How Do You "Wear The Pants" in Your Relationship? (A Roadmap)

From the very first time she sees you, your entire relationship is all about the struggle for dominance between you and her.  Starting at that first glimpse, scrutiny begins.  Everything she does seeks to isolate if you're a dominant guy.  Establish dominance and she's attracted.  Maintain it and she's yours forever.  Fail either, and lose her 100 times out of 100.  

Today I want to break down this process of continued scrutiny and dominance so it's clear what you're going through from the second you see her to the second it ends or lives forever. 

Pre-approach. 

She sees you and scrutiny begins.  It's not outward yet, it's in her head.  How do you look?  Well dressed?  Fit?  Groomed?  Weird?  Did she get an actual chance to look you over and have actual scrutiny?  (hint:  if she didn't, you should use the sprinkler technique on your approach so she can take you in).  

Do you meet the bar?  Are you good enough for her to even listen to anything you have to say?  Or does she have to stop you from talking immediately?  

Not qualifying means she has to stop you from even opening your mouth, and you get a blowout.  (Worth noting here that the same blowout applies when she just isn't available, or about 20% of sets). 

The Approach.  

When you meet the minimum requirements she has, the compliance you get when you open your mouth is she will listen and remain neutral and reserved.  You're talking 100% at the start and she's just watching. 

Are you communicating confidence?  Are you in a good state?  Are you demonstrating qualities that tell the story that you're a prized and desired guy?  Are you a 'top' guy??? 

She's hunting for it.  

Two things happen right now.  If you aren't standing up to her scrutiny then you'll get a "go away" style blowout (like "I have a boyfriend" if you've telegraphed interest prematurely).  

If she's taking you seriously then she'll give you a "qualifying" style shit test.  These take on many forms (direct "what's with your shoes" type stuff, acting too immediately sexual with you, misdirection, frame theft, etc).  

In a group setting?  The one testing you is the one with the most interest in whether or not you're a pre-selected guy.  

Not qualifying here means you leave feeling like you weren't good enough for her.  I'm sure you know this feeling well... I know I do.  

Succeed here and she'll show signs of attraction, flirt, and seek to prove herself to you (think "what's your name" or "where are you from" or touches your necklace and asks you about it.  Then she'll want you to know that she's cool, attractive, and desirable just like you.  She'll try to align herself with you if it's a group setting.

Let me make this clear:  What just happened is you demonstrated attractiveness, she checked if it was real, then once she believes you're qualified she starts making it clear she's interested and tries to demonstrate her attractiveness to you.  

The Close.  

If you have managed to missed all the signals during the approach or have no idea if she views you as a dominant, attractive guy, then this is where you get an obvious sign in the form of her saying no.  

Yes, you can still not have established dominance with her and still get a phone number.  95% of men aren't establishing dominance in the interaction, so women have to get laid somehow, and her saying yes to contact information just demonstrates you haven't exhausted your margin for error yet.  She still needs more evidence.  

The Date, Sex, Sex 3x, and The Relationship.  

The rules here are all the same:  meet the minimum requirements for dominance and she will continue scrutiny and further the relationship, even if you're not interpersonally dominant with her.  

Scrutiny here comes in the form of picking, prodding, poking, fights, and bullshit.  It's the fight about a meaningless pencil and the way you handle it.  It's the jab at your self esteem and how you handle it.  It's the boundary she explores to see if it's real. She's testing your actual level of dominance through experimentation so she can hone in on your exact level of dominance.  

It's only when she understands exactly your measure of dominance that she can relax and "feel safe" as they say.

Failing to be dominant or not quite being dominant enough during this phase can take DECADES before a breakup happens.  Establishing dominance can (at a minimum) happen at the pace she exhausts herself of incessant knee-jerk whims to test you, and at a maximum can literally last the entirety of your life.  Ever seen that couple who still fights, breaks up, and gets back together all the time?  They have unestablished interpersonal dominance and she's pushing him because she can't let down until she knows his EXACT measure of dominance. 

