Friday, August 31, 2012

Don't be a Whiney Bitch Boy

I've seen it over and over, so many times it makes me wanna vomit.  I see guys in relationships who are so afraid of making their woman mad that they'll do anything to keep it from happening.  The process is simple:  Guy gets girl, guy doesn't want to lose girl cause she's his source of pussy and he's not quite sure if he can get something like her again, guy does anything girl says and anything he can to appease her, eventually girl gets bored and cheats, guy loses girl, guy is whamboozeled and can't for the life of himself understand what happened, guy wants the girl back, guy turns into a whiney bitch boy riddled with post-breakup drama and one-itis.  You don't wanna turn into a whiney bitch do you?  Good.  Let me tell you now not to turn into a whiney bitch.
The process of not turning into a whiney bitch is very difficult because it requires time, work, patience, and effort.  Guys don't do it because they're lazy.  However, the men who do go through this process experience true abundance with women and true happiness.  They're not constantly held down by women and they'll never have to worry about being alone because they know that there are plenty of women in the world and they know that they can have the same thing they've got right now with another woman quite easily.  That's why the simple process below is worth your time and effort.

Step 1:  Show yourself abundance with women

Step 2:  Choose a woman from the many who would love to be with you

Step 3:  Make sure she knows that she can and will be immediately replaced if she ever leaves

Step 4:  Enjoy your relationship

Now that you understand the basic process, let's crack this open in a bit more detail.

Step 1:  Show yourself abundance with women

For most guys this step never happens, period.  My best guess is only about 5% of men (at the very most) have abundance with women.  What is abundance?  Abundance is when you can have more women than you would ever need or want; when you're in a position to satisfy your desires anytime you would like to.  Simple.

Realizing abundance in your life is much more difficult than simply understanding what it is.  If you're not good with women, you've got a lot of learning and practicing to do.  Get out there, try talking with women, get in some conversations, and get to work.  When you've practiced and learned over the course of a couple years (less with professional assistance like workshops, one on one trainings, pickup mansion) you'll start experiencing for the first time being sexually active with more than one girl.  Maybe you're sleeping with one, still sarging, and then you meet another who you start sleeping with.  This is most guys' first taste of abundance.  They might even get bold and schedule both girls on one day to try and sleep with two girls in one day.

From there, usually practice continues.  The guy might lose one of the girls, or worse feel bad about sleeping with two girls at the same time. When this happens the guy has some work to do on understanding his belief systems and what he really wants, so more practice and learning still need to take place.

When a guy finally starts experiencing a situation where he sleeps with three or more women in a week, every week, this is what we call a "rotation."  When a guy experiences his first rotation, the heavens open up.  His mind changes, his physiology changes, and the messages he sub-communicates though his body language, mannerisms, speech, etc.  all change.  Guys i've seen who get their first rotation are completely different people very soon after this happens.  They speak differently, act differently, and are altogether way easier going and way cooler to be around because they're not totally preoccupied with women anymore.  Their world changes and they start to learn more about and act more like their true selves because they stop modifying who they are in an effort to get laid.  Instead, they work more towards being who they really are as they drop insecurities and instead openly communicate them, showing even more confidence and character then they've been capable of in the past.  Obviously, women only grow more and more attracted to them and the abundance amplifies as a result of this process.  By the time the man realizes he has abundance, he has already had it for some time.  As a reward for his effort, he never has to worry about having love in his life again ever.


Step 2:  Choose a woman from the many who would love to be with you

After a man has abundance for some time, he might find himself in a situation where he has been having sex with or loosely a number of women and decides to have a more committed situation in his life.  Some men don't find themselves in this situation ever and just want to have sex as much as possible forever.

More commonly I see abundant men realizing at some point that a deeper relationship and deep chemistry offers them more than having many women.  In other words, they start valuing quality over quantity.  This is a mark of maturity in a man, in my opinion.  The men who want a relationship are choosing to do so.  That is, they have the option of having sex without a relationship (unlike a man without abundance), and in spite of the ability to have random sex with random people perpetually, they still choose to go it with one woman faithfully.  This is a tough choice for a man to make, but one who makes this choice definitely has my respect.  Many do this to "settle down" or have kids and a marriage, and when they do, they go forth into that marriage without any illusions as to what will happen and how difficult the relationship is going to be.

