Sunday, May 8, 2011

She's Not Even in the Fucking Room!

Do girls ever catch you checking them out? Do girls know that you know they're around? How would a girl know that a guy's checking them out, and how does that make them feel? How does it affect your status/chances with them?

There's much talk in the dating community about how girls perceive men when they approach them. Some guys are worried that girls will know they like them by approaching, yet others proclaim that you might as well just use direct game and tell the girl you like her cause she knows anyway. I even contributed to a thread recently on a dating forum where I talked about not telegraphing interest to a girl in set and a student replied with the following:



And feigning disinterest while still talking to her, I mean if you are talking to her, I think she knows what your motives are. She isn't that naive. She is probably thinking what is this guy doing, he should just have some balls and cut to the chase, instead of beating around the bush.


I wanted to lay out what's going on in my head for you guys so that you've got a clear understanding of what my mindset is when i'm talking with women, and i'd like to talk about some practical ways you can start to adopt the same successful actions.

To do this, i'd first like to talk about awareness radius, perceived awareness radius, and how they relate to value and perception of the guy. Then i'd like to discuss a bit of chase theory and talk about the benefits of understanding awareness radius and how non-telegraphing of interest is one of the building blocks of a successful interaction.

Awareness radius is very simple, it's the area (in a circle) around you that you're aware of. For instance, if you're standing in the center of a club that's packed wall-to-wall, your awareness radius might be only 2 or 3 people deep in any direction around you. If you're a shorter guy in that same situation your awareness radius might only be 1 person deep, and if you're the tallest guy in the room your awareness radius might be much larger than just 2 or 3 people.

Perceived awareness radius is how large or small others would gauge your awareness radius to be. Let's say you see a guy standing next to the side of the room in a club and he's looking around the club. Most people would perceive him to have a high awareness radius. Conversely, if you see a guy facing his buddy talking in the center of the room, you might perceive his awareness radius to be very small.

When you're in a bar, your perceived awareness radius has an inverse relationship with your social value. In other words, when others see you and perceive your awareness radius to be small, it communicates to them that the only thing of importance to you is the person or people within that small radius around you. Implicitly, this means that you don't necessarily care about anything else happening outside of your awareness radius. This makes you more likely to be stereotyped as a high-value person when someone sees you for the first time.

On the other hand, when others see you and perceive you've got a large awareness radius, it communicates to them that what's important to you is the people outside of your immediate area. If you have friends around you and you're perceived to have a high awareness radius, this means you likely care about what's happening out in the club more than what's going on with those around you. This makes you more likely to be stereotyped as a low-value person when someone sees you for the first time. After all, why would you care more about the people in the club and what's happening out there than you would about those with you?

Now often it's normal for men to have a pretty high awareness radius, and I think that's a good thing. However, when you have a high radius of awareness and also a high perceived radius of awareness, it just looks like you're trying to get laid. For this reason, I recommend maintaing a maximum radius of awareness and a minimum perceived radius of awareness so that you'll be less likely to telegraph to anyone what your true intentions might be. This will allow you to function highly effectively in talking with women while still maintaining maximum social value. Make sense?

So what actions can you take to be very aware of your surroundings and still not telegraph that you're out to get laid?


For starters, NEVER FUCKING EVER let a girl have even the smallest clue that you know she's even in the fucking room until you approach her! This means don't look at her when she enters, don't try and make eye-contact, don't open your shoulders towards her, don't change your positioning, don't touch your hair, don't adjust your clothing, don't move your head, and don't even ever look at the fucking entry to the club! Don't do anything that might give away your interest in a girl prematurely.


Yes, you're going talk to her and yes, it will telegraph some interest in her when you approach, but your approach should be the only clue she gets as to your potential interest in her for now. Furthermore, just because the girl might reason you're interested because you're approaching doesn't mean it's to your benefit to convey premature interest by looking at her or recognizing her as she enters the room or walks by you. If you're a guy who's walking around trying to make eye-contact with every chick you pass then fucking stop! This isn't 1998 and you don't have to get your dating advice from a married guy writing for Maxim Magazine anymore.

The underlying principle behind all of this is chase theory. When we pursue a woman and she knows that we like her immediately, we never give her the opportunity nor the time to first get attracted to us. Premature telegraphing of interest is the #1 fuckup guys make with women. Ever read a romance novel? I sure-as-shit haven't, but I can guaran-fucking-tee you that you won't find Fabio inside approaching chicks by going direct and saying "You're so beautiful, wanna go out?" Be patient.

Make it your business to not telegraph any interest (besides your approach) to a woman until she has shown interest in you. This is a gift you can give to a woman you approach. Show tentative interest until a woman shows interest. This is also why we seek neutral positioning (often using the 90-degree rule) when we approach. I absolutely cannot express a more serious concept about dating and meeting women.