Men who don't understand this concept and can't "win" with her sometimes get so frustrated they're pushed to violence as a means of dominance.  Have you hit a woman before?  It's because you're not winning verbally and you're resorting to physical dominance.  Fix your shit, man.  (and for the record, I have never done this, I've just seen it enough to know I should address it for those of us who need to hear it).  

A note on abused women:  Listen man, some women have been abused and don't respond appropriately to "normal" dominance establishment.  In other words, balanced dominance techniques aren't enough for you to establish dominance NO MATTER WHAT.  When I've gotten the feeling before that my normal stuff wasn't working, I wanted to understand this and I ran an experiment.  What happens if I'm verbally abusive?  Would a woman like this respond better?  

Unfortunately yes.  

So a word of caution:  When you have enough experience to understand what constitutes a dominant position in your relationships and "it's not working with this one," it could be because she's been abused and "needs" that same energy to respond with attraction.  

Please run the opposite direction at top speed if you see this.  It is not your job to perform years of therapy, and no good can come from spending more time with women like this.  

I'm serious, run away and don't look back.  

Okay, back to the topic at hand....

Success happens for you when you can establish that you're a dominant guy, establish that you're in the dominant position in the relationship, then maintain your dominant standing from time to time when she pokes her scrutinous head up from time to time and needs reminding that's she's picked correctly.  

Cheers.  

When Is The Time Right To Commit to An Exclusive Relationship?

 Hey guys, 

Just a quick drop-in today to pass an idea by you.  The last YouTube Videos I posted on the Male Hoe Phase has me putting together a quick concept that I believe applies to YOU.  Here's the concept:  

Women have a "hoe" phase where they dip their toes into the sexual water and sleep with as many men as they dare.  Remember that women go through 4 stages of dating:  Boyfriend, Breakup/Depression, Party Mode, Boyfriend Search Mode.  Then they get a boyfriend and repeat.  The Hoe Phase happens in Party Mode.  Women can have multiple hoe phases as these cycles persist in their lives.  They can do this because they have abundance of choice.  They Hoe around and eventually feel guilty and know that it's meaningless and they should search for meaning.  

When a woman finally gets to "boyfriend search mode" she will avidly PUSH a relationship on the next guy in line.  They'll filter him for boyfriend qualities and often do things like withhold sex from him even when they've just been ran through by Chads, because they believe that the best way to get a boyfriend is to first convince him they're not a hoe by making him wait to sleep with them.  

The problem is that MEN OFTEN DON'T GO THROUGH THE SAME PROCESS.  

Her necessity not to feel like a hoe and therefore push commitment on the man doesn't mean the timing is right for him!  

You're allowed to have your own hoe phase.  

So the question becomes who is in the wrong?  Is it the man for not wanting a commitment?  Or is it her for pushing him to commit when he's not ready?  

Women constantly push commitment on men when men aren't ready, then they get super pissed and butthurt when they get ghosted or pumped and dumped.  And it's because BOTH sides aren't aware of how timing should work.  

A man's timing of having exercised his abundance enough to feel ready to look for something deeper in a relationship and the woman's timing of being ready for that MUST match up.  

IT'S OKAY FOR YOU TO TELL A WOMAN THAT YOU'RE NOT READY.  

In fact!  I recommend verbally pumping the brakes like this for a long time in your prospective relationships as a means to both slow down this process and to get the woman to be on her best behavior for you, because when she's looking for that commitment and pushing for you to be just hers, she's going to be the best version of herself before you.  

So what about her being "ran through?"  

Good question.  

Here's our defense.  First off, please know that banging 10 dudes is much different than 100 or 1000.  It's normal for women to sleep around a bit and learn about dating.  It's normal to make mistakes, have regrets, have some growth, etc. so I don't believe we should be holding that against women.  After all, when you attain the ability to have abundance, my guess is you'd like to have sex with more than 10 women too, right?  

So the solution here is to use condoms with any new women you sleep with like it's your religion, and when the times comes that you'd like to not do that anymore, it's time for a trip to the doctor for you both.  I'd recommend you have an adult conversation that goes something like "hey so I can see we're getting more serious, and honestly these condoms suck, so I figured it might be time for us to discuss our future a bit and maybe I can go get tested for you so we both know that we're safe for each other."  I'd recommend you do this around the 4-9 month mark, holding off this happening until she's really obviously wanting it.  

