Saturday, April 13, 2013
I didn't close my D11. Am I an Orbiting?
In my last blogpost Dead-Airing Explained, I talked about an Israeli girl that I had just met and what my upcoming strategy would be for closing her. After some thought, I decided to completely do a 180 on my strategy, and in today's blogpost i'm going to talk all about it. The question i'm posing today to myself, and to my readers is this: Just how many times or for how long can I hangout with a girl without having sex with her before i'm officially orbiting her? If I hangout with a girl 5 times without having sex with her, will she stop viewing me as a sexual candidate? What about 10, 20, even 50 times??? Just where is the limit? You're about to find out...
But first, for any of you who might've missed my last blogpost or need a refresher, here's what I wrote:
A few weeks ago I met an Israeli girl, a total 10. Huge tits, gorgeous body, a 10. After a ton of game i've been out with her three times and still haven't fucked yet, because she's always trying to get me to go to a public place and won't come to my place for any reason really. She called me out of the blue last thursday after work and wanted to grab a bite at a thai place. I met her, but I couldn't hang later cause I had another chick already scheduled to come over, so I told her maybe we'll hang after my trip.
When I got back Sunday night, I texted her:
Me: What are you up to tonight???
Her: Nothing much... Resting... U?
Me: Same. Wanna hangout and watch a movie at my place?
Her: Well I thought about to go to a theatre
Me: I'm in a pretty chill mood, not sure i'm up for that tonight, i'll probably just stick around here you know
Her: Ok ;)
Seems like terrible game, right? Why wouldn't I keep trying? And how can I fuck this chick if I don't take her out? Well, we've seen each other a few times now and haven't fucked yet, so from this time out i'm going for the kill every time we hangout. I want her to meet at my place and watch a movie so we can fuck, and if she doesn't agree with it i'm done. PERIOD. I'm certainly not down to go out to movies and eat and shit infinitely until forever with no promise of sex. The best case scenario in this case is that she's on the rag right now and that's why she's actively pursuing something besides fucking, and even in that case why would I want to hangout? You see there's a definite time period in my opinion where a guy fucks a chick or turns into an orbiter, and I feel after a few hangouts this process is already starting, and i'm not participating any further by agreeing to shit like this.
Won't it hurt me to not hangout with her? No, it'll only help my cause not to hangout in this case. When I don't get what I want, I take away my attention. My plan now is to not text her for any reason until she reinitiates contact with me, and when she does she'll have another opportunity to fuck me or have the same thing happen again because I simply don't have the time to fuck around with some girl who might be out simply for validation or god knows what. And in this manner of action, I shield myself from a lot of wasted time and energy and thinking about a girl who might be somehow fucked up in some way I won't know until i've wasted LOTS of time. Fuck that. This girl will text me, and I will fuck her.
Every little bit of strategy in that little blurb there is what i've used for the past few years, and the strategy works to get laid a TON. In a nutshell it's this: hit on chicks, get numbers, work the numbers into dates, work the dates into sex. Any one of the girls who throws up enough resistance to really slow my process is eliminated. In other words, instead of putting in more effort with a girl who i've texted for three weeks or perhaps a girl who i've been on three dates with who hasn't slept with me yet, i'll just ditch her and work on the next girls i've met through sarging. This keeps my focus on learning skillset (which we say leads to quantity). Side note: if you're wondering, the other half of that saying is that identity work leads to quality.
The difference with this situation is that I don't need quantity anymore, i've had it for YEARS now. In fact, i've got so much fucking quantity it's probably unparalleled in our industry. I'm not even sure that this is bragging, because i'm not necessarily proud of it (and i'll tell you why in a second), but right now i've got a rotation of 13 girls i'm banging every month or so. Recently it's been about 7 a week and 6 or so that are once every couple of weeks. I fuck a ton... a fuck-ton if you will, haha.
Why am I not proud of this? Well to be honest, recently I feel like it's not as satisfying to me as it used to be. The novelty has simply worn off, and this amount of fucking requires a huge amount of time out of my life where I could be working on things I now would find more beneficial. Not only that, but when I am fucking this many women it's hard to really have a deep connection with any of them, the very thing that pickup and my relationships have taught me that satisfies me the most (both mentally and physically). That's why after writing this past blogpost, I changed my strategy up completely.
We'll start out at the point where I was like "Fuck this girl. All or nothing. She's either going to fuck me or i'm not going to hangout with her." For those of you reading this post (or my last one) who are wondering if that strategy works, Yes, it works. No need to read on from here, simply keep sarging and filling up your phone with numbers.
