No time for messing around today. What i've got to talk about here is serious business for those of you still half-assing things. Today's topic is burning shit to the ground, making for damn sure that the girl you're into is either in or out. NO MIDDLE GROUND. Burn the boats, there's no turning back!
You know this situation well, in fact, you're a pro at it. You see a girl, maybe she's across the room, maybe she's right in front of you. Out of a need to "not fuck it up," you tread lightly. Maybe you're a guy who thinks he's "working on a girl," and that working has been over a month. You might be a bit afraid to text a girl in your phone because you're wondering "what if it's the wrong thing." Some of you might be still afraid to approach an attractive girl, and if and when you get her number you might still be afraid that you're chasing too much so you back off. Finally, there are a huge number of you who aren't hitting on hot enough girls, you've got some mild success, so out of laziness you go with what's easy for you and you deny your own ability to put in the effort to reach out and just take happiness.
I propose a simple solution to your woes my friend, and it's this:
Make a decision right now to put yourself out there with women. However daunting it may seem, have balls, take action, and let the cards fall how they may. Quit living your life wondering where you stand with a woman you're interested in. When you take action, you will know exactly where you stand. Repeatedly having the balls to take action and accept the consequences will make a man of you.
This concept is deceptively simple, so let's slow down a bit and talk this out.
Case 1: I'm "working" on a girl.
Usually this happens with a guy when he's not yet skilled enough to attract multiple women on any given night, or even in any given month or year. When a guy finds a girl who mildly accepts his presence into her life, he often takes it as a sign that she "might" like him. He'll devote hours and hours to thinking about her, all the while oblivious to the fact that she's likely just being nice to him for a completely different reason. Creepy. She may need something from him or be benefitting from his presence through the validation she receives from having constant orbiting pursuers. Whatever the case, often everyone around except the guy will know that the he's interested in the girl and won't get her. Please don't be that guy any longer.
If you're in this situation and you believe you're "working" on a girl, it's time to take the blanket off of your head that's keeping you in the dark. The reality here is that girls accept men into their lives for a variety of reasons, and if a sexual type of energy isn't established very early upon meeting the girl, then there's not a good chance that any guy who comes into a woman's life will be a potential suitor.
The way I see it you've got two options:
1. Continue "working" on the girl - If you're a guy who likes to learn the hard way and waste time in your life, do this. Right now your skillset and identity aren't developed enough to deserve a girl like this. If you really do want a shot at her, my advice is to ditch her and not talk with her for a period of at least 3-6 months while you develop your identity and your skillset. Then you can call her out of the blue to "catch up" and knock her out with your new moves. This is a realistic possibility, i've done it.
2. Give it a go right now. This is the option where you take action to get the girl and she either dates you or is purged from your life. If you haven't yet, install some sexual tension into your interactions through flirting frames like "you want me" frame, player frame, teasing frames, etc. I teach all of these in workshops and trainings and they're incredible tools for building and maintaining sexual tension and attraction.
I'm not necessarily talking about leaving a girl with a good opinion of you either. Often I tell myself in my mind "This girl's either going to think i'm a total creepster, or she's going to be really into me tonight or very soon." What I mean here is that you should come in guns blazing, and by this I don't mean going direct with her or some other crass bastardization of game, I mean you should use the best material and skill you've got. Do your best, and if it's not enough, pat yourself on the back for a valiant effort and feel good that you've stepped up to the plate and that you've got balls.
Case 2: You're afraid to text a girl
This is another very common thing I see in students. They get a girl's number and they immediately get afraid to text them. Some guys won't text a girl at all, others will not text back even after they've texted a couple times back and forth. Still there are other guys who don't get texts returned from a girl in the first week, so they'll ditch the number or not want to continue to text it in the coming weeks.
The reality here is that the phone game of a couple years ago is now converting or has converted completely to text game. If you don't know it and do it, then you better get to learning cause this is the primary tool used by the best in the game to get the girl. Gone are the days where you call and she picks up, unless you're dealing with a low-value girl or you live in rural areas where everyone still has pagers on their waists.
