Friday, February 17, 2012

We're Lesbians

Girls tell guys that they're lesbians all the time to get rid of them.  No doubt this practice has been alive since the dawn of time and will continue to the end of it.  In fact, present day statisticians report that girls tell guys that they are lesbians an average of eleventy billion times each night.  Wow that's a lot!  But enough science here, why do girls say this to guys, what can we say when it happens to us, and most importantly what can we do to prevent it completely?

I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet today, so listen up.  Girls say they're lesbians to guys when three things have happened:

1.  The girl believes you're hitting on her 

2.  The girl doesn't think she wants to have sex you

3.  The girl believes that you'll go away if she says she's a lesbian

Feel free to absorb that a couple more times or go through it again after reading the rest of this post, cause it's deceptively simple.  

Okay, now that you've got it let's talk about things a bit more in-depth.   The first thing that needs to happen for the lesbian comment to happen is that the girl has to know you're hitting on her.  What's important here isn't if the girl thinks you're hitting on her, it's how she gets the idea that you're hitting on her and when she gets it.  For a girl to be really into a guy she has to feel like his value is at or above hers, and this happens best when she likes him before she can figure out if he likes her.  Telegraph your interest too soon to a woman and she'll believe your value is lower than yours, wait to telegraph and you don't have to decide yet what you'd like to do or have with her.  It's a position of power.  The girl won't know your intentions until you choose to let them be known (if at all).

Does it really happen that the girl likes the guy before he likes her?  No, dumbshit! Obviously most guys will have sex with a girl without much thought at all.  Here's the catch.  Girls aren't thinking about just having sex, they're thinking about relationship potential.   If when I approach, I do the same and think about relationship potential with a girl instead of just sex, I will naturally tend to hold back a bit more and as a result not telegraph too much interest.  

I know from experience that sometime down road any girl who i'm seeing is going to push for a relationship, it's inevitable.  And if I have sex with a girl who desperately wants a relationship with me while knowing all the while that I don't want one with her,  i'll create some pain in her life unnecessarily.  Not cool.  Sex isn't fun when you're fucking someone over, and when you've fucked someone over you are deserving of any consequences you might experience.  This is why I recommend being a little more up-front about your intentions.  In other words, maybe in the beginning you're open to the possibility of eventually having a relationship until you figure out however long into things that it's no longer going to be an option with that girl.   If having sex with her is still something you'd like to do anyway, then it might be time to be a little forthcoming with that information.  After all maybe she'll be cool with that type of a thing and you can both have sex on the regular without strings and drama.  People do it, and the best part is you didn't "lie" or act in a dishonest way.  

What's far more common in meeting a woman is the scenario where the guy telegraphs his intentions far too soon to the woman and now he's left to fight an uphill battle.  You can still win the game when playing this way, it just becomes more about not exhausting your margin for error at that point because the girl's now the one deciding if she likes you instead of the reverse.  How much margin for error do you have, you ask?  Well when any guy talks to a girl, she will assess his value very quickly upon talking with him and allow him an according amount of leeway to try and have sex with her before she calls things off.  Often this has quite a bit to do with her first impression of you, so if you're hot, well-dressed, or have great presence you can be more of an idiot before getting the boot.  No matter how good looking you are though, exhaust your margin by even a small amount and you might be seeing the lesbian objection.  And as we all know, when the lesbian objection shows up the game is most likely going to be over with that girl.  

Sooooo.... how to we approach and how do we not telegraph interest?  The rule is this:  Your approach itself (the simple act of walking up and starting a conversation) should be the only thing that telegraphs any interest to the girl.   When you approach a girl, your approach alone isn't enough to telegraph your interest to her.  She needs other clues.  Learn how to withold them and you'll have great results with women.  Want to know what cues you're giving off?  This is where professional help comes into play, because the reality is that until I see and hear you approach, you won't ever fully know where you're actually going wrong.  Obviously you can email me if you'd like me to checkout your game for you.  

