FR: A Hot One Goes Bye Bye (How much BS Is too much?)

In the beginning of learning dating skills, things can be rough... and desperate.  If you're in the middle of a long dry spell it can be impossible to tell a girl to hit the road because she's done something you don't like.  After all, she's the closest thing you've got to a chance to get laid.  However, as your abundance grows with women, your mindset changes.  I want to tell you today about an experience I had on Wednesday night where I dumped a super hot girl.  You might not believe how this one turns out...


The girl:  A 21 year old, 100 lb. redhead.  HOT.  And I mean hot.  The kind of hot that when I got her naked the first time I was saying to myself "Holy shit!  I get to have sex with this girl?!?  OMG!  Yes please!"  The opportunity to have sex with women like this one are the exact reason we all study dating.

The history:  I picked this girl up as a demo approach in front of the pickup mansion students using my "She's not even in the fucking room" technique at an 18+ goth club a couple years ago.  She was 19 years old.  We dated loosely for about a year, but living an hour away from me, it was tough to see her as much as she would've liked, and I wasn't exactly excited hot in the pants about driving my big block muscle car down to her place and back at $70 per round trip in gas money.  The end result:  She got the feeling I wasn't as into her as she was into me, so she moved on.  Later I would start sleeping with her best friend, another super hot young girl who happened to be WAY better than her in bed, and just as hot.  Until her I didn't know such a young girl could be so good in bed.  And i'm not sure whether or not she ever told her friend that she slept with me.  Hmm...

As many women who leave me do (about 80% of them based on my stats), she re-initiated contact with me recently and we started hanging out again.  We hung out one time at my place without having sex, then I went down to see her and we sealed the deal.  I left the state for a few weeks (we texted and talked a few times during this time) and I finally got back to Hollywood on Tuesday.  I had planned on heading over to a famous girl's place (who i've been sleeping with for like a year and a half now) on Wednesday night and teaching a 1-on-1 training on Thursday night, so I figured i'd hangout with this redhead on Friday or Saturday (today).  That didn't happen.

Wednesday night hits and my plan is to head to the famous girl's place for "neighbor time" as she calls it, around 12 midnight.  About 9pm the redhead calls me and tells me she's in Hollywood to go to a club and says she'd like to see me (aka go to the club then stay at my place and have sex).  This works out pretty well for me cause i'll likely be home by 2am when she's done at the club and she can come over and stay the night... or so I thought.

Here's where it gets weird.  She tells me that she wants to drink and not drive, and the club is a few miles from my house.  I tell her just to leave the car at my place, i'll take her to the club, and she can cab it back to my place (about $15-17).  She doesn't want to spend the money and instead suggests that she'll just park at the club and I can call a cab to come to my place, pick me up, take me to the club around 2, and then i'll drive her car back to my place.  HUH???

Now this may seem like no big deal to you guys, but why should I pay for a cab and go out of my way for her convenience?  She wants to go the club (not me!), so to me this seems like it should be her expense.  In fact, I think she's quite audacious to even ask me to do something like this.  When we're on the phone my roommate is right next to me, and he tells me he'll give me a ride there at 2 am.  Not a bad compromise, so I tell her to text me when she's done and i'll roll down there.  She tells me "I don't really wanna stay too long and I really want to spend some time with you and not just go to sleep, so i'll text you by 1 at the latest and let you know how i'm coming.  Cool.

I head to famous girl's house and have our "neighbor time," and my plan is to spend whatever amount of time is normal at famous girl's house and if redhead texts me too early i'll just not respond for a bit then delay as necessary.  Afterall, she can't go anywhere anyway, right?

But as it turns out, 1am comes and no text yet.  1:30am, still no text and i've been home for 10 minutes. 2 am comes, still no text.  At this point she's an hour behind things and i'm laid, tired, and starting to think about just going to sleep.  2:30am comes and i'm in my underwear in bed.  I've decided just to go to sleep and let her figure out her own shit.

2:45am comes and I get a phone call:

Me:  "Hello?"
Her (obviously super drunk):  "He won't leave me alone!  Get away from me!!  Jake i'm scared and he won't leave me alone" (now starting to cry)

What would you do here???

This girl's in a seemingly bad situation.  She's an hour from home, drunk, and apparently getting raped or something, so I decide get up, throw some clothes on, and have my roommate drive me to get her.  I simply don't have the heart to leave her in a situation like this.  Finally after an arduous phone call I figure out where her car is parked and we head her way.

