How to Date a Bartender

Everyone seems to want to have sex with the bartender.  She's hot, charismatic, and she's always showing her cleavage in an effort to turn your $1 tip into more.  So what's the deal with these women and how can you get one?  Let's talk it out.

First off, you should know what you're getting yourself into with a bartender.  Yes, bartenders are often hot, talkative, and charismatic, but remember these sometimes aren't women with spectacular career paths.  In my experience, many of them bartend for a few years before moving on to better and better things, but there are also a good percentage of them that are just complete drunks without much of a future.  Yup, I said it.

So how can you tell the difference?

Well, assuming you're looking for a serious relationship with a bartender, I find that a good thing to look at is her age.  Obviously, if the bartender is over the age of 30 it's a solid bet that she's a lifer and will bartend indefinitely.  Still though, if things are getting serious you should ask her about her aspirations and what her plan is to reach her goals.  You never know.

On the other hand, if you're dating a bartender and she's still in her early 20's, then there's a good chance she's still in college or something along those lines.  These types of girls I find have a much better shot of getting out of bartending and moving on to bigger and better things in life.

So what about bartenders age 25-29?  These are an odd group, so watch her behavior.  How much is she getting drunk?  Does she exercise?  Does she stay away from drinking completely?  What does she do outside of work?  These are all indicators of her overall health and wellness as it relates to drinking.

Lemme just come out and say it.  Often bartenders aren't the healthiest of women and don't have a lot of promise when it comes to lifelong success and healthiness.  In short, they can be drunks.  So if you're looking for an outstanding woman and not just a fling, then it's important to qualify any bartender you meet before you end up emotionally attached to a woman who won't be a part of your long term goals and success.

So now that we've talked about what you're getting when you signup for a bartender, now let's talk about how to signup in the first place.  The first thing you've gotta do with a bartender is find a time when you can say some words to her without getting interrupted or hampering her ability to work.  That means don't try to chat her up when she's super busy.  Wait until it's later in the night or come in before the rush, because otherwise you'll be getting rejected simply because you're an idiot and you don't understand that she actually is at work to do her job.

Secondly, a bartenders job is to be talkative, cordial, flirty, and chatty.  With everyone.  So you're not allowed to be jealous at all when she leaves you to flirt with another guy.  Instead when she leaves you to chat, when she comes back if you wanna flirt a bit, tell her something like "So is it worth the extra tip  to let him think you're gonna do him?"

Dating bartenders is all about understanding their world and communicating to them that you're not a part of the normal bar-going crowd.  One way to do that is to talk about how they're extracting money from people through flirtatious behavior and showing of skin (much like stripper game).  Another way to flirt with a bartender is by telling her she made your drink wrong.  This works best when she knows for sure that your drink is perfect.  Like say she pours you a beer.  Upon getting my beer I might tell her something like "Geez!  gross... didn't they tell you at bartending school how to make a beer?  You didn't even mix this thing right or shake it up like you're supposed to!  I want a refund."  Be careful about mixed drinks though!  If you don't communicate through effective tonality, she'll just matter-of-factly try and remake your drink cause she thinks it's bad.

So once you've got enough flirting in, look for her to ask you a couple questions about yourself, like where you're from or what you do.  These are general indicators of interest that any girl would give, and bartenders often like to fake this type of interest, so when this happens I like to still go with it, I just do so tentatively and I don't really assume she likes me until she has said yes to giving me her number.

Getting a bartenders number can be tricky!  Discretion is key.  Make very sure not to be obvious about getting her number and make very certain none of her co-workers or her boss know she's giving it out.  That'll kill your number close instantaneously!  Instead, ask her her number while keeping your phone under the bar top or have her write it down for you and just text her.

Once you've got her number, remember that your meetup with this girl could have to happen at a weird time.  Remember, she's probably working something like 8pm to 4am, and sometimes she'll be up till 8am drinking with other people she works with.  This means she might be sleeping till 4 or 5 pm some days.  Don't be an idiot and text her at 10am to ask her how her day is going, then call me and have me explain to you why she didn't text you till 5pm.  And no, when she texts you at 5pm don't wait to text her till midnight because she made you wait 7 hours so you're going to do the same.  C'mon dude!  The best thing to do is simply to initiate texting, then after some texting ask her what her schedule is so that you can fit yourself into it.

So that's about it.  As many of you know I bartended for years and i've got the inside scoop on what it takes to hookup with the bartender of your choice.

Cheers guys!  Thanks for reading.

