It happens to all of us, all the time. There's a point in time where we know we're supposed to "make a move" on a girl. Whether the move is just to start talking or it's to start flirting during talking, or even it the move is to try and touch a girl's chest, the reality is that many guys are scared of these opportunities with women and it causes them to NOT act. This is the worst choice of all and today I'm going to tell you why...
I've taught thousands of students in the past 10 years, and a common trend I see is for there to be some point in a guy's game where he's scared to make a move of some sort. Maybe he's afraid to start talking to a girl, maybe he's afraid to touch her for the first time, or maybe he's afraid to flirt with her instead of talking about his job and her hobbies and the weather. Any of these places where comfort stops and fear begins can be complete deal breakers for any guy. In his mind he thinks "What if it doesn't "work"??? What if the move is met with hostility? Then what'll happen?" And worse yet, if these thoughts and fears cause the guy to NOT act in a confident manner, then that fear is supported and his game is wrecked.
Then he explodes.
That's right, I'm here to tell you today that when you make a move and it doesn't work, what happens it that your head and body explode into a million pieces, spraying blood, feces, and bone fragments all over everyone around you. I've seen this happen with my own eyes. One time a dude just exploded in the middle of New York City. Hell of a thing, that was....
So nobody's body exploded, you caught me. But what did happen to the guy who didn't talk to the girl? What happened to the guy who couldn't flirt instead of talking about the weather? What happened to the guy who couldn't go from making out to trying to touch her boobs?
Absolutely nothing at all. The guy simply CHOSE to support his fear through the action he took. The action he chose was to be a fearful man, not an empowered man. The fear in this man got stronger and became that much tougher to overcome. Even worse, the fearful man probably told himself a lie to support his decision. "She's not that hot" or "I didn't like her anyways" or some other lie. It's really a sad, unfortunate thing when this happens. I often wonder why that guy wouldn't just reach out for help?
When I was fearful and needed help, I reached out. I was just sick of being a pussy, that's all. I was sick of not leading an empowered life. My fear had gotten me nowhere, and I no longer trusted my fear to bring me happiness. I wanted to be an empowered man, and I understood that I could make that choice today.
An empowered man acts in the face of his fears. He takes action IN SPITE of his fears, knowing fully well that he could experience temporarily negative consequences. Yes, a girl could tell him no or berate him or call him creepy or hurt his feelings. However, his wisdom tells him that he will get through it, and he can handle whatever consequences he might face.
I personally used to experience fear all the time! When I recognized it, I decided to tell my old self "Hey old Jake. Thanks for your shitty, fear-based opinion on what I should do, but this time i'm not going to take your advice because your shitty opinion of what I should do never got me anywhere."
So today I ask you, which kind of guy are you? Is there a spot in your game that causes you inaction? Is there a girl you talk with but don't flirt with out of fear? Do you not touch a girl you meet because you're afraid of what might happen?
Well guess what? ALL OF THESE ACTIONS WILL CAUSE YOU TO LOSE A GIRL FOR SURE. If you don't act in spite of your fear, absolutely nothing will happen, and you have a 100% chance of losing the girl.
I know, I know, your fear is sooooo bad and "Jake you don't understand" and blah blah bah. Well the way I see it, there are two solid reasons you should take action:
1. The emotional reason - You are not happy right now, and you won't be until you get over this. Happiness and confidence come from stepping outside of your comfort zone and taking action to GROW. This is such a powerful concept that you can literally have a terrible result from the girl and it doesn't matter because you'll have an overwhelming feeling of success simply from acting in spite of your fear. Try it.
2. The logical reason - Don't try = No women. Duh. My old friend used to have a saying he said all the time that helped him muster up the confidence to go talk to a chick, and I still think about it today. He used to say "Shy don't get you shit." And he's right.
Still need help with this?
You know, I used to think I didn't have a problem with my closet and with keeping clothes, then I had a girl one time who just walked in my closet and said "we're cleaning it out today." She started throwing stuff away like old socks, college textbooks, etc. Then we went and got me new fancy socks and I had new room in my closet for other shit. I felt surprisingly great about the whole thing, and now I have the ability to throw shit out when I need to.
Want me to clean out your closet for you?
Are there some old habits you need help throwing out? Got some "socks" in your closet that need to go? I had some fear that needed to go, and within one day's help I had that fear licked and I never looked back. 10 years later and I've been showered in abundance like I cannot even describe to you.
Today I want to invite you to take the first action against your fear. Shoot me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know where your confidence is stopping and your fear is beginning. I respond to all of my student's emails and posts on Flawless Texting Forum daily. Oh, and if you missed out on the end of the year coaching specials, checkout two posts ago on this blog, they're in there.
Thanks for reading and happy holidays to you guys! I'm looking forward to an amazing 2017 and I'd love for you to feel the same excitement!