When we turn onto the street where she's parked, I can see the front door of her car is open and her head is visible below the bottom of driver's door.  Puke is dripping out of her mouth.  There's a 5'9" 250 lb fat half black sloppy guy standing over her.  I get out of the car and walk up to see a half naked drunk chick puking.  She has no shirt on, and her bra is pulled down to her stomach.  Tits fully out and visible to all.

Again, what would you do?  Do you beat this fat guy's ass, or thank him for not raping her?  Did he get her away from the raper guy or is he him?  Do you still take this girl home?  Do you have sex with her?

Okay you guys are all perverts, cause I know you said yes to the last two.

After a short but painful few minutes of conversation with her and the dude, I figure out that she was at some sort of goth club engaging in a "show" with this dude where he probably whips her or something.  God knows what happened in reality, but my guess is she's drunk and he's angling to have sex with her.  Duh.

I tell him it's time to go, tell her to get her ass in the passenger seat, and I start driving her back to my place.  By now I already know i'm not going to date her ever again.  She's called me drunk before (not this bad), but I really just don't need a drunk young chick wasting my time and dragging me into situations like this.  I've got too many far better options, and quite frankly at this point I feel used.

We get to my place and I tell her she can sleep on the couch but she's sure as hell not sleeping with me in my room.  At this point she doesn't really want to even move and sure as shit has no ability to even pull her bra up and put her shirt on, so I leave her in the car, lock the doors, put the key on top of the front tire (so she can't get a DUI if for some reason a cop stops or something), text her telling her where her keys are at, and go inside to get some sleep.  It's about 3:30 in the morning.

5:45 am I wake up to banging on my door.  No fucking way i'm opening it.  The banging stops then starts again a few minutes later, this time at my door to the outside of the house.  I open it and am greeted by a very cold gust of air and the redhead, still drunk.  She still has no shirt on and is shivering.  She can't put a sentence together and has no clue what happened.  I tell her "Basically what happened last night is you were a complete mess last night and I no longer want to see you, so it's time for you to leave.  Sleep in your car or whatever until you sober up, but you're not sleeping here and you're not sleeping with me.  I have to work tomorrow and we're over."  With that I shut the door on her and went to sleep.

I wake up at 10:15am or so and see a text that came in at 5:51am.  It reads (verbatim):  "Wow you couldn't wait for this at least me in?  I guess i get it" (yes, you read that correctly.  I didn't mis-quote there).  

I have no clue what this means but I really at this point want to make her go away forever and ever and ever, so I text her:

Me:  Maybe you don't get it.  Instead of spending time with you last night, I get a call from a heavily intoxicated girl basically screaming rape and having no ability to tell me where she's at.  When I finally show up she's half naked with her tits out and puke spilling out of her mouth next to a skeezy fat dude who apparently was doing a "scene" with her where he does god knows what with her in front of ppl at a bar and her top ends up off.  Not only that, but this isn't the first time i've picked her up in this type of drunken situation.  Because she's so fucked up she decides to sleep in her car instead of on my couch, then wakes me up (and possibly my roommates) with super loud banging on doors 3 hours after I go to sleep when I have to work the following day.  She has no clue what happened and still can't even put a sentence together...

I don't need these sloppy messes of situations in my life.  It's about the most classless, unattractive possible thing in the world to me. 

Wake up and learn how to control yourself, your drinking/drug intake, and the situations you put yourself in before you end up drugged and raped in some alleyway, idiot.  And find someone else to abuse for rides and places to stay. 

Her:  I know but it was my bad.  I haven't drank at his stuff in a long time.  I drank to much what else can I say?  I didn't mean to turn a good night into a bad one and I don't remember mug of what an ass I made of myself so I slept in my car I didn't mean to upset you or your roomates.  I don't drink ever at his stuff it got out of hand.  //

When I didn't respond to this she called me and I didn't answer.  I'll never talk to this one again.

So why would I do all this?  Isn't this a bit extreme?  

I ditched this girl the other night because she was starting to show a pattern of being a drag on my life (*update from years later after this post:  She was a drug addict at this time and hadn't told me*).  Quite simply, i'm dating other women who are far better quality and have better compatibility for me than her, and ditching her will free up some time in my life (a night a week and some time texting) that i'd much rather have open to spend time with my friends or a new girl I might meet.