If you're out with a wing, instead of standing side-by-side with him and staring towards the center of the room, stop being a piece of furniture and face him. Act like you're having fun and conversation with each other like old friends and while you do, take an occasional peak over your buddy's shoulders for any women to approach and have him do the same with yours. As you're talking you can even naturally rotate. This way, you're constantly looking at him, you're head's not on a swivel, and you can approach when he points something out for you or vice-versa.

If you're out with friends, pay attention to them and take only quick peaks with your eyes at those around you. Make sure to not change your head position when you do this, and again don't change your head or eye positioning when a girl walks by. Instead, wait for an opportunity to check her out when you won't get caught.

If you're in-set, use the sprinkler technique (this is also in my blog) or take away attention, body language, or eye-contact from the girls you're with. When you do, take that opportunity to quickly peak at your surroundings. This will help you both assess and be ready for obstacles, and also observe any girls in the close proximity who are telegraphing interest to you. Use your peripheral vision liberally.

If you're in-between sets, walk confidently with your chin up high and don't focus on anyone directly. Instead just keep walking with your head high and always pointed in the forward direction, scanning the room slowly with only your eyes. Do not swivel your head or make fast head motions ever, and try not to notice when others notice you and look at you.

So why all of this attention? What's going to happen when I do this?

Learn how to be perceived as having a small awareness radius and you'll be heavily rewarded. The first thing you'll notice is that girls are checking you out more than you've ever noticed before. Why? Because you're finally allowing it to happen. You'll also notice more and more women putting themselves in close proximity to you wanting you to open them. If i'm a girl who sees a guy from a ways away and I want him to talk to me but I don't think he's going to see me from far away, i'm forced to get closer to him. I might even convince my friends to stand closer to him with me so we can all get a better look at him or hear what he's saying to the other girls he's talking with.

With a small radius of awareness you're also going to have a far better shot at getting 9's and 10's. These girls have extraordinary perception of men who are into them without having met them, and I assure you being stereotyped as one of them will kill you. On the other hand, when a rediculously hot girl thinks you're not noticing her and/or don't care, watch in amazement as she starts gently trying to acquire your attention. She might start by running her hand through her hair, and if that doesn't work she'll go further and further until she might even approach you or open you. After all, she HAS to know why you're not into her like all the others.

In addition to this, a small perceived radius of awareness makes your presence HUGE. Rock stars and movie stars alike all have little to no interest in meeting those around them. Often they'll avoid eye contact with people and even turn their back to avoid being seen or recognized. The result is that people are even more interested in them. When I implemented these behaviors, I was instantly rewarded with this same type of treatment from others, and i'm confident you will be as well.

Another added benefit of non-telegraphing of interest is your ability to disarm obstacles. I touched on this briefly above. With a large awareness radius and small perceived awareness radius you'll know when a guy's coming to "save" his girl, and when he does, your ability to not-telegraph interest is going to be a key factor in disarming him. Afterall, he hasn't seen you checking out chicks throughout the night so really doesn't have much evidence from your behavior that low-value dude creeping out your perspective women. Furthermore, if you haven't telegraphed interest to the women yet (besides the physical act of you walking up to approach), they're more likely to be attracted to you and not accept his attempt at "saving" them. Nice!

So there it is. Having a Large Awareness Radius + A Small Perceived Awareness Radius = Higher social value + less telegraphing of interest = More ability to interest, attract, and get women. Now quit staring at women so much already!


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13 comments:

  1. Omg, thanks so much for posting this man, cause I just noticed that I am definitely one of the guys who stares at girls like crazy, thinking that I'm just scouting the area.

    I didn't know I have to be subtle about it by walking slowly, chin up, and looking straight only.

    I will definitely be using this next time I go out to sarge. By the way I took a 1-on-1 with Hyper. And he showed me the "approach girls from the side" technique when you see girls laying against the wall and just chilling out. Now I understand why that works waaay better than approaching straight forward.

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  2. Good Advice Jake!!
    I agree... and especially for the guys that are complete f'ing losers with no social value! they absolutely cannot afford to make eye contact with ANY girls or they are toast!! Eye contact with a sly smile only works for non-geeks.

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  3. @Irving - glad you liked it man. Incogneto is definitely the way to go. check'em out when they're not looking, and only do it with your eyes, not your BL or by turning your head.

    @ Anonymous - You're right about those guys. Brad and I call'em Furniture cause they might as well be a lamp or something. Haha.

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  4. But how can you pull that off when you're by yourself? I figure I could open a lower value girl but she would probably sense it if I weren't into the interaction. lol I could probably also open a dude but I don't think I'm gonna do that.

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  5. It's easy to have a small AR when you're alone as well. Follow the rules I set above when you're not in-set, and get into set as soon as you locate some girls you'd like to talk with.

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  6. I feel like I might not be giving you what you're looking for here. Can you maybe elaborate further?

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  7. Well if I'm with a friend I can just talk with him/her but if I'm by myself it'll probably look strange if I'm just by myself not talking with anyone. It seems to me that guy standing by himself is usually perceived as low value.