This tactic of verbally pushing her away from you by saying "I'm not ready yet" or "we just met" or "I feel like I don't know you well enough yet" or "I just got out of something serious" etc. (anything to slow down the define the relationship talk) while still being willing to hangout with her, spend time 1-2 times a week max, etc is perfect confusion game and massively amplifies her attraction for you while buying you time to decide between her and other women.  

Remember, you're allowed to experience YOUR abundance before you commit, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment, so NEVER push her for a commitment or even mention it, and watch in amazement as she pushes for it 10 times out of 10.  

Another tip:  Are you seeing her once a week or 2 times at the most and you WANT her to be your girlfriend?  Just change from one time a week to 3-4 times a week hanging out and watch in amazement as she basically instantly wants to know "where this is going" then a week later bitches and moans that you're not her boyfriend.  

Cheers.  

It's a NEW ERA for Dating..

 Hey guys, long time no chat!  Holy moly have I been on a ride since we talked last, lots has happened.  

So let's get up to speed...  

First off, I now have 2 kids, a boy and a girl.  Little girl came first, and the boy second.  I'm with the same girl I've been with for a very long time and in case you're wondering, although we're committed to each other, I don't have Uncle Sam's blessing on my relationship in the form of a contract that will ruin my life if we break up.  So if you're thinking about getting married with an actual contract, remember that you can still tell your partner in 2026 "I'm willing to do all the things associated with marriage... we can have rings, a ceremony with our family and friends, a full lifelong commitment, live together, kids, etc. I just have one requirement and it's that Uncle Sam isn't invited."  That's what I've done and it's fine.  Yes, you can also do a prenup and no, those aren't easy for her to back out of.  However, I MUCH prefer the first option.  Nothing is worse on a guy than having to now pay to leave a relationship and get dragged through courts with half your shit gone, so DO NOT do it.  And that's of course if you didn't already know this... lol.  

Okay on to the next order of business.  What the fuck happened to me over the years?  Okay so I'll give you the recap.  Brad stopped coaching many years ago and started a different business.  We're still to this day buddies and we talk all the time.  All good.  Other coaches:  Glenn I still chat with on the phone maybe once a month.  Gabriel is all over the place in Mexico and back to Los Angeles from time to time, and we chat.  NOLA is crushing real estate down in New Orleans and we talk still on the phone as well.  

Most excitingly, DavidMC (our old Aussie coach from 30/30) and I still chat a couple times a week, and in fact he made it to Los Angeles 2-3 years ago so we could go out and teach him the dominance (or now AI wants me to say Leadership, lol) theory.  He took that and married a hot young girl in Belarus that he has no earthly business impregnating, but he did and now they have a baby as well.  

Let's break down his process so we can all learn from it.  David got his first hot chick in Belarus and she was busting his balls.  He had heard and read about my dominance struggle theory on here and on the phone with me.  Still, when he got this particular girl he was getting angry about losing some fights, etc. and as we talked through her and went through fight by fight, things improved and he got better, but he still ended up breaking up.  

This is normal.  

It's normal any guy learning dominance struggle theory to lose a girl or two on the way to becoming a dominant guy.  This happens because the "picture" she's painted of you is changing into a different one.  Women paint a picture of your dominance level in their heads as they gain experience with you, and although the picture can change and can change fast (like for instance if we're on the phone fixing your relationship day-by-day or week-by-week), often it's the case where a guy has to burn through a girl or two on the way towards becoming the man who can tackle the challenges she throws out on a day to day basis so that the relationship can survive long term.  

Can I save YOUR relationship if it's going a little sideways and getting a little shaky?  

The answer I have to give you sucks because I haven't diagnosed YOUR particular situation, and it's that sometimes it's savable and sometimes it's not.  Also sometimes when I pull the bag off your head because I understand something about her that you don't, commonly it happens that once a guy understands more about the woman he's with, he loses respect for her and WANTS to leave.  That's always an odd transformation for me to "eat popcorn and watch", but it happens.  Funny how men across the board are just cool with a breakup, they just need to understand what's happening so they can draw their own conclusions.  

