Tuesday, August 16, 2011

She's a Slut Anyways...

Day to day I see a steady number of guys who have trouble with women and blame it on the woman consistently.  They say things like "Oh, that girl must've been on the rag" or "She's a slut anyway" or something to that effect.  Guess what dudes?  Maybe it's you that's the problem.

Now obviously it's not always going to be your fault, maybe the girl does have some issues.  In general, I like to say that about 20% of the girls I try talk to will blow me out because either they're not open to the approach or they're fucked up in some way.  Amongst that group could be girls who are on the rag, have a serious boyfriend, are in a bad mood for some reason, have been raped, whatever.  If this is the case, then take your hit and move on, maybe she was a little messed up for whatever reason.  If you don't know, chalk it up to "well, guess i'll never know on that one" and move on.

And by the way... what should you do upon getting blown-out?  You should stand right where you are, turn 180 degrees around, scope your next girl for a couple seconds, then walk right up to her and open with the same opener. Do this even if the next girl is within earshot of the last one.  This prevents your state from dropping as a result of the blowout and proves to you that the material works when the next girl hooks and you are somehow stunned that it happened right after it didn't work.

I've talked in the past about how guys often try and shield their ego in my post "I wasn't attracted to her so I didn't continue gaming," and in that post I talk about making an effort to take responsibility for your actions (aka failures, because we all seem to do great at taking responsibility for our successes).  Taking honest responsibility for one's failures is a great way to learn and grow as a man and it helps also to grow a "thick skin" towards rejection and further failure.  This is a outstanding tool for perseverance, and it shows you that you can handle failure and that people respect you more for doing so.

The type of guy i'd like to talk about here is one who's just unaware of what is happening or has happened, so he ends up blindly guessing about what happened and how to remedy it.  If you're a guy who says things like "I just can't quite figure her out" or "fuck I have no clue what happened there" and you quickly reason that you're not to blame, this guy i'm talking about is you.

What i'd like to place in your mind is a little filter that you think about when something goes catastrophically wrong.  In other words, when you fuck up your chances with a girl beyond repair and you have no idea what happened or where it went wrong, i'd like you to stop for a second and ask yourself if YOU are to blame FIRST by thinking about if there's anything you could've done better.  Say "Fuck!  Okay that sucked.  Hmmmm... okay is there anything I could've done better there?  Is there something I didn't understand?  Could I have absurdified one of her tests better?  How was my body language?  Was I using the 90-degree rule correctly?  etc.  (BTW if you don't understand those very basic terms yet enough to use them easily then it's time for a date with yours truly :)

When we place a filter in this way, we logically engage our minds instead of unrealistically blaming the girl while internally feeling angst and punishing ourselves for the seemingly negative result.  This allows us to process the experience using a learning frame instead of an emotional frame.  I cannot stress enough the importance of this distinction because when men process failure with an emotional frame it leads often to quitting instead of one of growth and competition (a negative feedback cycle instead of a positive one).

Another positive way to deal with not knowing the truth about what happened with a girl is to WRITE IT DOWN!  If you don't know, that's fine.  Tell yourself "Well fuck, I obviously have no clue what happened there.  No worries, maybe I will later.  Next girl."  Many many times in the growing process you just won't know.  Write it down out though on a forum, and you have the opportunity to purge your thoughts and feelings in a healthy manner.  This does two things:  it gives others a chance to help you, and it gives you a way to come back to your thoughts later on when you've got more knowledge and answer the questions you had no clue about before.  This is why writing down your notes on women you talked to that night, thoughts, and feelings is so beneficial to the learning process.  SO, those of you who are reading this and don't record, get your lazy asses onto a forum and start posting your nightly results in enough detail that months down the road you'll remember that girl.  Take responsibility for your own growth and stop being a sissy.  It's really not that bad to own up to failure.

Finally, another reminder here.  The time to think about and process your results is not when you're in-field (workshops are obv a different case).    In-field processing of results tends to focus you on a negative result and causes a state break.  When you're in-field and you have a blowout, for example, you don't process, you go jump in to talk with another woman and think about it later.

Remember, if you're the type of guy to jump to conclusions or blame others for failures, it might be time to start re-examining the way you think about things in order to help you grow and take responsibility more effectively.  Install a filter in your mind so that when you start questioning what happened in-field you tell yourself "I'll think about that later" instead of immediately jumping to random "that chick was just fucked up" conclusions that guard you from the truth.

When you learn to filter and process your thoughts and emotions in healthy ways like thinking about them later, asking yourself if there was something you could've done better, being okay with not knowing the answers for now, and writing them out in a healthy environment, you're engaging in a positive feedback loop that'll keep on a sure road to success.  Good luck, and as always, if you want to talk personally with me about this or any other topic, i'm readily available via phone and email.  jakepulls@gmail.com


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