Moving on.  The second thing that has to happen to get the lesbian objection is that the girl doesn't think she wants to have sex with you.  When i'm training guys in the field, a common reason I see that the girl shuts down the guy's approach is the value disparity that's caused by the premature telegraphing of interest that i've discussed above.  The other reason girls won't talk to a guy very long is because his pre-approach and initial-approach game isn't solid.  This is stuff like poor presence, body language, eye contact, poor style, etc.  Remember, there is a way to approach without blowing your cover that you're into the girl you're talking to.  Find that way.  Click here to read how I avoid telegraphing interest in my pre-approach.  And if that telegraphing doesn't happen prematurely in your game, then it's time to start looking into other areas for solutions to why the girl doesn't want to have sex with you.  As you can imagine, it can be very tough to figure out this information, so again if you'd like a shortcut then get to a workshop or one-on-one training.  Excuses only keep you from getting into the results you deserve in your life.

The last reason a girl will tell you she's a lesbian is because she believes it'll work.  Now this is partly not your fault because obviously this excuse works on chumpy idiots all day long, but the reality is that while you may very well appear like you're one those dudes, you're not really one of them until you believe the girl and walk away with your tail in-between your legs.  That doesn't mean that since you know what she's doing you can just tell her something like "Oh you're just saying that because you want me to go away" though.  That'll only result in you looking worse.

The better choice here is to understand this lesbian objection and take it as a sign that you've telegraphed interest prematurely and should do stuff for a couple minutes to communicate the opposite.  Often when faced with this, i'll "no big deal" it with my actions and verbally say something like "Oh cool" and just continue talking about what I was talking about, but strip the "gamey" portions of it out until I can continue onto some other material or natural stuff that's less gamey.  For instance if i'm in the middle of Smart/Hot/Rich routine and I say "I like girls who are smart, cause then I get bored" and she pops up with a lesbian objection, i'll might change "I also like girls who are hot and girls who are rich" into "Oh cool, you ever date someone who's super dumb?  Like, do you think she's ever dumb?"  After that we might talk down that conversational thread a couple minutes and establish a bit of rapport instead of banging through attraction stuff.  I can always add more flirting frames, attraction routines, role-plays, and kino later on once the i've established value and their guard is down further.

So there you have it, the lesbian objection.  Girls tell you they're lesbians because your game sucks.  You telegraph interest prematurely and they perceive their value as higher than yours for whatever reason, they want you to go away, and bam!  Girls magically turn into lesbians and start scissoring each other out on the spot, chopping their tits off, taking testosterone pills, and getting butch haircuts so the wind cools their head while they drive their semi's down the freeway.  "Breaker, Breaker 1-9, we got a got a huge Bull-Dyke on our hands!"  All the while you're left to feel retarded and chumpy, ouch!  The good news is that if you understand how not to do all the bad shit and how to adjust in the meantime, you'll be sleeping with those wanna-be lesbians in no time.  Remember if you need any help with this or would like a bit of direction, you can always comment here, email me  Thanks for reading!  


  1. Brilliant!! Would you follow the same strategy for "i have a boyfriend" or play it differently? Would you handle any of these cases differently? a) when it's clear she's lying about bf thing b) you sense she does indeed have a boyfriend.. and may or may not be attracted to you - 2 subcases c) it's not yet clear.

    1. The boyfriend objection is very closely related to the lesbian objection. Both are happening for almost the same reason in general. The way you handle them is a bit different though because when you get a boyfriend objection you can actually say a couple things to test the truth of it if you'd like, whereas the truth of the lesbian thing is often a little transparent to guys.

      When it's clear she's lying about the bf thing, you should take it as a strong sign you're doing poorly so far with the sarge. I'd stop whatever technique or routine you're doing and try another angle or routine instead. Change the vibe and keep testing things out till she responds well to something or just leaves.