Mostly, I find that men struggle when a breakup has unknowns, and they thrive once they have an understanding (for real) of what happened... difficult or not.  

DO YOU NEED A DIAGNOSIS?  Use the link on the right side of the blog for my "Store" and I'll hop on a free call with you.  Or just click HERE

Moving on...

With the new wide availability of AI, lots will now change for me, personally. 

For many years now, you've seen me struggling to do things like post regularly, keep a website working, etc. and it's because over the years every time I've thrown 5k or 10k at someone to help me with trying to get all my business ducks in a row, it's failed.  

Sorry.  

But!  It's a new era and with AI access I can now hammer it with editing questions finally pump out a video or two for you guys, so look for more of that coming down the tubes.  The current plan is to use YouTube as my main platform, and I'll post shorts to all the platforms as well (should be the same short for awhile on each platform).   

The best thing you can do to help me out would be to (of course) subscribe, like, and COMMENT so I hopefully reasonably spread my message, because I truly believe (as I'm sure you all know) that I've got THE solution for men out there.  

I CAN USE YOUR SUGGESTIONS FOR VIDEO CONTENT!  Just comment on any video on any platform, and I'll do my best to do a video for you.  In fact, I would love a video question from you somehow so that I can do a video response.  However... this tech shit is still wildly hard for me and I will have to ask AI to walk me through making like a reaction video with a picture-in picture or something.  I'm super newb.  

Which brings to mind...

IF YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO CAN BE A CONTENT EDITOR/POSTER/FILM PERSON FOR ME, I WANT YOUR HELP!  

I'm a top pro in game, no doubt.  And I'm still a top loser in content creation and essentially an unknown.  It's been my bottleneck for real for a long time.  So if you're a guy who is comfortable and can help with this, I'd love to talk with you.  I'm happy to trade learning dating for helping me with content, and if you're in the Los Angeles area I'm happy to do some training in person even.  

IF YOU JUST WANNA LEARN GAME ON A BUDGET I NEED YOU TOO.   

Now I don't want to film women in the bars without them knowing.  Many of you know I've always been against that and I think it's a violation of privacy unless she knows and is okay with the posting.  Even then, she might not be later, so I don't film sets.  

However...

I've been kind of tossing around the idea of doing some YouTube content where I take a couple guys out with a camera guy and I just change a couple guys from 0 women to a 3 girl rotation for YouTube growth purposes.  I would imagine it would me somewhat interview based?  Like we do interviews of the guys before, during, and after trainings, on the street, with theory, etc. and the whole thing is filmed by the content dude (who I'm hoping is one of you).  

I think this could be super cool.  

However...

You MUST be the type of guy who is open to being on camera for YouTube.  Dating is a personal thing, so exposing yourself in a capacity like this requires vulnerability in a public domain.  

Also, it's not free.  I'm going to do the heaviest possible discount to get this content out, but I also need to live and likely pay for some content/editing help.  

I NEED 2 GUYS, and ONLY TWO guys.  

If you're interested in the transformation on camera or helping with content and editing off camera, email me jakepulls@gmail.com.  I will choose the best 2 candidates and this isn't a 100% happening idea yet, I've just always wanted to do it and I figure it would be cool for YouTube.  

Other news...  

A month or two ago I attended the Owen Cook live Free Tour Seminar.  For those of you who are old like me, I'm talking about Tyler from The Game.  For whatever reason I still struggle calling him Owen lol.  But anyways I was there and I was astonished.  About 150+ people showed up to downtown and to me it was incredible to watch.  There was a hypnotist who signed up maybe 75 people to get transformation, and after that Owen talked for like 5 hours non-stop and signed a bunch of people up for training.  The guy has great stage presence and comfort, and although it was tough for me to always follow his "free form" style, it was cool to watch.  

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous.  

I'd (of course) love to do a chat like that and to have the opportunity to get on a stage in front of that many people.  For years all I gave a shit about was game game game and why why why.  Tyler was over there building his business and wow what a job he did.

