Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Dominance Struggle (Part 1/2)

Everything in a pickup is about the struggle for dominance.  Sure there are pre-requisites to the dominance struggle, like presence, BL, blah blah fucking blah but where the rubber meets the road in pickup is how you do when it comes to the dominance struggle.  Sure, you can get around it and not totally dominate.  Guys do it all the time.  Girls need to get laid, so they give a guy some room for error, he uses it, and then they both get their sexual needs met.  But that doesn't mean that the relationship is working or is going to work in the long run.  In fact, I believe that this margin for error is where the first fault in any relationship could happen.  The girl says "Well he wasn't the best, but i'll give him a shot."  Then you've got pregnant chicks trying to get married asap before they can fart the fetus out.   Never a good model for how a relationship should happen.

The dominance struggle is so powerful, that some chicks get attracted to you just from listening to you win one with another girl!  I laid a girl this weekend and when I met her friend she decided to have a dominance struggle with me.  She gave it her all, and then when I obviously put in the winning social blow, the girl that i'm laying (who got attracted to me through watching her other friend get pummeled by my social wit) told the second friend "I don't think there's any way you're going to win this."  This is powerful evidence that this girl has an extreme awareness of the context of what's happening.  She didn't even ever have a dominance struggle with me!  Oddly enough, the friend happens to be married to a guy who got her pregnant and couldn't win a dominance struggle with her if his life depended on it.

This whole phenomenon about dominance struggle is very wierd in the ways it can play out, and men's lack of skill in this area is why women rule the part of the world that the real dominant men don't.  And its why you hear old dudes vomiting out horrible expressions like "happy wife, happy life."  Gimme a fucking break!!!  Really?!?  I'll switch that one right now.  "Dominant life, happy wife... for life."  And again, sure relationships can "work" or "last" without the man being socially dominant, but all you're seeing when you look at a relationship like this from the outside is a glimpse into the glazed over perception of a relationship that the couple is trying to give you so that you'll believe they're happy when in reality the woman wishes she had a real man.  The reality is that real men are a HOT HOT HOT commodity and in VERY high demand.  Develop yourself into one and I assure you you'll have more abundance than you can possibly handle or imagine.  It's no wonder guys like this have trouble settling down.  If you had sex with several women a week every week, would you settle?  It's sure tough for me, and it would take one hell of a woman to change my ways.

For those of you who aren't up to speed yet on exactly what a dominance struggle is and are wondering what the fuck i'm talking about still, a dominance struggle is the interaction you have with a woman where she assesses your social dominance through testing you, often in a variety of ways depending on how well you do.  Yes, this is where the preverbial "shit tests" will happen, but if you're already pre-qualified as a true contender via the intangibles of pickup like your BL, social proof, and presence, shit tests don't really happen because IMO they're a crass, blatent test used to mirror a crass, blatent approach or energy.  A dominant man has a presence about him that simply prevents most shit testing.  My opinion on shit tests is that when they happen, you can be sure that the girl already views you as lower value than you, and the shit test is a quick jab designed to be a knockout punch when it comes to your spirit.  It says "I don't even think you're a contender, so hit back or get the fuck out."  A dominance struggle is much more sophisticated and subtle, and you'll need an arsenal of social techniques and maneuvers to truly charge your way through.

When you do charge your way through and maintain on a continued basis, the rewards are immense.  The reward is being able to see the soft, caring, gentle, feminine side of the women you thought were unattainable.  That's right, the hottest, big tittiest, skinniest, sexiest, smartest women will literally melt and find soft comfort in your naked embrace.  And as if that's not enough, the women will understand that you're a wanted man, and compete to keep you or get you back.  She'll even share you.  Sleep with another chick and get caught?  She'll STILL try and get you back.  Why?  Because your value and rarity is understood on such a deep level to her that you literally can do no wrong.  This, my friends, is a very dirty secret you'll never hear women own up to.

So why is it this way?  And why does the dominance struggle function as the be-all end-all of game?  Because a dominance struggle is a comprehensive demonstration of a man's skillset.  In other words, all of the concepts you learn in game are demonstrated in this one (often 2 minutes or less) conversation.  It's an amazing thing really, and women are quite amazing to watch as they engage in the process of having a dominance stuggle, because they can single-handedly dissect a man's faults in just a few very interesting moments.

Are you too needy?  Then you'll show outcome dependence... every time.  Are you scared of saying something bad to her for fear she'll walk away?  Instant death once you demonstrate it.  I could go through 100 examples here, but the whole of it is that when you meet a woman (I'm talking about high-value women, not fattys without social skills, so don't get a twig in your panties and start thinking about ways to deny this shit) she will maintain a reserved, neutral energy and simply watch how you respond to her.  As you respond, she will take in your energy and gain a perception of what your value level is and what your faults might be.  She'll also watch for any social mis-calibration you might have.  When something jumps out at her, she'll take that small bit of reality and wrap it in a frame designed to confirm her suspicion.  Pass the test and she's attracted, pass it not and bye bye Joe.

So us men have a stiff challenge on our hands.  First we've gotta throw ourselves to the wolves, then when the wolves eat us over and over and over and over again, instead of quitting of becoming a pussy, we've gotta have the ability to "listen" to these types of tests women give us and try to determine from them how we're being perceived.  Then we've gotta take a frank look at ourselves and have the courage to take the constructive criticism we receive and use it to make positive change in our lives.  During this whole thing we have to blindly (if you're doing this on your own without the help of professionals) sort out what's bullshit and what's not.  If and when we master that personal change process, only then will we reach our goals and have our desires fulfilled.  This is quite a tall order!  But with great effort comes great reward.