The lesson here is that no matter where you're at with women and how much abundance you have or don't have, I want to encourage you to start respecting yourself enough to have the ability to leave a woman behind if she's not for you or if she becomes a drag on your life for whatever reason.

When questioning how you can decide whether or not to leave a girl, I like to simply take a look at the experiences that I have with a girl.  I count the number of times we hangout in a month and I see what percentage of them are bad.  From there I make a judgement and take action.

Let's take this girl for instance.  Last time we were actively hanging out (like a year+ ago), I remember hanging out with her about 3 times that month, the first of which was the other drunken night where I didn't spend much time with her because a similar situation had happened.  Since we've been hanging out this go-around, we've hungout 3 times.  2 were great times and I had a lot of fun and this third time was pretty bad.  Adding it up, we've got a total of 6 hangouts, two being bad.  OUCH!

For your life to have very high quality and happiness, you should be having no more than like 1 bad experience in like 10-15 times of hanging out with a girl, and that's a maximum!  What's a bad experience?  Here are some examples of bad experiences:

1.  You hangout and even though you've slept together before, she doesn't want to for whatever reason (on the rag I consider exempt)
2.  She's bitchy for any reason
3.  She's a drag for any reason
4.  The sex is bad
5.  You feel abused in any way
6.  She won't do what you went to the effort to plan
7.  If you're embarrassed of her for any reason
8.  She abandons you or the date
9.  She's forceful about something you don't agree on
10.  You don't have a fun time
11.  You leave knowing that you wouldn't do what you just did with her again

Obviously this list goes on and on.

So back to the redhead.  One out of every three times we hangout it's a bad experience for me and I leave the experience feeling like she attempted to use me for whatever reason, in this case for a place to stay or a ride.  She also wasted my time.  If I hadn't already had plans and other women, this could've been a night I didn't do other things with friends, etc. and it would've been a total waste.  Can you see now how she is a nogo for me?  Add to that the fact that this girl is not a mature version of a 21 year old and how she will definitely continue to make bad mistakes and decisions for the next 4-5 years of her life and you should be able to see how this is a VERY OBVIOUS NOGO for me in my life.

So, now i'd like to question you about your own life and the women in it.  I don't care if you've only got one women you're dating and you haven't slept with her yet, if you've got a rotation of 10 you're sleeping with every week, or if you've been married for 20 years.  If your quality of life sucks because you're having bad experience after bad experience with a girl, then it's time to end your relationship or have a serious discussion with her about how you can immediately change what your time together looks like.  Eliminate bad experiences and bad time spent with women, that's my challenge to you.

The second and final thing i'd like you to do is to start adding more good experiences.  Seems simple, right?  Well maybe not.  I know that when I was learning dating skills I used to try my best to gear my experiences towards things that the girl would like to do.  I often failed.  Soon after I started experiencing abundance I started only asking women to do things with me that I enjoyed doing.  I figured that if they wanted to do something that they would tell me, and guess what?  They did!  Looking back on this process I realize that what I thought a woman would like to do was very different from the actual things that she liked to do.

Nowadays, I screen women using this technique.  I'll tell you how.  Get in touch with your identity enough that you know exactly the things you'll love to do, then take the girl out and do that exact thing as soon as you can.  If she doesn't like the experience or is bored, then ditch her.  She doesn't have to know about what you love, but she should at least show some enthusiasm about doing it.  Keep in mind here that i'm talking about things that will probably never change for you, deep parts of your identity.  For me, it's old cars.  I love everything about old cars and probably always will, so I like to take a girl out for a ride in a muscle car soon after meeting her.  That's it, we simply go for a ride in my car.  If she doesn't like it for whatever reason, then I know we're probably not compatible for the long-term.  This may seem pretty simple, but it's a great place to start when you're trying to add great experiences to your life with women, and I think many men forget to do things they love when in a relationship.

So that's it for today.  I hope this has provided you with the clarity you need to move on from a bad situation or try and make your current situation with women better.  Whether you're a beginner and need to dump a prospective chick even though you're having no sex, or you're an advanced guy who's having lots of sex, there's no reason you should put up with a low quality of life!

Update:  This girl contacted me a year later and we hung out a few times again.  She's been trying to get back into my life and she's corrected her behavior as a result of our discussion.  Not too shabby.

(A decade later update:  She went through drug treatment and got married).