Monday, June 20, 2011

How many women have you slept with?

Ahhhh, the age-old question.  WTF does it mean and how should we answer it?  I think guys in general don't like this question because they fear giving the wrong answer.  We all hear this question and immediately start thinking about how not to answer it and what would happen if we did.  I've even heard formulas like "Well you take your number and if it's above 10 then you divide by 3 and add 2 and if it's below 10 then multiply by 3 and subtract 2."  Funny shit, but the fact that guys have developed this kind of methodology to answering this question is a testament to the weight it seemingly holds to a woman.  Afterall, if we tell her the real number, what if we can't handle what she thinks about it?  What if she won't date us because of it?

Well fear no longer friends!  I think we can tackle this one.

First of all, I believe that you've gotta know what kind of girl you're dealing with so that you can try and assess why she's asking this nonsense.  If you can understand why she is asking this, then you'll know how to tackle the question when it comes your way.  The way I see it is this question is a shit-test of sorts, designed to give the girl a good read on what your personality is like and what your intentions are for her.  This could be good news for you, cause it means that she's likely sizing you up as potential boyfriend material.  On the other hand, if you're aiming for girls to categorize you as a seducer, this is a clue that you're not quite there yet.  Afterall, do you think a girl would ask Tommy Lee that question?  No, no they wouldn't...

So aside from all that, let's say you've gotten the question, now what are you supposed to say?

If your skill level is something like beginner to intermediate i'd recommend the following:

Your first option would be telling her something like "Oh, um... I don't know, like a couple hundred maybe?  Three hundred?  Not really sure."  The idea here is to say something believable enough that she's gotta think about it, but absurd enough that she knows it's not true for you.  The combination will kind of tease her for asking the question at all.

After that the girl's probably going to ask the question again somehow, so i'd move on to a "you want me" frame.  It'd go something like "Look at you, you're like soooo into me right now.  You wanna know like every little detail about my life.  That's cute.  Well be patient little girl, soon enough you'll be able to drag all of this stuff out of me, I promise, but we're not quite there yet."

After this she'll likely subside for a bit, a few days if you're lucky.  At that point I would put it off again in the same manner until later when you feel comfortable enough with the girl to actually tell her if you choose to do so.  The timing for this is loooong after you've slept with her i'd say.

If you're skill level is advanced, i'd recommend something a bit harder like this:

"Are you serious?  What are we in like high school again?"

Then if she presses:

"To be honest, I really have no clue.  I quit counting a long time ago."


With the beginner/intermediate option you'll buy yourself some time to continue to game the girl until you really feel more connected with her and comfortable enough to be honest about what your past has been, and that's if she even presses the issue.  With the advanced option, you're really shooting for a seducer vibe and setting up and scumbaggish/player frame.  You don't care what she thinks about you or the sex you've had.  This means that by continuing to talk with you, the girl implicitly has decided that it's not a problem for her that you have had sex with (and might have sex in the future with) a lot of girls.

The reason I list both of these options rather than just the advanced option is that if you just say the advanced option and you're really congruent with being that guy yet, the girl's going to know it and it'll come off like you're an arrogant guy who thinks he's cooler than he really is.  So really use what option is best for you, and if you're moving towards the seducer frame then start to work this harder stuff into your game when the time's right.  Either way, knowing this information will get you past this bullshit question in a way that maintains or increases the girl's attraction to you and lets her know that you're not about to be phased by her little ploys to rattle you up.

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  1. Awesome.. I've had, I'm sure we all have had that come up before


  2. Had a response to this thread on 30/30 forum that i'd like to share. A member said the following:

    My standard response starts with a vague answer, then goes into an open talk about sexuality, something like this, although more interactive,

    "Well, it's more than ten and less than a hundred. I think for a guy in New York City who didn't marry young to have less than ten means there's something unusual with the guy. I mean everyone likes sex and after a while even if you aren't that attractive you'll still have sex with a girl or two a year at least. Same with girls. They might not count every guy, but they like sex more and get up past ten even if they aren't hot. Even a lot of people who marry young get up there eventually. And if you're over a hundred it probably means your priorities are different than mine. I mean, more power to them, but they probably prioritize new girls over relationships with existing girls. For me it's friends first, which means I like getting to know a girl."

    I usually ask a few questions along the way and customize parts for the particular girl. Someone over a hundred can just change "hundred" to "thousand." It usually transitions from a boring interview question to a sex-friendly, non-judgmental conversation.

    My Response:

    I hear you on this one and it seems like you've got the conversation working well, but I think it's time for the next level for you.

    When you answer with a serious conversation like this it really shows that her question holds a lot of weight with you and that you take it very seriously. Shine's right that it's easy to sound defensive here for no reason. It's the whole "Prove to me you're not a bad guy and just out to fuck girls" frame that girls have. They subcommunicate it and guys often feel the need to answer to it because they understand the gravity of it. This type of a move by a girl is very common, and quite an elegant technique IMO. You're maybe not consciously aware of it, but you're actually so in-tune with this subcommunication that you're answering it verbally!

    The last sentance of your paragraph is "For me it's friends first, which means I like getting to know a girl." But do you want to engage in this whole mess? Does this conversational thread help you out that much? I think even though you're answering it well, if you back off a bit and look at the general effect, you'd realize that the muscle that the question holds is pushing you into the boyfriend/commitment zone. Did you want that?

    Why not use some confusion and a flirting frame? I think really the girl just wants to size you up, so when a girl wants to size me up I respond with dominance, not supplication to her frame. The girl doesn't really care much about your sexual past IMO, no matter how much she thinks she does. The reality is that she'll respond positively to confusion game and dominance better than she will to an explanation of how you're not out to fuck her for whatever reason. IMO, you should take the driver's seat and lead, because the fact that the question is coming up at all really indicates that you're not quite giving off a seducer vibe yet. As guys we tend to try and logic shit to death and this is a case where if you can get the girl to feel an emotion you're better off.

    Again, i'm not saying what you're doing is the worst thing ever and I don't necessarily recommend against it (it's a necessary step on the path), I just think there's a more effective, simpler way to handle it.