Again, this is far different from the man who gets married without having experienced abundance, because commitment that precedes abundance is often riddled with issues.  The man commits out of necessity, then has immaturity, neediness, and wonder that cause strain in his relationship, often resulting in divorce.  Why do I blame this on the man?  Because the vast majority of women, by nature, have experienced abundance and are making the decision to be married out of desire, not necessity.


Step 3:  Make sure she knows that she can and will be immediately replaced if she ever leaves


When a man has completed Steps 1 and 2, NO ACTION is necessary for this step to take place.  Any woman who dates an abundant man knows well and good what she has and that if she leaves she will be replaced.  Simple.  The man should never have to try to make the woman know this.


Step 4:  Enjoy your relationship

This part is great.  When you have abundance and choose to be in a relationship, a woman will know that you're doing so, and will in-turn "act right."  She won't choose to use her anger to try and get her way, because she'll know that you're not the type of guy that that tactic will work on.  This makes for a very open relationship as far as communication goes.  Both people are up-front and honest about their needs and what they will and won't do.  

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So all this is well and good, but in theory it's easy!  What happens when you're a guy who is scared of a  girl getting mad and you have an actual instance of it happening in a relationship?  What should you do then?  My advice is to do exactly the thing that she's threatening to be mad about and see what happens.  Only then will you know if you're true fears are warranted, when you invite her madness.  When she acts like if you don't do something she'll be mad, you could even call it out, saying something like "Oh, or what?  Or you'll get mad?  Give me a break."  The simple act of labeling what her behavior is will show her that you aren't one to be messed with and that you won't respond with compliance when she uses that tactic on you.  Furthermore, when you exhibit these behaviors, you grow or maintain your share of power in the relationship.  Believe me when I say that a woman in a relationship has a deep desire to maintain the integrity of her relationship and have it go well.  She wants badly to have a serious relationship, and the health of the relationship is generally considered by women to be something they're cognizant about but men aren't.  Use this grey area and the potential for the relationship to end to maintain your power only if the situation gets that serious, and you'll have a much more pleasant experience during the times of peace and comfort.  Enjoy!


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20 comments:

  1. How is a busy Doctor, lawyer, professional/serious job supposed to have the time to do this?

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    1. The only people who succeed at this process are people who make it a priority in their life one way or another, and if you're working 60 hours a week then really you have no life.

      To people in a busy situation I recommend trying to gain some balance in life and working less. I've even seen "busy" professionals pull off crazy lifestyle changes. I even know a guy who works for microsoft and was able to convince them to let him work from home so that he could do this.

      I know this isn't the fun answer, but it's the truth.

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    2. So a guy who sleeps with 3 women a week on a regular basis has balance in his life? Do the women know about each other? How much work is that? Is thee man 'paying for it', just witth a different currency? What serious jobs 'balance' with this life? And how acomplished were these professionals? How many self employed? Also thee security is ridiculous!

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    3. I've contacted the professional I talked about in my response to this post and i've asked him to comment on this. Obviously my lifestyle is much different than a doctor/lawyer type, so his response to this might be more applicable to you than any example I would draw from my personal experience. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "paying for it with different currency."

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    4. Ok, not a doctor or lawyer fair enough. Please adress the questions relevant to you. Three girls on a regular basis a job all onto itself for exxample. How much time,energy does that take?

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    5. Jake asked me to respond about balancing work and life. I've managed that line quite well in my own life, and I've also gone through all of the steps Jake describes above around building skills and abundance with women.

      To the question of how a busy professional is supposed to have time to improve with women:

      As in all things, its helpful to be able to step back and look at the long term view. There is a reason everybody has heard the joke that on your deathbed nobody says they wish they had spent more time at the office. It's all too common for people to prioritize career over all else, consistently putting work over health or relationships. This is very prevalent amongst the professionals that devote a decade or more in education, such as doctors and lawyers.

      We can understand that a successful career that results in a crippling heart attack or divorce or unhappiness isn't a desirable outcome. Balance is key, and this may mean reducing time at work or adjusting priorities. I've written a blog post about this before that can help people make those adjustments: http://nomadpua.blogspot.com/2011/05/how-to-have-your-job-work-for-you.html

      In the same way that it is possible to be a whiny bitch boy in a relationship with a woman, its possible to be a whiny bitch boy in a relationship with an employer. Sacrificing a long term goal of having abundance with women or a strong relationship is one example. The 60 to 80 hours a week that people invest in a career are seldom productive after 40 hours (or less) but those same extra hours invested in something else can be inordinately valuable.

