Monday, April 25, 2011


Got this message from a student today in my inbox:

Hey Jake

Just wanted to tell you i lost my virginity a few months ago!!!! (finally)... I couldnt have done it without your help in the workshop I took. Just wanted to say thanks for all the help you gave me there!

I had 2 questions that i was wondering if you could help me with...

Im in a commited relationship now with this chick who is super cool; she is going to Italy for a little over a month. I want to keep dating her after she gets back cause she is cool as hell. Im just kinda worried about her going away to italy and fucking some other guy or something. Is there anything specific i should do before she goes or while shes there to help prevent something like this?

This girl also has a profile on a dating site; she told me about it. It says she is in a relationship on her page but she says guys always tell her shes cute and stuff on there. Is this just like an ego boost for her? trying to evoke jealousy? should i tell her to take this thing down or is it probably just harmless?

My response:

There's really nothing you can do to prevent a girl from fucking some other guy. The best thing for you to do is not mention that it's on your mind AT ALL FOR ANY REASON. Remember, even though you're not a guy with an abundance of women right now, abundance mentality is still the correct attitude to have. If this girl leaves, no biggie. You can replace her. Now abundance mentality is tough to have when this is just the first girl you've slept with, but you should try and resist the urge to be jealous as best you can, because if you nurture and act on these instinctual impulsive emotions you'll end up learning the hard way that all those actions do is cause hurt in your life.

In fact, these insecure feelings and the actions we take because of them are what causes One-itis among masses of guys. A guy meets a great girl, hooks up, and shortly after realizes he doesn't want to lose the girl. Because he doesn't want to lose her, he starts doing things to make sure he keeps her. He treats her extra nicely, goes out of his way for her, and starts guarding her from other guys talking to her, etc. This needy behavior becomes apparent to the girl and any good qualities she saw about her guy are overridden by a general sense that she's too good for him. The girl knows that she's the guy's only option and it's not an attractive thing to her. It's only a matter of time before she lets the guy go, telling him "I'm just not into you anymore" and he's left to wonder WTF happened as he jerks off using his own tears as lubricant for the next 6 months.

It's super normal as a guy to feel pressure to guard and protect your investment with a girl you're really into. I promise you though, the minute you choose to act on that feeling you are setting your own breakup in motion. Better to continue to show yourself abundance through continued sarging and dating until you've realized true abundance. Also, don't kid yourself here, the reality is that this relationship won't have the Disney ending you picture in your head anyway, so don't beat yourself up when it doesn't work. Instead, enjoy the time you've got with her and you'll be able to enjoy it for the longest time possible.

While this girl's in Italy for a month, I would plan on dating and meeting other chicks, and I would even tell her that the two of you should "take a break" while she's gone to take the pressure off the both of you. What better way to show yourself abundance than to act like an man with abundance acts! Then you've got a free pass to be single for a month too! This may not sound great to you now, but talk to me when you've been in a relationship 2 years :) In addition to all of this, the fact that you tell the girl that you're taking a break while she's gone will be very attractive to her.

As far as her dating profile, i'd not even mention it. Again, it's no big deal to you. If you tell her to take it down you'll appear controlling and insecure about her. Every girl in the world seeks to attract guys through talking about all kinds of guys who want her, it's very normal. They do it because it's true, and because jealousy is a powerful motivating factor among women and men alike. In reality most girls do have several guys that want to fuck them, but she IS with you, right? Remember, you're different because you're not needy, not insecure, not jealous, and generally not a social retard, so these guys don't matter to her at all. She's simply saying that other guys like her because she wants to show you she's desireable. She wants you to like her because she likes you! Act accordingly.


  1. Hmmm...

    My wife left me for a guy who is extremely needy, jealous and insecure and they're still dating two years later.

    They met because I wasn't insecure and didn't mind if she went out with her girlfriends without me.

    Of course, my lack of jealousy wasn't due to an abundance mentality, but rather some crazy notion that wedding vows were meant to be taken literally.

    Lesson learned.

    "Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." -Goethe

  2. @Jon, sorry to hear that you had to go through that man. I'm sure it wasn't a great experience. I obviously don't know you or your ex, but it might be the case that she's just not a healthy person. Often women who seek out that type of attention have issues of their own that they haven't been able to work out.

    The great news is that you aren't in that relationship any longer, and the fact that you're reading blogs like this one shows that you've got intent to make yourself into a higher quality man. Not only that but you haven't wasted anymore time with a relationship that wasn't good for your own health and well-being.

    Ask yourself this next time when you are getting to know a woman: Does she know beyond the shadow of any doubt that I CAN and WILL replace her if for some reason things end? When a woman knows that she will be replaced, it means she knows that her man is attractive to many other women and that his skillset is adequate to get those other women. This type of knowledge is extremely powerful because it creates attraction beyond what she can overcome, and it places the balance of power on the man's side. The partner with more abundance is the partner with the power in the relationship.

    Best of luck to you!

  3. Thanks for the encouragement Jake!

    Yeah...she definitely has issues. Unfortunately, she is also really hot.

    Thanks to my "nice guy" issues (which I've been working on) and scarcity mentality I overlooked all the warning signs and married her anyway.

    In hindsight, if I thought I could do better, I probably wouldn't have done that.