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  8. Really it's not going to look strange at all. I go out alone all the time. I'll even stand alone in the center of the room without talking w anyone for sometimes 20 minutes. People are more concerned with themselves than me. I've seen many naturals just chill alone in a bar too. If you're consistently feeling akward its likely a social freedom issue. When a guy looks cool and has good presence no one will question him doing what he does

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  9. I tried to be conscious of this when I was out during the day last weekend (big box retail, grocery stores, the mall, etc).

    I noticed that I was constantly looking around for women to approach. Each time I passed an isle, I turned my head to see if there was anyone I might be interested in approaching.

    It was like my head was on a swivel, and my attention was everywhere EXCEPT right in front of me. Pretty much the exact opposite of everything you recommended in this post...

    Are there any specific exercises to expand your actual awareness radius without being obvious about it?

    I'm naturally introverted, so it feels normal for me to have both a small perceived and actual awareness radius.

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  10. I'd say this isn't as important when you're in a place like this, because when you're looking around people perceive it's because you're looking something that's not a girl. When you're in the bar it's a totally different story, cause obviously there you're looking for puss, not for the taco seasoning packet isle.

    As far as exercises there aren't any really. When I was learning this I would mostly just try and keep my head straight ahead and only use my eyes at first, then after that i'd practice using my periphery. Another thing I do is when i'm at the gym on a treadmill, I practice not looking at girls as they walk by, then see how many of them I can check out when they're not looking. Seems super duper creepster, but it worked for me. You could also try resisting the urge to make eye contact with girls as you walk by them on the street. The idea is to shed the need to look at every girl so that you're perceived differently and you learn that you can be a bit more incogneto about checking girls out. You'll know you're doing it right when you can see a girl checking you out through your periphery and she doesn't know you know she's doing it.

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  11. Hey Jake, I just used a small perceived awareness radius on this chick who I saw in my periphery checking me out as I exited a subway station.

    As I walked I kept looking straight ahead and keeping track of her with my peripheral vision. I saw her check me out twice, and then drop back behind me. I purposely jaywalked to see if she would follow me, and she did. When we started off of the corner she rolled a bit ahead of me and I called out "Hey where'd you get your pirate coat?"

    She dropped back to my side and with a big grin said some bullshit. I kept teasing her with the pirate thing, and then I switched to some stewardess thing. After 30 seconds of this she turned to go into a department store. I called out "Hey, let's hang later" and she stopped and said "I can't tonight". BAM!

    I walked toward her and pulled out my phone and said "What's your number?". She told me her name and asked mine, and as I entered her name into my phone she asked me where I lived and where I was going. I answered and had her type her number in. I noticed she had red fingernail polish on (I love that) so I motioned for her to give me her hand, and when she did I held it softly and gently caressed the tips of her fingers and asked her about her fingernail polish. She loved it. I made some other joke while I placed my hand briefly on the small of her lower back and pulled her toward me as we both laughed.

    When she had entered her number I said I had to split but we would hang out soon. I saw that she was in a hurry and wanted to split first, otherwise I would've went for a D2 right there. She said "I hope so!" and smiled and went in the store.

    I walked on for a block and then texted her "Hey, who was that hot guy you were just talking to outside Loehmann's? - Rodney" to which she replied a bit later "Ha. Have a great night".

    This all took no longer than 60 seconds. I have to credit this all to the fact that I have been studying all your posts and remembered this small AR one specifically, so thank you very much!

    I also realized that I have been checking out girls all the time and telegraphing interest, and that has been hurting my game.

    I am now very keen to adopt a small AR in a hardcore way, like a rock star. And I will now do this, especially now that I have seen the benefits!

    I feel that by not acknowledging this girls interest her attraction was quite high when I opened with the pirate coat thing, and I now look forward to texting her your "Have you been thinking about me..." that I got from your 30/30 forum posts.

    I love your stuff, thanks so much for sharing your sklls and wisdom. I look forward to implementing all your stuff into my game!

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  12. Awesome man! Glad this is paying off for you, and I look forward to working with you in the future.

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  13. Im just reading through here not because of the pickup tips, but because of the psychologic value of the stuff you write. I love it because i feel like understanding people better with that information!

    Something "shocking" that i noticed tho:

    I started as a zero, a loser and by myself (no help from the internetz) i began to understanding girls. I started from the bottom and now i can easily pickup a girl. The shocking part is that i recognize myself in moooost of your posts. For example: I didnt look around much by instinct after my "loser" phase, let other girls look on me first. After 2-3 times i looked back and smiled a little bit, every girl seemed to love that. I didnt know why i stopped looking around that much but it made me feel more self confident and cool. Now that im reading your post i noticed and im really amazed that it ocassionally helped me alot by not checking out my enviroment.

    Oh and something you forgot: keeping that small radius always looking straight makes you look more "independent" + unique = look like a good fuck for girls

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