You Can't Prepare Your Way Out Of Paying The Price

I wanted to minimize embarrassment and pain, too.  

I wanted to not have to walk up to women and get my ass handed to me.  

I thought that if I prepared enough for every possible outcome, that I could avoid pain.  

Then... 

When I started approaching, I realized that what I was experiencing was FAR different than what I had imagined.  Women said different things.  Sometimes, women were nicer.  Sometimes they were harsh out of nowhere.  

Most importantly, many of the dream negative outcomes I thought would happen never did.  

So how does this relate to you?  

Well...  

With basically every client I get, we'll get into answering questions that go something like this:

"If she does _____, then what do I do???"  

Questions in this format are great and can often lead to some specifically good preparation.  For instance, I believe a guy should know what indicators women give to show attraction or to show interest.  He should know what the stages of the interaction are, and he should be able to make some basic adjustments.  He should know what common responses and actions take place in a dominance struggle.  

But this is where our conversation always seems to go off the rails a bit.  

Sometimes I'll get a "if she does X, then what should I do" question, and my answer is simply "Well, she won't do that."  The next question is always "Yeah, but if she does though... then what do I do."  

Same answer. 

So what's going on here?   

I believe what's going on is some form of self protection mechanism.  It's like "if I can figure out everything that will possibly happen in an interaction, then maybe I can approach without experiencing pain and suffering embarrassment.  

Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  

WE CAN'T SHIELD OURSELVES FROM PAYING THE PRICE WE HAVE TO PAY TO GET GOOD AT DATING BY SOMEHOW FIGURING OUT EVERY SITUATION THAT MIGHT HAPPEN BEFORE IT EVER DOES.  

The reality is that anyone who is learning a dating skillset must go through the hard work and tough emotions associated with having bad sets and rejection.  Those tough emotions shape our character and help us grow one of the most important attributes that you'll see in any man:  A THICK SKIN.  

A thick skin is built, not bought.  You can't think it into existence.  It's ONLY the product of experience providing a mindset that failures and negative reactions from women have no bearing on your identity or value as a man.  

Need an example?  Try this one on for size:  Next time you get a blowout where you try to open and the girl basically is like "fuck off," try turning around 180 degrees from her and opening the very next girl you see with the exact same opener.  When you get a shit reaction from a woman and then the very next one loves the opener, you'll get to see right in front of your face that you and the opener were never the issue in the first place.  This is your introduction to the many lessons to be acquired from the practice of cold approach.  

I can tell you all about this like I just have, but it's entirely different when you experience it first hand.  

When YOU TAKE ACTION, your personality and character grow in a way that me telling you about my experiences can never replicate.  

One more quick example.  

I have an immersion student in Chicago, we'll call him Mike.  

Now Mike has heard the above analogy before.  He "knows" that after a blowout you should go open the next set with the same opener.  So we're walking into the club and he does his first opener, and the girl is a fucking bitch to him.  It's so jarring that to him that he gets very angry.  I think I told the girl something to the effect of fuck you don't say that to my friend, lol.  I'm calm, I've got a thick skin already, and I'm just emotionally reset in one second and ready to continue.  

I look back and I can see he's fucking flustered.  He says "What the fuck man???  What am I supposed to do now???"  I'm like go do another set, then another one, then another one, and push through.  

The reality is that when you get fucked with badly, it's very hard to regulate back to a good state.  

So I demo.  

I tell him "here's what you do."  Then I take a deep breath, put a big smile on my face, and I go approach the hottest girl I can see.  In this case it was a disgustingly hot young girl.   I walk up, start talking, and within maybe a minute or two I'm making out with the hottest girl in the entire bar BY FAR.  I look back and he's shaking his head like "what in the fuck?!?????"  He can't believe it.  

I can't teach you emotional regulation like that.  It ONLY comes from going through that exact situation that he went through and adjusting accordingly.  

YOU must pay the price like Mike did.  

YOU can't prepare your way out of experiencing tough shit.  

YOU must do the work.  

Sometimes, the answer is just "well, that won't happen."  

So what's the antidote for this style of thinking?  What's the antidote for endless preparation and "perfection before action"???

Say this phrase to yourself:  

WHATEVER HAPPENS, I CAN HANDLE IT.  

The reality is that you, just like Mike, will have tough sets.  You will adjust on the fly.  

 You will have tough emotions.  You can handle them.  

Life will fucking suck.  You can handle it.  

People will die.  You can handle it.  

It's just talking to girls, man...  You can handle it.  

You can't prepare your way out of paying the price it takes to get good... 

And most importantly...

You wouldn't want to screw yourself out of the man you become by paying it.