Not so ashamedly using myself as an example, i've been immersed in the study of pickup and social mechanisms for over 5 years now.  IMMERSED!  That means on a daily basis i'm making headway towards my goals and i'm involved in every stage of the game with different girls on a daily basis.  That 5 years of work has brought me great reward.  Last week alone I slept with 6 women, 3 of them new.  On Friday alone I had 19 text messages and voicemails from girls that I couldn't answer because I was spending the day with a hot blonde.  Yesterday I had two dates with women and had 3 women invite me to lunch.  The point isn't to brag, it's to show that when you've fixed yourself, abundance awaits.  And i'm not even totally fixed!  Nor do I ever really believe my learning process will ever end.

So today take care of your heads, my friends.  Take care of your thoughts.  Examine them, challenge them, and be open to changing them.  Got a negative attitude?  When you have a negative thought, why not tell yourself "Hey thanks for your opinion, but i've been listening to you for a long time now and you haven't gotten me any pussy, so for now i'm going to try doing X thing and see how that works instead."

Put your ego aside.

Learn and practice techniques and routines - these are the ways you learn the different ways to dominate, like role-playing, using your belief system, not being afraid to show negative energy, outcome independence, non-neediness, etc.  The list goes on and on.  Stay tuned into my blog too.  I'll soon be writing more in-depth about dominance struggles and strategies to win them.  I've figured it out and now i'm going to map it out for you guys so it's plain as day.  I'll even be sharing all of the tricks I use as crushing blows to win any dominance struggle once and for all.

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  1. This is good stuff.

    My bane is confrontational girls who never give up on the dominance challenges and fitness tests (like the friend you mentioned here).

    They seem to end up with submissive guys, but I'm not sure how.

    1. Great point Sam. The reality is that any woman will continue to test you over the course of the relationship, the same way you'll continue to get to know her and test her out. Those day to day tests though function more for me as flirting and "maintenance dominance" than they are threatening.

      I think when you're getting women who never give up, often it's because they don't feel like they've lost yet, so it might be time to re-examine your choices during the dominance struggle and try some new things.

      These women end up with submissive guys for a variety of reasons, all stemming from them settling. Once they can't get what they really want, they decide to get as close as they can to what they want. Many end up in the long run choosing to be provided for over choosing to improve themselves to the point where they can find and attract a more dominant mate. It's the same laziness that men have, and it exists because working on yourself and your character and taking an honest look at your personality can be hard and can be painful. It's definitely not the easy road, and it's definitely not for everyone.

  2. Thanks for the post Jake P!

    I'm two years post 30-30 club, and have had quite the pervasive life revolution, the way I think about men, women, relationships and human psychology was blown wide open in a way that has allowed me to learn and grow much, and still set me on the track to grow much more! Many thanks to you, Brad, Glenn and all the other coaches who's blogs I still learn from...

    The interesting thing for me, is that I've begun to really simplify the domains I continually strive to identity, presence, conversational repertoire, dates, sex, social dynamics, relationships etc. ...and the common denominator is: DOMINANCE.

    Whether its having a more developed identity than her, and being someone she can learn from ...having an entire date planned out and being in the "driver's seat"...tossing her around/fucking her hard in the bedroom...or being higher up on the social totem pole, or being more physically dominant, or like you've focused on being more conversationally powerful be it verbal sparring, or taking the dominant position during role seems like the universal theme more dominant than her!

    I don't know if I'm simplifying too much here, but it's a conclusion I've reached through your guys' teaching and the experience I've gained in the last 3's helped me understand why routines, techniques, strategies, mindsets etc work the way they do...kinda ties quite a few things together ...

    I really liked your point about the girls who never give up challenging you because they STILL don't perceive you as being more dominant for thought!

    Any comments on "maintenance dominance"? How is it different from the dominance you demonstrate on approach/initial seduction??

    Love the post! and ever grateful!


    ps: I actually lol'd at your comment on alpha-type women being lazy and settling for "providers" ...soooo true, and explains alot of the "mistmatched" couples people see and wonder at!

    1. Thanks for commenting and i'm glad you enjoyed the post Shwayone.

      I think you're right in your thinking, and generally these types of realizations start happening at the intermediate level and continue on all through advanced. Things seem to get simpler and simpler as you're describing.

      As far as maintenance dominance goes, I use the same types of techniques I would use during the initial sarge, but given that I won the initial dominance struggle, usually the tests are more teasing and lighthearted in nature and are playful ways that she tests if i'm growing soft and where (if any place) she can gain an inch of ground.

      I call it maintenance because I think of it like a house. When you build the house it's tons of work, but after you've built it (and built it right), there's still going to be some maintenance you've gotta do from time to time to keep the house functioning correctly (or the girl acting "right" in this case).

  3. Wow Jake this is dope quick question though. Can you give me an example of different dominance struggles you've had and how you won? I'm noticing this a lot lately I'm starting to see things as 'man now I got to take over this entire group' or 'man I think I need to take over this entire party'. I think I'm getting there and thanks again for posting.

    1. I'm going to go over them in future posts here. You'll know you're in a dominance struggle when a girl asks a question that makes you feel like "Oh shit, I better come up with something quick here" or if you feel tested, those are usually the two best ways. I think all of us beginner or not have been involved in tons of these and we can all recognize times in our past when in set that we've felt like this.

  4. Jake!

    Nice post man! I know you and I think alike and can't wait to hear more of this one.... I'm sure I can even learn something and being a so called Master PUA doesn't mean that you know everything! When you think you know it all, that is when you realize you really don't know a thing!

    GlennP- BradP Head Coach