After the seminar, Owen asked me if I wanted to come to the (paid) seminar to help out and I was like hell yeah.  So a couple weeks later I came and helped with the seminar.  There were about 50 people there, and I quickly learned that Owen is teaching personal branding, speaking from stage, stage presence, and other modern forms of the same social skills we've taught for so many years already.  

The "Cherry on top" (as he called it) was the in-field time.  

We went out to Venice after the seminar at like 12:30am and spend basically a "power hour" doing gaming.  Many of the guys (and a couple girls!) out with the group were approaching, and most guys approaching had no problem opening some women.  I was able to help out, give advice where I could, and I even "pulled" a chick in front of a couple students as a demo.  Obviously I didn't really pull the girl cause I have a woman and two kids, so it was more like a guy fishing who catches a fish, shows it to his friends, then gently releases the fish back into the water.  Trust me though when I say, I know when it's pull and when it's not going to be.  I've known for a very, very long time... 

Wanna be stunned like I was?  NO ONE AT THE TRAINING HAD ANY TRAINING OR OPENERS.  

I couldn't believe it.  There was a 20 year follower of Owen taking his first workshop and he just approached being like "hey guys what's up what's your name?  Where are you from" and my jaw was on the floor.  I was so confused that I had to ask Tyler like what's the deal??? You only go out for an hour?  He's like "yeah man it's just the cherry on top for the seminar.  we all go out and game, and some people take it seriously, some people just wanna see me game, some guys wanna use it for a sales skillset development, etc."  My jaw was on the floor, and he informed me that basically in his eyes the pickup market is kinda dead.  

Is the pickup market dead???  What do you think?  

The next move for Owen is to "do stadiums" as he put it.  He even told the seminar that if they want pickup training, to "get it now before it's gone."  His 5 hour talk was, in his words, "for legacy purposes."  Here I am wishing I had eyeballs and he's working on legacy.  

Man, do I have some work to do...  

I still can't wait to coach more, and I feel entirely under utilized and ill-accomplished.  I've not yet succeeded in getting my message out, and I don't think I'll stop pursuing this until I do.  

It's odd what I'm seeing these days as far as dating.  Everyone is confused, basically, and some of what we did 20 years ago has permeated society.  A new generation of guy are using pickup information, and "Mogging" is even a mainstream term.  WTFFF??   It's been a looooong time since I was thinking about amogging.  

Maybe I'm crazy?  but I do see some younger guys coaching online, and I just don't see men meeting women going away anytime soon.  Regardless, this is what I love and I plan on throwing my hat in the ring here before I give up.  

Back to the seminar. 

The most astonishing thing I witnessed first hand at Owen's seminar was for sure the really amazing vibes from everyone, coaches included.  Everyone was getting some great speaking training and help with social skills, the people were all welcoming to one another, and the overall vibe was amazingly positive.  I've also not ever seen a $200k Miami fashion week weekend pitched before, but that's another story for another time.  

Overall impression of Owen's free tour:  Impressive as fuck.  Hat's off to him and the great job he's doing for people.  I'd recommend you check it out when it's in your city.  Who knows, I might even be back myself.  I'm happy I reached out to him to attend.  We've known each other for so long and I had never been to see his seminar before.  

Other than that, I'm still coaching as much or more than ever and still going at it.  I do have to wear glasses sometimes cause I guess we all start going blind at this age, but other than that I'm same old Jake just with more finished cars.  

Cheers and chat soon!  Thanks for reading and thanks for your continued comments, follows, subs, and support!  

New Video on The Dating Mansions!

How To Save Your Relationship Without Therapy

The secret screening mechanism.....

 

How to Make Women Hit on You

 What's up pickup fam.  It's Jake and I'm making some videos on YouTube now as Jake Payton.  I'll also be on linkedin, twitter (Click here for link to Social medias) , and starting to do some shorts on if I can figure out how to edit, etc.  If you're a ninja at this I NEED YOU so we can exchange services.  Currently I'm in North Carolina.  

Anyways, here's the video and I hope you like it..