegraphing interest anymore. Telegraphing prematurely is a huge problem. Letting her know her feelings might be shared is called liking each other. Just wait till she likes you before aggressive kino and you'll be in the clear.
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