      In the long term, the same attributes that attract women to a man, such as strength of character, leadership skills, and confidence, are also attributes that are attractive to employers. Taking time now to prioritize skill building with women, while in the short term reducing focus on career, is very likely to result in getting both.


      In short, the way a busy professional will find time to develop skills with women is to recognize the long term implications of todays priorities and decide to spend fewer hours in the office. In the long term, the rewards in all aspects of life will be greater

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  2. While I applaud much of your answer and Jake's column, the specific recommendations were to sleep with three or more women a week(and being sharp for that 6:30 am surgery, patient evaluation in clinic, deposition, trial, or being there for that angiuished parent, child, or client, meeting with the CEO) and create an abundunce of women,a standard much higher than "hav[ing] to improve with women".

    By Jake's own admission, less than 5% of men are able to achieve this result. Those odds are similar to making it to the NFL, NBA, etc. The reality seems to be in order to reach the level described by Jake, one must be a 'professional'and that in and of itself requires a steep price to be paid that forecloses other activities.

    Most guys just settle and resign themselves to 'a happy wife for a happy life' type situation. On the other hand, I have yet to meet highly sucessful Doctor or lawyer that also has achieved seamlessly Jake's described level. Most are in some form of 'oneitis'(some with very hot women) relationship and if married, afraid to leave due to the financial cost of splitting the marital assets, alimony, and child support or worse.

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    1. Hey Anonymous, I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish here.

      Are you trying to learn how to have an abundance of women while still being a successful doctor or professional or are you trying to convince everyone that it's impossible to do both?

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  3. Well, Jake, you tell me. What exactly is your career outside of being a pua? What is/was Nomad's? Doctor? Lawyer? Engineer? Professional sales? Ect. ?How accomplished in these or comprable professions? And what is the standard? Fucking three a week on a rotation or improving your skills with women in general? And once one marrys (if they do), even from abundance (not to mention knocking her up), how easy do you think it will be to tell her she can easily be replaced? To determine which is steeper, lay out the facts more.

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    1. I own a retail business. Nomad is an engineer and is very accomplished in his field. Others I know personally are doctors and still lead very balanced lives while maintaining a rotation. It's definitely possible and people do it, myself included. Most guys start with just improving their skills and learning and eventually get into rotations as they get better and better.

      Again, if a man with abundance marries, he does NOT need to tell his woman she can be easily replaced. She'll simply know. She'll see other women attracted to him, watch him interact, etc.

      I wasn't asking you to tell me the answer about which price is steeper, I was hoping to point out that when a man is submissive in his relationship to a woman, the price is much steeper than putting forth the effort described in this post.


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    2. good answer... btw, I just started reading this blog today, I am a different "anonymous" than the one who proposed the previous questions.

      Personally I can see both points of view... gaming can be quite time consuming. Several months ago I was listening to an interview of a guy who was an "expert" at threesomes... he spoke about it in great detail and with great passion, he even had a "girlfriend" that joined him, they did tandem hunting... he enjoyed this lifestyle for many years and shared a lot of interesting stories... the weird thing was, near the end of the interview, he talked about the shame he carried about being a guy in his late thirties that had no tangible assets and was leading a week to week existence (financially wise). I'm really glad they didn't edit this out of the interview because it was an eye opener. I have a feeing that most guys in the pua community fall into this category, because gaming does take a lot of time, effort and money... most guys following this stuff have to work for a living and aren't making money on the other end (like the guys selling and promoting this stuff).