If you're feeling fear of texting a girl, the reason you're feeling fear is because you've got an expectation of failure based on your past experiences. The reality is that this expectation is not accurate. Brad, myself, and the other coaches have all resurrected numbers from the dead, and I'm talking girls who i'll meet out and they won't text me over the course of an entire month.
Often i'll take a break from texting a girl then be doing random phone game like two months later when i'll come upon her name and say "Damn, this girl never responded to like 6 texts over the course of a month, there's like no way in hell she's going to reply." Then my new programming kicks in, "Fuck it, i'm burning her to the ground. I'm texting this girl until I know damn good and well it's not a possibility at all beyond any shadow of a doubt. I don't give a shit what she thinks of me."
Time after time after time i'll go through a bunch of numbers like this and out pop 10 responses and I get dates. And remember! These were "dead" numbers. But why does this happen? Well quite simply, just because you meet a girl and it goes well doesn't mean the timing's right for her to end what she had going before she met you. You might have had an awesome rendezvous and she happens to have a dude at home sleeping in her bed and their at the tail-end of whatever they've got going on. You just never know. This is why persistence in texting pays off.
The same thing goes for guys who are afraid to text a girl from the get-go or afraid to text something wrong. To you guys I say that failure breeds success. Again, have the balls to take action and learn from your mistakes, and have the where-withall to know that when you get through the failures, your skill level pays off 10,000 fold. To this day, I can't hardly remember the numbers I got that didn't work, but every single day i'm alive I get to enjoy the skill that i've developed. That skill comes at a price, and that price is worth paying. The price is failure.
Case 3: You're still afraid to approach, or afraid to approach the hottest girls
This one is by far the most common. There have been volumes written about approach anxiety so i'm not going to deal with that in this post, but what I will say is that you will never ever have a relationship with a hotter girl than the hottest one you approach. When I was still oblivious to the community and couldn't get results to save my soul, one of my best friends told me something that's stuck with me and probably always will, "Shy don't get you Shit!"
It could be today, sometime in the future, or maybe never, but soon enough you will find either the frustration or the inspiration to get motivated enough to go out and get what you really want in life. The tragedy that many face is never finding either. This is why I strongly encourage you to get in touch with what frustrates you or inspires you to make change in your life. Normally I recommend processing emotions logically to maintain calmness and ability to think on your feet, but when it comes to frustration and inspiration I recommend you stop and really get in touch with them on a visceral level. When you can harness what it feels like to be frustrated or inspired, allow that feeling to grow and amplify. Nurture it, because it's the seed of your motivation to succeed. Soon enough it will produce a fire and a passion for change. This is what personal power is all about.
Case 4: You're afraid of chasing too much
I'll be honest here. Being the king of not telegraphing too much interest to a girl and also a former nice-guy, i'm often guilty of this one. At first, the ability to not chase girls can be somewhat of an advantage in getting women, it can even be a huge one. However, for me i've gotten solid enough that many girls feel i'm overqualified or unattainable, and it becomes a bad thing for my game when that happens. If you're a newbie, feeling like you don't want to chase a girl could lead to non-action or even Case 1 above.
In either case, it's important to remember that there are normal dudes all over the world who've got tons of problems (mental, emotional, etc) and are getting women all the time. Guess what? They're no better than you, and the girls who have sex with them have an astonishingly high capacity for allowing error. The truth here is that across the board, dudes are really dumb. When meeting women, they do terribly dumb shit all the time. Girls have to put up with this or they themselves wouldn't get the relationships and sex they desire, so what we're left with is a culture where men have an astonishingly high margin for error and women are used to putting up with it to get themselves laid.
When asked about this, A wise old gent (Brad) told me this:
"It's okay to chase some."
It's time to size-up yourself and be honest about what's going on in your mind. If you're a guy who's failing to pull the trigger in whatever way, remember that it's better to take action know whether or not you're going to get a girl than to not take action and wonder. Take ballsy, polarized action and you'll know beyond any doubt where you stand with a girl so you can move on with your life and with the other women you're about to meet. The habit of taking ballsy action leads to an internalized sense of dominance and greater self-esteem and self-worth. Harness your frustration and inspiration to start this process and you'll get through this life without the tragedy of never living up to your potential. Good luck dudes!