Getting Caught and What Happens

I wanted to talk about a situation that happened to me recently where I was out with a girlfriend, and a new rotation girl saw us at the bar.  I originally didn't want to risk taking a girl to a bar where I knew there was a possibility that another girl I was sleeping with would be there, but in this case I took the risk and lost.  Here's what happened:

We walk in and I see a friend who's with a girl I haven't met.  I say hey to him and introduce my girlfriend to her.  Later on we're leaving the bar and when I run back in to pay my tab, I see the new rotation girl sitting at a table with my friend and his girl, apparently they're friends.  Uh oh.  

What would you do?  

At this point we have noticed each other and made eye contact, so there's no walking out acting like I didn't see her.  I decide to just walk up and say "Hey!  I didn't notice you here, what's up?"  We talk briefly, and the whole time she has a paralyzed look on her face.  I ask her "So you wanna get together this week?  I've gotta head home now but i'll text you."  She says yeah sure and I head out.  

So what happens now?  

Well what happens now often depends on the girl's age.  If she's young (this one's 21), then usually you're in good shape.  I'll simply continue hanging out and if the girl brings up anything i'll tell her the girl's a friend of mine.  We'll continue hanging out and she'll explain the situation to herself however she sees fit.  

If she gets serious about the conversation and starts asking direct questions, i'll tell her something along the lines of "Are you asking questions you really wanna know the answers to? If you are, then i'd be happy to honestly discuss anything that you'd like to discuss, but I have two requirements.  Those requirements are that you are willing to discuss things in an adult way, and that you're ready to handle whatever answers you might get.  So give it some thought tonight and we can talk tomorrow about whatever you'd like to talk about."  

When you say a statement like this to a girl, it lets her know that you're going to be open and honest with her as long as she's adult enough to handle what she might hear.  It usually causes them to think a bit before they overreact.  The reality of the situation is that we're not a couple, and i'm allowed to date freely because we're not in a committed relationship.  Simple.  

If you're dealing with an older woman in this situation, she's likely going to have more of an issue when something like this happens.  This is because older women often need more clarity and labeling of the relationship they have or might be about to have.  In situations where an older woman (27 years old +) sees you hanging out with another woman, she's likely going to flip out and you might very well lose her over it.  

The moral of this whole story is that there's really no need to freak out.  In stressful situations, do your best to remain calm and act normal, and try to keep things brief and exit with grace, then pick up your normal patterns of texting and talking and hanging out just as you have been before.  Often things will be far less traumatic then you thought they would be.  And if you happen to have the catastrophe of your lifetime and lose both girls, well then take your lumps, learn from your mistakes, and go out and get yourself another girl.  

You can do it.

Another Great Review

Review of Coaching Session with Jake P.

What struck me the most about Jake was how much he listened to what I had to say and how genuinely interested he was in hearing my story. He was not just clocking in, and I could feel that his heart was actually in this. He would ask sharp, insightful questions that dug into the core of whatever issue was being discussed. I found him very intuitive, like he understood what I was trying to convey and had either been there or heard it before. In short, the guy is a teacher, a good one.

Being skilled at something is one thing, but being able to teach it? That can be a whole other story. He coached me on the way I carried myself, and gave me some pointers that really resonated with me. Simple things for sure, like “hold your head up higher”, or “keep one hand free so you can talk with it”, and “hold your drink this way” but they made a difference. The sprinkler thing is pretty cool. I ain’t giving that one away; you’ll have to ask the guy. 

They are things that I have now implemented into my life. He helped me look at some beliefs I had in a new way, showing them to be irrational. Probably the most useful thing he helped me with was identifying four fundamental areas that I needed to work on. Instead of being flooded with details, he was able to distill my behavior that night and give me some solid, actionable advice. All in all, I learned quite a bit, even from just watching him interact with other people. I noticed how cheerful he was and how he treated everybody there with respect and the same attention that he was showing me as a student.

A Woman's Slick Trick to get Monogamy

Women are slick when it comes to relationships... far slicker and smarter than the average man.  I'd say women are not only smarter about relationships on the whole, they're also better informed than their male counterparts.  They've figured out a trick to get men to commit, and men everywhere are falling for it, so i'd like to tell you about it today...

How to Have a Great Valentines Day

Valentines Day is tomorrow gentlemen.  So strap in, because whether you've got love or not, you're in for a mental and emotional ride.  In preparation, I wanna go through some things to do and not do for your specific situation with women.  With any luck, you can make it a great day!

Why People Fail At Changing Habits

We all have habits we'd like to break or start.  Maybe you'd like to smoke or drink less, start working out more, or (for most guys reading my blog) you'd like to be in the habit of approaching more and doing better with women.  But why doesn't that happen, even when we seem to try so hard at it?

The Fizzle Out

Have you ever started to date a woman and you start dating, maybe you have sex once or twice, then somehow you just can't manage to setup another date or get her to text you much because she's just so seemingly busy?  Well today I wanna talk about why that happens and how you can use that same girl move to your advantage.  I like to call it "The Fizzle Out."