      If you sense she's got a boyfriend but she's into you, then you should communicate your ability to be the guy on the side. I'd say something like "Oh, um... maybe we should be a bit discrete then" and see how she responds. You'll also have to explore the logistics of how to contact her if she's down, because you don't want to be texting her and have your name pop up when they're cooking dinner together. Then a red flag goes up in the guy's mind and you could cause stress in her relationship, an event that would surely fair poorly for your chances. To make sure this doesn't happen, I might ask something like "So when's the best time to text you?" or "So is there a time that's bad to text you, like when do you and your dude normally hang out?"

      When you do this, you're communicating that you know the gig about being the guy that girls cheat on their boyfriends with and you're not going to fuck up her relationship by calling all the time or doing anything stupid. To a girl who's in a situation where she's got a boyfriend who's not satisfying her in the bedroom, this can be an attractive selling point. And if she didn't have a boyfriend in the first place, you certainly haven't hurt yourself by being this cool.

      For the third case where it's not clear yet if she's got a boyfriend, I usually like to do some on-the-spot adding up of what's happened so far in the interaction, because usually that'll paint a picture for you as to the validity of what she's saying. In other words, if you get this objection take a second to think through how the set is going so far and see if anything jumps out to you as an obvious mistake or a reason you could've telegraphed interest. If you find that reason then i'd lean towards her having a boyfriend not being the truth.

      Remember also here to filter this through the reality of the situation you're in with her. Let's say you meet her in a bar and she's with a friend. Seems pretty normal. Well is she dressed up? Does she have some makeup on? Does she look like she's spent some time on herself before going out? Or does she look like she could give a fuck about how she looks that night? Does her friend cockblock or leave you two alone? These types of things are going to be clues to her intentions for the night and whether or not she's open to any male sexual advances that she might incur. Often the fact that she's in a bar for the night and looks done up is compelling evidence that she's on the prowl.

    2. Wow...thanks Jake...that just shifted my FOR EVER!

  2. BTW, I got an email asking about what the smart/hot/rich routine is. The lead-in is usually something like "Are you a smart girl?" and when she answers you say "Well I like girls who are smart, cause then I don't get bored. I also like girls who are hot... cause i'm hot. And I also like girls who are like really really rich, cause then they can like take me out to dinners and buy me tons of shit.

  3. Ha, ha, ha...that's brilliant.
    Thanks Jake.

  4. Great post dude. Great interview you did with David Shade. I'm at the point now where I know I must upgrade my inner game. Or to be fuckin honest, I'm tired of seeking/getting approval. I realize the power of owning my own reality. It came to this point when I lost my job, business was moving slow, and no sex with my live in girl friend for over seventy days...ouch. That's when I knew enough was/is enough. I've come a long way, but I know I need specialized personal coaching. As I circulate the finances, you're THE MAN, I'll be contacting. The most important thing I've discovered is success, prosperity comes from the inside first....very powerful. Thanks Jake.

    1. Wow, thanks man! It's great to hear that you're on the path towards where you wanna be. Seeking approval from women, even people in general, was something that was a big part of my life and it made me feel pretty unimportant at times so I can relate to how you might be feeling. The good news is that when you're past it the world just seems to open up and give you what you wanted in the first place. The trick is how to get from A to B. --- Glad you liked the Shade interview as well! It was a pretty exclusive deal, so even guys in the 30/30 club didn't get to hear it. You're a lucky one :) I'll be here teaching whenever you're ready. Until then feel free to comment or message me whenever.

  5. Nice post, had this happen to me and got through it with a pull. Il say how after, I think this came up because I had a realy lame opener almost AFC, this was my first set of the night and because I was in early in the night not many options for opening a less daunting set, I was on my own waiting for my friends to turn up from a festival.

    I think I opened with something like “hay, you guys look fun can I join you for a few minuets my friends should be here soon.”