For the rest of you who wonder how deep the rabbit hole goes, follow me...
Feb 24th was the day I texted the Israeli girl to come over and she wouldn't so I dead-aired her. Feb. 27th at 2pm I get this:
Her: Hey how is your day?
Me: Very busy so far, but good cause i've been getting some stuff done finally
Her: That's great ;) There is a birthday party tonight for a friend of mine u wanna join me?
Here's where my strategy changed. After thinking about this and reading through my last blogpost, I decided to challenge my past strategy- Brad's strategy. I was enjoying hanging out with this girl so far, so I didn't care if I fucked her or not (I know you fuckers think that's hard to believe, but it's true). In this case, as in almost every case (since I originally started getting laid from pickup), it was more about LEARNING than about fucking.
So I decided to learn instead of fuck.
The questions I had were many. How long could I hangout with this girl before she would stop thinking of me as a sexual candidate and start viewing me as an orbiter? Would simply spending more time with her before having sex make me feel more into her, more connected with her? Would those feelings be real, or would it just be feelings of sexual tension drawn out like previous empty needs for conquest that leave me withdrawing myself, wishing I hadn't fucked her in the first place? I mean, can just waiting to fuck a girl make our connection better? Or can't we just fuck and then connect later like i've done in the past?
What ACTUALLY happens to me and my emotions when I don't fuck a chick? Do I just want to fuck her more or will I connect with her as a result of waiting? Does the amount of time I wait make a difference even? Or is it the kind of time we spend together? Can I see myself in the future meeting the same number of women I do now but screening much much more brutally? Can I wait a month, two months, a year even without dating, until I find a girl who I connect with on many levels? Wouldn't I want to fuck girls in-between? What might happen to my life and how might it look without fucking all the time? What would I spend my extra time on? Would I again grow needy like I was 6 years ago? Would my actions and sub-communications change, or would I maintain mindset and sharp skill, confident in the decision i've made to change things in a way that I believe is better for me and my future? Is that way of living better?
I don't know.
The result of all this thinking was clear to me. I had to try and spend more time with this girl without fucking her. I had to at least start myself on a path to learning.
So I went out to the birthday thing with her and her friends and they dropped me off at my place at the end of the night. I made sure of it. Then I hungout with her and her friends again for lunch... then left after. Then I checked out her car for her a few days later. Then I went to a movie at the theatre with her the next night. Then I stopped by her new apartment on the way home one night to check it out... then left.
Then I went to the midwest for about 4 days.
When I got back, I hungout with her and her friends for Saint Patrick's day. We rode fucking bicycles along the beach. Then we ate lunch with her friends one day. Then I stopped by her place again one night and left after 15 minutes or so.
Then I went to the midwest for over a week.
The day after I came back (Thursday of this week), we went with her and her friends to do a kickboxing class. After it, I went home.
I met this girl on February 2nd. This past Thursday was the 11th of April. Over two months had passed. I had seen her something like 11 times or more, and I hadn't even so much as grabbed a booby. We had kissed and made-out a couple times, but that was it.
After not seeing her for more than a week, then just hanging out an hour to workout, I was unfulfilled. I really just wanted to hangout with her more since I hadn't seen her, so I texted her:
Me: I didn't get enough of you :(
Me: And I have to work tomorrow night and sat night
Her: Babeeeee ;(( U want to come here?
Me: Yeah, I wanna shower first though. Maybe 10 o'clock?
Her: Come before ;) I miss you again
I needed a drive, so before I got to her place I texted her.
Me: Get some clothes and shoes on and come outside. We're going for a ride in a muscle car.
Me: And no is not an option
She was in the shower, but came down, jumped in, and we went for a drive. When we got back, we parked and went inside, where her roomate was in the main part of the 2 bdr apartment doing some homework on her computer, etc. After a few minutes of hanging out she directed me into her room and shut the door. I sat down on the bed while she was setting something down in the bathroom, and when she came back she straddled me and we started making out. I laid her down on the bed and for the first time in two months I grabbed her boob. "Nice!" I thought. A bit more making out and she started rubbing my cock through my pants, somewhat like she was starting to figure out where my belt buckle was. It was almost like she was escalating me, like she had decided now was the time. After all, I would've been content to makeout a bit and grab some boobs, because at that point the intimacy was feeling pretty good to me.
Well, c'mon, you guys know me better than that! I fucked her, Duh! ... you knew it was coming. This is a Jake P. blogpost, it's not like I opinion-opened or went direct then went home and jerked off. Just sayin...