      On the other hand, if you learn about how to approach and deal with woman in a balanced way, and keep learning and growing, it's inevitable that you will come across two or more woman that will like you and that will sleep with you,(based on your skills, of course) and then you can start your rotation. Personally I feel it would be easy to attract another woman if you're already sleeping with one (for the reasons already stated... you're more confident, less desperate, it's not just about the sex cause your getting it, etc and woman will both see and sense this in you, and know you're not faking it).

      the question I'd like to know is something the other anonymous asked but was never answered.... Do the women know about each other? ( and if not.."How much work is that" ... you know, keeping it a secret? is it stressful or just none of their business) This is the only thing that has stopped me so far in hooking up with more than one at a time. I'd like to hear more detail on that. Also, would it matter to you if one of your woman were sleeping with 4 other guys and you were just one of her rotations? I know, I know... woman generally don't do that but I heard it happens, just curious on how you'd feel about that... I mean how you'd really feel about it (no fake answers :) And also how you'd react to it if you found out.(cut her out, continue with her, etc.) Other than that, this is a great blog, keep up the good work.

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    3. I don't like to tell the girls specifics about the other women. As far as stress goes, it's more about learning effective habits to maintain things. Once you've learned them, it takes care of itself. You'll definitely lose some girls along the road to learning these though, so instead of beating yourself up when this happens, I like to remind myself that I knew I would lose one from time to time. That's the price we pay to learn these skills.

      On the other hand, i'm also not committing to a girl and cheating on the side. When they ask for a relationship and I still want to be single, i'll simply tell them that i'm not ready for something serious yet. The women I date are allowed to see whomever else they would like without me ever questioning or getting jealous. In fact, until I want an exclusive relationship with them, i'll never mention anything about other men or possible men ever for any reason.

      In the beginning of learning, it would've torn my heart out if I found out that a woman was sleeping with other men on the side, but I no longer feel this way. The reality is that it's not fair to ask a woman to be exclusive with me if i'm not with her. However, I have found that when a woman is emotionally invested in a man, usually they won't sleep around (just a side note).

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  4. Great post Jake.

    I'll start with working on step 1 and going from there ;)

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  5. Great post Jake.

    I've been a 30/30 member and it has helped me improve a lot. I'd recommend it to everybody who wants to improve its gold compared to most of the shit offered around in the seduction community.

    My question is pherhaps a bit different yet related. I went half way through the 30/30 club before I found an amazing GF which was my goal. While I was in the relationship I continued to work on my Identity. Now I'm back to single and though I've found fuckbuddies I want a deeper relationship again but I want the right girl for it so I feel I need to improve more/put more effort in. However I also want to spend time with close friends and people I care about. I actually reduced from 2 fuckbuddies to 1 because of this. Also I like to have time on my own and if I go out and train as much as I did in the 30/30 club I get exhausted and want to spend time on my own alone. This also happens if I spend too much time with my friends. After stopping the 30/30 club I've put much less effort in yet had better results because of being in better state and being better balanced all round in my life.

    My idea is to game 1 night pr week in order to keep my life balanced. Or should I "stop whining" and start working hard again and make sacrifies of other parts of my life?

    How much do you recommend as a minimum?

    Sorry for possible bad english.

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    1. Keep in mind that if you're spending time around women, we count that as field time. Just because you're not gaming doesn't mean you're not learning. Obviously I recommend learning as many stages of the game as you can simultaneously, because parallel learning is way faster than just learning whatever stage of the game you're at with one girl, but if you'd like to date one girl and you're okay with learning at a bit slower pace, I say go for it. However, I will say that in my experience most who do this tend to get discouraged and have more dry spells. If you're cool with that then I say go for just the one girl for awhile.

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  6. Another anonymous: After my divorce I studied NLP and PUA sources and within a year found that I could achieve three (albeit with one out of town), working up the meetings via the Internet. However, I felt like a hotel maid with the logistics and I do enjoy my management work, so backed off to chosing an LTR with a woman 20 years younger who is willing to not ask questions about the out of town trips.

    Her acceptance of this is a result of coming into the rotation after a few hours together, so I think that a lot can be gained by proving that one can do it. My confidence drew her in, and that confidence extended to the bedroom thanks to the women before her.

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  7. Something else for the executive or professional to consider is the overall feeling of confidence that one develops with a two or three woman rotation. This can last way past the actual period when it is undertaken.

    As I went into that phase, my work improved, and I noticed that the women in my workplace responded more positively to me (even though I had intentionally limited them to coffee or quasi-business lunches). And along the way, I learned quite a bit of useful info from the women who I went out with. (And I learned to keep a straight face when each said she had "never done anything like having sex on the first night before.")

    So, take a pause in the career track and act on this blog and others' information. You can get back to your career with renewed energy.

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