    The convo progressed averagely from there for about 2-3 minutes. But then came the lesbian objection.
    Which I battled through this with something like
    “that’s soo good” and asked a whole bunch of questions. Followed by them jumping through my hoops.
    Once I know its genraly bull I start cracking out “you guys are so funny you love playing games”
    I keep repeating this “you guys love playing games” line whilst making them jump through hoops.
    Make them kiss and then ask have you ever kissed a guy. “noooo” ddo you want to try im an amazing kisser.

    One leans in and ban make out. Half hour later were back at hers and the rest is history.

    I think that this along with all other tests and roadblocks girls throw out is only a shit test. seriously I have seen many a natural pull someone who has said “I have a boyfriend” or “I only like girls”. This is why it leads me to believe that they are just testing you and you should push to blow out. At the end of the day if they generally are gay then you have no worries they arnt gona go with you, if however they are bull shitting you then by toying with them and showing you have enough social intuition and experience to tell that they are talking crap then that can build serious attraction.
    Like I said before there was little or no attraction at first, only after they bought up the objection and I toyed with them.
    So use this to your advantage. Say “you guys love playing games” in a teasing way.

    1. Nice work turning things around through labeling their behavior. It's obviously best to try and prevent the behavior from happening at all, but when you can't stop it, it's great when you can still get through the objections.

      Have you tried breaking the girl's frame through rapport-breaking? You'll see a totally different result than going with her frame and trying to beat her at it as you've done above. Either can work obviously, I just prefer harder game.

  6. Like I said this was my first and only set of the night in a pretty empty bar at around 8pm. so I was not even in a talkative social state at that time. hence why my opener sucked. I just needed to jup over the edge and start my approaches for the night. Trouble was they were both fairly hot so that didn’t help with a smooth entry with my lame ass opener.

    Could you elaborate on what you mean by breaking rapport in this situation in more detail. I thaught saying that “you guys love playing games” would be breaking rapport or by calling them out on their actions as being false.

    1. To break rapport in this situation I would use words and energy harsh enough to break the stream of positivity that's been going on in the interaction up until that point. At that point the girls will feel me disconnecting myself from her and taking away my positivity. She'll lose favor with me. That's the rapport-break part.

      Immediately after that I usually like to tease her for thinking I would believe that shit and make fun of her for being a retard. When done correctly, the girl should seek rapport immediately after this has been done or be left laughing and feeling teased. She'll also often kino my arm between shoulder and elbow.

      For example, let's say she tells me "we're lesbians." I might be like:

      "Oh that's cute, you think I like you... Get over yourself. What are you, retarded?"


      "What the fuck ever! Gimme a break with that bullshit. What's that, like your go-to response? You're a retard."

      And then I might make a retard face, noise, and hand motion all together while saying something like (assuming her name is sarah for example) "My names Sarah. i'm a lesbian. I work at McDonalds. You want fries with... that?"

      This process of rapport-breaking paired with thoroughly break her frame by denying its truth and then making fun of her for thinking I would believe it is usually iron-clad for me in getting attraction and making sure this type of thing doesn't happen again.

  7. Your responses made me laugh. Great stuff.
    Just wondering if that would have worked with my low perceived value at the time. I guess that response of rapport breaking would ether get me blown out or have super high attraction.
    What I did seemed to slowly bring up my value and the attraction levels over a minute or two. Using compliance tests and lighter version of calling them out on their BS.

    Would tend to do that in later sets once I had a few sets under my belt for the night. This was just a warm up set that went somewhere.
    I wonder if the fact that I instigated them touching and then telling them to kiss and then kiss with tongues etc built up the sexual energy followed by me calling them out built to a solid close, that lead to a lay about an hour later.
    I wonder if breaking rapport would have done the same thing or led to a more drawn out pick up? Guess we will never know for sure. But just one of the things that cross my mind.

    1. Time to experiment with all of this and find out for yourself what happens!