So, what does all this shit mean and which of my questions earlier can I answer? Well for starters, I definitely think this was a good experience for me, and a good start to this new chunk of learning i'm about to do. My solid, consistently non-needy energy and my extreme lack of attachment to the outcome lead to me not being viewed as an orbiter, even after over 2 months and 11 times seeing this girl. Yeah that's right bitches, I close all my D12's, haha.
I started out with this girl thinking I just wanted to fuck her quickly, but after re-reading my past blogpost I decided to challenge my past way of thinking in order to explore what's possible and what really can happen. I found out that after two months and 11 or more times of not grabbing a boob, this girl decided to throw herself at me. Literally I grabbed a boob and that sent her into cock-rubbing land almost instantly. In my book that's her escalating me!
My thoughts throughout this process were reeking havoc on me though. For the first week after deciding to wait to fuck this girl, I was really wanting to fuck her badly but I realized that I was just experiencing a physical sexual desire, not a real connection yet. After that period of about a week passed (keep in mind I was still fucking other chicks from time to time during this process), I started to relax a bit. I detached myself from the need to sexually escalate this girl, and instead focused on trying to get to know her, trying to connect with her, and trying to establish some co-dependency in the process.
Still though, after the feeling of wanting to fuck her increased, then subsided, I still was constantly combating my minds attempts to sidetrack me. I kept wondering if I was stupid for trying this whole thing and if she would have any respect for me or be able to view me as dominant when I hadn't "been able" to escalate her or close the deal after more than two months. I kept repeating in my head "This girl probably thinks i'm a total orbiter" and "God, she's gotta think i'm trying super hard to fuck her and it has to be making me look totally needy by hanging out with her all the time without fucking her." "What do her friends think of me?" "What is she saying to them about me?" "Do they think i'm a loser too for not fucking her yet?" "What do they think?" Yet I pressed on.
It's funny, the very night we had sex I really was completely cool with not fucking her at all. Fucking was in the back of my mind, yes, but in the far far far back of it. I 100% didn't care if we did it or not.
I wonder what she was thinking throughout this whole process??? I guess i'll have to debrief her next time I get a good chance and report to you guys what her thoughts were. Now that i've thought of doing that i'm intensely interested in what she'll say. My guess is she'll give me some bullshit girl answer like "Well I was just getting to know you.... blah blah." Who knows.
What I do know is that interestingly enough, my connection with this girl still isn't that strong. As in, I don't think our chemistry is as super strong as i've had in the past with women, not by a longshot. I've had stronger connections in the past with other girls from just hanging out even one night. I do think, however, that i'm already feeling the same ongoing companionship-type vibe that i've had with both of my other 2+ year LTR's in the past though, and by this I mean the type of companionship where her and I exist as a part of her circle of friends, I know them all, they know me and accept me, etc.
It's interesting to me that I felt that type of vibe before we had sex this time (and in two months or so), whereas it took me about 6-ish months to feel that way with the past LTR's, and both of those two women were same night lays that turned into relationships later on. It almost makes me wonder if that post-sex feeling of wanting the girl to go away and wondering if she'll start clinging on asking for me to be her boyfriend is something that prevented me from relaxing and just spending time with a girl. There definitely is a difference between seeing a girl who I sleep with every time I see her and seeing a girl who I don't have the expectation of sleeping with every time we hangout. When sex happens with the latter it's unexpected, almost like finding a twenty dollar bill on the ground. You didn't need it, but it was cool that it happened and you wouldn't mind it again.
So am I in love with this girl forever and ever? No. But I do think i'll continue working towards the goal of being a more discriminating man though. I can see myself being a guy who girls know is tough to get, and I can see myself not wanting to have sex with every chick I meet just because they're hot and instead waiting to feel a little more emotion before jumping right into bed. Yeah yeah, I know it sounds gay, haha, but guess what i've fucked more chicks than you have so I get to start being gay and emo if I want to! Seriously though, I do see this change adding to my quality of life in a large way, if for nothing else just for the amount of free time i'm going to add to my life from not fucking so much.
And as for the question of if I was orbiting this girl or not, obviously I wasn't. I think orbiting is an energy a guy exudes, it's not determined by time. You can meet a girl and instantly be an orbiter, or you can know her years and never have orbited. I've heard stories of couples not fucking for the first three months they date, and I personally know two married couples who knew each other 10+ years before even kissing, and although it has sounded super weird to me in the past, I can now say I kinda somewhat get it... even though those dudes obviously don't have epic game.
Overall, this has been a good experience for me, and it's just my first experiment with this new strategy, so hang in there for what's to come. I'll be reporting my findings from my debrief of her and from any instance where I use this technique in the future.